I stomped my feet for a bit as I waited in front of the restaurant, the clatter and noise of teens my age clearly audible. I did it not because I was cold. It was cold, just not so much cold that I’d be bothered. No, I did it because I was just a tad impatient.
Is she still stressing because of her clothes after my call?
I looked down the street again. It was still bright enough that you could see a fair distance away despite the lights that were hitting my eyes, so it was easy to spot her as she turned the corner. I immediately started jumping and waving my arms above my head. She in response just removed one of her hands from under her armpits and returned my greeting with a quick hand wave before ducking the hand back.
“It’s rare to see you arriving late.”
“Sorry. I had to change clothes,” she said as she seemed a bit redder around the cheeks.
Isn’t she wearing the same clothes she told me before?
“Yup, you look great.”
“Thanks,” she said shivering slightly. “You look good too.”
I looked at myself. Some lightly worn-out jeans, camping boots and a black parka covering a pearly pink mascot t-shirt. Yeah, she is just trying to be nice.
“Thanks, but you don’t have to say that just to please me.”
“No, I mean it!” she said anxiously. “It’s very… you know… it’s like… hmm, It’s… Abby…like?”
Seeing her fretting over that convinced me she was being honest. It also made me smile, as it all presented myself an opportunity to tease her a little.
“Ok, ok, I believe you. Still, the first time you complimented me was about something way more embarrassing and you did fine.”
She went so red, steam could be seen around her. Yup, that was the reaction I had expected.
“That was… Please don’t talk about that in public!”
“Hmm? Sure, but we are the only ones in this street right now,” I told her before snatching one of her hands and starting to drag her into the building. “Now let’s get inside before you run off or turn into a popsicle.”
Dinner was as to be expected. We were a class of twenty-five kids excited about now being on holidays until January after a whole week of tests. It was noisy, even for me. Violet, sitting to my immediate right, seemed even more bothered by all the excitement around us. Even so, she endured it very well. She was even able to hold conversations with other girls. They would mostly talk about hobbies and, since she barely had any besides putting up with me, her part-time job. They also tried to know if she had a crush, but that was quickly shot down. It had never occurred to me asking her that, so I was surprised to know she apparently didn’t have any interest in that kind of stuff. And she was being honest, despite what the others teased her about. This of course was with the girls.
When some guys came to talk with us, I suddenly felt someone’s hand scurrying all over my leg. Well, not really scurrying. More like groping. In any other situation, I’d have introduced my fist to the perpetrator’s face, but since it was Violet who was doing that without looking, I instead grabbed it. After that, she looked at me as if saying ‘thanks’ and ‘sorry’. Had she read my face she would have read it saying, ‘don’t worry, you will pay for this later’. What I would do, or even if I was going to do anything, that was still a mystery.
The rest of the night, we held hands without her realising it. Even as we stood outside, she didn’t let go. I wasn’t going to let her go either. I was enjoying it and she seemed calmer that way, so it was fine, right?
With everyone now going home, we were left alone in front of the restaurant. I was very pleased with how the night had gone by. Violet had been able to stay relatively calm and seemed to have even been able to enjoy herself. Yup, it had been a good night.
“Sorry,” she said. “I ended up clinging myself to you all night.”
“Wait, you noticed it?” I asked surprised.
“…Yeah. I just couldn’t let go of your hand,” she said mournfully.
“I don’t mind, my dear Violet,” I said with a mischievous smile on my face. “But while you were looking for my hand, you touched me in some places.”
She snapped her head in my direction, her face horrified. Had I gone a bit too far? Yeah, I did.
“Not that I mind you doing that either. Wait, no! What I meant was that I didn’t mind because you didn’t do it on purpose.”
“…I’m really sorry,” she said as her grip in my hand became limp.
“In that case, let’s walk like this until we get to my house,” I said, almost desperate to salvage the situation.
“That hardly seems fair.”
“Well, since it’s so late, you will be staying over. We might come up with something until we part ways in the morning.”
I felt her disposition lightning as she changed her grip from the side to entangling her fingers with mine before giving me a little nod. This all gave me a shiver down my spine and a tightening in my stomach.
It was hard to open the front door single-handedly, but for some reason I refused to leave her hand out of my grip. I only released her after we got into my bedroom so we could change.
Knowing how she was, as soon as I had my PJ’s ready, I turned my back to give her privacy. I was just finished putting it on when, it seemed to me, she called. Turning around, I was met with a sight to behold.
The room was only lit by my bedside lamp, but I could see it like it was in the daylight. In front of me was Violet, completely flushed, as she held her hands behind her back and rubbing her knees on each other. She was only wearing violet underwear, which I recognised as being the ones we bought together. I could feel my mind melting with all that.
“F-for the… touching y-you,” she mumbled almost incoherently.
When she got too uncomfortable with my staring, she quicky put on the pyjama I lent her and sat on the bed.
“A-are we… even?”
I just gave her a nod. It was all I could do as I was barely containing myself. I didn’t know what else to do. I just wanted to jump on her. But I wouldn’t do it. I had to get a grip on myself fast.
“I’m going to brush my teeth. You can settle down in the meantime,” I blurted, trying not to leave the room looking too shaken up.
When I came back, she was still sitting.
“Is something the matter?”
“Nope, I was just waiting for my turn to go brush mine,” she said as she stood up and left, toothbrush in hand.
Now that I was alone in the room, and having calmed down quite a lot, it was time for me to come to terms about certain things.
There was no doubt that I was like that. Since when or why? I didn’t know. How did I feel about it? Honestly, I didn’t know. I had toyed with the idea before, but now that I had come to terms, it felt a bit different. Was it a bad thing? Hmm, I wouldn’t say so. There really was no one I could hurt because of that.
I mean, yeah, my parents might oppose that, but still…
There were worse things I could be. Would I be a worse person? No, I still would be me. Just because I liked other girls didn’t make me bad, right? But what about Violet? Was I just attracted to her physically, or was there something else? Was I like this because of her? Hmm, no, she wasn’t why I was like this. I was already like this when we met. I just hadn’t realised it at the time. Regarding my feelings for her… would I want her as more than just a friend? Maybe. That sounded kinda nice.
Wait, if I truly had more feelings than friendship and she accepted them, couldn’t it be said I groomed her all this time?
Even though I was just being me? I hoped not. I was just being me. That’d be horrible. And we already had a very nice friendship. Would it all crumble down, were I to talk with her about this? Maybe not, but we just wouldn’t be the same. That sounded like hell. Besides, I wasn’t really sure if I felt like that about Violet. And why Violet? There were other, more approachable girls than her, so why her?
The door opened, and Violet came inside. We looked at each other as she came closer to bed before stopping in front of me.
“Sorry, were you waiting for me?” she asked softly.
“Yeah, I guess I was,” I said with a soft giggle, realising how that answered many of my questions.
Now, having come to terms about my… preferences? Whatever you may call it, it didn’t help me sleep that night. It was already morning and I had yet to fall asleep. Well, that’s not totally true. I did fall asleep a couple of times. It’s just that having Violet sleeping by my side was very… stimulating to my dreams. I would then jolt awake right as it was getting to the good part. It’s not like I wanted to dream about my friend. I just wanted to sleep, that’s all.
As I laid there, staring at the ceiling, I passed the time thinking about all the things we did together until that point as I listened to her breathing. It all felt so nostalgic, even though it had been only four months. It was also amazing how we grew so close in such a short amount of time. Maybe because we needed each other? Although, now there was this situation of me potentially needing her more than she needed me. But I didn’t want to keep worrying about that, so I went back to my sweet memories.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
Violet moaned and shifted herself to my direction. She was with a slightly troubled face. I thought she might have been having a nightmare. With another moan, she started to open her eyes. She proceeded to lift her body, putting it to rest on her arm while she rubbed her eyes with the other.
“Morin Abby,” she slurred in a half-awake state.
“Morning, sleepy head. It’s still too early for you to wake up.”
“Hmm… I was having the weirdest dream. What time is it?” she asked as she squinted towards the clock display.
“It’s about six in the morning.”
“That’s way too early.”
“Yeah, that’s why I told you to go back to sleep.”
She went back to lay her head on the pillow.
“Aren’t you going for one of your morning runs?”
“Nah. I would feel bad leaving you here alone. Also, I’m too tired for that.”
“You? Tired? Didn’t you sleep?”
“Yeah, It’s one of those nights.”
“Is it because I’m here?”
When she asked me that, in my sleep deprived state, I thought she meant something else. When I looked at her worried dimly lit face, I knew what she actually meant. She was thinking I was worried about mum.
“Don’t worry. You being here doesn’t worry me one bit.”
“I see,” she said as she shut her eyes. “You should try to sleep, even if just for a bit.”
“I will. Although, if I stay awake, I can watch you sleep.”
“…That’s a creepy thing to say.”
“Hehe. Sorry. I’m just kidding.”
“…Would it help if we snuggle?”
That would make it worse.
Of course, that’s something I wouldn’t say to her face.
“It’s fine. Just go to sleep already.”
“…Hmm. I think I’ll just keep talking to you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ll be working, so we won’t be able to talk much during the holidays.”
“True, but we can always give each other a call.”
“…It’s not…the same.”
“… I changed my mind. I want that cuddle,” I said as I heard a switch flipping in my mind.
“Sure… I was feeling a bit cold.”
That didn’t feel like an excuse. I could feel her cold hands through my clothes. Without even thinking about it, I grabbed her hands, placed one under my arm and the other between my face and pillow.
“Thanks, but… isn’t it uncomfortable?”
“You will be warm in an instant so, don’t bother with it.”
“Fufu, thanks,” she said with a pleased look. “You are always so warm.”
It was true. I wasn’t someone that suffered from the winter cold. But in this situation, I felt that my normally high body temperature wasn’t the only cause for my warmness.
“What have you been doing all this time?” she asked.
“Just going through my memories of us in these last few months.”
“Hmm,” she hummed. “Anything good?”
“Do you even have to ask?” I teased. “Actually… I wanted to ask you something.”
“Is it something embarrassing?”
“I don’t know, maybe. Remember that time you said you were wrong about me? What was that about?”
She opened her eyes and gave me a regretful expression.
“I’m sorry, Abby…”
“It’s ok,” I reassured her. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“That’s not it,” she mumbled. “Since you are always teasing me, at the time I thought you were mocking me and talking about it to your friends behind my back… I’m so sorry for that.”
“It’s ok. If I look it from your perspective, I can see why you’d think that.”
“…I’m still sorry.”
I inched closer to her. I was going to try something that would be a nice way to make her feel like she paid back her… “offence”, and I’d get some fun out of it.
“In that case,” I whispered as I planted a kiss on her forehead, “I’ll be having this as your punishment.”
At first, she went wide eyed and, even if I couldn’t see it clearly, fully flushed. But when she went and rested her head against my chest sobbing, my heart gave an audible crack.
“I’m so sorry, Violet! I didn’t mean to go too far!” I excused in a panic.
She moved her head side to side, giving little sobs as she tried to form words.
“I-t’s like…like mum… like she used…”
She couldn’t finish her sentence, but I understood immediately. I made a memory of her mum surface. A gesture of kindness and love she probably had forgotten until that moment. Were we, mum and I, ever like that?
I just held her tighter as I patted her on the head for an hour or so.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“Thank you? For what?”
“I don’t have many memories of my mum. So…”
“I see… How was she?” I asked, a bit afraid I might make her start crying all over again.
“I’m told she was a very kind, warm person,” she spoke weakly.
Seeing that she seemed willing to talk, and having my curiosity peaking, I carried on with the inquiry.
“Was she pretty? What was her name?”
“I only saw a couple of pictures of her, but she was beautiful. Way more than I’ll ever be. And her name was Charlotte.”
I was going to say something about Violet probably being as beautiful as her mum, but I took too long.
“I have her last name, you know?”
“Hers? Not your father’s?”
“They never married. Dad always wanted to give her a proper marriage, but they never had the money for it. And dad says Evergreen suits me more than Miller.”
“Violet Miller… Violet Evergreen… Yeah, Evergreen suits you way better.”
She lifted her face to look into my eyes.
“Why?” she asked.
“You are always trying your best, no matter how hard it is for you. It also has a nice ring to it.”
“…Thanks,” she spoke as she went back to resting her head on my chest.
“That’s it? No arguing back?” I said jovially, trying to lighten the mood.
“You’d just make a counterargument I couldn’t refute, so…”
“Hehe. You are starting to know me well, huh?”
“I guess I am,” she said with a soft giggle.
We laid there for a long while. I didn’t think she had fallen asleep, but it was a bit strange for us to stay wrapped in each other like that without her trying to pry away. I considered calling her a couple of times, but if she had indeed fallen asleep, I’d feel bad to wake her.
“Are you free today, Abby?”
“Ye-yeah,” I replied, a bit startled by her sudden words.
“I’m sorry, but could you come with me somewhere?”
This was the first time she had ever asked me out. Up until that moment, it had always been me. That got me extremely happy, way more than what I’d have guessed. That was tempered with the fact she was saying sorry. That was weird.
“Sure, Violet. I’d like that very much.”
“…Thanks,” she simply said.
“So… where are you taking me?” I asked a bit anxious.
“It might be weird, but I’d like to introduce you to my mum,” she said solemnly. “If you are ok with that, that is.”
We were walking side by side, Violet just slightly ahead of me. We didn’t talk all the way to the cemetery. She had her head hanging slightly and seemed to be in deep thought. I was doing the same. Since this was the first time I had ever been in such a place, I had no idea how to behave or what to do, so I was following her example. Just what should I do after we got to her mother’s grave? Should I knee? Should I pray? Or was it like the movies and I should just say something to the picture in the gravestone? Should I put my hand on Violet’s shoulder? That didn’t seem appropriate for some reason, although I’d be just giving her some comfort. Should I just give her some privacy? No, she said she wanted to introduce me, so I should stay close, right? But if so—
“We’ve arrived,” she said as she stopped while facing a grave.
It was a simple grave. The stone had Charlotte Evergreen written in white letters, contrasting the dark stone. Above the name was a picture of her face. It was a little bit bleached by the sun, but I still could see she was like Violet; or rather, Violet was just like her, only younger. Doing a little math, she had almost twenty-five when she passed away… so young. Just what had happened? I wanted to know, but I didn’t want to bring up such a sad subject and upset Violet.
If she ever tells me, that will be it.
“Hello mum,” Violet started. “I’ve brought someone with me.”
She made me a sign to come closer and, surprising me a little, grabbed my hand gently.
“Her name is Abbigail Gardener, but I just call her Abby. She’s my… best friend.”
She was now starting to sound emotional. I gave her hand a soft squeeze.
“I have a friend now so…erm… you don’t have to worry… erm…”
Her eyes started watering. It was clear to me that there were things she wanted to say, that she planned to say, but now… now she just couldn’t. Those words wouldn’t come up.
“Miss Charlotte,” I started a bit awkwardly. “Like Violet said, I’m Abby. Your daughter is a very nice person. Erm… Every day is a lot of fun with her. Even when I go a bit overboard, she is still patient with me. She is also a bit of a pain to deal with at times, but even so, we have fun together. She was very supportive when I needed it the most, even though we don’t know each other for that long. Erm… I really l-like her.”
We didn’t say anything for a while. After my speech, Violet’s expression lightened up. I’d like to think I was able to say some of the stuff she had intended.
“Let’s go, Abby,” she said with a soft tug on my hand. “Goodbye mum. Until next time.”
“Goodbye Miss Charlotte,” I said. Please, watch over us was a prayer that formed in my mind before I turned and followed Violet.
We were now walking with no defined destination. Even if cold, it was a beautiful morning. We still hadn’t spoken a word since we left Charlotte’s grave, but I could see Violet was satisfied with the results. She was also slightly flushed. If it was the cold or the fact we were still holding hands, I don’t know. The hand I was holding had its fingers a bit cold. They felt so delicate like that. It was as if I was holding strands of crystal.
“I’m surprised you are still holding my hand,” I stated. “Is it because it is cold, or are you actually enjoying it?”
“…It’s because it’s cold,” she said as she gained a bit more colour on the face. Mostly I seemed to read as she moved her lips without a sound.
“Should I also hold the other one?” I joked.
“How are we supposed to walk if we do that?” she asked with a laugh.
“We could invert the grips and one would walk facing forward with the other following.”
“That’s just silly!”
“Speaking of walking, we’ve been doing that for a while, but I have no idea where to. Have you planned something?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Should we stop somewhere? Aren’t you getting tired?”
“I might not exercise like you, but my part time demands me to stand and walk for long periods of time, don’t you know?” she said as she tried to sound annoyed. It was a good effort.
“And when will you let me visit you at your workplace?”
“Oh, that’s never going to happen.”
“Why not? I promise I’ll let you be,” I whined.
“I have no doubts you would. Still, I’d be too distracted with you there.”
“Aww. Are you that self-conscious with me around?”
“No! I’d just be even more worried about messing up and look like an idiot in front of you!”
I laughed for a good bit due to her outburst. She also accompanied me with her own laughter. It was a soft laugh. It was also the most I’ve ever heard her doing so. It gave me a fluffy, warm feeling in my chest.
“How about we keep doing this until lunch time?” I suggested.
“Sure. Today, I only have to work at night, so I’m free until then.”
“Oh, but I won’t be able to have lunch with you. Another one of those stupid business visits I must attend for some reason.”
“That’s a shame,” she said a bit sorrowfully. “But why can’t you just not go?”
“My mum told me way more times than I can keep count that it’s so I have an idea of what I’ll be doing career-wise.”
“You want to be a businesswoman?” she asked flabbergasted.
“You know me well enough that your own reaction serves as my answer.”
“Erm… what is it that you want to do when you grow up?”
“I have no idea. Anything but that, that’s to be sure. How about you, Violet?”
“Hmm. I’ve thought I might try and go full time where I’m already working, but I don’t really know if that’s something I want to do professionally since I can get really exhausted emotionally with dealing with people. The place also doesn’t look like it’s doing all that well either.”
“Yeah, I see what you mean. Well, you might get better at it, but still—”
She suddenly stopped, causing me to be yanked in a way that made me almost fall.”
“A PE teacher!” she exclaimed enthusiastically.
“Don’t get me wrong, but that might be a bit too much for you,” I said trying not to sound too much of a downer.
“Oh no! Not me! You!”
“Me?!”
She nodded vigorously. So much so, I pictured her glasses come flying out of her face. The way she looked at me was so earnest.
A PE teacher?
Well, I was good at sports and my scores were high. I also would get to do something more physically active. I was aware it wouldn’t be just fun and games. There would be times where I had to take care of evaluations, school meetings, dealing with parents and all that jazz. But honestly, I didn’t think I would mind that. In fact, the more I thought about it, the giddier I got with the idea. Yeah, that sounded awesome to me.
I stepped forward and wrapped my free arm around Violet.
“You know what? You are right! That does sound like something I can do and like. Thank you! Thank you!”
“I’m happy that I was useful but Abby please! You are hurting me!” she squealed.
“Sorry, sorry,” I said as I released her. Not her hand though. “It’s just… I don’t know…”
“Gee, Abby. You’re always so excitable,” she said as she tried a stern voice, but the smile she had ruined the illusion.
I made a decision in that instant. As soon as I got home, I would talk with my parents. I’ve done what they wanted for my whole life, it was only fair they now at least listened to my request. I hoped I would also make it so my mum would mellow about me, and we could get along better. Yes, that was my hope as I stood there with Violet.