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My Safe Place

I woke up in a cold sweat, staring at each and every shadow in my bedroom.

I thought I’d be able to sleep properly after spending a couple of nights of heavenly rest in Violet’s embrace, but I was so wrong, I was now heaving with a pillow pressed to my face to muffle the noise and not disturb dad.

I turned on the light and searched everywhere. It was completely moronic, I was well aware my mum wouldn’t craw under the bed or get inside the closet, but I had to check. It just wasn’t possible for me not to.

“She’s not here. Not here,” I said, taking deep breaths, attempting to get a grip on myself. “She’s not here.”

But she was. Anywhere I went and in every waking second, she was always there, hanging on the back of my mind. Even when I was with Violet, the person who made me feel safe, cared for, and wanting for my company, there was her finger pressing some spot of my mind, otherwise those feelings I felt around her wouldn’t be so noticeable, right?

“Violet… I should call Violet.”

I reached to my phone, but stopped right before picking it up. It was past two in the dead of the night, so I’d be waking her up and most likely stressing her.

But she told me to call her if anything happened...

And she was still not going to school, so she could sleep until later to compensate, I thought.

“H-Hello? Abby?”

“…I had a nightmare…”

It was what came out first after every other phrases had gotten stuck in my throat.

I heard rustling, most likely from her sitting up.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“…No… I just wanted to hear your voice…”

“Fufu, I see. Me talking makes you feel better?”

“…Yeah… It’s stupid, but… yeah.”

“Hmm… I don’t think it’s stupid. I felt like that sometimes during that week we only talked through the phone.”

“You did?”

“Y-yes… I got lonely every now and then.”

That was so heart-warming to hear, even if she didn’t mean anything deeper than missing a friend. Truth be told, I probably needed more her friendship than her love.

“I’m such a wreck. I feel like I’m only ok when I’m with you.”

“…”

“…Sorry. I said something completely unnecessary.”

“I’m ok with us spending more time together.”

“That’s very sweet, but… I’m already too depended on you.”

“You think so?”

“…If I’m not, I could become if we did that. I’d rather not risk it.”

“Hmm… sorry, I don’t think I quite get it.”

Right, she had just been woken up. I’d have to either give her some time for her brain to fully boot up, or explain things in more detail.

“I’m scared that, if I start spending all the time with you, I won’t be able to deal with my issues when being alone.”

“But you don’t need to be alone.”

“I know, but I also can’t be with you all the time. I saw what being together all the time did to my parents.”

“But… none of us is like…”

She didn’t finish her sentence, but she didn’t have to anyway.

“…When you come by tomorrow, do you want any snacks in particular?”

“Anything’s fine.”

“I told you before, I can’t work with that.”

Yeah, we’ve had that conversation before.

“Erm, anything that goes nicely with a hot drink?”

“Like, butter cookies?”

“Yeah… that sounds nice. Oh! Those coffee ones we had Sunday were very good too!”

“Pfft, fufu. I’m surprised you liked those. They aren’t all that sweet.”

“They aren’t that bitter either.”

We kept talking about snacks and such until both our voices started to drag out. I had almost forgotten about the nightmare I had after our two-hour long call, so sleep came easy and peaceful until it was time for me to wake up.

I was feeling groggy, but I had to go to class no matter what. I could tutor her without notes, sure, but it was always better to use notes with the way the teachers wanted us to rationalise the subject.

“Abby? There’s a boy wanting to see you,” a classmate told me while I was giving the stuff I wrote down an once over.

I looked at her, and then at the door.

Oh! Oh no! Not him!

Waving and smiling at me like a weasel was Marcus.

“Sorry Mathilda, but tell him I’m not interested.”

“W-what!? But he’s so handsome!”

“Then you talk to him!”

She finally got the clue and left me alone. I felt bad for being rude to her, but I really wanted nothing to do with him.

I stopped feeling bad for her once she came back.

“I told you, I’m…”

It wasn’t her who came back. No, that weasel had slithered his way to my table.

“Hi! Long time no see you!”

“Hi, Marcus,” I said, not hiding my displeasure.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, trying to sit on Violet’s chair.

“Don’t! That seat is for my friend.”

“Don’t worry, it will be just for a second. If your friend comes back, I’ll just stand up.”

Had I perhaps been a very bad person in my previous life for my karma to be this bad in this?

“You weren’t with them the last time your parents paid us a visit. When I asked, they got all weird.”

I was shocked by me feeling like I wanted to have been there. Getting to see that woman squirm as she tried to not give away anything that might make her look bad must have been a show I’d pay top money to watch.

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“Did you go on a diet? You’re looking good.”

I’m sure I was. Nothing is sexier than a girl with dark circles under her eyes and sunken cheeks.

“Marcus, what do you want?” I asked, feeling my patience draining.

His sickening smile grew, and he moved a hand over mine.

“I was thinking about us going somewhere? Do some catch up?”

“…I’m already taken,” I dryly told him, taking my hand away from his.

His smile vanished quickly. That brought me a level of satisfaction I couldn’t ever had imagined.

“You’re kidding.”

“I most certainly am not. I’m going to their place after I’m done with school.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“That’s your problem, not mine. Just… go away. Leave me alone.”

“…I want to meet him.”

“I’m not going to introduce you,” I scoffed.

“Because there really isn’t someone, is there?”

I’ve had enough of his attitude.

I grabbed all my stuff, not even bothering to store them in my bag, and got up.

“You make me wanna puke,” I hissed as I left.

I left, but… now what?

Staying in school would mean we could bump into each other again and my classmates would be wanting to make questions. And the more I thought about him, the more distressed I felt as memories came flashing back. The walls started to feel like they were coming down on me and the air grew thick as mud. I couldn’t take it. I had to escape to somewhere safe. And that place was her.

“Abby? Did class… something happened, didn’t it?”

That wasn’t a hard guess, since I was staring down and still holding my books close to the chest.

“I’m sorry but… can I stay here for a bit?”

“Of course. You can stay here for as long as you want.”

I walked inside past her and stopped once the door closed. She placed a hand over my shoulder, and I turned, pressing myself against her, prompting her arms to wrap around me.

“Do you want to eat something?”

I shook my head.

“I just wanna stay like this for a—”

“knock, knock, knock.”

“Sorry, it might be the mailman.”

I was reluctant to let go of her. She saw that, and as a compromise, hugged me sideways so I could still cling to her while she held me at the same time while leaving her with a free hand.

“Erm… I’m sorry, but you might have the wrong house.”

I glanced up for a fraction of a second before my head shot up and I hid behind her. The weasel had followed me.

“I knew it. There isn’t someone after all.”

I felt Violet’s upper body shifting, probably checking on me confused and worried.

“I’m sorry, but who are you and what’s your relationship with her?”

“That’s my line. That girl there said she was going to her boyfriend’s place after school and so couldn’t go out with me instead.”

Her body shifted again. Then…

“She’s my girlfriend. Got a problem with that?”

I clutched her clothes and glanced at her face.

She was a bit red, but I very much doubt it was out of embarrassment. She clearly was angry at him for harassing me.

“Oh, come on! As if.”

“Why? Are you saying two girls can’t date?”

“No, I’m saying that’s impossible because she had been waving around her hips at my place befo—bwargh!”

With a jerk from her putting her weight in the movement followed by a sickening wet crack and some red splashes, he was sent tumbling back and falling on his ass as he held both hands to his face. “Abby’s not like that!” she shouted when she slapped him.

Blood flowed as he squealed about Violet having broken his nose.

“Violet no!” I shouted, shaking her body. “Please, don’t hit him!”

“I’m also calling the police!” she growled, taking her phone out. “I’m sure they’ll love hearing about you harassing a girl who’s not interested in you.”

“W-wait! There’s no need for that! I won’t bother her anymore, I swear!”

“Then—” she barked.

“Enough! Please, no more shouting!” I begged. “Marcus, look, all that was my mum’s idea. I never liked you, ok? So please, just leave me be!”

Everyone except me, who was sobbing, fell quiet.

She shut the door after we watched him hurriedly getting out of our sight and stayed facing the door, shaking.

“…Are you ok?” I asked.

She looked at me, her face with a complicated expression. We held our gaze on each other for what felt like a long time before she smiled at me.

“I’m fine. I’m way more worried about you.”

“…I’ll be fine…”

She pulled me in, gently holding my body that jerked with each and every sob.

“I don’t think he’ll bother you anymore.”

My chest tightened, and I had to put in a lot of effort not to start bawling my eyes out.

“Hmm… I hurt my hand punching him,” she commented when she stroke my face.

I grabbed said hand gently between my hands and began kissing it all over.

“Erm, what are you doing?”

“Trying to make the pain go away?”

She stifled her laughter poorly. I didn’t mind her laughing at my silliness.

I kept massaging her hand and wrist while we curled together on the couch. It wasn’t broken, she must have just twisted it when she hit him. I asked if she had some bandages at home. After being told where I could find them, I made sure to finish taking care of her before settling down.

“Who was he anyway?” she finally asked, stroking my hair as I used her lap as a pillow.

“That was Marcus.”

“Oh, so he’s Marcus,” she said, sounding oddly relieved. “I guess slapping him wasn’t too much of an over-reaction.”

“…I think it kinda was,” I said, now that I could think about it more clearly. “He might be a pig who thinks all girls want to sleep with him, but… in this case, he’s as much a victim of my mum’s games as I am. I did have to pretend being interested in him multiple times.”

“…Humph, even so, if he stalks a girl back to their partner’s place, I say he deserves being hit.”

“…Sorry for the lie too.”

“What lie?”

“…The one I told him about being taken and going to my partners place after classes.”

“Oh. Hmm… it’s fine, don’t worry.”

“But… people now might get the wrong idea about us.”

“Did you only tell that to him?”

“Yes, but… others in the classroom might have over-heard. I didn’t say your name, but…”

“…I don’t think he’ll tell anyone. He’d have to admit he had lost a girl to another girl, so… by what I’ve heard about him… And everyone in class thinks I’m away, so they won’t be thinking it’s me whom you are dating.”

I turned belly up to see what face she was making. More than anything else, she seemed overly worried about me.

“…You know, the person who gets to date you sure is lucky.”

She grew vividly red at that comment.

“I-It’s still too early for me to think about dating.”

“Not really. We’ll both be sixteen very soon.”

Y-Yeah, but… I still suck at dealing with people.”

“Hehe, but that’s one of the best things about getting to know you.”

“That’s… well, thanks, but that’s a “you” thing. Besides, I’m not interested in dating now. I’ve got school, work, and…”

“…And?”

“…And, well… I’d… I’d have… you know…”

“No, I don’t.”

“…Less time to spend with you…”

My chest was feeling tight again, making it almost hard to breath. She was too adorable at times like this. I couldn’t resist it, I had to give her a kiss. An innocent one, mind you.

I gave her cheek a long kiss before putting my head down again, this time with my face pressed against her stomach.

“Erm… what was that about?”

“You are just too cute at times.”

“C-cute!?”

“Yup… super cute, even.”

“…”

“…You smell nice too.”

“Erm… could you not smell me when your face is so close to my erm…”

Right, I haven’t thought about it before speaking.

“Thanks for having me. I’m going back to school.”

“Oh, you are?”

She sounded a bit sad to hear it. Looking straight to her face, she was.

“Hehe, are you feeling lonely already?”

She didn’t grow any redder simply because she couldn’t. She wasn’t denying it either.

I smooched her cheek again as a farewell.

“I’ll be back with all the notes of the day, so don’t be.”

“…Ok…”

She was holding the spot I had kissed her. That was so adorable.

Back in school after a very lonely bus ride, right after I sat down, that same classmate that had talked to me came back for more.

“You said you weren’t interested, but you two left and you’re all smiles.”

“A-am I?” I wondered out loud, touching my face. Sure enough, there was a wide smile spread all over it.

“Did you two go on a quick date?”

“A date with him?” I laughed. “Not in a million years.”

“Then… why are you so happy?”

“Hehe, not telling.”