Ellas - Half a dozen years ago

Anna

The day was finally here, the day I would meet the one I am to save. The one that all call monster, the one they name Kanteth.

An innocent, I reminded myself. I knew only too well how the demon twisted hearts and souls, and how he enforced his will.

Kane has watched him from afar, forbidding all others to come near. ‘He will sense them,’ he said. ‘He will sense even I, should I roam too close.’ Yet another reminder of what he said that day, ‘I know who he is.’

His words that day terrified me. How could he possibly know? What other torment does this destiny that I follow heap upon us now?

He, the monster, has followed me for a week. Yet I have not set eyes upon him; not set eyes on any that I would believe such a foul creature. An innocent, I yet again force myself to believe. But this man, this innocent, has brought so much pain and death upon those that are truly innocent. What man could do as he has? No, no. You know Dar’cen’s power. You alone have seen his true evil. This one is an innocent, as much an innocent as those he was set upon.

As I reach the top step, my door mere feet before me, I knew that he was there, inside waiting for me, and fear, something that has been my lifelong companion, griped me in its cold, clammy embrace. ‘I could die here tonight,’ I mouthed, silently to myself.

In some dreams, a few of the myriad that showed this night, I have watched though his eyes as knives streak toward my heart. Always, I have woken then, not knowing what truly happened. Not knowing if my life ended that night.

But it is not the pain of death that I truly fear. It is that I will have failed. After centuries of struggle, I will have finally failed. And if I fail then… ‘Enough, you cannot fail.’ My words were a whisper as I steeled myself for what, for who, lay beyond my door.

As my hand clasped the latch, Kane’s final words of warning echoed through my mind. Words that, for a wonder, did not send my mind into turmoil and cause the futures to spin.

‘Do not be shocked. Show only the Anna that the world has seen. Steel yourself.’

With a last deep breath, I hardened my heart with resolve and hope, lifted the latch, and pushed through the door into my room. A shadowy figure sat, his back to the curtained windows.

It was all I could do not to scream. Somehow my legs took me to the chair opposite him, even as I looked upon his face.

No, no, no! What is this? How can this be? my mind screamed, even as his words, and the understanding of what they said came to me, ‘I know who he is.’

If not for Kane’s final words to me, all would have ended then – I could not have hidden my horror at who he was, and I would surely have screamed as I have never done before.

‘So you are here at last,’ I heard myself say. ‘I have been expecting you…’

My voice tumbled on, saying words that I knew I did not control, words that would be said even if my mind slept.

But my mind did not sleep, my mind whirled with all that I now suddenly knew.

This man, this man sat here before me, was the man I had named Friend, the man I now named Kane. The man I had only moments ago left with worry on his face and tears in his eyes. The man who had been at my side for a dozen lifetimes as we battled the demon, Dar’cen.

I cannot do this! my mind screamed, even as words tumbled from my mouth, ‘I know much of you… and yet even as I look upon you now, I learn how very much my dreams have withheld…’

And they had, they had left me bereft of a knowledge that would have destroyed my mind, destroyed any chance that I could have loved the one I named friend, and destroyed any possibility that even my destiny could force me to do what I must now do.

‘… I know who you will be, and what you will become,’ my own words came to me. And they were true, all true. I know nothing of this man before me – nothing of his past before the demon re-made him – but I did know what he would become. He would be our saviour… and my friend, and I could deny neither of us that.

We talked long into the night, my fears long since fled. The man before me would be my friend, the man that the world would one day know as Al’kar, the man that his few followers would call Kane, the man that, even now, anxiously awaited my return.

My task was to ensure that this man, the one before me, was given time to become those men. And though it meant that I would loose him forever, I accepted that duty without reservation, as he himself had lived all those centuries with the guilt he carried at my death, a death that only days since he found to be a deception.

That he had been able to so easily accept the knowledge of my deception, proved him to be the man I believed him to be. Any other would have raged, or struck me down at the hurt of such a cruel deception.

Only days left now, days to set the seed in this man before me, and days to make amends for my deception to the man he is now. I pray that I have time enough for both.

####

‘How? How can it be? That man, the you I have just sat and talked with all night, he is you… I know, he is. But how?’ Anna's voice was quiet, tired, almost as if she were at her wits end.

I had sat up all night, waiting. And when she finally returned, as she opened the door, I thought that my heart would burst before I could look upon her face. Had she been with him, the earlier me, as she once had in my past, or would all that had happened in my life now be change?

But those life changing questions were not what set my heart to pounding. How would she be now? How would our friendship now fare, given what she's seen today?

I’d stared as the door opened, afraid to look away, yet terrified of what her face would show. Then the door was open, and Anna stood before me. Even in the dim light of early morning, her blue eyes shone, and I could see from where I stood that tears streaked her face.

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I stood, walked towards her, even as she rushed to me. Sobbing, she put her head on my shoulder.

‘Were you like this with him?’ I asked, my voice almost a whisper, as I prayed that it was not so.

Anna pulled back, stared into my face. ‘That was you, wasn't it? It was you a long, long time ago. You have already lived all that we said last night? That is what you wish to tell me. That is how you knew.’

She began to cry again. ‘All those years, all those centuries, you… you believed that I died… oh, I am so very sorry, Kane… my friend. I am so very sorry.’

‘Stop this, Anna. What you did, what you will do, allowed us to defeat Dar’cen… allowed me to be here, with you today. The deception you will do is already in the past to me… that you are alive, that you will not die, that you never died, healed wounds in me that I believed I would take to my grave.

'It is not you that does this Anna, we do it together… I, too, am a part of this. And I tell you that it must be… and you must take no hurt from it… Come, let us sit, and I will tell you all that you will hear of the life of the man Kanteth and how he comes to be the one you name Al’kar.’

And so we sat. I talked, and Anna, exhausted though she was, listened almost without interruption. Strangely, she did not chide me to talk slowly, or to avoid any part of the telling.

I told of my capture, and what he did to me, and of the years of horrific deeds that I committed as his servant.

Anna said nothing as I spoke of that time, she just tightly held my hand.

I told her then, of the small voice, the voice that had began its rebellious words before ever her magic had been placed upon me, long before we had met… long before the meeting that she had just returned from.

At that, she was surprised, and it was something that she could not explain other than to say that it must have been a strength in me, a resolve that had held fast against all that Dar'cen had done to me.

That was what she said, but her eyes told a different story. Even now she held back.

We talked at length of the night we had just spent together, and when I spoke of my part as Kanteth, of what I remembered of what she had said and done, Anna marvelled at how very like her dreams my memories were.

I said little of my memories of the days that would soon come, for Anna stopped me, saying only that it was best she did not know lest she gave anything away. She wanted all she did and said to Kanteth to be genuine and from the heart.

So I instead told of the day I broke free, and of Jain, Tarnia and the others, and of how I then searched for a way to return to my home world. I told of our visit to Falhar, and described at length what we found there.

Then, as I talked of the opening, the window, or whatever it was, encased in glass, a strange look came upon her face and she seemed as if she were far, far away. But she would say nothing of what it was that so obviously troubled her.

Soon after, she stopped me, claiming exhaustion. She said that she must meet with the other me later, and so must rest for at least a little while. We would talk more later, she said, after her mind had absorbed all that I had told her.

Then, as she opened the door to leave, a thought came to me, a thought that sent a shiver down my spine.

‘Do not tell Carthia of this, Anna. Not a word of what I have said. She must not know—’

‘What has she to do with this? Will what you say now explain how it was that you knew of her?’

‘It will, Anna. But Carthia knows nothing of what I have said thus far… nor will she know any of what I have to tell you.

'She will play a role in what happens to me, an unwitting role. She must not know any of this.

'But go now. Go and rest. You will understand when I tell you.’

####

The days passed slowly for me after that. Anna met with Kanteth daily, often stopping the entire night. I know that nothing untoward happened – they were merely becoming friends, just as we had so long ago.

I watched the two of them, but only snatched a few hours with Anna alone. And that time was spent with Anna draining me of all that I had so long wanted to tell her.

Now, that gave me little comfort, for the day of her death, the day when so long ago I had believed her dead, was fast approaching. And soon, very soon after that, I would again lose her. Not to death, but I knew that the loss I would feel after all these centuries, would again drag me to the depths of despair.

In the little time we spent together, I told her of my sending back to my home, and of Carthia's part in what was done to me. I told of how I believed Carthia followed my orders as I watched from the trees, and of how the manner of her words told me of how ignorant she was as to what she did.

Anna started when I told her that it was her travelling rod that was used to send me to my home, but push as I might, she would not comment on the matter.

Then, I told her much of what had happened on earth – how I had received messages from a benefactors unknown, and of the attack. I still had no idea who or what the two factions were – for now, in retrospect, I firmly believe that the messages came from two distinct groups.

For some reason, that I myself did not understand, I said nothing of Alex – nothing of her, the sister that she had lost, or the book that they had written. I could not explain why, but it somehow felt as though Alex and our friendship was a private thing, and to talk of it to another, even Anna, would be a betrayal. At least that's what I told myself was my reasoning for holding it back.

I told then of my search for the way back to Ellas to avenge the friends I believed dead at Carthia’s hands. The mention of the name I had found, Darganu, caused raised eyebrows, and she questioned me at length on what the man, William, had told the police as they arrested him.

But that was nothing compared to the shock she showed went I told her that William’s real name was Jalholm, and that he was the Jalholm. She gasped aloud, and almost all colour drain from her face.

It was a full minute before she spoke. ‘You are sure it was he?’ She asked, her voice strangely hopeful.

I told her what Jalholm had told me of Falhar and the little he had said of his involvement in bringing Dar'cen to Ellas.

She questioned all that I said at length, and could not hide her frustration at how little I had gleaned from him.

‘I know some of this tale of Jalholm that you speak of,’ she said, as our time together came to an end. ‘I will tell you of it before… before I leave you. It is strange indeed… but somehow the whole of this story and all of our futures seem to revolve around you, Kane. Yes, strange indeed.’ And with those few very cryptic last words, she left me for her rendezvous with my other self.

#####

On the day of Anna's ‘death’, I watched the man that I had been, from afar.

Anna had finally shared her dream of this time with me. Confessing that for weeks she had dreaded this time, because, although they told that she would need to deceive the one that she freed, she also had to trust that he would be swayed by her words rather than take her life. She also feared that he would see through her deception, and find that she had not truly taken her life, despite that she knew I had lived through this time and had truly believed her dead.

His rage, my rage, when the innkeeper gave him the news of Anna's death and the letter she wrote – the letter that even now I could see before my eyes – was a thing that would be talked of for years to come.

He raged and screamed such that I could hear it from across the street where I sat disguised as a merchant taking breakfast.

All turned at the noise and stared, and all soon quickly vanished when he walked out through the inn door.

His face, my face, was a thundercloud, a thundercloud with eyes that streamed tears.

Strange that I should so clearly remember her letter, and yet nothing of my so very obvious rage at her passing. I remember only loss.

In my heart, I believed that he would do nothing differently. That he would do all that I had once done – he would accept that Anna had taken her own life, and eventually he would return to his master.

But still, I watched, both horrified to see the man I had been, and frighten to take such a glimpse into my own past.

He was not me. He was some creature, something that I had metamorphosed from.

And Anna had made that happen – she had made that change. She had saved me.