Earth

Alex

‘What the bloody hell has it got to do with you where David’s gone?’ I said, the tone of my voice much more than angry.

Jamie’s normal happy go lucky, don’t give a shit attitude was absent, I noticed. It wasn’t often that I had seen him like this – serious. But even so, I couldn’t help myself, couldn’t hold back the biting words, let alone the venom I always put behind them when Jamie was concerned.

I knew that I treated most others with disdain, but with Jamie it was always much, much worse. I just couldn’t help myself, and I knew, too, that most of it was because of how I felt about him, not at all about his infuriating flippancy and continual childishness – that was just my excuse, always had been, I knew.

I treated him like shit because I knew that he could achieve so much more, but I also knew that that was just a small part of it. The rest was venting the anger I felt at myself because I couldn’t help the feelings I had for him – that was really the heart of it.

I had not needed anyone, not after Sarah had gone. Then bloody Jamie had come along and messed me up to hell and back.

So I chewed Jamie out whenever we met to vent my anger at my own stupid feelings, and to make sure that he, nor anyone else for that matter, got wind of the fact that I had feelings for the oaf.

And yet despite all my blustering, David had immediately seen through my charade, hadn’t he. Christ! Just one thought of David and the tears are welling up behind my eyes again – pull yourself together, woman. It was bad enough that I cried in front of Jalholm all the time, but at least he knew what it was all about. But there was no way I want to cry in front of Jamie, and give him an excuse to put his arms around me. That would be too much – I knew that that would be an end to all of my pretence, my hard exterior and the vicious words I used to keep him at bay.

‘Well?’ I heard myself ask. ‘What do you want David for, and what makes you think that I’ve got a clue where he is?’ Strangely, I can see that, unlike all that other times I’ve snapped at Jamie, this time he actually looks hurt, and, to top it all, he respond with one of his flippant retorts.

‘Why the hell do you always make everything so difficult?’ he snapped. ‘I need to speak with him, that’s all… and he’s not been about for ages. Then, you go and jack your job in, so I figured that perhaps you might know where he was. That’s all. Okay! Just a bloody question… You know, sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Why I feel—’ He stopped suddenly, and his face coloured.

Bloody hell, he’s embarrassed. This is certainly not the Jamie I know… and love. As soon as the last thought was out, my anger returned instantly and I almost bit my tongue off even though I’d only thought it, and not uttered a word.

But the look on Jamie’s face, the obvious discomfort he was in, and how differently he was acting, cut through my annoyance and brought out those bloody maternal feelings again. Jalholm’s fault, I thought, he bloody started me off like this. ‘You’d better come in,’ I said, just as Jamie turned to leave.

He stiffened, turned back to me, and instead of the smirk and the I got you grin, that I expected, if anything, he looked sheepish and even more embarrassed.

Bloody Hell, what’s going on? ‘I’m not going to ask twice, Jamie,’ I said, my voice now even, no hint of the anger I had shown him just seconds earlier, the anger I always used to rebut him.

I turned and walked to the living room, and Jamie slowly trailed behind. Seeing two empty mugs on the coffee table brought a moment of panic. Jalholm – I’d completely forgotten about him. We’d been discussing and theorising over who David’s messages could have been from when the doorbell had rung.

Seeing Jamie at the door had driven all thought of Jalholm from my head. Thank god he’d had the sense to hide himself away. He would be upstairs, I guessed, but then his Travelling Rod was nowhere to be seen, so he could be anywhere.

I could see that Jamie had noticed the two mugs, and even though it was none of his bloody business, I found myself blurting out, ‘Pauline’s been round. She came to see how I was getting on.’ Control your flaming mouth, I thought – It’s none of his business.

Again Jamie acted completely out of character – his response of, ‘That’s nice. Good that she keeps in touch,’ was completely at odds with the disbelievingly look on his face.

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What the hells going on with him? I thought. And why doesn’t he believe me; what does he know? Then suddenly, I knew what it was that made him so very different. It was there in his eyes, had been there all along – he was worried, perhaps even afraid. And both were emotions that I had never thought Jamie capable of. I motioned him to sit on the sofa, and then sat bolt upright in my armchair opposite. Whatever it was, he now had my full attention.

A few minutes passed, the room was filled with silence, but I waited him out. He seemed to be arguing with himself over what to say.

Finally, Jamie spoke, ‘I just need to know where David is… where he’s gone. It’s important, Alex. I’m not acting the goat, honest. I really need to speak to him… face to face. Over the phone just won’t do, it’s got to be in person.’ He sounded almost pleading.

‘He’s gone, Jamie, and I honestly don’t know where. But I’m pretty sure that you won’t even get him on the phone either,’ I said, feeling sorry for the out of character Jamie that now sat before me. He really did seem to be genuinely worried.

‘Oh, he answers his bloody phone, all right,’ Jamie said. ‘But he refuses to meet with me, and then goes and tells me not to worry… everything is in hand, he says, and that I need to—’

‘What do you mean he answers his phone?’ I snapped, my mind was reeling at what he’d said, and my heart had suddenly begun pounding in my chest.

‘Christ!’ Jamie blurted. ‘I’ve said too much already. I knew that if I came to see you, I’d bloody slip up. Look, Alex, I gave my word… promised not to say anything to you at all.’

‘Promised who, Jamie? Promised not to say anything to me about what? …This is much more serious than you could ever imagine, Jamie. So spit it out… when did you speak with David? What number did you call?’ I was almost hysterical as my last words poured out.

Jamie groaned and shook his head to-and-fro, but stayed silent.

‘Jamie!’ I shouted. ‘David’s missing, and I’m worried sick about him, really worried. So if you’ve spoken to him recently, I want to know when and how. Please, Jamie.’ The last was pleading, not me at all. Not the brash, hard faced Alex I’d always shown Jamie. But I knew that I would have begged if I thought that it would have gotten me answers.

Jamie looked up at me, shock on his face replacing the worried, scared look that had been there earlier. ‘I made a promise, Alex,’ he whined.

‘Stuff your promise. How and when, Jamie? Tell me!’ There was an edge to my voice, but despite my shame, it was still pleading.

Again, he sat silently. But I could see that he was thinking about it now; debating whether to break his promise to David or to let me down in the obvious state I was in.

Slowly he reached into his pocket and took out a phone. ‘He gave me this,’ he said. ‘Told me that if there was ever anything that worried me, to contact him on this phone and—’

‘When, Jamie… when did he give you the phone, and why, for God’s sake?’ I interrupted.

‘Ages ago,’ he said, and seeing my glare he continued, ‘He gave me the phone on the morning after the project celebration. He asked me to watch out for you, and to phone him straight away if I noticed anything suspicious.’

‘Why the hell would he ask you to do that? Why would he ask you to watch out for me?’ I asked, deflated now that I knew that it was all before David and I even went to the States, long before he went missing.

‘I don’t know, Alex. But he said that some people were after him, and that they would hurt you to get at him.’

‘What people, and why would he come to you with this?’ I asked, thinking of the attack on David in New York, but still not understanding why David would approach Jamie to keep an eye on me. Did David know, even back then, that he was in danger? And if he did, what else had he held back from me?

‘He didn’t explain who… he said that it would take too long, and that I wouldn’t believe him anyway,’ Jamie said, his face as red as a beetroot.

I opened my mouth to push the question that he’s avoided, but Jamie cut me off. ‘Look, Alex, it doesn’t matter a shit why he came to me. What matters is that there’s a guy been hanging around watching your house, watching you. And he could easily be one of the people that David warned me about… you could be in danger, Alex. But bloody David just made light of it… said that it was all under control. But that’s just not good enough… not for me anyway. The phone’s not good enough; I want to see his face when he tells me that it’s all fine. I want to be sure that he’s telling the truth, and that you aren’t in any danger from this guy.’

I heard his words, and as my mind pieced together what he was saying, I felt the blood drain from my face. Jalholm, he’s talking about Jalholm. He has to be. But Jalholm only arrived two days ago, and Jamie just said that he’d talked to David about the man that was watching me – or at least he seemed to think that it was David he’d talked to.

‘When did you speak with David?’ I asked, almost demanded, as I looked down at Jamie – somehow I was on my feet, I didn’t even remember standing. ‘And what did he say? Are you absolutely positive that it was David? Could it have been someone else?’ The words all came out in a rush – I couldn’t get them out quickly enough; I wanted his answers, but one question at a time would have made my heart burst, I was sure.

‘Bloody Hell. Slow down, Alex. I’ll tell you, okay! I spoke to David yesterday, and yes, it was him, I swear it was. But I still want to see his face… and look into his eyes when he tells me that it’s all under control. This guy looks really shifty to me. I’m bloody sure he was watching your house the other day, and then later I saw him again in the park opposite, standing in the rain looking over here.’

I felt light headed; my heart was pounding and yet it felt as if all the blood had drained from my brain. David was alive, alive and still here somewhere on Earth, and there I was going to faint and make a bloody fool of myself in front of Jamie. ‘Shit!’ was the only words I could utter as my legs began to give way. I didn’t even manage to drop to my knees.

Strong hands held me and gently eased me back to sitting.

Faintly, as though in a dream, I could hear the words, ‘That’s him, that’s the bloody guy,’ over and over.

Strangely it sounded like Jamie’s voice, but it couldn’t be, could it – Jamie was the one holding me, sitting next to me on the sofa.