Ellas - Half a dozen years ago
Kane
I had known for a while, years really, that the time would soon be upon me when I would loose Anna yet again. But for weeks, as we reached that dreaded time, it seemed that my anxiety at what was to come increased exponentially with the passing of each day.
I wanted to tell Anna, tell her what was to come, beg her to stay away. Yet, I knew that such words would be futile. Anna would not deviate from her dreams, and her destiny. The destiny that for me had already come to pass – she had taken her own life for her dreams, taken her life to save me. But I had to try.
We strolled along the market street, the very same street we walked along so very many lifetimes ago, the very same market street that I had spied upon Anna as a prelude to taking her life.
On either side of us, hawkers called out their wares loud and shrill, all vying to to be heard above the others. The streets themselves full of people, all to-ing and fro-ing as they looked, haggled and bought today’s offerings.
We had been in this accursed town for a week, and I knew that if I was to say anything to Anna about what was to come, my time was now very, very short.
Anna started slightly as I took her elbow. ‘I must speak with you, Anna. There is an inn, The Bright Light, not far from here, it has tables outside, where we may sit in the sun. It will be quiet there at this time of day.’ I was nervous and knew that my voice reflected my mood.
Anna looked at me quizzically for a moment, but then she smiled, a smile that filled her eyes and, for the briefest of moments, drove away my worries.
‘Lead on, Kane. You have been tense of late, and I have worried for you… and I, too, have much to say. Some that perhaps, I should have told you long ago when the dream first came to me. But that cannot be undone now. Pray, lead on.’
We walked arm in arm, neither hurrying nor dawdling, but there was a sense of tension between us now. I knew what it was that troubled me, but knowing Anna to be worried, increased my anxiety tenfold.
Reaching the inn, we sat at a bench far away from the other revellers. For despite my prediction that few would frequent the inn at such a time, a good dozen sat outside in the mid-day sun talking and laughing with a mug of ale or a glass of wine in hand.
Almost before we sat, a serving girl appeared at our side. She was a short, buxom lass with dark hair and eyes to match – a pretty girl, one who would have more than turned my head in the other life I had lived so very long ago.
My eyes saw her and my mind filed away all they saw, but my conscious mind saw her not at all. All my thoughts were of Anna.
The girl scurried away, Anna having given our order – two Harthan Reds, the only wine suitable in these days of blistering heat.
‘Anna—’
‘Slowly, Kane. Do not jump in. I see your tension, it is a thing that controls you at this moment. Sit a while and calm yourself. Gather your thoughts.’
Then, she reached across the table and took my hand in hers, and for the briefest of instances, I saw a sadness in her face; a look she had never, ever worn before. And then it was gone, her smile returned, and her hand tightening on mine.
‘I have ever loved you, my friend… I have used you terribly in this war we fight, but never without great pain and regret—’
‘Stop, Anna. These are words that need no saying. I, too, love you… and owe a debt that I can never repay you. A debt that you yet know nothing of—’
‘Sorry to intrude,’ giggled the same dark eyed serving girl, as she carefully placed a wine glass in front of each of us, deftly avoiding our clasped hands.
Anna smiled. ‘My thanks, young lady,’ she said, as a gold coin appeared in the hand she held out to the girl.
The girl’s eyes went wide at the sight of the coin – a gold could buy the most ardent drunk a month of the very best wine. ‘Master Firth will not have change for such,’ the girl stammered, belatedly adding, ‘My Lady.’
‘This is not for Master Firth. This is for you. One so pretty will soon be in need of a dowry, I am sure,’ Anna answered, lifting her hand to the girl. ‘Take it, it is for you… do not worry, I require no service in return. It is freely given. I will settle with Master Firth later.’
Stammering her thanks, the girl hesitantly took the coin from Anna’s hand. ‘My thanks, Lady… Sir,’ she said, as she backed away from our table, her eyes as wide as saucers and her hand closed tight around the coin.
‘A gold?’ I asked, my eyebrow lifted in puzzlement.
‘You might call it impulse, but I believe… no, I know it to be more. She, that young pretty thing, has her part to play, too… she will somehow help us in his final defeat… I know it to be so.’
‘Do you ever do anything… anything at all that is not dictated by your precious prophecies, or your dreams?’ I asked, half in jest but with a serious note in my voice.
‘I am sat here with you now, am I not? I did not dictate this… you did. I did not know that the pretty would be here. I did not know that she existed—’
‘Then how?’
‘It is just a feeling that sometimes comes to me… intuition perhaps, but certainly not foretold, not by prophecy or dream.’
I noted that throughout, Anna’s smile had not faltered, not at my questioning nor at my less than courteous tone.
‘We need to talk,’ I said, my previous anxiety returning in earnest.
‘Yes we must. My prattling has only been a device to delay this moment … I shall speak first, for whatever your worry, I fear that what I must tell you, will make you put it aside… at least for now.’
‘No. I must first tell you what I know of what is to come, what—’
‘What you know of what is to come? Forgive me, Kane, but what can you know of what is to come? Such talk is not something that should be said in jest.’ Anna’s voice was stern, her eyes hard, and her smile now a frown, a worried frown.
‘I do not jest, Anna. Please hear me out. For once listen to what I have to say.’ My heart hammered in my chest at my words, at both the hope, and the dread, that she might finally listen to what I had to say of my past, and where it was I really came from.
Anna slowly withdrew her hand, her eyes not leaving mine, the hardness less, but still there. ‘How can you know of what comes? If you do not mock me, how can you know?’
‘I could never mock you, Anna. How could I? You have been my friend, my only true friend for a dozen lifetimes.’
Her face softened, and an understanding of sorts came to her eyes. ‘You try once more to tell of your origins despite knowing that I cannot allow such a tale? You know that I will not—’
‘This is outside the bounds of your prophecies… or your dreams, Anna. It surely must be.’ And I knew at that instant that what I said was true. She did not know what was to come in but a few weeks. She could not know, for even driven by her foretelling she could not, would not hold such a thing back. She cannot know that it is I that she goes to save. Whatever else she knows, she does not know that.
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Silence reigned between us for long moments. I longed to tell her everything, and make an end to the years of torment when I had held back the tale of our first meeting.
‘Long have I known that one day I must learn more of your origin, and who you really are. But always that day was in the future, long in the future. And yet now… now I do not know. Much have my dreams shown me. Yet of the days that are upon us now, I have only fragments.
'Of today they have shown me nothing, nothing at all… Perhaps my listening to you here today is of no consequence to what will come, but I fear greatly that what you might say will doom us all.’ Anna pause, her eyes on me, yet unfocused as if she relived some long ago memory.
Finally, she said, ‘I implore you, let me speak first… let me tell you of the little I know of the days now before us.’
There was a sadness in her voice, and to my astonishment there were tears in her eyes, tears that almost broke my resolve to tell her what I must. I sat back from the table, my hands clasped together tightly on its rough surface, and steeled myself before I dared to speak. ‘Will you then listen to what I have to say?’ I asked, gently, pleadingly.
Her smile returned, the tears still glistened in her eyes, but as she spoke there was a lightness to her tone, almost a relief. ‘I will listen to all that I can… all that I am allowed.’
My face must have shown my confusion, because she added, ‘It may be as with the pretty… I will know when to hear more cannot be. I cannot explain this thing, I just ask you to trust me in this… as you always have. I will know when I must hear no more. And you must heed my words, and hold your tongue… Promise me this, Kane, my friend.’
My hands clenched together so tightly that I thought my bones would break. Always it was like this – Anna was my friend; much, much more than my friend, but the prophecies and her dreams were an impenetrable barrier that lay between us, never to be breached.
I forced away my anger – in a few short weeks I would loose her again. I could not afford this anger. I could not waste the little time we had left together. I smiled, a weak but genuine smile. ‘I give you my promise… though it truly comes at a price you cannot imagine.’
Anna sighed, a deep and sorrowful sigh. ‘A price we must both pay. A price that, were it not for my dreams, my oft dreaded and hated dreams, I would never pay.’
My eyes widened and I leaned forward, mouth opening to state my shock at her words.
‘Yes, Kane. These dreams, my dreams, are not how I would wish my life to be. How I have longed… prayed even, for a normal life; a life as a farm-wife, or even one such as our pretty has now, before her destiny overtakes her. I do not act upon all that is thrust upon me willingly… not out of choice. It is… it is how it must be. Sleep, and what it brings, is a terror for me… for never is the path shown to be an easy one…’
She trailed off, and, as tears again welled up in her eyes, a knot of shame filled me at how I had constantly inwardly berated Anna for the prophecies and dreams that I believed she so blindly followed. How I love this woman, this woman I will so very soon loose again.
But even as I reached across the table to take her hand, a hardness came to her face and resolve gleamed in her tear filled eyes.
‘We will get this said now, shall we? The time grows short, and we both have tales to tell… I will begin.’
I nodded slightly, and felt my own tears break free of my eyes to trickle down my face. Seeing them, Anna’s hands again reached out across the void between us, and I clasped them in mine gratefully.
‘This dream, the one that foretells of what is soon to come, is strange and vague beyond all others that have come to me. Though what I must do, and what is to come of we two and our friendship is made clear to me.
'The dream first came to me long ago, mere days before your coming to us as Al’kar. Strange the dream was… I saw myself through another’s eyes, heard myself through his ears, and yet throughout, my own intent was clear to me – this man, the man who’s eyes I looked through, has to be saved, has to be freed from the demon’s grasp.
'For he is Dar’cen’s tool, you see. One fashioned as an instrument of death… a man who can be our undoing if not set free.
'On that day, the day you told us all of who you had been, I thought that you were the one… the one from the dream. I thought that perhaps, despite all you told, you were not truly free of him, and that one day he would claim you back as his own.
'I believed that the dream showed of a time after that re-claiming, when I would again set you free. So I watched you… I am ashamed now to say it, but I watched and mistrusted you… but there came a time when I knew your heart, truly knew you, and I knew that you could not be the one from my dream.’
I listened silently, yet longed to scream the words at her, ‘I am he. It is I who you save. I who you will give your life for.’
‘And so the days, the years and the centuries passed, until the premonition, the intuition… call it what you will, told me to come to this place, told me that the time was soon to come.
'This man, this tool, must be taken from him, my friend. The seed must be planted in his heart, in what little soul he has left. An easy enough task as you know, but for the seed to nurture and grow… he must be given time. Time when Dar’cen must not doubt his obedience.
'At his master’s command he comes to take my life, Kane. And for the seed to grow within him, he must be given that time—’
‘No!’ I shouted. The single word filled with the power of the voice I had not used in such a very long time.
Anna did not flinch, her expression did not change at all, whilst all around us I heard and felt expressions of shock and dismay, as chairs were pushed back and people hurried to leave.
Anna stood. ‘Sit please. All of you, be not afraid.’ Waves of calmness seemed to radiate out from her as she spoke. ‘Go about your business and care not for my friends harsh tone. He is upset, is all.’ As she sat, murmurs of disapproval and discontent followed, but most returned to their seats as she had asked.
Then she turned her gaze on me for a long moment, and I stared back unflinching, shame and anger battling for control of my emotions. Finally, she spoke, ‘No? No to what? What is it that you say?’
My voice caught as I replied, ‘To give him time… you plan to take your own life so that… so that Dar’cen will not doubt him—’
Anna’s laughter cut me off. ‘No, Kane. No. That is not what pains me, nor is it what must be done to grant the seed time to grow—’
‘Then what?’ I blurted, as hope soared in me, and the weight of centuries of guilt struggled to believe her words.
‘Dar’cen must believe me dead. He must truly believe that I exist no longer. Anything less and I will fail. We will fail.’
‘A deception?’ And at my own question, I roared with laughter. Then, tears welled in my eyes, my hands began to shake, and my heart pounded as I finally realised – A deception. Not dead, never dead. I fell silent then, eyes closed as centuries of reliving the days that would soon come, battered themselves against the new reality that Anna has so suddenly placed before me.
Anna held my hands, her grip strong, her voice silent, until my eyes again opened. ‘I will not die in the days to come, Kane. My death I have not foreseen, but… I must leave you.’
My eyes snapped to hers. ‘Leave me? To go where, for how long?’ My voice, that had so suddenly been almost joyous, was now filled with trepidation and dread.
‘Where I go is of no consequence. Let it be sufficient that I will be well and doing as my destiny demands… but as to the how long… a very, very long time. Forever is a very long time.’
Anger again coursed through my veins. Centuries of guilt at what must come, at what she would do to save me, an instant of joyous reprieve – a deception, only a deception – and then this. She would not be dead, but she would leave me forever.
‘No, Anna. You cannot do this.’ But even as my words were out, I knew that there was no other way, knew that she had already done this thing.
Her grip tightened even as I pulled my hands away. ‘Please do not leave me now,’ she said, almost a whisper. ‘This is not a time for me to be alone… not a time for me to be without you.’
She smiled as my hands again sought hers. ‘Besides you have yet to tell me that which troubles your heart…’ She hesitated before continuing, ‘You say that you have some knowledge that neither prophecy or my dreams have shared with me.’
I do not know what Anna saw on my face, but she said, ‘Do not look that way… I do not mock you, truly I do not. Tell me then, what it is that you know.’
I hesitated, doubt seeping through my every fiber. Should she know? Dare I tell her? She will live. She will live. That must be enough.
But will this knowledge, knowledge given mere weeks before she will know it true, change her path? Will it cause her harm… will it make her truly take her life? Yet, I had never seen her body. Even had it not been for his insistent demand that I return, I would not have wanted to look upon her so. Her memory alive had been too precious to me – I had not wanted to look upon her lifeless form. And yet, could I hold back back what I knew; would holding it back cause her harm?
Anna was watching me, I knew. Waiting for the story that I had so long needed to tell her.
‘The man,’ I said, ‘… the man who’s eyes you look through in your dream… I know who he is—’
‘Stop!’ she screamed, her voice so very full of command that my mouth froze even as my eyes widened.
‘No more, I beg you. This I dare not hear. Even now my future, all our futures, spin around what you have said. To hear more will change all. No more, I beseech you.’ Her face was white, drained of all colour, and her brow was beaded in droplets of perspiration.
‘No more, I promise,’ I said, in a gentle whisper.
Relief flooded her face, and her grip tightened on my hand once more.
‘There may be time after… before the time comes. We can talk then perhaps of how you come to know such a thing.
I gently squeezed her hands, as I watched tears flow down her face, tears that I knew mirrored my own.