Noa grunted as WhatsHisFace finally dropped him on the couch in the farmhouse’s living room. Eliaz sat beside him, wearing his annoyed face.

“That almost worked,” he said. “You even played into it.”

“I did?” Noa asked. Oh, oh. The argument they had wasn't real. “I mean, yeah.” Noa shrugged.

“Don't lie, Noa, you're terrible at taking hints.”

“You didn't give one!”

“You two give me a headache,” WhatsHisFace groaned, sitting down in a nearby chair.

“We're not the ones manhandling people,” Noa jabbed.

“You'd have to be a man to be manhandled.”

“Ouch,” Eliaz said. “He doesn't think you're a man either. Now you're 12 and unmanly.”

“You're the one that called me twelve.” Noa pointed his bound hands at Eliaz.

“Look, kids, I just want to talk,” WhatsHisFace groaned. “Before my mind goes numb.”

Noa deadpanned.

He held up his bound hands. “Talk?” he asked. I really should be more concerned, he thought, then shook his head. Nope. If they wanted to kill him, he'd already be dead.

“Yes, talk.”

“He's not very good at this,” Eliaz said.

“You don't say?”

“Well, help him out. Talk.”

“Shut it!” WhatsHisFace growled. “I'm catching my breath.”

“You're hardly breathing,” Eliaz said.

WhatsHisFace pointed at the elf and looked at one of his knights. “Can you shut him up?”

The knight drew his sword. Eliaz and Noa both scooching away as far as the couch would allow.

“Not like that!”

“Oh,” the dumb knight said. “Um...” he looked at his sword for a second, sheathed it, then scratched his head. Finally, the twit grabbed some extra rope, gagging an unamused Eliaz, who couldn't help but mutter incessantly through it.

“Healers are so annoying,” WhatsHisFace groaned.

“If you let us go, we wouldn't be your problem anymore,” Noa said.

“Ha, you're already my problem,” WhatsHisFace complained, looking directly at Noa. “Denounce the church, become a part of the monarchy, and we'll send you to school immediately. You'll have the best teachers, level faster, and━”

“No,” Noa interrupted. “You kidnapped me. Compared to you guys, the church has been nothing but nice. Screw off.”

WhatsHisFace frowned. “I'm not giving you a choice.”

“I'm not giving you one either.”

Eliaz nodded approvingly.

WhatsHisFace narrowed his eyes.

“At a loss for words, are we?” Noa asked, a smug smile coming to his lips.

“I suppose we are at an impasse.” WhatsHisFace stood up, pulling at the hem of his uniform to straighten it out. He turned, moving into the kitchen. “Alternatively, I could ensure that you never make it to the academy.”

“Is that a death threat?”

“It's a threat to write a damning letter to the headmaster.”

Noa couldn't help the amused snort that left his mouth. “Write a letter?” he asked. “You're threatening me with a letter?”

WhatsHisFace turned back around sneering. “I am an esteemed━”

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“Moron,” Noa interjected. “You just told me, without telling me, that the monarchy doesn't control the academy.”

Maybe Armael did teach me a thing or two.

“The church doesn't own it either.”

“Great! Piss off!”

WhatsHisFace marched towards Noa, reeling a fist. Noa flinched away, but another knight grabbed the captain’s arm━Lieutenant Manhandler, or whatever his name was. Noa really didn't care to remember the names of these meanies.

“Captain, reconsider this action,” the lieutenant said.

WhatsHisFace huffed. “Fine,” he hissed, but pointed a finger at Noa. “You'll not have seen the end of me.”

“Oh joy,” Noa mumbled.

With that, the captain turned, and made his way out the front door, along with the rest of his knights. They hadn't bothered to untie either Noa or Eliaz, the other healer mumbling through his gag, which Noa reached over to remove for him.

“Eugh,” Eliaz grimaced. “That rope tasted of horse.”

“How do you even know what a horse tastes like?” Noa asked, reaching down to his ankles to undo the ropes there.

“Easy. I can smell. That's enough information to get an idea,” Eliaz argued.

Once his legs were free, Noa stood up, making his way to the kitchen. He opened a few drawers, eventually finding the knives. Grabbing one, he found his plan to be flawed. Sawing through thick rope at an awkward angle was going to be impossible.

“We should assign you some knights,” Eliaz suggested.

“Right, and who would be paying for that?”

“You have an apple farm, you'll make do.”

Noa dropped the knife to the counter in his sorry attempts to cut the ropes around his wrists, then made his way back to his friend. “As I recall, the last time we were in a similar situation, you left me tied and locked up.”

“You were perfectly safe in a cell. I'm starting to think being out here all alone, not so safe. Besides, you got out of your ropes.” Eliaz said. “Now, untie me.”

“Oh yeah, why don't I...?” Noa cringed, forcing a hand out of the ropes. Much to his surprise, nothing broke this time. “Huh, those were not very tight,” he said, dropping the ropes.

Eliaz shifted, his hands still stuck behind him. “I wish I had the same solution,” he said. “Help me out.”

“Say please.”

“What?”

“Say please.”

“You're riding on a high right now, aren't you?”

Noa grinned, nodding.

Eliaz sighed, rolling his eyes. “Please, oh great and mighty Noa, untie me?”

“I could get used to that.” Noa leaned over, undoing Eliaz’s bindings.

“It's never happening again,” Eliaz said, rubbing his wrists. He stood up, a knee jerking, then yelped as he crashed to the ground. “Cursed monarchy knights!”

Noa laughed. “Careful, Skipper, your feet are tied.”

“Yeah, I couldn't figure that one out.” Eliaz shifted, loosening his other bonds.

“I really should invite you to story time the next time the trolls rope me into it,” Noa said, stroking his chin. “I'll put Gilligan’s Island on the list. Maybe I should be writing this stuff down.”

“Yeah, if you don't make it as a healer, you'll definitely make it as a writer,” Eliaz said, sarcastic. He stood up, then crossed his arms. “You're going to make me carry more apples, aren't you?”

“Uuh, since you volunteered,” Noa said, moving towards the door. He opened it, pausing when he found Conagan there, poised to open the door. “You weren't even going to knock, were you?”

The teenager gave an innocent smile.

“Did you have a letter?”

“Three! Well, two, and urgent news, more like a command from the high prelate,” Conagan said, taking a bite out of an apple before going on, “He demands your presence on the other apple farms to help resolve riots, and do what it is you do with your union thing.”

Noa blinked. “Is that one of my apples, Sticky Fingers?” he pointed.

Conagan paused, looked at the apple, gave that innocent smile of his, then tossed it over his shoulder. He wiped a hand on his jacket. “We have to go now,” he said.

“Oh, you're coming with me?”

“Us,” Eliaz corrected, leaning over Noa’s shoulder.

“Would you rather me stay here?” Conagan asked.

“Nope!” Noa blatted, stepping out and shutting the door behind━

“Ack!” Eliaz howled, pushing the door away from his face. He stepped out after Noa, rubbing his cheek. “You're doing this on purpose.”

“Sure.”

Eliaz huffed. “Right, you don't think that far ahead.”

“Might I remind you of that time you got us captured by your wife? Or that time you got us kidnapped by tolls? I don't exactly recall you thinking ahead then.”

“Fine, fine, I've made my blunders too,” Eliaz said.

“We should run,” Conagan said, jolting forward.

“Wait!” Noa huffed, chasing after the blond. He went entirely ignored, and had he known the way to the other farms, he'd not have ran, but Conagan was his only guide at this point. Well, maybe unless Eliaz knew.

“Well don’t leave me out here alone!” Eliaz shouted. He too chased after.

The run certainly had a cross-country feel to it, the other apple farms being on the completely opposite side of town, and a ways out, just over the hills. Noa panted as they crested the final hill, pausing beside Conagan, who wasn’t breathing nearly enough in his opinion. He leaned over his knees, cringing from the sweat he wiped from his brow.

“Oh no,” Conagan said.

“What?” Noa asked, straightening out. He looked ahead, his jaw dropping.

As they’d been going over hills, he thought all that smoke was from bonfires, or something.

Instead, a forest fire blazed across one of the orchards, reaching its fiery tendrils towards its neighbors. People ran frantically to and fro, passing buckets of water to one another in a hopeless attempt to contain the flames.

“What’s━” Eliaz panted heavily, making his way up from behind them. “Oh,” he said. “Conagan,” he wheezed in, holding up a finger.

Noa raised an eyebrow. Apparently Elvethor needed to work on his endurance.

“Conagan, go to the church. Tell them what’s happening and to send help. Then go tell Lila the same,” Noa said, the teenager nodding and running back the way they came.

Eliaz raised a hand, and patted Noa’s shoulder. “Good...” he never finished, wheezing. He pointed, starting down the slope.

Time to get to work, Noa thought, rushing past Eliaz and pulling a few aether stones from his pocket.