Perhaps my concern will be un-needed. But I can't just sit around and trust like Kali can... like the others can after we told them of the plan.

So... here I am, in the evidence room. Infiltrating a guards’ barracks is actually one of the most challenging assignments. Not because they are all vigilant, because that's rarely the case, but because these places are built without much place to hide, and because the relaxing guards all stop to have a chat. Sometimes, a lack of professionalism is far more of a burden to an infiltrator.

I will now have to wait here until the congregation has broken up outside. I barely made it.

I stare at the shelves.

There it is: Nii-sama's breastplate and leather gauntlets that they took off him.

I can't help but wander over to them, even though my vigilance states I should wait and listen by the door.

I look at the breastplate. It still has a bit of dried blood on the top from where that demon Barbatos stabbed him.

Realising this rattles me.

I... I... don't like what is happening to me.

When Aria was crashing through the shutters and he was missing a hand... what did I do? What was my first thought?

Yes, of course. It was to kill whatever did this. I was afflicted with such rage, terror and sadness.

To be honest, I could have found the demon much quicker. The trail was obvious, and my old self would have simply stabbed it in the back whilst it was unconscious.

But...

I used Gravefellica Dust. I didn't even hesitate.

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I gave it the cruellest death possible. It had used a Voiding Potion in an attempt to heal itself, so the dust was only more effective.

Gravefellica grows on graves, hence its name. It absorbs Void spirits energies over its life, and combines them with its own corrupted Wood Spirit. It is a highly magical plant. But mixing the aspects of death and growth makes for a horrendous killer, far worse than the Terrimarr.

It paralyses the muscles, bursts the capillaries, induces necrosis in the flesh, dissolves the bone marrow, induces seizures. The whole nine klecksels. It is so terrible that assassins frown on its use. It is far too obvious that it was an assassination. And cruel to boot.

And yet. I used it. Relished in it. Taunted it as it died.

It had hurt Nii-sama.

But at the end... when it was thrashing and whispering under its breath and crying.

I wondered. Am I so different now?

No.

I beheaded the demon in fury, sawing it off with my wakizashi.

But that only made it worse. I spent a long time crying to myself in the rain.

…

I pick up one of the vials he uses to make things explode.

Nii-sama.

You are such an asshole.

I was a blade for a reason. A blade doesn't have to think.

But now I am thinking all the time. Wanting to join this stupid race for his love. Wanting him to rub my head affectionately. I tried so hard to ignore it, to stay away, to not do what the others were.

But he keeps making me confront myself.

And I do not like what is there.

Now I can think, I can remember.

The faces.

I have killed nearly three dozen people for jobs before I met Nii-sama.

When I was a blade, I could forget. But no more. The sounds especially have started to haunt my thoughts. The crack of bones. The thunk of blades. The gagging and thrashing from poison.

Like vengeful ghosts slipping through the cracks in this sword that were made by this new feeling of love.

Didn't Kali say it? I am made to sneak and to kill.

So like smashing a square peg into a round hole, my armour is being broken and sheared away.

Master may have been the worst asshole in the world, but we were trained this way for a reason. The fragile psyche of young girl cannot co-exist with that of an assassin for hire.

I cannot fall any further. I don't know what to do if I become more emotional.

The only solace I have now is that I am well aware that Nii-sama slept with Aria. If he focuses on her. Then maybe. I can be rid of this. I can cope.

Suddenly, the door begins to open.

Stupid! Wasn't paying attention!

Fortunately, this is one of the few places I can hide, so I do.

Spying from the corner, I see a guard come in retrieve Aria and Elijah's things.

I hear Aria's voice in the doorway. Perhaps my worry was pointless after all.

I sure do worry alot these days...