Apparently it brings Aria's sleeping face.

Adorable.

Unfortunately, my brand new danger-sense is rising like a geyser.

I'd like to click up my non-existent glasses and come to the delusional conclusion that she has fallen for my charms; but this would be such a heel face turn for her character that it seems unlikely.

Clearly this is a standard cliché where a dozy princess comes off her night watch into the wrong tent when she switches with Kiku.

'It’s a nuclear device! Time is running out!' From a certain games soundtrack plays in my head.

I move slowly, inching away. I should be able to escape.

"Ngggh... M-melody... don't... go... p-please... w-wake up..." Aria mumbles.

Oh for gods sakes. She had to get a teary nightmare like this right now.

I sigh, anticipating horrible consequences, and hug Aria.

Being good sucks, dont'cha know?

"Hehehe... nee-chan's chest is so big and warm..."

Hnnngh... must keep blood pressure under control. Cuteness rising too fast. She's gonna blow captain! Eject the warp core!

Although this clearly isn't the right time for it, all I can wonder is what Melody's cup-size must have been for a comment like that.

Aria's eyes flick open.

I see, it was 'D' for Death.

….

Sometime after I receive my share of punch, Aria is puffing her cheeks out, looking cross as we eat some oat porridge round the embers of the fire. It is topped with more mizris pieces, giving it a sour tang to the thick creamy oats. Very versatile, as Kiku said.

Speaking of Kiku, she has a dreamy-eyed 'O RLY' expression from completely misunderstanding the situation. Aria's actually mostly cross at this. She seemed to remember her dream and forgave me quite quickly, besides the punch.

But now Kiku cannot be dissuaded from the idea we are lovers, due to Aria's mistake in tent choice (which Kiku witnessed). The more Aria said, the deeper she dug her own grave, it seems.

"Oi, Elijah, can you please tell this brat she's totaallly wrong already!"

"Well excuuuse me princess. It's clear you two are like histmunch in a pod." Snickers Kiku.

"It's nice you two get along so well. But I can't say we don't have a special connection." I retort with a lolcat face.

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"Elllijaaah!!" Aria cries.

It's true though. She's my summoner, right?

That reminds me. Kiku is pretty blasé to Aria. It's a good thing that she's not the vindictive type of royalty. I'm sure there's grounds for both me and Kiku to be executed for treason ten times over. Pretty scary.

I can almost see the lightning bolts and the dragon and tiger in the background at the moment. Aria's the silver Byakko and Kiku the green Ryuudo. As much as I want to sit and munch popcorn, I should probably do something.

"Seriously though, Aria summoned me to this world, so of course we have a special connection. However, much to my chagrin, we are not in that sort of relationship. I would always respect what Aria wants, and I’m fairly sure sleeping with me was just a happy accident." I say.

Aria and Kiku look stunned. And then they look at each other and burst out in laughter.

"W-what the fucking gods... haha... was that... my sides...!" Kiku chortles.

"Hehehe... Elijah... you... I can't believe the things you can say with a serious face... hehe..."

Well, that was not what I expected. But I guess that works too.

"He's just not like any normal man, is he, Aria?"

"He's a lolicon pervert pretending to be a gentleman."

Can't I be both? No?

Suddenly, I briefly catch a sense of something dangerous above and stand, snapping my head around to look.

I look at the tree tops but cannot make anything out.

"Are you worried about the Placktaurus?" Kiku wanders up next to me.

"It's pretty big, but it’s a plant eater, and only dangerous if you provoke it." Aria sidles up to the other side, pointing to a looming shadow of some winged monstrosity in the sky, bigger than a jumbo jet with at least six massive wings. It’s basically a bloody sky whale. What is it with fantasy worlds and flying whales? How do they even function? And most importantly, can they make friends with a falling bowl of petunias?

Well, yeah, references aside; that must have been what caused it. More false positives.

But I look to the grinning girls on both sides, and think I really am living the dream of having a flower on both hands.

If it wasn't for the impending rise of the death dragon and the end of the world, I might consider myself a lucky man.