Apparently succeeding my discipline roll, I manage to spin on the spot and swing my stave with some good force. The writhing form pinned to the tree trunk receives my stave’s brass end, boosted with my modest Etranger strength.

Various teeth are shattered flying in at least three directions and what I think might be its chest ruptures in a splatter of yellow pus. It reeks of something rotting, and the gunge rolls gradually down the tree like a spilled bowl of custard.

And then, I vomit.

Did I mention last night’s stew? It was from a city tavern and was pretty good. I'm reacquainting myself with it now in a dry heave and I probably look pretty uncool.

"Gross, huh?"

Aria wanders to my left and lightly pounds my back. I look to her; she is holding her spear over her shoulder and patting me with her right hand.

"Um... so it’s true, he really has never fought before. I didn't think there could ever be someone like that..." Kiku appears to the right to me, flicking some pus from one of her blades, and grasping the one in the tree to remove it with a splitting sound. The corpse drops onto the ground.

"Still, I di... I know of... um... some who've done worse... heh." Kiku adds.

"Yeah... don't worry; Elijah, that was a pretty bad first time."

Aria grins, and then realising something, looks mortified and blushes as she looks away.

D-Did she accidentally make a dirty joke? So cute... it’s instantaneously healing.

"Aria! We'll make a dirty girl of you yet..." I snicker.

"N-Noooo... I-I don't want a brain like this idiot..." she cries, crouching away with spear.

"Haha. Seriously though. Thanks. Both of you."

Aria looks up with now teary eyes and Kiku is scratching her cheek.

"You know you can't look cool with vomit on your chin, right, Elijah?" Aria smirks, standing back up.

Yup... I probably look pretty dumb. I pick up a large broad leaf that is still moist with some dew, and wipe my face. It’s a weird, waxy feeling, but it does the job. It’s not like a brought a box of tissues along after all, although I’m starting to understand the wisdom of the towel being the most important item for any hitchhiker.

I survey the carnage around me. There were 6 of them in total. It looked there was three pierced and two slashed, plus the impaled one on the tree. I must have installed some comedy censorship mod on this game with all the yellow splatters it’s made...

"Just what are these things? Are they demons?" I enquire.

"Tree pygmies? Nuh-uh… Um...They're aggressive little fiends… but they are… um… animals? They live in forested places like this. Dad says they consume carrion and nuts and then die in barren places, starting new trees." Kiku explains.

Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

"They... they help nature...?"

Kiku looks puzzled as if she never thought about it.

"Um... I guess?"

"They're stupid though; they see people and other animals as carrion as well." Aria adds.

Well that’s not technically wrong. I was pretty close to being a chew toy corpse moments ago if Kiku hadn't have thrown her sword.

It's weird, this thing. Stumpy limbs and a massive jaw. Brown green colouration. Kinda nightmare fuel. And I'm not confident about spotting it in a forest myself if it wasn't spewing the yellow blood.

"Do many adventurers meet their end to things like this?" I wonder aloud.

Kiku looks stupefied and bursts out laughing.

"Hahahaha. What silly twat would die to bitches like..." rowdy Kiku appears briefly.

"Oh! Um... you're serious? W-wow... eh...? Um... well that would be quite a big joke in the guild if it happened. I... uh... I didn't move straight away because I thought you would just swat the pygmies away, Elijah. But its jaw opened and um... I thought something was wrong."

Good job she did. I didn’t even realise it was there… Cripes…

"You really are from a country without fighting. It's just not something I can imagine, either." Aria muses.

"Humph... well there is still fighting in my world. Lots of it. Some places are not peaceful and people die there every day. But it’s to other people, rather than monsters, normally. We have many horrible weapons there. Someone could even press a button and kill thousands in an instant." I explain to the girls.

"Thousands!? That’s… a big number… bigger than ten!? Way bigger! How is that even possible? Even great magic..." Aria exclaims

"It would make soldiers useless. Um... It’s a shame you couldn't be summoned with one of those..." Kiku notes with a nod.

"People are very scared of the things they have made in my world sometimes. There are still soldiers because no one wants to use those things. I don't think I could wish that on anyone."

"Um... your world is weird, Elijah. Why not end a fight before it begins? Best tactics."

Yeah, she’s probably right. It’s exactly the problem I thought of earlier, my post-modern developed nation mind-set is just going to be baggage here. It’s not like I’m blind to atrocity after all. I guess I definitely have to work on my guts, for everyone’s sake.

I breathe out and try to relax. And then I hear a ping noise in my head, and 'level 2 reached! 5 skill points awarded!' flashes over my vision.

I guess kill-stealing really is a valid strategy in times like this...