image [https://i.imgur.com/MpBvIZc.png]

Mornings at home were a lot different now that Raja was staying with me.

Since Raja slept on the couch in the living room, now I had to sneak through my apartment more quietly, careful not to disturb him. Inevitably, he would stir as soon as I got in the shower, which I could tell because he always made sure there was coffee waiting for me once I was done. I’d never once asked him to, but after he’d done it a couple of times, I wasn’t going to make him stop.

Once I’d gotten dressed, I came into the kitchen and was greeted with the strong, sharp smell of coffee brewing. At the stove, Raja cracked an egg open into a frying pan, and the egg hit the buttered surface with an audible sizzle.

With consistent meals and regular showers, Raja had cleaned up pretty well. He kept his beard, but now it was trimmed close to his face, and his hair had gone from stringy and greasy to full and smooth. He even looked a little less scrawny in his clothes, though the bones of his wrists and elbows still jutted out pointedly.

“Coffee and eggs?” I came up beside him to take a peek as he ground black pepper across the yolk. “You’re this close to serving continental breakfast, you know that?”

Raja smiled. “Well, I know you usually aren’t hungry in the morning, but if you won’t eat it, I will, so I figure it’s worth making something for you just in case.”

My stomach twisted, having started the day off a little unsettled already. As much as I wanted to show Raja that his efforts were worth something, I didn’t want his efforts splattered across the tarmac in the parking lot right as I was about to head out to the station.

“I’ll stick with coffee for now,” I said, claiming a mug from the cabinet. “If you really wanna get me to eat, you outta make some chilaquiles.”

“As soon as I learn what that is,” he replied, spreading butter across a slice of toast, “I’ll get right on it.”

With a hum, Raja tilted the sunny-side egg onto the toast and sat beside me at the counter. As I poured enough milk into my coffee to turn it from near black to medium brown, Raja took a colossal bite into his egg, yolk bleeding all over the plate.

“My God, you still eat like that?” I snorted.

“Like what?” His words were muffled by the food in his cheeks.

“Like a snake unhinging its jaw to devour a rat?” I pointed at his mouth. “Crazy shit. I bet you could fit a tennis ball in there.”

“You rude motherfucker,” he chuckled. “I’ve always eaten like this.”

“Well, good to see that some things never change.” I took a solid gulp of coffee before adding more milk to it.

After he swallowed, Raja gestured to the tattoos along my arms. “Speaking of changes, you look like a coloring book now. They let you have all of that as a fireman? Nobody writes you up or thinks you’re a felon?”

“It depends on the station, but yeah, as long as it’s covered up when appropriate. But then again, none of my tattoos are considered offensive, ‘cause people don’t mind the Catholic stuff.” I tapped on the large cross surrounded by roses on my bicep. “Now, if it were naked girls or racist shit, I’d probably be in trouble.”

“Cool,” he nodded. His gaze lingered on my arms, running along my tattoos before settling on my hands. “They suit you.”

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My cheeks felt a little hot, so I drank another gulp of coffee, which only made my insides feel more mixed up. When I checked the time, I chugged the rest of my coffee without stopping and hopped off the stool. “Uh, I should get ready to head out.”

As I made my way to my closet to pull out my overshirt, Raja abandoned his plate to follow me, standing in the doorway as I made sure I was clean-shaven and presentable. It made me a little self-conscious to have him watch me sometimes, but I said nothing; ultimately, I was a hypocrite, as I was constantly sneaking chances to watch him in return.

While I ran a brush through my hair to smooth it out, I heard Raja clear his throat from behind me. “So, um…”

As I buttoned up my shirt to the collar, I glanced back to him, prompting him to continue.

“Seeing as it’s been a couple of weeks already…” He started to peel at his hangnail, avoiding eye contact. “When do you think you’ll want me out?”

“What? I don’t want you to go,” I replied, hoping that it didn’t sound as weird as it felt to say. “I mean, unless you’re saying you’d like to leave, in which case I’m not gonna keep you here against your will.”

He blinked in disbelief. “What? Manny— you can’t possibly want me here much longer. Guests are one thing, I’m… shit, I don’t know what you’d call me. ‘Leech’ feels more appropriate.”

“You aren’t a leech.” I frowned. “Leeches don’t usually do chores like dishes, sweeping and folding laundry. Which, by the way, that last one really isn’t necessary, but I do appreciate it, so thanks.”

Raja’s stare nearly burned a hole in me with its intensity. “I don’t want to wear out my welcome—”

“Raj!” I interrupted, exasperated. I turned away fully from the mirror to stand before him, craning my neck upwards so that I could see his face.

I really wasn’t sure what the issue was. Back in basic, I spent practically every waking minute with Raja, and that trend continued when we were in the same squad, so I couldn’t see how I’d be sick of him after only two weeks. He still skulked around my apartment as if navigating around land mines, like one wrong move would send him right back out on the streets. Despite what the last ten years had done to him, I wasn’t going to let him think it made him unworthy.

Though I wanted to reach for Raja more fully, I hesitated, settling instead on giving him a friendly pat on the arm.

“Maybe this is hard for you to believe, but…” I paused, suddenly feeling a little nervous. “I meant what I said. You know. That night?”

Raja’s eyes went from tense to tender. “Yeah?”

I nodded silently. Then that big, contagious smile stretched across Raja’s face.

“I guess I just… I can’t believe anyone would, um, have me around. Willingly, I mean.” His smile slowly progressed from joy to pain. “God, it sounds pathetic, but— I…”

I didn’t push Raja to finish his sentence. Instead I drew closer to him, careful not to make him nervous. Those dark, dark eyes of his grew shiny with tears.

“I can’t remember the last time someone actually gave a shit about me,” he whimpered, voice trembling. He turned away and covered his face. “Like… actually gave a shit, not just… using me for something, or, or… I don’t fucking know.”

“Well, I care,” I said. Such words felt too sincere, too soft, so I scrambled to say something else. “Now quit crying, you fuckin’ pussy.”

“Christ— still as sensitive as always, huh?” As his tears gave way to laughter, Raja smacked me upside the head. “Get out of here already before I kick your ass.”

“Wait, so I let you stay at my place, and now you’re gonna hit me? Where’s the appreciation?” I made my way to the coat rack by my door and pulled my jacket from the hook. “Besides, you don’t wanna challenge me, you know I’ll win.”

Raja followed me over, leaning against the wall with a sniffle and a smirk as I zipped up. “Most people can win fights against cripples, Manny. It’s not exactly something to be proud of.”

We shared one last laugh together as I sorted through my pockets for my keys, wallet and phone. Just as I was about to step out, I glanced back at Raja one last time.

My stomach fluttered at the sight of him, moved by the way the sun cast its shadows along the curve of his cheek and made his eyes glisten like little beads. His smile was so warm, so welcoming, I hadn’t even thought of how much I’d missed it until then. Under the weight of my stare, Raja cocked his head to the side.

“Hm? Is something up?” He asked.

Embarrassed, I coughed to clear my throat and turned around.

“No,” I replied, annoyed at how slimy my palms were as I twisted the door knob to leave.