image [https://i.imgur.com/HeragKn.png]
Ever since that reporter had stopped by the station, work began to put me more on edge.
Though the number of fires continued to rise steadily, I wasn’t able to identify a link between them yet; all I had was a deep seated sense of wrongness about them, though I did consider that I was being swayed by the power of suggestion. Unfortunately, that level of self awareness couldn’t stop the fires from bleeding into my dreams, worsening the awful nightmares I already struggled with.
Another sleepless night had come and gone, so I gave up that morning and decided to wash up before Cliff’s cookout later that afternoon. According to the clock, it was 0700, which was around the time I should’ve been out of bed anyway.
As I lathered up my face and neck with shaving cream, I saw in the mirror’s reflection that Raja was observing me from the doorway. The first couple of times he’d stood there watching, it startled the hell out of me, but now I’d grown accustomed to his presence. When our eyes met, I simply smiled.
“I don’t have work today, so you don’t need to be up to make me anything,” I said, wetting the razor in the sink.
“Mm, I know, but I feel kinda lazy if I’m asleep all day…” Raja yawned as he scratched his armpit. “You got plans for today?”
“Cliff’s having a cookout later,” I replied. “I never get to go to these things with my schedule like it is, so I’m looking forward to it.”
Raja bristled at the mention of Cliff’s name. “You still talk to Cliff?”
“Mmhm,” I hummed as I swept the razor over my upper lip. “You know he’s a detective now? And he and his wife are about to have their second kid.”
Dismissively, Raja grunted. “Of course he’s a cop…”
I turned around to look at him. “What, not a fan of the fuzz?”
“Hell no,” he spat immediately. “Cops are always accusing you of loitering, or writing bullshit tickets, or— oh, this one they do all the time— they’ll harass you on purpose so that they can arrest you for ‘threatening an officer’ when you tell them to fuck off. I can’t remember the last time I saw one actually do his job. Fuck every last one of ‘em, especially Cliff.”
As he spoke, I slathered more shaving cream down my neck. Aside from catching heat from them once in a while as a young boy in the barrio, I’d never really gotten too much trouble from the police. I considered it more based on luck than anything, though - I’d had plenty of friends growing up who were picked on enough to consider a squad car their second home.
“Well, I know you guys never liked each other, but he’s not that kind of cop.” I grazed the razor along the underside of my chin. “He’s one of the good ones.”
Rolling his eyes, Raja scoffed. “Doubt it. He probably joined up just so he’d get to bully everyone like he always did.”
“Man, you hold grudges like a motherfucker,” I shook my head, laughing. “Remind me not to piss you off.”
“He always had it out for me!” His eyebrows formed an angry line across his forehead. “Always calling me weak, a pussy, a coward...”
He paused, his face growing increasingly remorseful. He didn’t need to say what he was thinking, because I already knew. From the mirror, I glanced back at him tenderly.
“There are plenty of things Cliff is wrong about,” I said quietly, “so I wouldn’t let it bother you.”
When my face was smooth enough for my liking, I splashed myself with hot water. Usually I’d use cool water, but for some reason I’d gotten pretty sensitive to the cold. In fact, even though the weather was going to be in the seventies, I considered taking a jacket just to be on the safe side.
As I toweled off, Raja stepped forward into the bathroom, which wasn’t exactly a comfortable fit for two grown men to stand in. His eyes traveled across my cheeks and chin before flickering to mine. “You missed a spot.”
“What?” I swiveled my head to see my reflection before swiveling back to face him. “Where?”
Slowly, Raja raised his hand and brushed the pad of his finger to the part of my face where my jaw met my neck. He moved his finger in a tiny, circular motion and located a near microscopic patch of stubble, as if he’d had a sixth sense for it. “Right here.”
We were standing so close, my head was swimming. With his fingers right along my jugular, I was sure he must’ve felt how fast my heart was racing.
“You, uh, got a good eye there,” I replied with a laugh; my voice came out breathier than I meant it to. “I’ll get on that.”
At this, Raja nodded. With a quick swipe of my razor on the offending patch, I called myself done. Then, I nudged past him to the closet and dug around through the laundry hamper for a shirt to throw on. “You need anything while I’m out?” I asked to change the subject.
“Nah, I’m good,” Raja replied. “Oh, wait, can I use your laptop while you’re gone?”
“What, so you can watch porn?” I raised an eyebrow, amused. “You can watch all the porn you want when you’ve bought yourself your own laptop, but until then…”
“So I can look for a job, dumbass,” Raja laughed. “Just feel like… maybe it’s time for me to actually get on my feet. I wanna pull my weight around here, you know?”
Rather than cracking another joke, my face softened. “Well, keep me updated— wait, how are you going to apply for jobs without a phone?”
“I have a phone,” he replied. “It’s just beat to hell and back and can’t hold a charge for long. I also can’t really use the internet on it, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Huh.” I scratched the back of my head. “Where’d you get the money for a phone? Did you really make that much playing the guitar?”
Raja took a deep breath and exhaled. “Let’s just say money wasn’t involved and leave it at that.”
The shame radiating off of Raja was clear, and I felt like an asshole for asking. I wasn’t about to berate him about the ethics of life on the streets. With nothing smart nor sensitive to say in reply, all I did was smile at him reassuringly.
“Sure,” I said simply. “Don’t worry about it.”
He smiled back.
･ ･ ･
The cookout was already buzzing with activity by the time I showed up.
As I passed through the fence to the backyard, I noticed there were more people there than I had expected. Some I recognized, most I didn’t, but just seeing so many of them at once made me a little uneasy. While I took in the scenery, Cliff’s daughter Savannah zipped by while being chased by some bony little boy.
The moment Cliff saw me, he motioned for me to join him by the grill. Immediately, he thrust an icy beer into my hands from the cooler beside him. “Manny! Glad you could make it,” he grinned. “Niecey was just asking about you!”
I looked over to see his wife, Shenice, serving a coconut rum cake by the patio. Everywhere she went, she waddled, the curve of her stomach bumping into everything by accident. She looked exhausted, but beamed happily when Savannah gave her a surprise hug from behind.
“She looks ready to burst,” I said. “When’s she due again?”
“End of May.” Cliff glanced over to her, lovestruck. “Honestly, man, I can’t wait. I already told you it’s a boy, right?”
I simply nodded in reply, drinking my beer to calm my nerves when I saw another family enter the backyard. “Mercy gotten here yet?”
“Haven’t seen her so far,” he replied. “Vanny’s excited about seeing Cleo. She’s crazy about her.”
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“That’s nice.” I took another sip. “Hey, so, about that… you know…”
Cliff paused before he drank his own beer. “Hm?”
Before I could explain any further, out of the corner of my eye I saw Mercy open up the back gate, holding some kind of dish in her arms, with Cleo and a guy behind her. I gave Cliff a brief ‘hold on’ motion and headed over to greet them.
It was a rare sight to see Mercy out of her office clothes. She wore a patterned pink sundress, loose towards her legs and tight towards her bust, and sandals that showed off her toenails painted white. A typical outfit for her was a lot less form-fitting; I resisted the urge to settle my eyes south of her collarbone, focusing instead on the way she smiled sweetly at me.
“¡Hola, linda!” I pulled her into a hug, careful to dodge the plate in her hands. “Don’t you look good? I ain’t seen this dress on you in ages!”
When we parted, Mercy blushed. “You’re so sweet, Manu. I haven’t worn it in for a while… I was actually surprised I fit into it! I thought it’d be too tight.”
“I talked her into it,” said the man beside her, curling his arm around her waist. “Just to show her off a little, you know?”
I narrowed my eyes at the man but forced a smile onto my face anyway. “Ah— you must be Luke. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Oh! Yes…” Mercy seemed a bit embarrassed. “Manny, this is my boyfriend, Luke. Luke, this Manny.”
Immediately, I knew this guy was from California; you just couldn’t find a guy more stereotypical. His straight, light brown hair was swept back into a bun, and he had a patchy beard that extended down his neck. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jeans, which looked fresh off the rack from a store, and his upright posture reminded me of a meerkat standing watch.
Though I had to admit, Luke wasn’t like most of the other guys Mercy tended to attract: he was unusually clean-cut, for starters, and he didn’t look like he had so much as a misdemeanor on his record. In fact, he looked like the kind of guy who balked at going over speed limits - and would be insufferably smug about it, too.
Luke offered his fist to bump against mine, but I made no move to return the gesture. After a few awkward seconds crawled by, he casually tucked his hand back into his pocket. I shot a glance to Cleo, who shot a glance to Mercy, who shot a glance back to me. As we all traded glances, Luke clearly felt out of the loop, but didn’t interrupt. Then, Mercy cleared her throat.
“Well, boys, I’m going to go see if Niecey needs any help!” Turning to Cleo, Mercy motioned forward with her head. “Nenita, why don’t you go see what Savannah is up to? Niecey said she’s been talking about you all week!”
Cleo groaned, but obeyed the request anyway. As she walked off, I heard her grumble something under her breath about having to play babysitter all the time.
“I’ll be right back!” Mercy said to the both of us. “Don’t you two start any trouble, now!”
Once Cleo and Mercy were gone, I turned my eye to Luke as he made a move to go grab a beer from one of the coolers around the yard. He cracked it open and gave it a long, steady drink.
“So like, are you Mercedes’ brother or a cousin or something?” Luke’ eyes darted up and down. “’Cause no offense, but I do not see the family resemblance.”
“No— we grew up on the same street. Cleo’s dad was my best friend as a kid,” I replied. “We served in the army together, along with Cliff— that’s the guy hosting this whole thing.”
“Oh, you’re a military guy, huh?” His tone trailed off as if unsure of what to make of it. “That’s… interesting.”
I smiled so flatly, it was hardly a smile at all. “Got something to say about it?”
“No, no!” Luke interrupted his beer drinking to wave his hands in surrender. “I mean, I don’t agree with the military, but… I’m sure you had your reasons for joining.”
Rather than interject, I stared at him expectantly. I was really mostly interested in seeing how far he could stick his foot in his mouth, which distracted me from the urge to stick my foot up his ass. But it dawned on me that Mercy deserved more in life than me sabotaging her chance at a relationship, so I decided to take the high road.
“Right, well, there’s no need to talk politics,” I said in my most disarming voice. “Anyway… have you and Mercy been together long?”
Though clearly still apprehensive, Luke smiled tightly. “We’re coming on up to three months now.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel about Mercy keeping us away from each other for so long. Was she afraid that I would hate him? Because with the kind of guy he seemed to be, that was going to happen regardless of how long she kept me in the dark. The idea that she was so resistant to introducing him made me more concerned about her thoughts on me than about Luke.
We both turned to watch Mercy as she and Shenice spoke, and at the sight of her in that sundress, I couldn’t help but let out a sigh. Luke, having seemingly noticed, cleared his throat - but then his attention redirected straight to my arm.
“Eesh— watch out, you got a wasp on you,” he said, raising his hand to smack it.
I looked to my forearm and saw a little wasp bumbling its way down to my hand. Normally, I’d have shaken my arm to get it off, but I simply stared at it. It was weird to see a wasp this time of year - usually in Texas, they were bigger pests towards the fall. While it waltzed down my arm casually, the wasp turned its little yellow face upward at me.
“Are you… going to do something about it?” Luke swallowed audibly, hand still in mid-air.
I shrugged. “It’s just minding its own business.”
“Um… alright. You do you, I guess. I’m seriously allergic to those, so, I’m just gonna… go, I think.” He lowered his hand. “See you around.”
As Luke departed, so too did the wasp. I had a feeling Luke was from the part of California where they’d pretty much stamped out any run-ins with wildlife, so it made sense that his first instinct was to dispose of it as soon as possible. Still, I’d never seen a wasp behave so amicably…
The rest of the cookout was relatively uneventful, though Luke had to leave early. Since Mercy and Cleo wanted to stay longer, I naturally volunteered to drive them home, which he seemed to appreciate more than I expected. A part of me felt bad for being standoffish with him, but in my defense, my social stamina was running on fumes these days.
As the party began to wind down and people began to leave, I pulled Mercy off to the side under a tree for more privacy. During the entire party, she’d been finding little ways to avoid being alone with me, but now she’d run out of excuses. The second we were alone - or at least somewhat alone - Mercy made a face as if bracing for impact.
“What’s that face for?” I asked, puzzled.
Mercy winced preemptively. “You’re about to tell me that you don’t like Luke.”
“Not necessarily,” I half-lied.
“Oh, don’t give me that! He’s exactly the kind of guy you don’t like!” She crossed her arms and pouted. “He’s thoughtful, he’s educated, he’s sensitive—”
I blinked. “What, you think I’m too low-brow to get along with a guy like him?”
“You know that’s not what I meant,” she groaned. “I’m just saying he’s a really sweet guy, and he’s not like any other guy I’ve ever been with, and… I want you two to get along, but I’ve been so nervous about you meeting him ‘cause I know you’ll find a hundred things wrong with him in five seconds flat like you always do. I just wanted it to be different this time.”
There was no point in pretending that Mercy wasn’t right. Still, there wasn’t a way to describe it to her, at least in a way that’d make her understand. I just didn’t like Luke, and that was that. Didn’t like that stupid little laugh of his, like a donkey braying; didn’t like the ‘fun facts’ he interrupted with during multiple conversations; and I especially didn’t like how his hand rested so confidently on the small of Mercy’s back as if it belonged there.
But I knew better than to say anything, tired of having my motives questioned when all I wanted was for her to be taken care of. When I said nothing and simply stared at the grass beneath our feet, Mercy sighed.
“I just want what’s best for you,” I said quietly. “That’s all.”
Her eyes, dark and beautiful, focused on nothing else but me. “Can you trust me to know what’s best for me?”
As she looked at me, I felt a compulsion to bring her into my arms, but I knew that I couldn’t. Not only because our friends might see and make assumptions, but also because, deep down inside, I worried that for the first time she wouldn’t want me to hold her.
In my mind swarmed everything I wanted to say, but I held my tongue. I could see how badly she wanted this, and I felt guilty for holding her back.
“Yeah,” I said, nodding stiffly. “Of course.”
In relief, Mercy smiled warmly, but it didn’t feel like a smile meant for me.
･ ･ ･
When it was time to go home, I rounded up Mercy and Cleo into my truck and bid farewell to Cliff and his family. The drive back to their place was relatively quiet, with mostly Cleo badgering Mercy for gossip about things like weddings, divorces and other adult-oriented topics she was too young to hear about but just old enough to care about.
The car was getting a little hot, so I wiggled the jacket off of my shoulders and rolled up my sleeves. From behind me in the back seat, Cleo made a weird little noise. “Hey Tío,” she began, “Where’d you get that little lump on your arm?”
“What?” I glanced at her from the corner of my eye.
“Oh, jeez!” Mercy’s hand flew up to her mouth once she’d noticed it too. “Where did you get that thing, Manolo?”
When we pulled up to a stoplight, I took my eyes off the road to see what they were talking about. On my forearm was a little welt, rounded and protruding, though unlike a bruise it had no color to it. It couldn’t have possibly been a sting from that wasp, because it didn’t even try to attack - and I’d had my jacket on, so its stinger wouldn’t have been able to make contact.
The longer I stayed quiet, the more uncomfortable the atmosphere got in the car. Anxiously, I let out a laugh to defuse the tension. “Ah, it’s— it’s just a bug bite,” I answered quickly. “Nothing to worry about.”
Mercy gave Cleo a critical glare from the passenger’s side. “You should know better than to ask people invasive questions about their bodies, Cleo.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have asked anyone else!” Cleo huffed. “But I can ask Tío anything, right, Tío?”
It was hard to focus on the road now that I’d seen the lump on my arm. I had a sinking feeling about it, but I couldn’t explain it. Not to them, not to anyone - and at this point, not even to myself.
“Of course you can,” I said. “Ask me anything you want, pecosita.”
I yanked the sleeve down my arm quickly.
“I’m an open book.”