Haruto had tried everything.
[✓] Running into the legendary forest? Failed.
[✓] Hiding in the World Tree? Failed.
[✓] Escaping a Wife War? Failed.
Now?
Now, he was running straight back to the place he once swore to avoid forever.
---
Goldcrest City - Adventurer's Guild
The Adventurer's Guild was bustling with activity as Haruto stormed through the doors, looking like a broken man.
Adventurers froze when they saw him.
"Is that… Haruto?"
"Didn't he disappear for months?"
"He looks like he's been through hell."
Haruto ignored them.
He marched straight to the front desk, slammed his hands on the counter, and stared at the guild receptionist.
There she was.
Claire.
The blonde twin-tailed tsundere receptionist who had rejected his adventurer application so many times he lost count.
Haruto grabbed the counter like a drowning man.
"CLAIRE. HELP ME."
Claire blinked.
Then, in the most bored tone imaginable:
"No."
---
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Haruto's Breakdown (Again)
"WHY NOT?!" Haruto screamed.
Claire crossed her arms. "What exactly do you want me to do?"
"I WANT A NORMAL LIFE!"
"Sounds like a you problem."
Haruto felt his soul shatter.
"CLAIRE, I AM BEING CHASED BY A DEMON LORD, A DRAGON EMPEROR, A PRINCESS, AN ELF QUEEN, AND A CAT THIEF WHO WON'T PAY RENT."
Claire tilted her head. "…So?"
"I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!"
Claire stared at him.
Then, in the most deadpan voice imaginable:
"No one forced you to be hot, Haruto."
Haruto choked on air.
"WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT?!"
---
Claire Makes Everything Worse
"You think the Guild can help you?" Claire sighed. "You brought this upon yourself."
"HOW DID I BRING THIS UPON MYSELF?!"
"I dunno, maybe you shouldn't have been so overpowered?"
Haruto grabbed his head. "I DIDN'T ASK TO BE OVERPOWERED! I DIDN'T ASK FOR A HAREM! I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS!"
"Uh-huh." Claire flipped through some papers. "Sounds like cope."
"IT IS NOT COPE!"
"Sounds like it to me."
"I SWEAR TO THE GODS, CLAIRE, IF YOU DON'T HELP ME, I WILL—"
"What, cry?"
Haruto almost collapsed.
"YES. YES, I WILL CRY. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW."
Claire rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a drama queen."
Haruto grabbed the counter and let out the most pathetic groan in history.
"PLEASE. JUST LET ME REGISTER AS AN ADVENTURER SO I CAN LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND."
Claire raised an eyebrow. "Oh? You wanna be an adventurer now?"
"YES!"
"Too bad. Still banned."
Haruto collapsed onto the floor.
"I hate it here."
---
And Then Claire Becomes Another Problem
Just as Haruto was about to officially give up on life, Claire sighed.
"Haaaah…"
She leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands.
"You know, Haruto… I think you're just mad that you haven't claimed me as your wife yet."
Haruto froze.
His brain completely shut down.
"...What."
Claire smirked. "Oh, don't give me that look. It's obvious."
"WHAT IS OBVIOUS?!"
"You keep running away, but you always come back to me, Haruto."
Haruto was speechless.
"CLAIRE. YOU HATE ME."
"Hate is a strong word," Claire shrugged. "More like… strongly irritated but secretly amused."
Haruto felt lightheaded.
"I came here to ESCAPE weird women. Not ADD TO THE PROBLEM!"
"Who said I'm a problem?"
"YOU JUST BANNED ME FROM THE GUILD AGAIN."
"Yeah, but only because it's fun to watch you suffer."
Haruto felt his sanity slipping.
"CLAIRE. ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME?"
"Maybe."
Haruto screamed internally.
---
The Others Arrive (Because Of Course They Do)
"Ah, there you are, darling~."
Haruto's entire body locked up.
Slowly—mechanically—he turned around.
And standing in the Guild entrance was his worst nightmare.
[✓] Lilia, smiling like a predator.
[✓] Emberis, cracking her knuckles.
[✓] Sylphiel, looking completely unbothered.
[✓] Fel, already pickpocketing some adventurer.
[✓] Emilia, sighing like this was a normal day.
Haruto's soul left his body.
"NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. I REFUSE."
Lilia grinned. "Darling, running back to the Guild? How nostalgic~."
Emberis raised an eyebrow. "And who's this?"
Fel tilted her head. "Ohhh, the tsundere receptionist, huh?"
Haruto panicked. "SHE'S NOT ONE OF YOU. SHE'S JUST A NORMAL PERSON."
Claire rested her chin in her hand. "Oh, Haruto. You wound me."
Haruto froze.
Slowly, mechanically, he turned to look at Claire.
"Wait. No. NO. NO, NO, NO—"
Claire smirked.
"I never said I was normal, did I?"
Haruto's brain broke.
---
Haruto Officially Breaks Down (Again)
Haruto grabbed his head, shaking.
"WHY?! WHY IS EVERY WOMAN A LUNATIC?!"
"Maybe it's your fault," Fel suggested.
"IT IS NOT MY FAULT!"
"Still sounds like cope," Claire muttered.
"STOP SAYING THAT!"
"Darling, just accept your fate~," Lilia cooed.
"I REFUSE!"
Sylphiel tilted her head. "But, beloved, why deny what is meant to be?"
"IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE!"
"Yet here we are," Emberis smirked.
"I'M GOING TO SCREAM."
"You already did that," Emilia reminded him.
"I WILL DO IT AGAIN!"
And then—
Haruto collapsed onto the counter, completely dead inside.
"I hate it here."