Haruto had officially lost.
He had run, hidden, screamed, begged the gods, and even tried faking his own death.
None of it worked.
Instead?
He had accidentally started a cult.
He had accidentally gained a Dragon Emperor as a mate.
He had accidentally gained a Demon Lord as a wife.
He had accidentally gained an Elf Queen as a fiancée.
And now?
Now he was trapped in the middle of a legendary forest, watching in horror as an all-out war over him was about to begin.
---
Haruto's Incoming Breakdown
Haruto sat motionless on the grass, completely dead inside.
In front of him, Lilia, Sylphiel, and Emberis stood in a triangle formation, staring each other down like rival warlords.
Fel and Emilia were sitting off to the side, eating snacks.
Haruto took a deep breath.
"...No."
Sylphiel tilted her head. "No?"
"No war. No competition. No trials. No fighting. I refuse."
Lilia smiled sweetly. "Oh, darling, it's cute that you think you have a choice."
"I DO HAVE A CHOICE!" Haruto snapped. "AND MY CHOICE IS TO GO HOME!"
Emberis crossed her arms. "Your 'home' is wherever we decide it is, little human."
Sylphiel nodded. "Indeed. And since we must determine the primary wife, it is only natural that we—"
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
"NO WIFE!" Haruto yelled.
Sylphiel blinked. "...Husband, why do you deny fate?"
Haruto grabbed his own hair. "I SWEAR TO THE GODS, I AM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND!"
---
The Wife War Begins (and Haruto Cries Inside)
Lilia clapped her hands. "Alright, let's settle this fairly!"
"I vote we fight," Emberis said immediately.
"That is unnecessary," Sylphiel said calmly. "As elves, we settle such matters through trials of wisdom, skill, and devotion."
"Devotion?" Lilia smirked. "Oh, I have plenty of that~."
Haruto internally screamed.
Fel grinned at him. "Wanna make bets, boss?"
"I WANNA LEAVE!"
"Too late," Emilia said cheerfully. "It's already happening."
---
The Wife War: Challenge #1 - Cooking Battle
"The best wife should be able to provide nourishing meals!" Sylphiel announced. "Let us begin."
Haruto perked up slightly. "Wait. That actually sounds—"
BOOM.
A pillar of flames exploded from Emberis's side.
Haruto turned.
Her food was already on fire.
"...Emberis, what did you do?"
"I infused it with my dragon's breath," she said proudly. "The meal is now infused with power."
The plate was literally melting.
Haruto backed away slowly.
Lilia set down a plate. "Here, dear husband. I made something special for you~."
Haruto looked at it.
It was a cursed-looking dish pulsating with dark energy.
"...Lilia, what is this?"
"A demon's blessing! Whoever eats it will be bound to me for eternity~."
Haruto immediately flipped the table. "NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE."
Sylphiel smiled calmly. "I have prepared an elven feast using only the purest ingredients of the World Tree."
Haruto turned.
Sylphiel's plate looked normal.
Edible, even.
Haruto hesitated. "...Wait. Did you actually make real food?"
"Of course, beloved."
Haruto stared at her suspiciously.
"...You're hiding something."
"Nonsense."
Fel, sitting nearby, sniffed the food.
Her eyes widened. "Wait. This has..."
"Hmm?" Sylphiel tilted her head. "Is something wrong?"
Fel slowly backed away.
"Boss, if you eat this, you'll become an elf."
Haruto froze.
"...WHAT?!"
Sylphiel blinked innocently. "Oh, did I forget to mention? The sacred fruit of the World Tree bestows elven longevity. If you eat this, you will become one of us—forever bound to our people."
Haruto picked up the plate—
And yeeted it into the forest.
"I AM NOT BECOMING AN ELF!"
Sylphiel pouted. "You wound me, my love."
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
---
The Wife War: Challenge #2 - Strength (Instant Failure)
"Since cooking was a disaster," Emberis said, stretching, "let's move to a real contest: Strength."
Haruto rubbed his temples. "Why is this happening?"
"Simple!" Emberis grinned. "Whoever can pin you down wins!"
Haruto froze.
"...What?"
Before he could react—
BOOM.
A wave of dragon fire erupted behind him.
A shadow loomed over him.
And then—
THREE WOMEN TACKLED HIM AT ONCE.
---
Haruto Has Officially Had Enough
Haruto was pinned under Lilia, Sylphiel, and Emberis.
Fel and Emilia were watching from the sidelines.
"...This is the dumbest day of my life," Haruto muttered into the dirt.
"I claim victory," Sylphiel said calmly.
"Nonsense!" Lilia smirked. "I am the true winner!"
"Tch. You're both weak," Emberis huffed. "I could have done this alone."
Haruto lay motionless.
"I'm going to scream."
Fel patted his head. "You already did that, boss."
"I'M GOING TO SCREAM AGAIN."
---
Final Challenge: Haruto's Escape Plan #684
Haruto activated Stealth MAX, Speed MAX, and Desperation MAX.
In a blink, he vanished.
"Huh?" Sylphiel blinked. "Where did he go?"
"...He ran away again," Emilia sighed.
Lilia clapped her hands. "Oh, my love, you're only making this more fun~."
Emberis grinned. "He's improving, but he can't outrun me."
Fel stretched. "Should we give him a head start?"
"Yes," Lilia said. "I like when he thinks he has hope."
Haruto, now deep in the forest, running for his life again, sneezed.
"WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE STILL WINNING?!"