Tightening the extra-soft bathrobe made with the silk bought for a fortune from eastern traders, woven with gold for no practical reason but simply because the person that commisioned this robe was a luxury maniac. Though, having only been wiped with towels was unsatisfying. I had been forbidden bathing for obvious reasons, but a toy must be kept neat.

Oh, sorry, did I say toy? I meant doll. Whoops, my tongue slipt, I really meant king. If you can call a figurehead that. Whistling unconcernedly and tone-deafedly, I casually kicked over a bucket of water sitting next to one of the three servants in charge of washing me. The man panicked and reached towards it, but was too late to stop the water from spreading across the mosaic marble floor.

Instantly, apologies came from the man. Funny, how alike a king is to priests, god, and executioners. Everyone always starts off conversations with, "I'm so sorry," and, "Please forgive me," and, "I've done wrong," and bullshit. It gets a annoying after awhile. Still, I'm a benovolent dol-king, so I of course offered forgiveness to the man, which calmed him and the other two down. Once they had relaxed, I purposefully took a confident, heel-led step onto the slick marble.

While looking at the ceiling, I suddenly felt like a heterocromatic, darkskinned, clumsy, and decidedly unfinished woman, that ocasionally liked to scale city walls. I'm wondering if I haven't hit my head today already. Well, even if I have, I'm about to do so again, and this time...

Suddenly, the ceiling stopped retreating, and gravity seemed to have lost its' grip on me. Around my body, sure, strong arms cradled me. A thinly smiling face appeared above me, dark hair framing sleek, sharp lines making up a face. I look into those eyes that appeared closed, and in monotone, "Any chance you can let go, Pain in the Ass?"

"I'm not an overly used meme, Your Majesty, so no." Biji did not change her expression in the slightest.

I looked towards the three servants, and sighed. "You three can go. The matter of my cleanliness has been taken care of. The matter of my migraine is about to multiply, I suspect..." directing an accusing gaze towards Biji, "You're supposed to be in a forest on the outskirts of the kingdom, hunting down wolves. What are you doing in the palace, or, more importantly, my personal bathing chamber? I didn't take you for the type to shirk their duty to spy on their boss in the shower..."

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No change in expression, but the tone of a cheerful, dutiful subordinate kept flowing from the wretched mouth of someone who denied a person their personal right. "My apologies, Your Majesty. I'm currently bedridden with an illness that occured in my weakness while doing overtime. As such, I was given a weeks' leave from duty, by your seal."

"You goddamn hypocrite, if you're bedridden and off duty, what in the sixteen hells are you doing here?"

"Unfortunately, this servant of yours is a lecherous hypocrite, who qoute-unqoute, "shirks their duty to spy on their boss in the shower," but because of the limitations of the law, this servant of yours is protected by your seal of leave, and am thus not liable to be held account for her actions. Please bear through it while I shamelessly defile your chastity with my eyes."

"...defiling is good and all, but could you either put me on the ground or let me stand up? Being held in this position is somewhat...damaging for my pride."

Biji nods, and sweeps me off my feet and into a princess carry. "Then, please allow me to st-put you to bed."

"You were gonna say strap! Hey, Pain in the Ass, you almost said you'd strap me into bed!" I struggled, doing my best to protect my own self, but unfortunately I was defeated in the face of  Bijinors' strength.

Without pausing, she continued to transport me into the other room which contained my ridiculously huge bed. "I am ashamed, my Lord, but one of the laws you yourself passed gave full rights to the guard-captain to restrain the king when insanity, corruption, intoxication, and other conditions affecting mental capacity are present in the king."

"Yes, but that was only passed to aleviate some pressure from all of the citizens angry from my fathers' rule! And I'm not any of those things!"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but the court physician has diagnosed you with terminal depression, which falls under the catagory of insanity as you no longer have the survival instincts present in all other humans. Thus, you have a mental condition, and can be lawfully restrained at any time."

My denial fell on ears as deaf as my tone. After firmly strap- ahem, securring me to the bed with recenlty-installed leather straps, Biji then sat on a chair next to the bed, and opened a book. A serious of coughs came.

As time went on, the coughing became worse, until Biji collapsed in her chair. I sighed, the sat up.

Testing the restraints, they were too firmly set into the posters of the bed to be ripped free, and the leather too strong to snap. So, I tore the posts from the bed, the wood cracking and snapping. Biji didn't wake up, a testament to how sick she was. I got off the bed, and stood before the weakly coughing guard captain, then picked her up and placed her on the bed before leaving the room.

Here I am, almost alone in the palace, with an incapacitated Biji.

"Mental condition my ass."

I went 'kukuku' as I stealthily left my suite. Time to tour my own kingdom...

"Where are the knives?"