AN:...Golfriek dammit j0nn0. This is all your fault.

AHHHH! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO HELP ME STOP WRITING! STOP ENCOURAGING ME!

Ever since I wrote the second, I've started to tell myself the story of my insomniac god.

Hey, wanna know how far I got? Wanna take a wild guess? Take a shot in the dark?

I'll just wait till' next chappy, and then tell ya. Maybe you'll repent of your sins?

I LEAFING STARTED PLANNING THIS MANURE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!? HUH!?

*sniffle*...y u do dis...*sniff*

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"Hmahmhmmhm..."

It's been a while since I've hummed to myself. I can't quite recall the tune, but it must have been quite a fierce one. Still, I got the feeling I was forgetting something important...

"you mother...I'll take your...shove it up...strangle...gut...

I feel like something is buzzing in the back of my head. Must be the use of power. Amazing how much only a few million years could dull a gods' skill. Sure, I may have forgotten to line up a few of the...okay, a lot of the key atoms, but they'll still be able to breathe, so what's the problem?

...are you even...listen you...stick it up you...

Ah, I must admit one thing. After spending so much time working on inanimate objects, dealing with things that still have to work after you're finished is strange. Usually the things I work on only need to explode or be radioactive. Huh, maybe I accidentally...? No, no, I'm certain I wouldn't be that absentminded...

Maybe I should check? I mean, if I did, it may wipe out life on the planet...

...would that be a bad thing?

I suddenly realized I didn't know. Well, I have time...might as well tour my planet. Aldious may have planned and executed the cell pool, making life actually begin, but I'd been the one to mold the core and entice nearby sources of water to crash land on my oh-so lovely ball of magma. Even if I complained that it was tedious going through it every time, I must admit I enjoy the rain for birthing a planet. I like picking out the patterns of rain, and seeing if I can spot identical drops. Still, even after watching tens of thousands of showers, I hadn't found two drops that were exactly alike.

Hah...things always end too quickly. It's a pain being there to see them, and even more of a pain watching them end. Though...sometimes, if the ending has a big enough bang, I like to stick around and watch. I wonder what color my modified star will make when it dies?

I lazily went spinning around the planet. Making a quick count, there were seventeen continents, and hundreds of islands. It seems I was very enthusiastic when making this one, and made it quite a bit larger than most. Well, the only difference is gravity. Living things seem to have adapted, so no harm done. Still, to imagine walking all the way around it, I had to shiver a little. I'm glad something like legs aren't necessary for divines.

Let's see...many warm bloods, and, what's this?

The cold-bloods have split up, and although small traces of each other can be found, the number of cold-bloods has increased to a number near twenty. Simply amazing, the effects of environment on organisms. I guess at first, the cold-bloods were limited to only a few, select ecosystems where survival was possible, but after some ingunity and evolution, they've spread out a bit. Strange, usually new species would begin at the start, and would only shrink. This world is definitely an interesting one.

Let's see...one, two, forty-eight gods, eh? An unusually high number. But, since there are three main continents with brothers nearby, it seems they've been divided around. Let's see, three clusters of four-five continents, each with thirteen or more gods. Then, for the remaining two landmasses, excluding the place of my anger, a split of seven and two.

Everywhere I looked, civilization was just taking solid shape. Taking iron and copper, building with stone, bending the rivers. I'm surprised. Most of the time magic-infested planets took many times longer to develop to this stage, as they relied heavily on their unnatural gifts. Looking around...

I'm proud. The mood is pleasant, and progress is like a comforting slide. Seeing all of these young happy divines, I think it would be rude to spoil their fun just because of one thing I disliked. My heart must be softening with age...I've become so compassionate, I can barely associate what I was like before with the me of the now. May as well check up on my project. I hope nothing exploded yet...

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

When I returned, I had to frown. I also noticed something had been following me for quite a while now.

"You! Almighty-whoever, what the heck are you doing!" yelled a very small, very irate, and somehow endearing spirit. The form of a young bull snorting seemed to be its' favored form at the moment.

I gave a courteous flick of the eyes, then replied. "Why, my young troublemaker, I'm touring around the planet. Care to tell me what you're doing, spying on me?"

The spirit turned into a pufferfish, ballooning a few times in a therapeutic way. "Spying?! Spying?! I've been helpless while you took me for a joyride, for what felt like years, I might add."

I chuckled, and waved my hand indifferently. "Only a decade. Quite fast, I might say. Still, it troubles me that you hitched yourself a ride on me. Even if your puny existence is so little I only now noticed you, it's rude to make someone carry you without permission."

The spirit turned into a drooling dog, making the spluttering and stuttering much more amusing. "Permission? Puny? Decade? You..."

I lifted the mist equivalent of an eyebrow. "Care to finish that, pup?" I believe making myself pulse with the power I contain usually intimidates things. I tried it out to satisfying results. The spirit became the smallest insect known on this planet, as large as a grain of dirt. Impressive, I would praise Aldious, had he remained.

"Uh, no, your uh, m-magnificence..." As much as I dislike groveling and scraping, a certain amount of formality is required for decent communication. Otherwise, I'd just point and grunt whenever I wanted to say something.

Still, I enjoy the use of words and vocabulary. Insults were oh-so much better when the person you mocked couldn't tell what you were saying. "Good. Now, since it appears I was in the wrong, I'll grant you godhood and we can call it even."

It was silent, and seemed to think I was lying. "Um, I don't think you can just hand out godhood...and how would that make us even?"

I shrugged. Quite a large movement, considering my misty form. "Who are you to say what I can and cannot do, and as for your second question...huh? I actually don't know...Whatever, just take your almighty power and go bug someone else."

I waved my hand, made the spirit a divine, then turned away. The second I turned my head, the spirit-turned-divine plummeted to earth in the middle of an ocean, and caused massive tidal waves capable of destroying civilizations whole.

For a long moment, I considered just letting it happen. But...haaaaaah...I guess this is what you call taking responsibility. Manipulating a few ocean currents, I dissipated the tidal wave until it was just another gentle wave lapping at the shore. Reaching out, I picked up the new divine and held it at arms length, afraid it would infect me with stupid.

It was panicked, and spasmed like it was trying to change form. So flighty, this thing. "Hey, calm down. I'm gonna ask you a question now, got it?"

It nodded, unable to get words out.

I shook it a little, then let it float. "I'll only ask this once. Do you want to be a divine?"

It franticly shook it's head, probably unable to speak. I sighed, shook my head, then took back the power, leaving only a small spirit. It gasped, then changed into a turtle. "You...you're a bit of an idiot, aren't you?"

I thought a bit, pieced all the information together, then nodded. "Yep. Other than makin stuff and movin stuff, I'm pretty much useless. Isn't everyone bad at knowing when doing something will make bad things happen?"

The spirit became vaguely humanoid, then face-palmed. "...I get the feeling you're going to cause me no end of trouble. I'm stuck with you, huh?"

"What's so bad about that?"

I waited, but even though the spirit didn't say anything, I got the message. Well, whatever.

I can't be the only one who's almost destroyed all of civilization by accident.

Twice.

...Right...?

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Chapters in order up till 5