I felt my brain congeal. It was suddenly all too much. Too many things to keep track of. Too many decisions to make. The most crucial decision was- do I keep Miyuki looking for invisible units? Because where there was one, there would be many. Or do I send her to help Versai?
It was dumb. It was short sighted. She was a looper- her deaths were never forever. She was the only other real person in here with me.
“Miyuki! Keep your eye out for any more invisible critters, and go help Versai! Versai! Fight clear! Get back to the Tower! Help is on the way! Both of you, eat your berries when you can. Go full speed and all out!”
This was dumb. This was very dumb. There could be invisible monsters coming for me right now!
“Medics, stand by to heal! Mikas, Rakim, look out for little invisible monsters!”
I paused. “Can anyone other than Miyuki spot invisible or camouflaged monsters?”
Rakim yelled back- “I can build detectors Sir, and spot them at close range.”
Better than nothing. A whole, whole lot better than nothing.
“Alright, your full time job is keeping our artillery and Mikas invisible-monster free. Don’t bother with the regular monsters, you see a stealth unit, you shoot it! Also, activate the Mutilator 3K!”
“Yes Sir!”
Deep breath. “Corporal Mika, permission granted to activate Shield Tower as needed.”
“Yes Tower Master!”
I really wish I knew the right expletives for a time like this.
I watched Miyuki race across the rope bridges, apparently unconcerned about a second monster coming to sabotage her. She reached a crows nest with line-of-sight and started shooting. More monsters incoming. That wouldn’t do.
“Radz, Pomoroi- concentrate your fire on the entrance to the path. I don’t care if you only hit a few at a time, thin them out!”
“Orders received, Radz raining death.”
“Pomoroi, by Imperial Decree! The Army shall retreat in good order!”
Her words hit me in the gut. How much did they remember? How much were they made to remember? How much was real?
Versai was real. I had to believe that she was real, or I would be alone in this sea of dolls and monsters. I had to rescue Versai!
The Mutilator activated. There was a horrible screeching noise and a stealthed unit popped into sight. Neatly segmented, I was happy to see. Wouldn’t be walking that off, even if it was taking a minute to die.
The Mutilator 3K looked like it was operated on some kind of gnomish lazer trip-wire. I genuinely had no idea if it would catch the invisible critters. Looks like it did. They must be using some kind of camouflage rather than real invisibility.
The Mutilator was set up in the closest bend of our monster-track, thinning out the monsters before they made it into the killing field in front of the Tower. So. The invisible monsters were a lot closer than I would like. And if they were smart enough to climb up the Crows Nest to cut a rope bridge-
“Rakim! Cut the rope bridge to the wall! Cut it now!”
“Yes Si- CONTACT FRONT!”
I got a better look at the monster. It wasn’t invisible. It wasn’t even really camouflaged, as I understood the word. Like, not a camo pattern. They wouldn’t sell this at Cabela. It was the patterns on its fur and hide. They seemed to break up its shape so much, you didn’t think you were looking at anything at all. Until it was right in your face, anyway. Rakim had spotted it crossing the rope bridge.
I froze. Rakim shot the freak in its evil face. Triple tap, then she took a knee and gave it another three center mass. It dropped off the rope. She kept shooting. I didn't see anything else fall off. Apparently satisfied, Rakim let her rifle drop onto its sling, and untied the rope from the wall.
Sweeping with bullets. Nice. Don’t have to see you to kill you. My hand felt weird. I looked down. Without realizing, I had grabbed the hilt of my knife so hard, my hand had started to hurt.
I forced my eyes over to where Miyuki was. She was aiming a little away from where Versai dropped. Looked like she was making one of her monster piles. Which, I hoped, meant Versai was still up and fighting.
Come on Versai! COME ON! You are a Six Star. The Queen’s Bodyguard! You got dropped into it, but there are only so many that can come at you at a time. You got this. You got this!
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The forest seemed to suddenly vomit monsters. Twenty, forty, fifty of them, rushing out at once. Scrambling as fast as they could to cover the ground between the forest edge and the walls.
“Pomoroi, Radz! Hit ‘em!”
Like they weren’t already. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to do something, anything! But the only useful thing I could do was stay up here and yell orders. Even going to the wall would be stupid. Now that they had infiltrators, I would be a horrible liability.
Helpless. Isolated. Everywhere dangerous. Every stranger trying to hurt me. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide from this. There was nowhere I could hide from this. Not really. Not even inside myself. Later, yes. Later I would retreat. But for now, there was nowhere to run from the screams and gore.
Rakim’s rifle was up and firing again. I couldn’t see what, until the bodies started tumbling off the walls. It seemed the little infiltrators were able to maneuver around the hedgehogs on top of the walls without too much trouble. So that was… not good. None of the resource packs dropped barbed wire, but they did drop wire. Might be time for some more experiments. Assuming we survived this wave.
I saw a dozen monsters make it to the Mutilator 3K. The results were mixed. The good news was that the blades did punch through more than one monster before coming to a stop. The bad news was that they didn’t punch through a dozen.
I couldn’t really do a forensic analysis from several stories up, but at a guess? The more monster meat, and more monster bone, they had to go through, the sooner they vanished. Still managed to wipe out six in one volley. The second volley only caught one more before they made the turn, and wounded another.
The remnant monsters were met with a storm of bolts. The Mikas never played around before. Now, they were downright vicious. The monsters didn’t even make it a quarter of the way to the moat.
My eyes were dragged back to where Versai was. It had only been… maybe a minute? Maybe two? The next big wave of monsters was making its way towards where she was. Fast.
“Versai, MOVE! UP AND OUT!” I was screaming. I wasn’t commanding masterfully, I was screaming at her to run. RUN!
There was a flash of gold. My heart caught in my throat.
Then another flash of gold, and she was kicking off the wall, she was kicking off the hedgehog and launching herself over to the next wall, and vaulting the hedgehog, then kicking off again and running hell for leather straight back, straight back to the Tower.
Mikyuki was following her above, making it look easy, bow drawn but not firing, covering her. Miyuki loosed an arrow, I didn’t see what she hit, but Versai didn’t slow, didn’t slow, she was over the last wall now and into the killing field and running!
“MIKAS! RAKIM! CONCENTRATE YOUR FIRE! COVER VERSAI! KIM! THROW DOWN A ROPE!” I was screaming, still screaming and I don’t care, I don’t care she’s alive, alive, alive!
She hit the moat and jumped across, grabbing the rope and scrambling up in seconds. Kim, GOD DAMN KIM, held the rope with her one good arm, wrapped the end of the rope around herself and jumped off the inside of the wall, hauling Versai up as fast as she possibly could and I wasn’t crying I can’t cry but I want to cry because it’s not fair its not fair and it hurts so much but I can’t cry and she’s safe now, she’s safe now.
I tried to breathe. Pammy was there, and Maria, their bandages flying, practically mummifying Versai. Which they wouldn’t do if she was dead. I jolted, then relaxed. Maria hadn’t tried to dispense her suicide capsule. So Versai really was safe now. She was going to be okay.
I didn’t kill her.
My stupid, idiotic, arrogant plan didn’t kill her.
I thought I was so smart. Thought I could beat the game. Think outside the box. And I almost got her killed. Stupid. Slow. Weak. Fat. Loser. Loser. Weeb. Degenerate. Neckbeard. Scumbag. Loser. Fat. Smelly. Loser. Incel. Pervert. Scumbag. Filthy.
We hear all the words, you know. All the things you call us. Even the things you don’t call us, we call ourselves, because it’s how you have taught us to see ourselves. You have taught us our truth.
On some level, I know nobody cares enough about me to waste a curse. But they don’t have to. I have been taught, patently, over decades, to know just what I am. What my place is. And if I ever forget, there are plenty of people ready to remind me.
Couldn’t bear to read Mushoku Tensei. I was that guy. No way my story ended with godlike powers and a harem. That wasn’t who I am. That wasn’t how my story ends.
My story ends with the doctors needing two hands and a back brace to toss my amputated foot in the trash after diabetes takes it. It ends with Azumanga Daioh on a loop as I choke down a fistful of the percs and xanax my online doctor prescribed after a thirty second zoom meeting. Slowly fading out in a final moment of unqualified happiness.
It ends with paramedics having to break down the wall to haul my rotting corpse out of my apartment, because I haven’t fit through the door in years.
She was sitting up now. Not moving around, letting Maria and Pammy do their thing, fussing over her.
My tactical situation was, in a word, boned. Everyone was out of place, all my prepared traps weren’t being used properly, my “game changing” defense-in-depth idea changed the game for the worse. And the monsters were still pouring in.
The wave wasn’t done yet. I forced myself to breathe. I forced myself to unwrap my fingers from the knife. It took more effort than it should have. My fingers seemed to have forgotten how to relax. How to unclench.
I… knew how to beat the basement. How to avoid that bad end. I might have been hiding out in the 2-D world, but I earned my own money. I might have been fat, but at least I ate vegetables sometimes, in sauce. I might be a pervert, but I had a line. I had things that weren’t okay. However low they were, I had standards. I could meet my eyes in the mirror. I knew how to beat this.
The wave wasn’t done yet. The monsters didn’t quit. So I wasn’t done yet. I wouldn’t quit. Not on my summons. Not on myself.
“Radz, Pomoroi, hold fire and wait for them to clump in Pit Number Two. Rakim! Back on infiltrator watch. Keep us clean! Miyuki! Prioritize killing the infiltrators, but clump ‘em up near Pit Number Two if you see an opportunity. Kim, keep ‘em buffed!”
I smashed my hand down flat on the windowsill.
“WE AREN’T DONE! WE ARE GOING TO KILL THEM ALL! KILL! KILL! KILL!”