Velexeristixis the Demon Lord Raccoon was livid; he had been playing this never-ending game of cat and mouse, mostly with an actual cat, for what felt like ages, and these mortal vermin refused to offer the bare curtesy of dying. They'd all be dead and gone in a few dozen years or so anyways, was it really too much to ask to speed the process up a bit? But no, they clung desperately to life like mortals were so annoyingly known to do. No matter how hard Velexeristixis tried, they kept coming back - their sheer tenacity made him see red!
The throng of enemies swarmed him from all sides, unrelenting in their aggression, and he couldn't fathom what could have possibly caused this! He'd done nothing to provoke them, yet here he was, forced to defend himself against this unprovoked attack. He was an innocent Lord of Demons, Comparatively speaking.
Take Abaddon the Great Disappointment —that guy would switch people's bodies around and not let them change back unless they achieved 'emotional growth' which, as everyone knows, is something mortals are loath to do. Or Mammon the Murderous, who used his immense cosmic powers simply to move furniture around in space, resulting in stubbed toes. Clearly everyone hated Mammon, so why weren't they going after HIM?
Everyone knew of his selfless works! He was renowned for his altruism; mentoring fledgling demons to gain the most wanted commodity in the underworld - mortal souls. He taught the greenhorn without any reward other than their gratuity and contractually bound loyalty. He did it out of sheer generosity, offering young demons a 'soul-dealing 101' course. It may be true that too much of the class focused around selling a timeshare to the students, but if they put in the effort, they would discover how to write a soul contract where they could teach a mortal to brew the perfect cup of tea at the low cost of their immortal soul.
Velexeristixis was the epitome of Demon Lord standards, a shining example of morality and justice that other Demon Lords could only dream to attain. He was casually going about his day when some rascal suddenly launched an assault on him – with a noodle, of all things! It seemed these puny creatures had no regard for the sanctity of his honor. His whiskers vibrated in outrage as he considered how disrespectful their actions were.
Then he'd nearly been vaporized in that devious spell circle! That fiendish gloop had nearly bested him in the battle of the minds! There might have been an argument that he constructed the circle himself, but anyone who witnessed him build it was mysteriously deceased, so officially it was a matter of legal debate as to whether or not he was truly responsible for his own demise, and without witnesses the ruling would most likely be in his favor.
Velexeristixis fumed as he scanned the battlefield. Except for a few, his foes were too cowardly to even stand anywhere near him, though this didn't stop him from trying to swat at them. To his surprise, however, they had tied down his slappers with their own sinister strength. Then, to add insult to injury, they had detonated his magical appendages! This level of rudeness was truly far beyond anything Lord Velexeristixis could have imagined.
He was beyond livid when they obliterated his arcane limb, but each time he attempted to dart outside and give those scoundrels a taste of their own medicine, half-breed two-tailed feline blocked his path. Each time he managed to get the felines' health bar low enough, that god-awful demon healer would step in and restore its health. Whenever he finally had the cat within his grasp and an opening to strike at the healer, that dastardly woman jumped in and delivered a staggering punch directly to his face. That was the part he liked the least, the face punching.
He was stuck in an endless cycle, where no matter what he did, the game seemed to be rigged to beat him. No matter how much energy he put into his moves, nothing worked and his opponents just kept getting stronger. It frustrated him so much that he initiated a last ditch do-or-die attack -- He mustered every ounce of strength and skill at his disposal, but yet again his adversaries survived unscathed. It was absurd. Unbelievable. He had just used his last 'just blow everyone up and pretend this never happened' skill - and it hadn't worked.
Velexeristixis gazed ahead as the cat and woman held each other up, ready to fight. It was a strange, yet oddly touching sight. He had the destinct feeling that if he wasn't here for them to focus on, they’d be at each other’s throats.
He glanced towards the ringleader on the perimeter, tirelessly dismantling him bit by bit, safe in the fact that Velexeristixis couldn't touch him.
On the flip side stood the bumbling idiot who had carelessly sent him into this circle. Revenge would come soon enough.
It was time to use the tried and true technique of 'join me and together we will rule the galaxy'. He considered approaching the cat and woman to turn on each other, but they seemed like the type to fight over who resisted his offer the best, so that was a dead end. He settled on the one who had single-handedly put an end to his schemes, the little demon with the odd looking holy scepter.
He reached out to her, "You still haven't come to understand your potential," he said soothingly, " You have only begun to explore your strength. Unite with me and I will teach you all you need to know. Together, we can rule as Demon Lord and... whatever a Raccoon is." The Raccoon Demon Lord continued. "Join me and together we can dominate the entire cosmos!"
The raccoon lord looks at Coop. "Join me and together we can rule the multiverse!"
"You were supposed to be The Risen One!" Coop pled, "It was said that you would destroy the Circle, not side with them. Bring Chaos to The All Yonder, not leave it in orderliness!"
The Demon Lord was dumbfounded. "What?" he spat, bewildered. "I'm not sure if I'm concussed from getting clocked by a ship, out of sorts after being devoured by some unholy blob, or drowsy due to assimilating that blob and taking control of it, but I have no clue what you're yammering on about."
He moaned as realization dawned on him. "You're stalling yet again, aren't you?"
Lord Velexeristixis had paid little mind to the flitting demonlings on the outskirts of his encounter. They'd left him alone, and he'd returned the favor. Until now. He watched in shock as the twin mounds of humming machinery that they had been tinkering with suddenly sparked to life, spewing sparks and smoke into the air and vibrating with a sinister sonic pulse like a beating heart. The black-and-gray metallic sheen of their surfaces glinted menacingly as they worked in tandem, directed directly at the raid boss.
"Not like this, not again!"
The two colossal engines, connected by a lightning arc, rocketed towards the Lord with alarming speed. He was thrown back with a thunderous roar as they smashed into him, thee violent collision sent him flying into the stone wall. Thunder roared as his body smashed through it, leaving a smoking crater in its wake and debris scattered all around. Bits of rock whizzed through the skies, and chunks lay scattered on the ground.
The dust settled, and the chiseled silhouette of Lord Velexeristixis was firmly embedded in the wall of the Circle's outer compound.
A faint voice, "Well, that stings," echoed through the debris.
He was caught in an interminable cycle of undeserved bad luck. All he wanted to do was escape his abyssal depths of despair, and if that failed, drag others down with him. Was it really too much to ask for some entertainment? To have a few poor worlds crumble under his malicious hands?
He wasn't a quitter though. As his mother always said, if at first you don't succeed in getting the mortals to bend to your will, blow up everything around them and erase any signs of failure - like the horizon of craters surrounding their home.
Lord Velexeristixis began to haul himself out of the wall. "You will pay for-" His words trailed off as he caught sight of the two front-facing cannons, both pointing directly at him. "Seriously? How much of that ship survived?!?"
He attempted to reason with them, "Now I know what you're thinking and—"
He stopped short as the raccoons depressed the firing button again and again, to no effect.
"—and you're all utterly incompetent! You sorry excuse for demons," he taunted and mocked in response.
The raccoons fully committed to their task - = frantically pressing the button, slamming it and eventually throwing the device to the floor and stamping on it.
Suddenly, one of the cannons fired! The straps holding it in place snapped like brittle twigs, and it shot through the sky with a thunderous roar before hurtling into the Circle camp and detonating in an immense fireball.
The Demon Lord cackled maniacally, and just about pulled himself out of the wall - only for the second cannon shot to fire directly at him in a brilliant beam of energy. He threw up an arcane shield, which was instantly obliterated as he was propelled backwards through the wall and into the grounds of the Circle compound.
He felt the interdimensional portal rip open, and knew he was undone; sent back to the one place he would never wish to go - Hell.
The air here was a cacophony of profane incantations and resentful cries, like an infinite chorus of agony that no soul could ever bear for long. Everywhere he looked, he saw wretched souls being tortured for all eternity; hope, joy, or freedom had no part in this realm of despair. Before his feet touched the ground, a hand reached through the breach in realms with Lord Velexeristixis.
"Ah, there you are," the Magus said as he grasped him by the scruff of his neck.
"How did you manage to escape your cage?"
He wished for nothing more than a swift return to the familiar oblivion of hell, away from the oppressive gaze and omnipotent wrath of this impossibly powerful being looming before him.