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Wanderer Of Cards
Chapter 14: [VI - Despair]

Chapter 14: [VI - Despair]

After Kaan was done with everything he wanted to say, at least to her fictional grave, he began to walk down the hill to the darkness. The stone road under him continued to follow him in the dark even after his visit to the cemetery. Considering it was the same road connected to the cemetery, he thought it was going to leave him after he walked into the hill but it seemed like it was connected to him.

When he was down the hill, standing on the stone road in the darkness, he saw a house, to be more precisely half of a house a little far away. He could be on its door in the next moment if he wanted, as the distance in the darkness was strange and he had control over it, not sure how much but enough to do it. But he did not, he chose to walk towards it leisurely as he was not in a hurry, or so he thought.

He thought about what could be the reason for these appearances of the things in the darkness. Was it the fragments? Could it be about the levelling up or maybe these two fighting here caused something to change? Whatever it was, he felt kind of conflicted, it was nice to be able to, even if it was just her grave in his mind, even though it was fake.

He also felt bad and it didn’t feel right. Of course, It wasn’t right, her real grave was in the cemetery of Liandel where she sacrificed her life and this hill and her grave were just deceiving himself. It was not what he wanted, he wanted to be there, to be able to touch their life not create a copy of them in his damned mind, he felt like he was doing something wrong to them by doing it.

‘I’ll find a way to make it real, a way to reach them. My mind is in my control and it knows that it’s not what I want.’

As if answering his resolve the hill began to disappear by turning into white ashes and became one with the darkness which it was created from. It was bittersweet to watch her grave disappear by his will but it was the right thing to do, her real grave was still intact and if he had more to say to her or wanted to pay his respect to her, it should be next to her real grave after keeping the promise she made to her.

Not long after he was in front of the two-storey house which had black exterior walls made of stone and there was no window on it. As he examined the house from the outside, two things surprised him. The first was the appearance of the house: the house was cut in half vertically from its front and the other half was missing without any evidence.

The items were cut along with the house in various states. Like, a table which lost one quarter was perfectly standing still with only two legs, a vase which was filled with some kind of liquid was cut in half but the liquid was not pouring out etcetera. It was like time was stopped for this house.

The other thing was this place was new to Kaan. It was not connected to the visions he had, he thought these appearances were or would be connected to his visions but it looked like his conclusion was wrong, nor he remembered seeing a house like this before in his own life.

He opened the door and walked into the house, nothing was particularly sticking out on the first floor, just a normal house and the items it contained. What he could say that it did not look like this room was used because was everything was overly tidy, as no one lived there.

Seeing there was nothing to see on the first floor he headed to the stairs. As he ascended the second floor he encountered that a part of the stairs was lost as it was close to the middle of the first floor but Kaan using his newfound control over the darkness after his encounter with the two entities created the missing stairs.

Weirdly the stairs he created were unable to touch the house, they were the right size and in the right place but refused to touch the house and floated in the place of the missing stairs. Still, he was able to step on them so without a problem he walked into the second floor.

The moment he took a step into the second floor, he quickly felt the air of the house change. The second floor rather than being divided into the rooms was one large space, at least the remaining half of it. It was filled with empty bookshelves and a simple wooden desk placed right in the middle of it.

He couldn’t exactly point out what was wrong with this room but he knew this place was no good. No window which could light the decrease the gloomy feeling of the room, a suffocating feeling lingering which made your chest heavier every passing second, a vague sense of familiarity which was not associated with good emotions…

Kaan saw the spilt blood right behind the chair of the desk which were preserved to look as if they were just spilt to the ground. It was easy to see that the blood was reaching this side of the floor from the missing half. Also, he was able to see a part of the circle which was black in colour and had alien symbols on it but because the missing half of the floor took a large part of it, he couldn’t see what it was exactly.

When Kaan came next to the desk which looked like it was cut in half perfectly like the rest of the house, he only found a book which had a brown leather cover without any title. Considering everything in the room seemed like new, this old-looking book stuck out from the rest quickly. As his hand got close to the book to examine it, he heard heart-wrenching screams reaching into his ear, increasing as his hand got closer to the book, reverberating in his mind to make sure Kaan was hearing its plea.

Kaan saw the darkness covering the book as the screams filled his mind, it was cold and wicked. The hardly understandable images of vile actions that had been committed began to appear in his mind and the screams in his mind turned into pleas for mercy. Yet under all these vile actions the book contained hope, a purpose for everything that had been done, was it good or bad, Kaan couldn’t decide. It was so weird for an item to tell a feeling and an action this specifically, let alone give off contrasting emotions together.

‘Who does this book belong to? What they exactly did, it’s so… terrible.’

He wanted to know what this book contained, what could be the reason for this much pain and suffering of people, was it worth it? But Kaan felt it was not the time to open this book or more clearly what this book contained was not something he would be okay with, yet he still wanted to know the information.to him but considering the aura of this book it would be better to…

‘Destroy it… Shouldn’t be known…”

Yes, it would be better. No, he definitely felt something was wrong with this room and it was affecting his thoughts and it was doing it so well that he was not sure of his own thoughts anymore.

He tightened his hand into a fist and withdrew it. Like they appeared the aura of the book and the pleas of agony disappeared as if they were never present.

Not wanting to experience the atmosphere of the room Kaan jumped into the darkness from the missing half of the room which created an opening into the darkness. He gave a last look into the house, it was going to be troublesome, he knew it. He inquired himself if the things he felt about the book were real, it was a really scary thing for an item to make you feel this many intense emotions and able to make you perceive images. What made it more troublesome was it played with his thoughts but he was not sure if it was caused by the book or by something else.

Now that he was out of the house, Kaan tried to inflect his power on the house but like he thought he was unable to, this house was not like the hill appeared, it was like it was here from the beginning, connected to Kaan but he was only able to realise it now.

He thought that he gained some kind of control over this place in his mind but once again he realised he didn’t know much and followed the will of this place. Like the first time that he experienced his first vision without knowing anything, as he was called by it and had to it if he wanted to wake up. He needed to know more about this power which come to be his.

He could ask it the entity that appeared in his mind as it said they would talk more in their next meeting, but god knows if its words would be or if its intentions were for the good of Kaan. Kaan thought a better alternative would be the dragon.

“What was it that dragon called me… Nihiliz?”

Not that he had information about the dragon, his only knowledge about them came from the vision he had and he only saw two of them. One of them was in its human form and just wandered like a human, only showing its true nature a few times and the other was just a destroyer, which hunted beings who were unfortunate or stupid enough to be on its way.

The reason he thought the dragon could be a better alternative was Emily. She seemed like she knew something about the dragon as her actions were kind of weird when they encountered it, maybe she could help.

While he was pondering if there could be other means of acquiring information the fragments once again bugged him from the side.

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“Alright, let’s if you were worth the trouble you brought.”

Now that he examined both of the new additions to this plane of darkness in his mind, it was time to deal with these fragments which followed him from the beginning. They quickly gathered in front of him in their shimmering forms and waited for Kaan to do something. Kaan just closed his eyes and followed the feeling he first absorbed the fragments into his mind.

When he opened his eyes, he was walking in a crowded street. He was looking through the eyes of someone. When he first faced the werewolf on their way to the forest, Kaan didn’t though that werewolf would be a human but it seemed he was. He was able to feel the emotions of this man he saw through the world and his thoughts were open to him partially but he didn’t feel his body.

Kaan's perception was kind of dreamy, once he was in the street and then he was in front of a room. There was laying a body of a woman laying on the ground who looked like in her twenties. Her clothes were ripped, she was also beaten excessively and Kaan saw that was stabbed in various parts of her body, but the focus of the attacks was on her chest area. It looked like she tried to resist her attacker as traces of struggle were all over the room and a bloody knife was standing not too far from her hand.

The man, with a blank mind because of the shock of what he was seeing quickly fell to his knees next to the woman and hugged her body as he cried the name of her, Ellie, but thought the blood was warm, she was already gone. Kaan felt the grasp of despair and agony in the man’s mind as he hugged the dead body of the woman.

After a while, a few people come to the house hearing the screams of the man and then it was the police. They tried to pull him off the dead body of the woman but he clung to it as if he wanted to defy this new reality in front of him. Kaan caught his name when the police called him, Kaede. Kaede watched them taking her body to autopsy with broken eyes.

After that Kaan found himself in a back alley, Kaede was beating a few guys to the pulp. The desperation and agony of losing her lingered in his mind and to forget them he hugged to the anger for the fucker who did that to her and then that anger turned towards all of humanity, as all of them were just fucking wretched beings that should just die. After he thought that, he trashed the body of the two men next to the dumpster and lit a cigarette as he left the back alley.

The desperation quickly caught up to him as his mind was empty now, remembering the dead body of the woman and how much pain she must have suffered. His mind told him how he was not even capable of protecting the only person who mattered to him, being that incapable he was only able to watch her dead body.

He punched the wall next to him without minding the strange looks of the people in the street then broke into tears as he fell to the ground. He wanted to bring her back, seeing her welcoming him as he went home… it was all their fault he thought as he looked at with wild eyes to the crowd watching him. They must have also watched as she died, as she suffered and looked for help… yes all of them just fucking die as no one deserve to live in this fucking world.

Then Kaede was in front of the small single-storey house. It was when the system message echoed in his mind and he gained the ability to turn into the werewolf. Kaede without wasting time used his newfound power and walked into the house. Inside two large framed guys were leaning on a wall, waiting for someone. They were also perplexed with the implantation of the system into our world and talked about it after the first wave of surprise.

They were startled as they saw Kaede in his werewolf form appearing at the gate they tried to run away but without giving them time and using the advantage of surprise and lunged at one of them. The guy tried to fight off the monster on him but he was unable to match the strength of Kaede and Kaede tore his throat apart.

The other guy tried to run away but he was not able to get away too far. When the guy understood that he was not going to be able to outrun Kaede in his werewolf form, he turned around and then blue translucent knives appeared in both his hand as he faced Kaede. It was not long until this guy also met with his demise in Kaede’s hands, Kaan saw that the guy was really bad at using a knife and wasn’t even agile to avoid Kaede’s attack.

Kaede mauled their body without any hesitation, the werewolf form, though a powerful transformation, heightened his violence as well as his hatred for humankind. Kaede was not even aware of it as he teared up the bodies of the two in a mindless rage. Kaan knew it was the first time Kaede kill someone but Kaede felt so right as the warmth and blood of his prey painted his hands.

After that Kaan found himself looking at the ceramic floor from Kaede’s eyes. Kaede was on his knees, in his werewolf form, and didn’t have the energy to lift his hands. Not that he could even he had energy as he was chained from his hands, feet and neck to the ground.

“Are you sure it will help you with your research?”

Said a man with a deep voice.

“It indeed will help us greatly, he is a special candidate.”

Answered a woman with a mild voice but you could feel the cold undertone in her voice as she spoke.

“Do you really question my methods, after everything I’ve done for you? I am ready to go into the depths for humanity to survive that you can’t even imagine so just listen to me when I work on my part as we agreed to. This will be a piece of valuable information, I told you when we decided to form a team that sacrifices are always had be to done.”

The woman elaborated on her answer for the man with a sharp tone, telling him not to interfere with her work in an authoritative manner.

“You’re right, sorry. But the moment I see you’ve gone too far, my blade will fall on your head. Don’t forget our oath.”

“Yeah, yeah, do as you please then, now, just help me to finish it.”

“No, stop it…”

Kaede was only able to utter these words in a pleading manner, he couldn’t die now, not in the hands of two fucking humans, not before he…

“I am sorry, but it has to be done. At least know your death will contribute to the future of humanity.”

The woman’s voice was much colder to him and it didn’t have the slightest of empath towards Kaede but she was sincere with her words. Hearing his sincere words only made Kaede angrier, contributing to the future, fuck that! But there was nothing he could do as a sword delve into his chest without minding the durability of his body and reached to his heart.

“Ellie… I… sorry..:!”

Kaede called out to the air as he was dying. In his last breaths, for the first time after the woman’s death, he felt that his mind was clear as he thought he saw her silhouette smiling down at him yet she had upset eyes. Kaan knew that Kaede didn’t feel sorry for the people he killed or that his hatred for humanity passed.

Kaede just thought even if he had his revenge, nothing was going to revert what had happened to her and he fully expected her death. He was just seeking revenge because he thought it would ease his suffering, his desperation. Did he ever do anything for her, would the path he had taken make her happy or did he make a fool of himself as she watched over him?

With these questions on his mind, his eyes closed and then it was only darkness and hunger. It was a strange power that woman had, Kaan felt something covered around Kaede's brain and preserved it to work even in Kaede’s dead body to a degree. The power also modified some parts of the brain to adjust to and destroyed some parts of it fully.

What was amazing was that the power created another brain part though it was very small. Kaan felt the sheer amount of energy, mana, pouring in and invading Kaede’s brain and how hard it was to create it but he was unable to understand its purpose.

Then the power tried to affect Kaede's mind but as the power tried to do that Kaede’s body reacted badly and the power invading his body was cut Kaede's mind was partially destroyed, only remaining things were hatred and anger mixed with the werewolf and the desperation Kaede felt before he died. After that began the aimless pursuit of blood and flesh as the little of consciousness left in his brain tried to find a way out and worn out every passing second until it met Kaan and found a way out.

When Kaan opened his eyes in the darkness, the glimmer on his hands began to fade away and a silhouette of a card appeared. When the glimmers were gone a card was floating over Kaan’s hand. It had the same appearance as the cards when he used the skill [Pick a Card] but right now both sides had the eye crying blood.

When Kaan’s hand met with its texture one side of the card began to shine in white, revealing an image of desperation. A werewolf, chained by its feet, hand and its neck by golden chains. Its body was full of scars and exhaustion was visible. It was crying as it tried to reach for someone, to a silhouette of a woman. After everything that happened, it only wanted to reach her but a sword was stuck into his chest. He cried blood in desperation of realisation that everything he had done was meaningless violence and the woman was gone.

“You were really weak like you thought. Not even realising that you’ve become the thing that you hate. What was the fault of the innocent people which were just like her you had butchered? Should everyone who experienced a tragedy go and kill other people you? You just looked for a way to forget that she was gone and you fucking thought that you were doing it for her. You were really a fucked-up man.”

Kaan sighed as he looked at the card floating over his hand. Kaede’s weakness and his foolishness which other people had to suffer angered him dearly. Kaede’s willingly surrendering to his emotions which clouded his judgement and to think of him using the woman’s death as a reason for his despicable actions…

“If he really wanted to do something for her why not try to resurrect her or try to make a deal with god, I don’t know, there were many options but you chose to blind to them and butchered people to forget her death, how stupid is that Kaede?”

Whatever, everything was over and Kaan gave enough thought to someone like him, now it was time to see what the card was about.

The card was radiating desperation from its being, like the desperation of the werewolf trying to reach the silhouette of the woman. You could feel it better as you got closer to it, it was a similar feeling you got from the book in the house, but at the same time, it felt different.

The book was like a container for emotions as you got closer to it, it released them to show its nature, it was not about you while the card made you feel what you thought was desperation, it was all about your perception and experience of desperation. Though it was weak, it had the potential to be useful. When Kaan's hand touched the card, it turned into white ashes and absorbed into his body.

Card [VI - Despair] has been obtained!

Now the fragments were gone he felt the darkness once again warped around his body, calling him back to reality.