FEBRUARY 22
The ceremony hall was full today. Because today was the closing ceremony of the school year, the next one will start next month. Although this really should be different, the school doing it this way to give several days off for everything that happened a couple of days ago.
In our group, there are only 7 students present, due to what happened. This, although a little different, reminds me of the ceremony of return to the port after months of in the combat front. When a ship returns to port either because it completed the mission, collect supplies, or carry out repairs, the entire ship's crew appears on deck in their uniforms to present the ship to their superiors. This ceremony was not very different from the one here: the important people speaking, us in line listening, and unfortunately also the missing people. Due to these ceremonies, it was where it could be clearly noticed that the number of people who started was not the same number who witnessed the return to port due to those who died fighting and the casualties this time could be noticed in my group.
Due to the tragedy that happened that day, a farewell ceremony is also being held for our colleague Utagawa who died that day. Nothing less because of a mistake I made. Because of that right now there is a big black image in front of the stage with her face on it. The rest of those present were also sad to see that such a terrible story happened to their companions. Although my mother was against my showing up here today, I still came here, because the least I could do now at least was to present my condolences to a comrade who had fallen in combat. I even wanted to talk to her mother about what happened, but after seeing how she cried with the photo that she had in her hands, I decided better not to increase that pain anymore.
Although what happened was horrible and I do not understand why but some want to forget it quickly, it seems that it is something that will be difficult. Because the only news on television right now is the attack on the Ueno dam. The only positive side of all that shit is that not a single word has been spoken about me, because all the credit went to our teacher Miss Xian, but because she uses a fake profile of hers they use her other name. Although this would be quite a nightmare for someone who has a false identity, hers is so well done that the police do not seem to suspect anything.
But my mood these days has been terrible since February 19, because since then I have not been able to sleep almost at all. Although I had thought that I was over it, every time night falls again I feel as if I am still trapped in the tunnels of the subway, that at any moment some dragon appears to attack. It is so much that my family can tell if I am again with another attack of fear just by looking at the color of my eyes at night. Although Tamamo has been accompanying me and hugs me at night, I still can't feel safe enough to sleep, so now she decides better to be talking to me about unimportant subjects. But it seems that yesterday I looked so bad that I think she put me to sleep with one of the talismans because one night I was playing cards with her when I realized how much it was already daylight, but she did not mention anything that I fell asleep. Although Tamamo has been accompanying me and hugs me at night, I still can't feel safe enough to sleep, so now she decides better to be talking to me about unimportant subjects. But it seems that yesterday I looked so bad that I think she put me to sleep with one of the talismans, because one night I was playing cards with her when I realized how much it was already daylight, but she did not mention anything that I fell asleep. Momo on the other hand has also tried to help me, in her way, the last of her inventions have been a helmet with straws where you can put drinks on the sides to be able to use it. But this one works laterally, so it can be used lying down. I have no idea how it works in the least. My mother got scared one night when she saw my red eyes walking in the dark while I was going to the bathroom. She tried to help me by telling me about how incredible I managed to act given the situation, which was undoubtedly on the level of a hero, about how thanks to me almost the entire class managed to get out of that incident. But even so, even though I will save almost 30 people alone, the only one I remember is the one I failed to save, again. Maria for her part seems, although she feels angry for not being able to help, she has been giving me space to be sad because her regular teasing has not appeared these days. Kazumi and Charlotte have been quite quiet and have hardly left the room we gave them. They still have no furniture due to the large amount of money we have spent these days but we have given them two futons so they can practice sleeping. It seems like they don't want to bother me in the slightest now that they noticed that I don't feel good about myself right now. Tamamo has been in charge of taking care of them during the day and teaching them artistic things like painting with a brush or composing a song. When they finish they bring me their drawings or sing me the song they have just composed. Without a doubt, they do their best to help me, and although I also try to give my best by thanking them for the love, at the same time I feel ashamed of myself for showing you this face of me. as someone like me in theory strong and who has already gone through very similar things before, even cries with fear when the night and its darkness arrives.
But just like in all these years fighting, I can't just wait for me to feel better, I must continue to prevent this stupid thing from happening again. On the other hand, there had been the attack on the dam, because according to my daughters one of the most affected by what happened was the I.S.C because it seems that its main supplier Matsumoto chemicals cannot produce anything due to the lack of electricity to run the factory. This has caused the I.S.C to be unable to continue producing the necessary amount of medicines that are still being ordered in Europe due to the conflict. The state has been apologizing for letting something like this happen and affecting the international community. Undoubtedly, the investigations into whether they were responsible will now be suspended and what is worse, today the I.S.C announced that they would reinforce their security in the country in order to comply with their obligations to other countries. They have been the biggest winners of the misfortune that happened that damn day, it couldn't be a coincidence. I was convinced of it. We cannot remain so passive, we must do more than just observe them from a distance. They have already shown that they are not interested in endangering innocent people to achieve their goals. So I thought we should investigate further what exactly the I.S.C is trying so hard to achieve. And that's why I plan to check what other providers have and check their shipments or see where they take them. Maybe with that, I can find something that can stop them. My mother also agrees with this plan, because she thinks that the relations of Japan and the alliance can be affected depending on what happens here, apart from the fact that it is also about our security that we are talking about.
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As for the strange girl who showed up, well we have no idea that she can be what she wants. Both Tamamo, Momo, and I thought that she could be some demon from her appearance. But despite how little we know about her it seems that one thing is for sure, she has something against me and it seems that it was because of something she did during the war against the dragons. We cannot rule out that she will appear again in the future. Her way of fighting her is so strange and her erratic behavior also seems to be too peculiar. I don't remember seeing anything like this in my life until that day at the dam. I have to find more information about her and what she wants from me.
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The inspector brought his granddaughter breakfast, it was an American-style breakfast fresh from the White Moon cafeteria. Although is very strange for a normal Japanese and even more so to see someone like Inspector Yamamoto going in the morning to ask for it, there was a good reason for it, was very rich and sweet, which Haru loved. She had been very decadent these days and her apathy had fallen a lot, so her grandfather worried about her had gotten up earlier than usual to be able to get something with which to pamper her granddaughter. The poor old man couldn't even say the names of the foods correctly, let alone even know that his granddaughter might like them, but he tried his best and with some help from Saeko, the cafeteria employee until he was happy with the result. He knew that what he had brought could be something that Haru could start walking again. There was probably no happier man and fish out of water in the world than that man coming back to his house to deliver that package. He has arranged it as best as possible on a table for the bed, and since he had seen that the pancakes were topped with honey, he even decided to make the face of a cat. Although the result of his drawing left to be desired, he only thought of doing everything to his reach to see that girl smile. He carefully carry the table into his granddaughter's room and go inside, hoping for the best possible result of his work. Inside was Haru, she was already awake. She had missed the closing ceremony for the same reason that many of her classmates were also absent. She was sitting watching television, again they were giving the news about what happened at the dam. When she noticed her grandfather entering her, she was surprised and in an act of reflex she turned off the television, but no matter that he tried so hard to hide it, he had seen her.
"Another time watching TV" said the old man trying to sound affectionate
"You won't be able to go back to your normal life if you just keep thinking about the past"
"You have to move on with your life, watching the news won't help you at all"
"What happened has already happened"
"You did your best and thanks to that you are back here today"
"Today bring something special for a special person for me, I hope you like it, it's your favorite right?"
"That's the problem I have ..."
"Did I really do my best?"
"The best thing I can do is pass out until I wake up after everything happens?"
"You would not have been afraid of anything in that situation"
"If I want to be as respected as you, I have to be the same and not be afraid in a situation like that!"
"I must get the courage to face my fears!"
"Although I'm glad to see that you feel better today, I must also tell you that you are confusing things"
"Bravery is not something you earn and keep, it is something you must actively demonstrate with your character"
"Brave is not someone who acts without fear, brave is someone who, despite the fear they have, decides to act"
"And for that very reason I believe that you are already someone brave because despite what you have been through, you are still you today"
"But if it had been the same as your grandfather, none of this would have happened"
"If someone like you had been there, none of this would have happened"
"I have even Utagawa nothing would have happened to her"
The inspector kept his sadness to himself. There was no way he was telling his beloved granddaughter that there was actually someone out there trying to prevent that from happening. And even so, he failed to avoid it completely. But the inspector couldn't blame that white girl either, because despite the situation she'd managed to get almost everyone out alive was less than a miracle. The old man knew that had he been in charge from the beginning he would not have been able to achieve something like that even with the help of the other policemen, much less alone. He could not tell Haru that what happened in that dam was something seen as a success in the police because he did not want her granddaughter to see that he might not be as incredible as she thought he was.