The moment we traversed the portal back to the library, it dissolved into the nothingness, revealing the two small Maors waiting behind. And at the same time, Hei-Tria crossed the room and launched for the exit, determined to find their comrades and relate what we discovered. “We are not done here,” I tensed, my voice heightening slightly but discernibly. The creature turned around, faced me again with their expressionless attitude, wiping away their previous behavior, pleading, begging and almost weeping in front of the Orulis.
“What is it, human?” They asked. I snorted. My smile couldn’t have been more ironic.
“Are we going to acknowledge the way you played us?”
They cocked their head, waiting for me to elaborate, although I could discern the annoyance by the way they were shuffling over their feet. As I turned around, to address the sisters, they were already gone.
“What happened there? With Min and Geia?”
“I don’t know what you insinuate, human.”
“Nolis, what is going on?” Kâl intervened, lost. I didn’t take the time to translate. My rage was building inside from the lies, and the misunderstanding. “What was it that you expected?”
They stayed silent, but my brain was functioning at a high speed. They didn’t want to explain? Fine. I would make the answers myself. “You knew about the door and you recognized the dagger. How much information were you already aware of?”
“Not much more,” they replied, their face unreadable, plain. I advanced.
“You knew about the fact that we would be stuck inside Maorat, and had been scouring our belongings. The sisters told us the library is movable.” Kâl comprehended my words and kept her eyes solely on me. But I could sense her mind making the same assumptions as I was doing.
“You lured us in.” I realized. They didn’t move, didn’t blink, didn’t say anything. “We haven’t fallen upon Maorat, you managed to materialize it in our path.” As much as it seemed surreal, this was the only explanation I could come up with. The ease with which we had stumbled upon their sanctuary when the explorer I had read had spent years cataloging resources, information, before attempting to seek it, where he had slept and walked for days outside, hopeless and alone. “You used the magical mobility of this place to move the entirety of Maorat. Does Krolea know?”
“Our Protector is the most powerful and intelligent Maor here.” Meaning, he was the one with the idea.
“So, this was not about fate and hope, and we were not saviors,” I snapped. Kâl got closer and closer to me as the rage built inside. “You didn’t pray, you summoned us, cursed us.”
“A means to an end,” they responded, not a hint of remorse in their words, which didn’t even ring inside my skull as I was already asking something else.
“How did you know we had the dagger?”
“We are associated with it, in some way. Maybe it is the jewel.”
Kâl must have connected the dots because she whispered for herself near me. “This is why they seemed so unafraid of our arrival.”
The Maor joined their hands in front of their large abdomen. “We yet need information on the portal’s functions. If we manage to open a way to Fryor, there are chances it can open over Zelian.” They had added this piece, their eyes scrutinizing, as if they were inside my head, answering interrogations I hadn’t even formulated yet.
My brows frowned and I had to shut my lids under the pressure of all the questions that appeared on the top of my head and the fury of being used. Almost every Kendarians was aware of Orulis’ existence, but the majority imagined them as legends, and never saw one before their eyes. Besides, they were either shut down, destroyed with the years, or taken hostage by the Jalyons, the latter afraid other species would teleport into our planet and possibly crush them down. They had important plans for the future of Zelian and they couldn’t let that factor impinged on their missions.
I knew, nonetheless, one primary variable, that was reducing the Maor’s thoughts to nothing. “In order to enter an Orulis, you have to be certain there is another one waiting for you,” I stated. “You have been thriving inside your own little bubble, but we have seen the destruction of our planet with our own eyes. And I can assure you, Zelian’s portals are unusable.”
“I am aware,” they passed their hands behind their back. “This discovery is a tremendous advancement.”
“How can you be so stoic about this?”
“And why are you incapable of understanding?” Their voice had risen, and even if anger bubbled inside my veins, I knew better than to rush inside the danger head first. I could sense their power, their magic, and with what they revealed—what I concluded— they had the capacity of ruining me in a blink of an eye. Being around mysteries, uncontrollable sorcery, had driven my mind senseless. I was nothing in front of spells and illusions. Weapons were useless. “After thousands of years of recluse, we have finally encountered a tinge of hope. And, yes, we have used you. It isn’t close to what your kind has been unleashing on my people.”
“We haven’t done anything to your species.”
“This is not about you, Nolis.” The lights flickered inside. Wind rose. Despite my anger, a tang of guilt filled my bones. My name on their mouth vibrated within my entire body. I sensed my fingers tingling and wondered if this strange sensation was in any form related to compassion and understanding. “This is not about your own little person. I am not feeling guilty for putting my kin in front of two humans.” They said the last word with much disgust. “We have yet to establish the functions of the Orulis, and if we will be able to reactivate it after so many years. I suggest you take that time to contemplate your reaction.”
I realized Kâl was silent, but I could feel her stare over my neck. They were both watching me with great expectations, as if I was the last one bickering about some uninteresting factor. My mouth was sealed shut and I decided not responding was for the better. “I’ll retrieve my Protector, now.”
I scratched the back of my head and sought for my curls to run my fingers into only to remember Kâl had cut them. Hei-Tria left without another word.
“They tricked us, right?” She finally slashed the silence, while I was trying to control my breathing. I nodded. She sighed loudly and leaned on one of the chairs, rubbing her hands over her face. “It explains a lot.”
“I’m furious.”
“I can see that,” she snorted.
“Are you not? They’ve lied, betrayed us. Our trust.”
“Did you really? Trust them, anyway? It’s not like they’ve admitted they will slice us open once we’re done with the books, and cook our bodies in a cauldron of boiling water.”
I stepped forward. “They’ve confirmed that they purposefully imprisoned us here for ten years if we can’t open the portals.”
“We will.”
“Isn’t this going to compromise your plan? Going back to exterminate Vishan?” She kept her gaze down but I could see the whirls of her mind at maximum speed. My own eyes were riveted on her, the braid swinging from her right shoulder, almost brushing her fingers over the backrest of the chair. She was scratching the wood under her nails, playing with her skin.
“It is going to postpone it, for sure.”
I threw my hands in the air. “You can’t be seriously considering it. Is this really what you want? Ten years of this?”
“Afraid I’ll get tired of you?” she taunted.
I snapped, “Don’t fucking joke right now.”
She turned toward me, eyes flaring. “Then what do you want me to say? You want me to shout and scream and complain like you are doing? Like this is going to change the situation. I want to believe that we will find a solution because, no, I don’t want ten years of this.”
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My gaze found the ceiling, my feet pacing through the library. “We spent days and days reading some old books that take ages to interpret.” My mouth had opened but Kâl was faster.
“What did you think, Nolis, that the answers would appear on the walls? That they would magically fill your mind after an hour scrambling through pages?” She mirrored me, her hands in the air and her irises broadening.
“I didn’t even have the time to think since my whole life has taken a pretty rough turn.”
“You’re blaming me, aren’t you?”
“Who else.”
She bared her teeth and, with the force of her hand over my shoulder, stopped my movements so I would cross her infuriated glare. “I’m not the one who put a knife under that’s Jalyon’s throat and I’m not the one who bashed the skulls of a dozen more. If anything, you’ve brought this on yourself.” The words stinged but I was used to shoving the emotions down in the box at the very end of my mind.
“This is rich coming from the one who has been murdering them for years.”
“Meticulously. Prepared. Protected. As the Shadow.”
My heart hammered in my chest and my breathing moved the little hair on Kâl’s face. She might be right, or even wrong, she could be saying the entire truth or lie like all the Maors did, I didn’t care. I was raging inside and wasn’t able to cope with it in other ways than fighting, destroying. Either this would end in the massacre of this library or my own heart was of no importance.
“I need a moment,” was all I answered as I tried to keep my calm in front of her. Because we would have fought right here if I had lifted a hand on her. And it was the last thing I wanted to do. Even looking at her was already soothing a part inside, but the ball of pure anger was beating at the pace of my palpitant.
“Me too,” she acquiesced and aimed for the hanging ivy without another glance back.
The moment she disappeared, I grabbed the chair she was leaning onto and threw it against the wall of black stone, reducing it to ruin. It didn’t calm my ache, even heightened my shame, and I had to use all my self-control to sit on the table, lock my legs under, and shove my hands inside the pockets of my pants.
My head fell onto the stone and I enjoyed the pain, punishing myself for the idiot I had been. Kâl was right. For unimportant reasons, I had been the one cursing us because of the one action I took. That Jalyon’s death would remain over my head, just to remind myself how stupid and reckless I had been.
Only it wasn’t the table, but the book with the engraved Y on the cover that received my forehead. Covered with our papers, I had forgotten its existence.
I traced my fingers over the carved letter as I once did with the ink on my back, at least the parts I could reach. Over my shoulder, and right above my hips. I remembered the way the ink had stretched over the years, to fit my body as I was growing up unnaturally. At some age, I was proud. Even a little sad not to be able to brag about it to others. As the Jalyons had always displayed their tattoos wide in the open, I had wanted to show mine. How unusual it was. But Hidram’s speech always followed me.
When I was too young, I was forbidden to explore the outside of the house. He didn’t even want me to play in our humble garden in the back. When he was out, I was locked in, and had nothing to play with but some trinkets and my own imagination. And when I started working for him, his words had been imprinted so deep in my DNA that showing anything was pure madness. Unconceivable. My emotions were shut down, I had become a ghost and his plan had worked.
I recalled the first time I had asked. The way his eyes had glinted with a little bit of fear, and something else I couldn’t have understood as a four-year-old. “Is this a superpower?” I had asked, smiling broadly.
“No, Nolis, of course not. You cannot wield magic.”
“I could try.”
“You don’t have to. Believe your papa,” he had murmured, playing with my round cheek, that my baby hands had tried to protect.
I had stretched my arms so he would let me sit on his lap. His fingers rubbed my back over my little t-shirt. “What would you have liked? If you had a superpower, which one would it be?”
“Fly! And eat all I want.”
“That, you already do,” he had joked, and I had laughed too. During that time, problems had not commenced. Hidram wasn’t drowning in debts and he hadn’t yet decided to use me to get his money back.
“See everything, in the sky. And, and, make people do what I want. And never get sick. And go back in time to eat another breakfast, and—”
“Easy now, ravenous beast! I said one.” He had complied and grabbed me onto his legs. “You don’t need all this, Nolis. You have me. That is all that matters.”
And at that time, I had only grinned, laughed so hard while my father tickled me into sleep, not a worry in the world. How come he had changed so drastically? Was it power? Money? What had driven him so mad, he had become a monster?
As I ogled the book, the apprehension of having my questions heard filled my every bone and veins. About my tattoo and what I had to protect, it felt like I wasn’t really in danger here. Not for this, anyway. The Maors were already all either dead, or imprisoned inside Maorat and they probably haven’t heard of the Yons. And Kâl wouldn’t want to murder me for it.
Not for this, anyway.
Yet, the panic linked to this part of me remained, and imagining this book resolving all my anxiety seemed a little improbable, although I opened the first page with that hope in mind.
The alphabet was nothing like what we had seen with the other grimoires.
The sharpness in the symbols was deeply divergent from any relatable language or alphabet we knew. It looked archaic, from an ancient period, as even the texture of the book managed to translate the ages it must have garnered. I could see why the Maors had imagined we, humans, were probably capable of deciphering it, as the structure of the sentences and the horizontality of the writing were, if not similar, comparable. But the words, the letters, none was readable. And the sigh that escaped from my throat was another disappointment on the large list.
Some pages contained drawings, but nothing recognizable from Zelian and our culture. Which was strange. This was supposed to be a book about the Yons, about the Kendarians, about an event that occurred one thousand and two hundred years ago. Min and Geia said they had traveled, that the books were coming from various places, but this one should have been found here. On this planet. Yet, a completely foreign language had been chosen to relate the circumstances.
A soft rustling sound appeared behind me and I jumped, closed the book abruptly as if I had been reading the most devious grimoires that ever existed, and turned around on my chair only to realize the two librarians were back inside, doing their continuous job. They gazed my way once they acknowledged my presence. “We had not seen you, raegraen.”
For a second, I wondered why they would say such a thing when they seemed to know everything that happened between these walls. But the next, I remembered their part in the scheme of things the Maors had orchestrated and decided not to respond. Hei-Tria hadn’t said who was truly responsible but all of this might have been a group effort. Min and Geia’s aura suggested they possess powers from beyond this world. Capacities even my four-year-old self wouldn’t have imagined possible. They might have been the ones magically luring us in.
The anger wasn’t as powerful as it had been a few moments ago, but my words were still coated with bitterness. “I wanted quiet.”
I could hear the smile in their response. “We wouldn’t want to disturb you while you read, raegraen.”
“What does this mean? Do you call me a particular way?”
They cocked their heads to the side. “You surely know.”
“I don’t.” After several heartbeats of silence and their weird staring, I understood they were not planning on explaining. “Did you help them?”
“As we helped you.”
“You already knew about the door? And the Orulis behind?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Would it have changed your opinion over the subject?”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
They breathed. Again, I figured out they were not about to elaborate on the subject. I shook my head and leaned again on the sharp surface of the book, the angles biting my skin, as if the words would magically float into my mind, translating themselves immediately. Magically. “Curious volume, isn’t it?”
I wondered why they kept the conversation going, as we were usually the ones pulling all the chords possible for them to answer or even stay in the same room. A deep breath fled from my mouth before I replied. “Do you know it?” although the response was evident.
“Yes.”
“What is the Y for?”
“Are you unable to read it?”
“No. I don’t recognize the language.” My head lifted from the book and caressed the cover again.
“It is the language of all beginnings. The very first that had been spoken.” I wasn’t sure what it meant. And was already convinced the two sisters wouldn’t want to say more. So, I stayed quiet. But when I was about to stand up, to leave the library, Min and Geia had advanced toward me, their eyes still fixated on the floor, yet I had never felt more naked and vulnerable than at this moment. “Life has a purpose. Your eyes will see when they will be ready.”
Then, they turned around, continued their work. While I stood up and reached for the exit, they called me back, with that weird name I didn’t understand and said: “Do not place your anger the wrong way. And most of all, do not destroy our home again.” Even if a smile cracked on my face, the ball of shame in my belly remained, and I left, not angry anymore but utterly disturbed.