Cold and lonely.

As the night drifted, the soft and steady breath of Kâl’s respiration next to me, my eyes wide open, fixating the nothingness around, I felt cold and lonely.

I had never thought such emotions could affect me. Everything was changing. Every rock I was relying on, every step I took going forward, every instinct that crossed my flesh and blood and reflexes, it was falling apart. Crumbling between my fingers, like sand, water, smoke.

It was a disturbing sensation, being deeply exhausted but having the total incapacity of falling asleep. My own breath was loud, ragged, and forced. My hands steadied behind my head, my fingers smoothing my thick curls even more defined after that swim.

My thoughts were uncontrollable, indiscernible, and contradictory. I was feeling all at once and was feeling nothing at the same time.

The coldness was inside, because my whole body was radiating warmth. My deep and rumbling fury on the verge of exploding anytime was keeping my flesh at a dangerous temperature. And that distinct paradox was keeping me from finding that rest.

Heartbroken.

The tiny little pieces of my heart were breaking like glass, cutting themselves and more in my whole trembling body.

I couldn’t tell why I felt that way, I only knew what had happened, destroyed my very self and my rage was taking so much place in my mind, my blood, my entire soul, I couldn’t see the end of it.

I was battling. Struggling. Adrenaline flooding my veins. Knuckles aching and twisting. Pain everywhere. I was in danger. Someone was in danger.

I needed to fight for it. Fight for my life. For everyone’s life. It couldn’t end like this. I had to do something. For her. For them. For me.

But then, I felt it. That one second before the disaster. Before realizing it was too late to change things. Before everything was gone into mist, dust, ashes. That one second erasing all hopes with a bat of a hand. As waving someone goodbye.

The ground collapsed with me. Or I crumbled with it. I fell and disappeared into the void. Into the after nobody wished to know but everybody would cross. Blank, dark, and freezing.

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I woke up with a hard inhale and jerked out into a sitting position. My hands wiped out the sweat from my face, wettened my hair with a stroke that kept them away from my eyes. My breathing was slowing but my heart was still pounding so hard into my chest, every beat ached more than the one before.

The darkness faltered bit by bit as my eyes got acquainted with it, realizing I didn’t awake where I was supposed to.

A deep and pure light glow glinted inside the large and wide bedroom, all walls, furniture, covers were white, only drapes and plaids displayed here and there brought fine touches of colors, lilac, pink, red, blue, pastel hints illustrating the place, developing a warm and peaceful sentiment.

My breath stilled even more and I inhaled one more time, as to bring my body into a calmer state of mind, clear out my thoughts of any reminiscence from the previous nightmare.

But I was still laying on a foreign bed, in a foreign bedroom, with a stranger at my side.

Her striking red hair stood out from everything else. A deep and impeccable scarlet that showered my veins with a hard and unfaltering feeling of safeness, of love, of knowing. She was spread on her belly, her muscled white skin body slightly moving up and down through her breathing, so many freckles covering her whole, like a night sky full of shining stars. The sheet was nonchalantly wrapping her below her waist, and I didn’t control my fingers when they approached her and caressed her spine, from top to end, where her back dimples taunted me into palming them.

She nestled into my touch, her body arching to follow my trail, a soft gasp escaping her mouth I wanted to see so desperately. I was driven by some impenetrable force, not completely running the show as much as being the main character. She giggled and the sound only erupted shudders in my whole body, awakening parts I didn’t even know existed. My hand gripped her waist hard and rolled her on her back, moving her under me.

Her features were blurry, shifting into the shadows, and it seemed the room lost its light on purpose. She brought my lips to hers and kissed my aching mouth slowly, emerging from her sleep. “Hey, handsome.” She murmured.

“Your voice…” I stuttered. Her groan in my ears undid me in a second before noticing she had my right hand buried between her legs. When did it move?

“What about it?” her arm around my neck made sure my head and eyes would remain close to her.

“You’re incredible,” I managed to babble, my brain struggling from all the pleasure I was giving her despite myself.

She moaned and I swallowed it with my tongue on her mouth. She was delicious and I wanted to taste her all night long, all my life, until my last dying breath. I needed to know who she was, I needed to understand what was unfolding before my eyes. Was it a dream again? Her skin over mine, her wetness on my fingers, her own tangled in my hair and nape, it felt so real I was becoming mad. “Who are you?” I whispered, brows frowned, trying to see her eyes, trying to focus on them so they wouldn’t be so blurry and elusive. I wanted to lock our stares and watch her come under my hand.

“Shut up.” Was all she said before exploding over my thumb. I lost my breath, didn’t know how to speak, how to live, how to function, I went into a total blackout. Only her long and relaxing exhale animated me again, my head hurting as I tried to comprehend the whole situation. She gently withdrew my fingers. “You can’t keep waking me up like this,” she continued, placing herself back as I found her earlier. “I need to rest.” And before I could say anything else, I was grabbed by imaginary strings, lifting me into the sky and back into my consciousness.