Chedderfield
“So did you miss us?” Lucy asked the otters the moment they and Chip came out past the wall to greet the returning group, taking a moment to size up Jimmy, who had walked out with the group, as the three different types of small furry mammals all stared at each other for a good five seconds in confusion before completely ignoring one another. Lucy, walking right up to one of the otters, reached down and petted it on the top of the head like it was a dog. “Couldn’t wait another moment to see us, could you? Cute little bastards.”
As she petted the otter, another otter pulled that one back and gave Lucy an evil eye for a moment, before returning to looking completely innocent and cute, like it hadn’t just tried to murder Lucy with its eyes.
“You can’t pet the males. The females are highly territorial and possessive of their mates,” Nguyen explained. “Though, it’s interesting that, despite how aggressively territorial otters are, they tend to rest in large groups. There have even been incidents of a thousand otters floating together in a single concentrated group, holding onto each other while they sleep so they don’t float off.”
“Wait, where are you getting these otter facts?” Danielle asked. “It's not like you can search the Internet for this information anymore. Are you secretly an otter fan, Nguyen?”
Nguyen shrugged. “I told you. I used to go to the aquarium a lot. Why wouldn’t I learn about all the creatures inside it? Marine life is also a lot more interesting to watch than the lives of the housewives on TV or whatever else my coworkers would gossip about.”
“Can we get a bottle of rosé out here?! And a funnel?!” Danielle shouted with a smile while waving her finger in the air. Everyone looked at her with judgmental eyes, and her shoulders slumped slightly as she continued, “What? It's a famous line from my guilty pleasure show.”
Chedderfield slipped an arm around Danielle and hugged her. “It’s okay, honey. We’ve all made terrible choices when it comes to binging television.”
“Anyway . . .” Archimedes gave Danielle one last judgmental look before continuing, “What’s the urgency? Shouldn’t you all be doing more upgrades now that the turrets and wall are there to cover all the enemy issues?”
Chedderfield had wanted to ask the same thing, but the moment Danielle had made her surprising housewives outburst, he had been too amused to say anything right away. “I would have thought it’d have been Lucy . . .”
“What? What are you accusing me of now, Nacho Boy?” Lucy asked.
Chedderfield sighed. “Nothing, nevermind.”
“Please excuse me for interrupting you after your glorious base capture,” Chip said. “One without a single casualty might I add. Well done. But the base hub interface has been going crazy with quest notifications.”
“Quest what?” Chedderfield asked.
“Quest notifications,” Chip continued. “There is someone called the ‘Steward of Humanity’ that has created dozens and dozens of quests, all with incredibly tempting rewards. We came out to find you so we could advise you to at least consider doing some of them. The long-term benefits of getting some of the rewards are not to be overlooked. The otters came with me since the sirrušu were busy fighting still just north of the base. They found flying insects they wanted to clear out before we attempted another upgrade.”
“Quests? What? Did this go full MMO or something?” Lucy asked, opening up her own system menu. “How come I’m not seeing anything?”
“I got nothing either. Do we need to go back to the base?” Danielle asked.
“Wait, I remember something about unlocking quests of something when I hit level 6,” Chedderfield said, scratching his chin.
“Yeah, here it is. The sneaky bastards who designed the system left a settings button, Chedderfield. When you open your normal menu, click “Settings” at the top right. There you can turn on quest notifications out of combat. Or, if you want, you can just go to the tab . . . It’s, uhh . . . It’s inside the group tab right of the inventory tab.
“Found it,” Chedderfield said as he opened up his character sheet and saw a new tab labeled “Quests.” “We really did get an extra tab at level 6.”
Available Quests [7]
Active Quests [0]
Completed Quests [0]
Created Quests [0]
Chip nodded as he held his hands in front of his chest. “That’s correct, sirs. You gain direct access to the quest system after level 6, though you can also see available quests in the base hub if you haven’t reached that level. It’s simply a matter of convenience for those associated with a base.”
“How does the quest thing work?” Emma asked. “I mean, I’ve played enough video games to have a general idea, but what about this one?”
“Daughter of Archimedes, that is a fine question. One that we would have gone over in your next lesson. But for the sake of everyone, I shall explain. Quests are missions and requests that are created by beings with access to the S.A.N.E. network. They come in a variety of types: Escort, Combat, Rescue, Delivery, Collection, Defense, Infiltration, and many more.”
“God, I hate escort missions,” Lucy vented. “They are—and I say this with no exaggeration—the absolute fucking worst. It seems like those bastards always run into enemies on purpose. I swear, half the time I just want to kill them myself, but you can’t progress to the next quest without it.”
“Uh, I suppose, Miss Lucy.” Chip looked a little uncomfortable from Lucy’s rant. “I’ve never participated in such quests. But the main focus of what makes a quest different from a simple job proposed by an employer is that the S.A.N.E. network holds in trust the reward and guarantees completion of the quest before transferring the reward. Additionally, many factions also reward those that complete their quests with factional reputation that can gain them favor and even special missions.”
“So it’s like those bounty boards and quest boards from isekai stories . . . or . . . more freaking MMO crap,” Lucy grumbled. “Worldwide plague, financial system destruction, meteors falling from the sky, wars with nuclear powers . . . and nope. All of that we survive, only to get hit with more video-game apocalypse crap in the form of factional reputation quests! Yay! Like those weren’t the worst things to grind in most MMOs.”
“Hey, I’m not going to complain that the system is conveniently based on game concepts that I can relate to. I’d hate for it to be based on something stupid and arbitrary like laws that are entirely specific to alien cultures. At least this way is pretty fair,” Danielle said.
“So what quests did that gigantic cult-leading ass create, and why do we even care? We’re not going to do any of them, are we?” Lucy asked.
“Cult-leading ass, miss? Do you subscribe to the worship of the posterior? I mean, I’ve seen the magazines you’ve been reading but I didn’t know that it was a religion here.”
“Yeah, we called it Keeping up with the Kardashians,” Lucy snarked.
“If there is a quest to gut the bastard, flay him and then stretch his entrails from here to the college campus, I’m fine with doing it for free,” Nguyen said in a near growl.
“Damn Nguyen . . .” Chedderfield was a little surprised by her anger.
“He deserves way worse. I can’t believe that would-be rapist has somehow conned so many people into following him like he’s some sort of saint. He needs to suffer for it. He needs to be punished,” Nguyen said.
“I hate arguing with you . . . but . . . I’m looking at these quests, and . . .” Archimedes trailed off. “As much as I want to kill him, I want that skill card.”
“What skill card?” Chedderfield asked as he clicked on the “Available Quests” section. It sorted down into two groups:
Information Gathering [5]
Combat [16]
Escort [ ]
Combat [ ]
Rescue [ ]
Delivery [ ]
Collection [ ]
Defense [ ]
Stealth [ ]
When he clicked on “Information Gathering,” one of the quests seemed quite simple.
Find Our Foes
Objective: Locate any hell-cursed leaders or hell-cursed base.
Stolen story; please report.
Description: The enemies of humanity have infested our planet with their vile and corrupting presence. If we are to save our world from their growing numbers, we must first gather information on them. Locate them wherever they may be, and report back so that we may disrupt their plans and stop their spread before it is too late.
Rewards: 5 bronze [I’m Not Dead Yet] cards. Rations [20 lbs potatoes, 40 eggs].
“Aww man. What I wouldn’t give for some french fries. Let's go kill some hell-cursed to get some potatoes!” Emma said.
“We don’t have to kill anything for that quest,” Danielle observed.
Emma shrugged. “I don’t care. As long as I’m getting potatoes, I’m killing something for it.”
Chedderfield chuckled to himself at the banter between the two, while thinking of just what he’d do for a big juicy burger and fries himself. He returned his attention to the information gathering quest and considered the reward it offered. While five I’m Not Dead Yet cards looked tempting, it wasn’t enough to cause Chedderfield to take the time or risks to scout for something as dangerous as a Hell Cursed base.
“The combat quests, Chedderfield. Look at the combat quests,” Archimedes suggested.
“What?” Chedderfield asked, but as he opened up one of the quests, he didn’t have to even ask further. He could already see the reward, and it was amazing.
Decimate the Invaders [City Zoo Location]
Objective: Destroy the hell-cursed base at the City Zoo.
Description: There can be no mercy for those who seek to destroy humanity. I tell you here, I will give anything and everything I own to save our world. If you are one of the brave men or women who is strong enough and valiant enough to venture even into the depths of the enemy fortifications, you will forever have my gratitude. As a reward, I will give you one of my greatest possessions, the Pox on Death, that you may continue on as one of humanity’s noble champions.
But remember: We are all in this together. Do not take on more than you can handle. Do not waste lives needlessly in your attempt to complete this quest. Be careful, and may the spirit of humanity prevail within you.
Rewards: Pox on Death, S.A.N.E. weapon [purifying sword], 5 lbs of frozen USDA grade-A beef steaks.
“That card . . . Did you read the effects?” Archimedes asked in an awed tone.
Pox on Death
Current Classification: Bronze
Current Level: 01
Ability: Able to infect re-animated living creatures and hell-cursed with a contagious disease. If they fail to resist the disease [Constitution stat is checked when attempting a resist], they suffer one of four effects. Effects are reduced based on the power of the monster in comparison to the caster.
Effect 1: Reduces Constitution and Health by 25%.
Effect 2: Reduces Strength and Melee Damage by 25%.
Effect 3: Reduces visibility range by 50%. Reduces Intelligence by 25%.
Effect 4: Reduces Agility and Range Damage by 25%.
Duration = [Mind of Caster / Constitution of Victim] * 10 Minutes. Target cannot suffer Pox of Death effect more than once every 8 hours.
“Yeah. I don’t know where Brad got it, but we need to get that skill. As many as we can,” Danielle agreed.
“You aren’t serious. You’re not seriously going to work with that monster yet again just because the reward is good, are you?” Lucy asked.
“I’m serious,” Archimedes said. “And I’m not working with him. We’ll be killing three birds with one stone. We need more cores for the base, we need to kill the hell-cursed . . . and that card isn’t something we can pass up. It might mean the difference between whether I can protect you all or not.”
“You? Protect me? Come on, hermano,” Chedderfield laughed. “It’s a team effort. We’re all going to have each other’s backs.”
Lucy grimaced. “But . . .”
“Just because we’d be doing it on Brad’s dime, doesn’t mean we’re helping him. If anything, we’re taking valuable loot from him for something we would do anyways. Also, it’s better that we do this than someone else Brad can bribe with rewards who might join his faction later. I’m going to go and destroy the base, take its cores, and get that card as a bounty . . . I’d prefer if you all came with me,” Archimedes said.
“Aren’t you supposed to be the hero?” Chedderfield asked. “Then why don’t we take one of the defense quests instead? From what I can see, it’s somebody calling for help defending their base. We could be helping people survive.”
Archimedes shook his head and asked his own question, “What’s more helpful? Trying to protect some hold-out from their bad predicament or wiping out the threat on our terms in the first place? Besides, if that skill can do what it says, we can strip the power from a massive group at will. And that’s just at bronze level. Imagine what it could do at silver or gold . . . or even platinum if we can kill enough.”
“There’s no guarantee that they’ll even be alive to be saved when we get to that defense mission,” Danielle said. “It’s a bounty board, not a messaging board, they won’t know we’re coming until we show up—and if it’s not a strategic defense event they’re starting on their own by upgrading their base or something, then there is a high chance they’ll be dead before we even get there. I think Archimedes is right.”
“Arc, I don’t mind ignoring people and taking care of us first . . . but only when we have to and only when taking care of us doesn’t involve doing something for that bastard,” Lucy pleaded.
“You guys need to get your heads clear on this. Brad is not the ‘do something for people’ guy. He’s an asshole, a jerk, and a bastard that we should avoid like the freaking plague! There is no way he is doing that out of the goodness of his own heart. He doesn’t give away anything, and he doesn’t do anyone favors. This is either a trap or something worse or just . . . There’s just no way he is putting that quest up there because he wants to help humanity out—and no way we should work with him,” Nguyen said, clearly worked up. “He’s just . . . He’s not that type of guy.”
Chedderfield looked between his two friends trying to argue in favor of the defense, and it was Emma that spoke quietly, brow furrowed, as she asked Archimedes, “Aren’t we the good guys?” It wasn’t a question that was said angrily or as an accusation, but a genuine inquiry from someone that was still deciding who she was.
Were they the good guys? Chedderfield liked to think so. But doesn’t everyone think they are?
Archimedes, who had been so hot to defend his point of view just a moment ago, seemed taken aback by the innocent question. He took a deep breath and a moment before he answered, “Yeah, Emma. I think we’re all trying to be good people. But sometimes we have to make hard decisions to protect ourselves, and that means not letting potentially hundreds of people die to a giant zombie horde just to save a few people elsewhere.”
He put a hand on her shoulder as she looked up at him and tried to understand what he was saying. He added, “I promise you, Emma, that the only way to really save the people of this city is to completely remove the threat of the Demonic Faction. I’ve seen what the consequences are otherwise.”
Chedderfield, who had been listening to both sides, had to agree with Archimedes at this point. Despite defending the mall base twice, it eventually fell to a threat they never saw coming. If they just sat back and let the monsters build up their bases, assemble their armies, gather their skills and level up their troops while the humans played it conservatively, then no matter how many defenses they took part in, one would inevitably be their last. “I’m going with Archimedes,” Chedderfield finally said, drawing a somewhat shocked expression from Lucy and Nguyen.
“Good, the two of us are all that we need,” Archimedes laughed, putting a hand on Chedderfield’s shoulder. “We got this, bro.”
“Sorry to ruin your bro moment, but if Chedderfield is going, I’m going too,” Danielle said and then turned to her boyfriend. “I’ve got your back, babe.”
“And if Lucy is going, then I’m going too,” Emma insisted.
“I didn’t say I was going,” Lucy grumbled.
“Are you going to let Archimedes leave without you?”
“No! Fine . . . I’m going, but it’s too dangerous for you to go too,” Lucy said. “It’s one thing to follow me to a safe location like a base, but it’s an entirely different thing to go into the mouth of an enemy base—especially when we can’t trust you with a ranged weapon.”
“We could give her Chedderfield’s Ring of Purity and Archimedes’ turret,” Nguyen said. “It’ll free up skill slots and keep her perfectly safe. No one is going to touch her in that nearly unassailable ten-foot radius, but it’d be great for the siege to have it. Especially the turret.”
“Are you just giving away everyone’s cards?” Lucy asked. “Wasn’t enough to volunteer my No Brainer to Arc for a single fight? Now you’re volunteering Arc’s and Queso’s cards too?”
“Oh, shit. Sorry, Luce. I totally forgot to give you back your No Brainer card, didn’t I?” Archimedes asked. He tapped something, a silver card appeared, and he handed it to Lucy.
Nguyen shrugged. “I’m just pointing out what works best for the group. Chedderfield and Archimedes both have fighting styles that are incredibly mobile if you haven’t noticed. When he isn’t restricted by a dueling ring or tethered to the turret’s radius, Archimedes is using his Leap Rush skill to close the distance with his opponent like they’re the last box of freshly baked donuts at Krispy Kreme.”
“Not to mention we’re both relying on stats from Undead Delight now, so it’d be great to free up our skill slots for options that might be more useful with the actual hitting and smashing of things,” Chedderfield agreed.
“And if she’s got those skills, she can post up with me and keep me safe while they fight,” Danielle said. “It always feels incredibly vulnerable to be the sniper. The second I’m staring down that scope, I go from a regular field of vision to only seeing a single spot. Anyone could sneak up and kill me if they got the jump on me so, yeah, I’m for plan ‘Emma keeping me safe.’”
“Are we even sure the turret won’t start shooting us instead of our enemies if Emma uses it?” Lucy asked with a frown. “No, no, the longer I argue, the more annoying skill and stat talking we have to do. Arc, hand over your card to Emma. We’re going to do your dumb quest now for that stupid jerk.”
Before Lucy had even finished asking, the silver Turret card appeared in his hand. He looked at it longingly like he was handing off his favorite pet to the boarding house, and then he handed the card to Emma.
“How come you haven’t upgraded this to gold yet?” Emma asked as she took the card from Archimedes. “I mean, it’s so—”
“Just take it and don’t ask questions. I’m going to want it back later,” Arc interrupted, looking rather reluctant to part with the card. “Oh, and it doesn’t take much in the way of materials, but I left a few extra pre-assembled crates of them and some ammunition in the gift shop.”
“Then we can grab that, and we’re off to the Demonic Faction base. Where was it again?” Chedderfield asked, having volunteered to go before he even checked the location twice.
“The zoo,” Archimedes answered, and there was an eerie silence before a raccoon burped loudly.
“Sorry, it's the holy soda. Gives me a case of the burpees,” Jimmy said with a grin.
“Welp, I’ll go grab your crates for you, Emma,” Archimedes said, “and then let’s get moving. We’re wasting daylight.”
“I miss when he was lazier,” Lucy sighed as Archimedes Leap Rushed over the tentacle wall toward the gift shop.
“Was he ever actually lazy?” Chedderfield asked, trying to recall a time when he and Archimedes weren’t working on something back in high school. The two of them seemed to always be busy with something or have an iron in the fire for something else.
“I don’t know. Before the reunion, there was a good week or two after Kevin, his best friend that he started his company with, died that he just seemed to do nothing at or after work.” Lucy shrugged as if she wasn’t dropping a random information bombshell on the group.
“Wait what? Who died?” Nguyen asked, the group gossip apparently not having any more information than Chedderfield.
“That . . . That feels like something that should have been mentioned at some point and . . .” Chedderfield was completely taken back by how casually Lucy had mentioned such an important piece of information.
“I’m back,” Archimedes said, interrupting Chedderfield as he returned with two crates for Emma. “Here’s one, and here’s another case as a backup if, for some reason, your turret dies. Remember, leave the turret behind if you have to. It can be resummoned. You can’t. Alright, we all ready?”
“Uhh . . . yeah . . .” Chedderfield stared at his friend, who looked like nothing was bothering him as he handed Emma the two small wooden crates.
“Then let’s go!” Archimedes actually looked enthusiastic as he called out his intention to go take on a giant base filled with potentially lethal monstrosities, heavy fortifications, and an unknown number of familiar and unfamiliar foes—all like it was nothing more than any other casual outing to the zoo with a group of friends.