Ray was trapped in the images and sensations of all that happened. There was still so much he wanted to say to Kei, so many questions he wanted answers to. He should not have waited, he should have pushed for answers, he should have never gone down there… he should have never…
He could not escape the pain of losing Kei. No, he still couldn’t believe it. Just what the fuck had happened? He did not understand anything. Nothing made sense. He knew Kei was gone. He refused to accept. He wanted to forget, forget it all. He did not want to be anymore.
It was excruciating. Madness was beckoning him and he welcomed it.
Something appeared. He focused on it. What was it? It was something new, unfamiliar, yet somehow familiar.
“It’s Kei’s Echo.”
Pain, as his whole being violently convulsed. He could barely grasp the thought, Kei… Echo?
“Imagine it like this. Someone dies and you use their corpse to nourish a tree which then bears a fruit. In this case, the corpse is Kei’s soul, and the fruit is the Echo.”
Ray was quiet as he tried to make sense of things. Corpse… Who was talking…? A few of his thoughts connected among the chaotic madness, and some clarity returned. Clarity he did not want. And something else. His incoherent, chaotic thoughts were seized by hotly burning boundless fury. Madness. Rage. Wails and screams. YOU!!!! YOU KILLED HIM, I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, I’LL DESTROY YOU NO MATTER WHAT!
“I just granted his wish, it was what he wanted.” Vorm tried to interject, but Ray could not hear among his gut-wrenching anguished howls, as his body kept wildly shifting, on the verge of collapsing. He refused to accept it, he rejected everything. He wanted it all to end. And if that was denied to him, he wanted to be lost to madness. Insanity.
“I wish for oblivion.” Kei’s voice suddenly struck him.
Everything paused, and one single thought weakly flickered in the dark despair…Kei?
“No, it’s just a memory. That’s what he had asked for.” Vorm replied.
A few more thoughts connected, No, I don’t believe you, you lying piece of SHIT!
“You don’t need to believe me, you knew it yourself, just willingly ignored it.”
Thoughts he did not want forced themselves into his mind, I… no…
“He could have become so much more, but he had never managed to overcome his grief. He was tired.”
More thoughts he hated. He did not want to hear it, did not want to think it. Shut up.
There was a tear in the darkness, and he saw something in front of him. That something... Kei’s Echo. He did not understood what an Echo was, but it was Kei’s. It was a ball of shifting colors that reminded him of those sad eyes. He watched it in daze, the madness slowly receding, and the shifting of his body gradually calming.
Without thinking, just wanting to be closer to it, he reached out to touch it. His hand passed through, and the ball turned black. He yanked his hand back in alarm, terrified he destroyed it. But that wasn’t all. The ball shifted. It elongated, one end ball-like the other just a long blob. Then five protrusions came out from the blob and Ray watched wide-eyed as it took the shape of a newborn kitten.
He carefully reached out again with trembling hands, not even noticing his body had settled. He carefully picked it up, not sure what to do. It was weightless, not quite solid. And cold.
Terror and dread ripped apart his insides, in his dismay, he blurted out, “Is it dead? Did I kill it?”
“No. It’s an Echo, there’s nothing wrong with it,” came the answer from the hateful being.
His wrath and grief choked by immense worry, he cried out, But it’s cold and it isn’t breathing!
“It’s not really a kitten. It’s an Echo.”
Still terrified for the thing nestled in his hands, he asked, What’s an Echo?
“I’ve already told you. It’s—“
Like a massive geyser erupting, renewed rage exploded in him as he lashed out, Don’t fuck with me! You fucking know what I meant.
“……its nature varies. Amongst chance, it depends on many other things. It took that shape for now, it might take another shape as it grows. I might become more life-like or more abstract. It might become just a construct, or a piece of equipment, or a skill, or a pet, or a person even, or many other things. I can’t tell for sure what this one will become, but it’s a bit special because it’s bonded to you.”
Cradling the not-kitten kitten in his hands, he slowly digested the information. He knew the answer, yet he still had to ask, Is Kei still in here?
“No. He’s gone. No one can come back from Oblivion, not even I.”
He knew it, yet hearing it confirmed was soul-crushing. A coldness he had never felt before slowly, and mercilessly spread through him. It’s all your fault. You did this.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
Vorm was starting to have enough of this. “Aren’t you being a hypocrite? You yourself are barely alive, resenting me for not letting you truly die. But when it’s someone else, someone much, much older and more tired than you, you want to force them to live?”
SHUT UP! He didn’t want to hear it. He gently caressed the not-kitten kitten with his fingertips. It was soft. He started talking to it, “You need a name, don’t you? How about…”
Ray mulled it over for a while, then recalled a strange word Kei had said, “Doakr’hal”. He didn’t know what it meant, but maybe he could use it somehow…
“Aakra?” he suddenly blurted it out and a shiver ran down his spine as he felt the power in the word, and the not-kitten kitten trembled in his palm, then settled again, unchanged.
What happened?
“Names can be powerful. It’s a good name.”
“Aakra?” He tentatively asked, but this time it sounded just like any other word, and Aakra did not move. His eyes softened as he kept looking at Aakra. Aakra… a little bit of warmth returned into a hidden corner of his heart.
Then Ray’s gaze hardened and he coldly asked, Why is Aakra bonded to me?
“Because of the Life Oath Kei had given you.”
When?
“When you almost killed him the second time.”
Why?
“Because that’s what I asked of him in exchange.”
Why?!
“Because you needed it. You needed an anchor. You went on a fucking power-trip like a lunatic, which would have been fine if not for the fact you would reject that part of yourself as soon as you were out of that body.”
I would have been fine. I was fine before.
“No, you wouldn’t have been. This was different. Your soul was strained and tearing, even you could realize that by seeing how your body wouldn’t settle in your own damn soul space.”
Ray slowly digested all that, mulled it over. There was only one conclusion. I will never forgive you. You played me. Telling me not to go down, not to trust Kei, while you had already set it all up.
“I’m honest now, aren’t I? Maybe next time don’t start splitting and I’ll be more open.”
No, you will always be like this. Just toying with me for your own ends.
“What about you?”
What about me?
“I’ve never hid my nature from you, but you have been deluding yourself about yours.”
Shut up.
“Didn’t it feel good? To let lose, to abandon your morals, to trample on others?”
Shut up!
“We both know, you said it yourself. You can’t blame it all on that body.”
SHUT UP!!!
But after a short pause Vorm continued, “How am I worse than you? I’ve granted an old soul’s wish who left behind a gift for you.”
Because you forced him to! Made me care… with magic bullshit. An oath I’ve never agreed to? Is it even real then?
“You did accept it, wanted it, otherwise it wouldn’t have worked. It wasn’t just magic bullshit. No matter how much you are used to loneliness, how much you deny it, you still crave for someone to share a life with, to be accepted.”
Ray found some comfort in that, knowing it wasn’t something forced upon him, wasn’t just magic nonsense… Deep down, he knew it was true. He didn’t blame Kei, he hated that he understood. He would have done worse. No, he did worse.
He kept silently stroking Aakra while letting his thoughts wander as they pleased, without holding onto any of them. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, when he noticed something. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he thought Aakra felt slightly less cold.
As he came back to his senses, he realized he was just so tired. So, so tired… the rage had burnt itself out, leaving behind nothing but numbness and dead coldness. He sighed and finally said, So what if I’m despicable? Deplorable? You fucked me over. Like always. Not that I deserve better…
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, that body strained your soul too much. I didn’t think it would get that bad.”
So you were wrong?
“I underestimated how weak you are.”
Fuck you.
Silence descended yet again. All Ray wanted was to keep quietly looking on at Aakra, not thinking, not feeling, just being.
It was easier to want to not think than to actually not think. Ray couldn’t help but be tormented by his thoughts. Eventually, he couldn’t stand it anymore, Give me yarns, a crochet hook, stitch markers, sewing pins, stuffing, a pencil, scissors and a blunt needle with the big hole on the end, the kinds I used to use. And my phone so I can listen to an audiobook.
The things he had asked for appeared in front of him without a complaint from Vorm.
Also give me a new pattern for an amigurumi, something advanced that I’m capable of doing. Actually, I want a phoenix, an epic one. Oh, and give me safety eyes too.
“……”
Ray waited but nothing else appeared, What? Can’t you come up with one, is all your arrogance just for show? I bet even if you do make one, it will be lame, or you won’t even be able to write a pattern in an understandable way.
“…Fine, here, an epic phoenix amigurumi.”
Two safety eyes, floral wires, quite a few pages of a written pattern, and many different shades of yellow, orange and red balls of yarn appeared in front of Ray. Looking through the pages, Ray couldn’t help but comment, You knew I hated color changes and sewing together many pieces. You just couldn’t help yourself, could you? You have to fuck with me whenever you can.
“You wanted an epic phoenix. It’s epic, look.”
One more page appeared with a picture on it. Ray sighed. That bastard was right, it was epic. And he wanted to make it. Even if it was painful.
Putting Aakra in his lap, Ray immersed himself in crocheting, too focused to think about anything else. When he reached an easier part that let his thoughts wander, he listened to an audiobook. Then he would pause it as he got to a more difficult part and he had to fully focus again.
Meanwhile, Vorm was happy with how it navigated the fool’s fickle outbursts. It deemed it a success. Now the fool just needed some space and time. By the time he finished that pattern, the fool would be ready for his next life. Vorm considered what kind of life the fool should end up in. It needed to be something fun to cheer him up, and Vorm had a great idea.
Time slowly passed. Ray occasionally cursed Vorm at the more troublesome parts, but otherwise he found it soothing. Midway through, Vorm suddenly spoke, “He had told you a story while you slept, you know.”
His hands stopped as Ray trembled, his calmness crumbling. What… what did you say?
“After he gave you his Life Oath, he told you a story, but you were asleep and did not hear.”
But you did.
“I did.”
Tell me…