Ray found himself in darkness. He was confused. Didn’t he die?

“Oh, you are dead alright,” a familiar voice broke the silence.

Vorm?! Are you dead too? Did he make Vorm die with him? He thought Vorm would just find someone else, but he pulled it to death with him?

“Never mind that. Brace yourself instead, and try to keep it together,” Vorm warned.

Wait wait wait, what is happening? Brace myself for… but he couldn’t finish as memories flooded his mind. He was a human before…? No! He hated humans. He was no human, he was a Storm Wolf! But the memories mercilessly kept coming. He was first a human, then a wolf. What had he done… that city… those people… but…

He felt himself torn, he wanted to scream and tear at himself, but he was just a disembodied mind, it was driving him crazy. He wanted a body he wanted to move, he—

“Hmm, maybe this would help?”

Ray heard a voice, but he didn’t comprehend. Then he found himself laying on the ground. He tried to move, he moved. Finally! He had a body, he tried to get up but he fell. He was neither a human nor a wolf. He kept changing, some parts wolf, some parts human, then the wolf parts turned human and the human parts turned wolf. He tried to convince himself he was a wolf, and the human parts turned wolf. But all the memories of his human life were flooding his mind, and some parts turned human again. He understood. He had to make up his mind about what he was. Who he was.

Who was he? He was Ray, that he knew. But was he a man or a wolf? Neither, and both. At his core, he was a human. He was a man first before he became a wolf. His body took on more of a human shape. But he could not disregard himself as a wolf. Too much blood, too many lives slaughtered, the girl… no, he could not disregard his life as a wolf. Wasn’t it all real? It felt real. Even if it wasn’t, it was real for him.

As his memories mixed and mingled, he was desperately trying to find a balance between them, to reconcile the old and the new, to accept that he was a human, and to accept what he had done as a wolf. The changes in his body slowly settled as his mind quieted, and he embraced it all. He sighed, and slowly got up to look at himself.

He was covered in short fur, but it was so short it was like silky skin. It was black as night towards his back, but faded into silver gray towards his front, his arms and legs. Just like when he was a wolf. He touched his face, it felt human. He touched his head, he had wolf ears, and his hair felt like long fur that cascaded down on his back. He twisted himself, trying to look at his back. Sure enough, he had a tail as well. He smiled and licked his teeth. They were sharp, a mix between human and wolf. His body was a careful, balanced blend between the two. He had mixed feelings about it. He turned into a damn furry and he didn’t want to admit it, but he felt satisfied with how he looked now.

He looked around, but there was nothing as far as he could see. The sky was dark and empty, the ground a dull gray. There was a hole not far ahead of him, but he knew he shouldn’t look. Vorm? What is this place? Am I alive again?

“No, still dead. This is not a physical place, it’s inside of your soul. I thought it would be easier on you with a body, even if it wasn’t real, so I pulled your mind in here.” Vorm’s tone was laced with joy, it made Ray cautious, that was not normal.

Sounds like a soul space. And why do you sound happy? It creeps me out. Ray wanted to ask more about this place, but he was more wary about Vorm.

“Because your mind didn’t break apart. Not sure if you remember, but when we first met, your mind kept shattering from my awesomeness. I spent quite the while adjusting and piecing together your soul while keeping you still you. That’s why I locked your memories, and you got to become a wolf in that bottom ranked world. Your soul was more pliable in that state there, so pliable, even humans could mess with it. And when you asked for my help while they were enslaving you, I fiddled around a bit more to make your soul more compatible with my greatness, so you can bear a tiny fraction of my awesomeness without losing your mind. You don’t understand the hardships I went through,” Vorm went on and on, then sighed.

Ray’s head was spinning from all that information. He couldn’t digest all that at once, but he grabbed on one important fact. You… you… you fucking… you piece of shit, it was all your fault?!

Vorm laughed and answered with glee, “yup, so what? What can you do about it?”

……..Ray had nothing to say to that.

But why?

“Why, why? Why are humans always so obsessed with the why? You don’t need to worry about that.”

But this isn’t fair! You put me through all that shit, I at least deserve to know why!

“Life isn’t fair kiddo, I thought you’ve learnt that by now?”

Ray was furious. Then he had a thought, and strode towards the hole. He had a bad feeling about it, so maybe if he jumped in, he could die. But as he got close, the hole disappeared. He looked around and not far ahead, a new hole opened.

“Dream on, just accept your fate. You would just give me more work and not die anyway.”

And what is my fate? To be stuck in this place with you?

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“Of course not! Who could stand that,” Vorm answered as if deeply offended. “You will reincarnate and live a new life. Then die. Then reincarnate again, and live another life. Then die. Do this over and over again, many times. Sounds fun, yeah?”

Ray paled in horror. All his anger was choked down by fear. He pleaded shakily. No… please no… you can’t do that to me. I don’t want to live. Ray remembered it well, he knew who he was, and how miserable he had always been. All he did in his human life was to hold on, waiting to die. And in his wolf life, he paid with his life for the power to… he swallowed hard. He slaughtered all those humans and… the girl… he could still feel her neck and blood in his mouth, how her life faded away. He wanted to retch.

But he also remembered all the torture the girl put him through, and he felt what he did was somewhat justified. He froze as he remembered something that as a wolf he never considered, and a horrible suspicion dawned on him. All those nights when her brother visited, and she left for a while… Say, Vorm… that girl, her brother… she… he couldn’t say it, but he didn’t have to.

“Yes,” that’s all Vorm said, that was all it needed to say, and Ray understood. He felt extremely disgusted and lashed out at Vorm. Why didn’t you tell me before? I should’ve protected her! I still talked to you in the beginning, you should have told me. Then something occurred to him. No, you are wrong, I never smelled anything.

“Haven’t you realized yet that I am not human? Why would I care? Also, he was a healer, did you forget? They are good at purifying,” Vorm said coldly.

Then why have you ever started talking to me if you don’t care at all? If your goal is to just keep making me reincarnate, you could have done that without me ever knowing you were watching all along. He spat out the words, sneering, his fists clenched so tight his sharp nails dug into his palm making him bleed. He found the pain somewhat soothing.

Vorm paused. It never thought about it. “Why not?” It wasn’t really an answer, but it had no real answer.

Ray closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. This creature, whatever it was, it wasn’t human, it didn’t understand. There was no point blaming it for something it was incapable of understanding. It did not even understand itself in the first place. Ray suddenly felt lonely. He paused as he remembered the most important thing in his life. What about my cat?

“Dead.”

That was what Ray suspected and was afraid of, but getting a clear confirmation still crushed him. He couldn’t even say goodbye. His vision blurred, then it occurred to him. How do you know about my cat?

“I know all your memories, like a movie. But only your last human life.”

Ray frowned, so he had more lives before? But that wasn’t important now. Were you always with me since I was born as a human?

“No, I only have the memories, I only started accompanying you after you died as a human.”

But you still have my memories. Ray’s mind went back to the girl. You.. you should know how I feel about this then? You know what happened to me when I was twelve?

“I have your memories objectively, without the emotions. I don’t see the problem, but I understand what’s your stance, and in most places the majority abhor these kinds of things when done to too young humans. But human values always change, many…” as Vorm blabbered on, Ray listened in disbelief as he grew cold, then he didn’t hear anything anymore. He stood there with an unfocused gaze, his mind blank.

“Ray?”

At that moment, Vorm’s voice was the most disgusting sound Ray had ever heard. He came back to himself as he muttered. You don’t see the problem… Then he said through clenched teeth, punctuating each word Don’t. Ever. Fucking. Talk. To Me. Again.

He turned away from the hole, and dropped himself on the ground, hugging his knees tightly, and burying his face. He shook sometimes as if crying, but no sound came. The smell of blood slowly permeated the air as his nails dug into his arms. Then, as he slowly pulled his hands on his skin, his nails left deep gashes. It bled, it hurt, it made him feel better.

He was a mess, his mind was a mess, as his memories came back all at once, everything was too vivid, too fresh, the buried past all dug up and displayed mercilessly.

For once, Vorm stayed quiet. Even if it didn’t understand human feelings, even it realized what it said upset the fool. And the fool seemed really, really upset this time. He used to cut himself, but he hadn’t done that for many years. Now, the fool was doing it again. Vorm didn’t see the point of it, but based on the memories, the fool seemed to calm himself like this. Vorm watched as the puddle of blood grew under the fool. It was starting to get frustrated with this fool and his pointless actions. It thought about what else the fool used to do and had an idea.

Something dropped right in front of Ray. He moved his legs and arms apart a bit to look through the gap to see what it was. It was a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He looked at it in a daze. He quit smoking long ago. He didn’t think much about it, he lit one and inhaled deep. It didn’t really help, but this gave him a thought. Could he summon things? He thought about one of his favorite books. It appeared, but the cover was blurry. He opened it, and sure enough, it was just black blurs inside. He threw it away in anger. Useless. But as soon as he threw it away, a new one appeared. This one’s cover was clear, and as Ray opened it with a shaky hand, he saw the sharp, printed lines. He quickly thumbed through the book, and all the pages were clear and readable. He felt a trace of joy and excitement as he started reading it.