Morning came soon.

As AZ left for school, Ray saw the city in a different light. How many of the smiling, laughing people carried pain deep in their heart, buried, never to be spoken of? Never allowed to grieve? How many of them found their loved one gone? Ray hated this world, he’d rather be eaten as a baby. He wished he had never come here.

When they arrived at school, Ray expected to be put to sleep, but he was still awake as AZ made his way to his classroom. He thought AZ forgot.

Before Ray could ask, AZ said, “You won’t ignorantly blabber on anymore, so it’s fine.”

Thank you, sorry about before. Thinking about his ignorant, incessant blabbering before, Ray felt ashamed.

“It’s fine, it’s not that I hated it, it’s just that it was dangerous. The Grand AI is always watching, and I might let something slip, however minute it is. It takes nothing to be suspected.”

How come you talk so much now then?

“I don’t know,” AZ himself didn’t understand. Even if he looked and acted as cold and distant as always, something was different. With vacant eyes and thoughts wandering, he didn’t notice when XZ arrived and turned to him as he always did. He didn’t see how XZ paused and reached out a hand with worry, but pulled it back, and forced a smile.

“Hey, AZ.”

AZ answered absentmindedly, “Hey,” when he realized what he had said, he added, “sit properly.” XZ turned away without a word.

There was nothing wrong with this interaction. There shouldn’t have been anything wrong with it. But Ray was closely observing everything, and an ominous feeling slowly creeped up on him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but as time passed, he was increasingly worried.

When they were leaving the school, he didn’t even remember anything since they arrived, his mind was blank all day.

AZ, are you okay?

“Mn,” AZ didn’t know if he was okay or not. He didn’t think anymore that anyone was okay in this city. He was increasingly regretting letting Ray learn the truth. Ever since last night, he couldn’t get back to that cold numbness he had always felt before.

Suddenly, he slowed his steps and looked to his right. XZ was standing there, hands in his pockets, leaning his back on the wall, looking at him. Looking with a fiery gaze, AZ had never seen, or maybe just never noticed before. At that moment, he became sure of something. Even if he couldn’t talk, couldn’t cry, couldn’t tell him, XZ still understood. AZ’s gaze fleetingly softened with gratitude as he turned away, and continued on.

“How come you are so quiet? I won’t knock you out anymore,” AZ suddenly asked in the evening.

I have a bad feeling. It’s like I’m holding my breath before the disaster hits.

“There shouldn’t be a target today, it’s usually—” the sound that he always dreaded cut him off.

AZ pulled out his communicator to look at his target. He froze, but nothing on his face gave away any feelings he might have had. Ray might’ve said something, but AZ didn’t hear it, there was nothing, but emptiness. It was already curfew time, so he left, and was taken to his target like so many times before.

Before AZ realized, he was already looking at the sadly smiling target in front of him. He didn’t remember how he got here, he only knew what he was supposed to do. He said in a daze, “you were deemed…” ...defective… he couldn’t say it. How could he be defective?

“…defective and are to be disposed of,” XZ finished for him. “It’s okay,” he came closer, stopping just a step away from AZ, and tilting his head, waiting patiently.

AZ wished he weren’t, he wanted XZ to struggle, to fight, to not just accept it like this. Tomorrow, he would go to school, but never again would there be someone turning to him, looking at him. No one else ever looked at him. They were all scared, they all felt it, and knew who he was, what he was, even if no one ever said anything. They just avoided him, and it was easier for him to avoid them in turn. If he never cared about anyone, he would never have to kill someone he cared about. How did it all come to this then? He didn’t even care about this annoying guy. He didn’t care, he did not care...

He was jolted out of his thoughts as he grabbed XZ’s hand that was already heading to XZ’s own neck. He didn’t even notice when XZ took one of the—

“What are you doing?” he asked angrily.

“Let go. I can do it myself, you stay alive.” XZ was still smiling.

AZ didn’t think. With his other hand, he tore it out of XZ’s grip and threw it away. He didn’t know what he was doing.

XZ’s smile froze, his face fell and he said in a grave tone, “you don’t have a choice. It’s better than both of us dying.” He tried to pull back his hand, but AZ gripped it tighter and didn’t leg go.

AZ couldn’t let go. “Either I die or they die,” “no excuses,” “no choice,” “I don’t know,” his thoughts kept swirling, overwhelming him. He looked down on the hand he was gripping tightly. It was warm. He wondered… he pulled it up, and holding the back of the hand he tilted his head to rest the side of his face in the hand. He looked back into XZ’s eyes. The thumb gently moved, caressing his cheek. He turned his head and kissed the palm. XZ jerked back his hand as if burned and stepped back.

This time, he was the one who said angrily, gritting his teeth, “What are you doing?”

AZ smiled bitterly, “I do have a choice.” Then he added, “let’s be free, unrestrained. We are already dead anyway.”

XZ knew that, and he held back no more, thought no more. He reached out, pulled AZ close and kissed him longingly. It was like everything that had built up throughout the years burst out all at once, all his restraint gone, he kissed him fiercely and AZ responded just as passionately. An intoxicating, fleeting moment of freedom.

AZ knew they were doomed, but he did not care anymore. For the first time, he felt free, unburdened, as if soaring in the vast skies he had only read about. In this moment, the world felt right. He wanted to stay in the here and now, forever. He could not accept them to be torn apart. Their time was running out, but he could not accept it. It was unacceptable. He could not accept this world, it was wrong. The world itself was wrong, it had to change. The thought burst forth with power, burning through his mind like a cold fire, and he felt the world itself respond, as it changed as he wished, heeding his command. It answered, and their moment was frozen in ice. Free in death.

*

Ray found himself in his soul space.

No no no no, this is not right, Vorm what the hell happened?! Ray had pulled back into himself when AZ started being intimate, he didn’t want to feel it. Then, he was suddenly here. He knew what it meant, but he didn’t want to accept it.

“They are dead, alright. Their moment frozen in ice as he wished,” came Vorm’s offhand answer as if talking about the weather.

What do you mean? Ray realized anew how aggravating Vorm was, but he tried to focus on what he wanted to know instead of getting annoyed at it.

“He awakened to his powers. He’s about to be revived, his memory will be wiped, and he will join the war,” Vorm kept explaining it disinterestedly.

What war, what? Ray couldn’t make sense of any of this.

While Vorm wasn’t interested in that world at all, he somewhat found Ray amusing, so it went on, “That city? Yeah, it’s just a test site. There are many test sites like that. That city was actually one of the better ones. Surface destroyed? Yeah, it isn’t, there are vast cities crowded with humans. Real cities, not test sites that only the ignorant inhabitants call a city.”

Ray’s mind was reeling from all this information, he refused to accept it, it couldn’t be true.

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No, you are lying to mess with me. You are always lying. How would you even know all this? And where were you all this time? I needed you!

“Well, these worlds aren’t as strictly monitored, so I can get away with some subtle things without being discovered. And do you think that guy would’ve survived interacting with me? How naive. I’m only explaining, because I was thinking of giving you a choice, but you accuse me of lying. Forget it then.” Vorm finished its explanations as if it was done with the conversation.

What choice? Ray spat out with disgust.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Vorm was unmoved.

Ray took a deep breath and asked again pleadingly, Please… what choice?

“Hmm…”

Ray swallowed his pride and said kindly, forcing it out through gritted teeth, I’m sure you came up with something very smart since you are a genius, please tell me what it is.

Vorm felt generous today, “Well, alright. Your Soul Core is still in AZ’s body, and so is his. I can kick him out and send him to reincarnate, and you get to enjoy his ice powers. Or, he technically died, so we can go to your next life and leave AZ in his body. Or, we can just leave an empty body and pull both of you out. You gotta decide now, before he gets revived.”

Ray didn’t like any of that, he was greedy. Neither. Send both XZ and AZ to reincarnate together with their memories intact, to the same place that is not this fucked up. If I stay, can I stop the test sites?

“Don’t you think you are wishing for too much? And no, you can’t, you’d just be broken like before, or have you forgotten your wolf-life?”

Ray tried not to think of his past failures, looking ahead instead. I won’t know unless I try. I want to stay, maybe I can change things.

Vorm was pleased, it now had a perfect idea. It started presenting its magnanimous options kindly, laced with poison, “Alright, I give you two choices then. Option one, I’ll tie their Soul Cores to each other. They will always reincarnate together, with their memories mostly intact as a bonus. Everything you could wish for them. But! You will leave this world and we will go to the next one. Option two, they go to reincarnation normally, no memories, and the chances of their souls ever meeting again is practically zero. You will stay in this world in AZ’s body, and I’ll help you eliminate the test sites.”

Ray knew it was futile to even ask, yet he still had to, Can’t it be the first part of option one plus second part of option two?

“No. It’s non-negotiable. I sped up the time flow here so you have an hour to decide. If you don’t decide by then, AZ stays, and gets his memories wiped while the other one and you go to reincarnate.”

So approximately how many people are living in test sites in total? Ray knew Vorm wouldn’t change its mind, there was no point wasting time trying.

“Around 50 million”

What if I die before we could free the people in the test sites?

“I’ll just reincarnate you back into this world.”

So basically, what you are telling me is… choose between two people I care about, and fifty million strangers…

“Not exactly. Sure, there are 50 million living in the test sites now, but they will have children, and those children will grow up and have children. It’s not merely 50 million, it’s 50 million generations after generations.” Vorm pointed out the obvious, making sure Ray knew the full scale of things.

Why are you trying to make me responsible for the misery of all those people?

“I don’t. Choose.”

Since I have tho ability to help, I should, shouldn’t I? With great power comes great responsibility and all that shit… but I want them to be together. I haven’t known AZ for long, and he wasn’t a talkative guy, but…

Ray was quiet for a while, just blankly staring at nothing. He knew what he really wanted to choose, he just couldn’t find a justification for it that would let him sleep at night.

Haaaah… he sighed and rubbed his face, then grabbed his hair and messed it up. Fuck you, Vorm. I hate that I feel responsible for millions of people, why should I? It’s none of my business, yet you made them my business.

Ray cursed out this unfeeling thing, but Vorm didn’t answer, just waited quietly, silently forcing Ray to choose, not giving any reprieve.

At last, Ray closed his eyes in shame, and feeling defeated, whispered as if he lost his soul, I choose option one.

“Okay, although if you feel responsible for them, why are you abandoning them?” It wasn’t like Vorm didn’t know, but why would it let Ray just move on like that?

Ray didn’t want to talk about this anymore, yet for some reason, he answered, Because I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else. Do I feel miserable? I do. But what I really want is for those two to be together, and for me to not be responsible for people I had never decided to be responsible for.

“Are you crying tears of joy then?”

Shut up, and do as you said.

Ray tried to escape from this conversation, but Vorm was merciless, it said accusingly, “You were always good at ignoring inconvenient truths.”

Ray felt as if Vorm ripped away everything that he tried to cover himself with, pointing out the hideous truth. Ray hated it, despised it, but could not willing ignore it anymore. As if a crack in the dam he had built was made, it burst apart and the flood rushed though, wrecking everything in its path.

Fine! I admit it! I’m fucking pathetic. I’m too scared, and I can’t be bothered. I hate how I feel that it is my obligation to liberate, to save them. But yes, I’m scared. Being thrown into random worlds, which is out of my hands, and just going with the flow as I’m tossed around is one thing, but making a choice to do something is completely different. I’m this pathetic that I’m too scared of making choices, okay? But what can I do? What does it matter anyway? Humans are all selfish bastards, and nice people are only nice to feel better about themselves. And that is completely fine, why shouldn’t everyone be a selfish bastard?

But why do I feel so fucking horrible for abandoning all these people? I wish I could say that I just find AZ and XZ so close to my heart that I want them to be together, no matter what. But I can’t even say that, because I honestly feel like what I should do is stay, and get rid of these test sites, free the people from this misery. Then why am I incapable of choosing to stay and try? So what if I fail, at least I tried, no? But no, I can’t, I feel so paralyzed.

Or am I doing this to make myself feel miserable, like a punishment? Is it that I love being miserable and feel pity for myself? Who the fuck knows. So yes, I’m choosing to turn away and forget about this world, to run away. Just as I ran away as a wolf, I could’ve gotten stronger with time, kill them all and live, but I chose the easy way out, death. So at least, I admit I’m running away yet again, I’m pretty good at not thinking about painful things anyway. Vorm tell me, why am I like this?

Vorm didn’t answer. What needed to be said was said. The fool wanted to change, but he didn’t even realize what needed to be changed. How could one change without deeply understanding themself first? The fool was just blindly stumbling about, but for now, this was enough. So, Vorm did as it had said it would. Those two would always be reincarnating together.

“Already done. Now you can regret dooming fifty million people, their future children, and their children’s children,” Vorm said cheerfully.

As if he never even had an outburst, Ray said breezily, You know, I really doubt this personality of yours is based on my preferences. And anyway… aren’t dragons only care about themselves? Dragons are selfish so… it’s fine for me being selfish. And anyway, AZ and XZ can be together now, so it’s a happy ending.

“Sure, keep trying to convince yourself.”

Ray ignored that, and went on, I haven’t even got to see AZ’s face at the end…

Ray sighed, a gut-wrenching guilt was twisting his insides, but he was always good at ignoring things he felt awful about, wasn’t he? He laughed dryly In self-derision.

I wanted to learn from someone else how to interact with people and overcome my high school trauma, but am I not even more traumatized?

Vorm didn’t answer. It knew the fool was wrong, that was not the issue. Copying others’ behavior to fit in was always just a surface solution, not a real one. But there was no point telling that to the ignorant fool now, he’d eventually realize it himself.

When Vorm wasn’t answering, Ray had enough of everything, and said, Give me books to read.

The books he had been reading of his favorite bookworm reappeared.

No, not this one, I’m not in the mood.

“Why not? Don’t these make you laugh?”

Yeah, that is why. Misery loves company. Give me the shadow one, the harrowing things he faces are worse than what I had to go through so far.

Ray was delighted when the books appeared, and he delved into them right away. Vorm left him to it, but when Ray was halfway, over 800 chapters in, he suddenly stopped. He started feeling uneasy because he didn’t want to run out of chapters to read. He was already halfway. A thought occurred to him.

Why are you letting me read by the way? I’m sure it’s not because you are nice.

“To let your soul rest a bit. It would be bothersome if it broke down.”

Ray was curious, but he couldn’t bother asking about soul stuff just to be told how stupid he was. Instead, he wondered about something else.

Say Vorm, if I become an all-powerful dragon, will my story echo through worlds, turning into books as well?

“Maybe. But imagine that. Who would even want to read a book with you as the protagonist?”

What’s wrong with me as a protagonist?!

“…”

So what if I’m a cowardly protagonist with deep-rooted personality issues? There are so many kinds of people with different tastes.

“Sure, sure. Anyway, time to reincarnate.”

Wait, let me ask you something. I doubt you care about my well-being, so why aren’t you locking away my memories like you had done before and let me reincarnate unknowingly?

“The growth potential like that would be limited. As you are now you struggle more, and struggle promotes growth.”

How nice…

“If you struggle hard and long enough, you might be able to become a dragon. Why aren’t you happy?”

I’m very happy, very very happy, thank you, Ray said emotionlessly in a flat tone.

“Cheer up, it’s reincarnation time!”

Wait wait, I’m exhausted. I don’t want to deal with bullshit worlds anymore, can’t you send me somewhere peaceful?

“It’s random,” Vorm lied.

Hold on. How is it random if you could put me in someone’s body? It isn’t random at all, is it?

“The world is random, I can only influence the type of reincarnation,” Vorm lied again, unfazed.

No, that’s bullshit. Haven’t you sent AZ and XZ into a better world?

“I’ve never said that.”

No, I still don’t believe you, and you said in option one, that everything I could wish for them. So you must have sent them into a better world, haven’t you? Do you think I’m that stupid I wouldn’t realize you’ve been lying to me about it being random?

“Yes.”

Ray: …..

Then… Can you reincarnate me as a baby to be eaten by a summoned demon I can possess? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but that actually wasn’t so bad… I also still want to terrorize a town, and be killed by a hero or adventurers, someone competent, but not too competent.

“I see, so you are into being eaten. You sure have weird tastes.”

I don’t…

“And no, it’s impossible. Only the baby part is doable. So, Baby Ray, here it comes.”