AAZ889 was eating his dinner at home when Ray came to and started complaining in indignation.
You knocked me out! Why! If you got fed up with me, just tell me to shut up, no need to knock me out like that. I wanted to see how your school was like, and meet your friends, but now I’ve missed it all.
“I’ll tell you now then, shut up.”
Ray was so annoyed and frustrated, but he did shut up, not wanting to be silenced. He watched as AZ finished eating, then put away the container. He almost blurted out half a dozen questions, but he held himself back with great effort. He was not going to say a single word. None at all.
AAZ889 spent the evening in peace, surprisingly, Ray was quiet. By the time he went to sleep, Ray still hadn’t said a single word.
In the morning when AAZ889 woke up, Ray was still quiet. AAZ889 made sure not to even glance at the mirror as he washed up in the bathroom, and later, when he put on his uniform. He thought Ray would start begging for him to look in the mirror, but the guy didn’t say a single word. AAZ889 was content, finally, he got back his peace and quiet. He ate his breakfast, left home, went to school, and Ray still had not said a single word. AAZ889 had been sure the guy wouldn’t be able to hold back for long, but it seemed he had some self-control after all.
When XZE322 plopped down in front of him, turned back to look at him, and said, “Hey AZ, you look unhappy today, something happened?”
Ray was still quiet. AAZ889 didn’t know why he felt a trace of displeasure and dissatisfaction, but he dismissed it and answered, “XZE322. My name is AAZ889, talk to me properly.”
XZ sighed in disappointment as he kept staring at AZ, with unreadable emotions flickering in the depths of his eyes.
AAZ889 didn’t know why that piercing gaze made him feel uncomfortable today. He told him, “Sit properly.”
A smile brightened up XZ face as he propped up his elbow on the back of his chair, tilted his head in his palm, and said teasingly with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, “Oh? But AZ, that is why I’m looking at you, to see what is proper, won’t you teach me?”
Ray couldn’t hold back anymore and said, Damn, is he flirting with you? How can—
“Shut up.” Ray was knocked out yet again as a furious hailstorm slammed into him.
AZ’s expressionlessly looked back at XZ without a single word, but XZ could see it, a cold fury, restrained deep in AZ’s steely eyes, and something else… fear? XZ’s smile fell away, he sat up alertly and asked with a trace of worry in his voice, “What’s wrong?”
He had always treated AZ like this, and AZ always seemed unperturbed and distant, only having the subtlest of reactions. So he didn’t think he was the cause of AZ’s sudden mood shift. He watched as AZ’s eyes dimmed, the fury and that hint of fear hidden away, staring back at him with dead eyes, all lights and all life extinguished.
“Nothing. Sit properly.”
AZ was always cold, but this time it was the coldest, bleakest, loneliest XZ had ever heard and seen him, it pained him immensely, but his face didn’t show, he couldn’t show it. He didn’t know what happened, but he hated seeing AZ like this, he wanted to reach out to break that icy facade and share his warmth with AZ. He realized he had already lifted up a hand, but he stopped himself. He forced himself to relax, to not clench his fist, not grit his teeth. He also forced a smile and said, “okay,” trying to sound breezy and carefree as he turned his back to AZ, to sit properly.
AAZ889 squashed the turmoil that erupted in his heart, ceased all thinking, and mechanically went through his day. He kept Ray suppressed, not letting him wake. When he went to bed, he could finally relax a bit, and he let Ray wake up to deal with him.
As soon as Ray regained consciousness he was about to go on a tirade, but AZ cut him off before he could even utter a word.
“Shut up and listen. Don’t ever joke with things like that.” A trace of frustration was laced in his voice, then he added, “From now on, I’ll keep you asleep when I’m at school.”
AZ’s icy words doused Ray’s rage right away. Instead of being dispassionate and disinterested as before, the AZ now was too sever, too serious. It scared Ray.
What’s wrong?
“You don’t understand anything. You should learn how to stay quiet and observe, to see things how they really are underneath it all, and not be blinded by the brilliance of the surface.”
That was all he said and Ray didn’t ask more. He could be blind as a bat, and fickle as the wind, but he was always perceptive to others’ emotions. AZ was too serious to not do as he said, and Ray understood he was too much. It was just that… he always told himself he was fine alone, and he did feel fine, it was easier to be by himself, people were too complicated. But then, when he had someone else to talk to, he was too ecstatic, too excited. He had Vorm to talk to, but Vorm always felt different, and he was just happy to be able to talk to another human without being seen, without crippling anxiety. How messed up, he thought to himself.
They lay quiet in the dark, and it took a long time before they fell asleep.
*
Ray didn’t say anything the next morning, nor did he complain when AZ let him wake up after school. He stayed quiet throughout the day. He was patient, he watched, he listened, he observed as he was told. He had always been too focused on his inner world to pay attention to anything else, but now, he focused outwards, trying to see what AZ meant, and he felt AZ paid attention to look around more, letting Ray see.
When AZ was lying in bed at night, he suddenly asked, “What have you observed?”
Ray collected his scattered thoughts and started telling him uneasily. There are no old people. I haven’t seen a single old person, that’s weird. Where are all the old people? Everyone is beautiful and handsome, it’s like everyone is perfect. That is also weird. Do the old, sick, not as beautiful people live separately? The birds seem weird as well. It’s like they really are watching. Maybe I’m just imagining it because of what you said and I’m biased, but even though people are smiling and laughing, it all seems strained, as if they were forcing themselves to act cheerful and hide their pain. I must be imagining it.
“You aren’t imagining it. You did good, keep watching.” AAZ889 was pleasantly surprised by Ray’s perceptiveness, he wasn’t as silly and dumb as he seemed to be. Then he softly added, “You will learn learn inevitably.”
They didn’t talk more. AAZ889 didn’t feel there was anything else to say, and Ray was too excited, and was afraid if he said a single word more, the dam would burst and he’d unleash a flood of words. He just kept repeating it to himself ‘you did good, you did good, you did good’. This single praise washed away all his gloom, and he was over the moon. He was overexcited for hours while AZ slept, then he felt spent and exhausted. Ray actually hated being too happy, he found it too draining, and he could barely control himself. After extreme happiness, he’d crash and become despondent and apathetic. He sighed to himself tiredly, good thing he was just tagging along and all he needed to do was watch. Luckily, AZ wasn’t the talkative type either so he would be left alone.
Ray enjoyed the silence the next day for a change. He didn’t feel like talking, and AZ never really talked to begin with. As he kept observing and thinking about everything he had seen so far, he gradually found this place more and more creepy.
As the days passed like this, something occurred to him, and asked AZ, Don’t you have weekends? I’ve been here for many days but each day is the same?
“Weekends? What do you mean? Why wouldn’t each day be the same?”
When do you rest?
“Everyone rests in the evening and sleeps at night.”
Ray realized AZ had clearly no concept of weekend or rest days. He felt unsettled, the bright and cheerful underground jungle city turned into an eerie place in his eyes. He felt he was only just scratching the surface, but all AZ said was that he would see soon. A foreboding, sinister feeling was slowly suffocating him, he wished to know, yet he grew more and more terrified to learn what was underneath it all.
*
Ray didn’t have to wait long.
AZ kept him asleep even after school on that day. It was already evening when Ray was woken up. Here, evening only meant that the lights outside were turned off, and Ray had learnt a couple days ago that you were prohibited from going out after curfew. AZ was standing at his front door, clearly about to go out, but before Ray could ask anything—
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
“Don’t ask, don’t speak,” AZ said.
Ray didn’t ask. He had a suspicion, tonight he would see that which was hidden, obscured beneath the bright lights, colorful plants, and the smiling, beautiful people.
AZ didn’t say more as he opened the door and stepped out. That was when Ray realized AZ was holding something. It was a squarish thing with wheels on the bottom. AZ put it down, it was big enough to comfortably stand on it. When AZ stepped on it, it started to move on its own, as if it knew the destination. Ray would have been scared to fall off of it, but AZ stood firmly, the square comfortably tilting when needed. They sped through the dark night, it was deadly silent as if they were the only one alive. They soon arrived.
AZ stepped off the square and opened the door quietly. It was someone else’s home. It was dark, the lights were off. AZ seemed to know the way as he silently made his way to a door. Ray watched with growing trepidation as AZ carefully opened the door without a sound, stepped into the room, and closed the door behind him just as silently.
He soon stood next to a bed. There was a night lamp on a shelf nearby. He turned it on. A soft glow enveloped the room and the figure on the bed. It was a kid. A little boy, he couldn’t have been more than six or seven. He wasn’t sleeping, he looked at AZ motionlessly, not surprised, as if he had been waiting, and expecting him all along.
AAZ889 sat down next to him on the bed, and said flatly and emotionlessly as if reading a script, “You were deemed defective and are to be disposed of.”
Despite being so young, the kid understood. He had already known. He didn’t move, didn’t scream, he just quietly looked back, silent tears rolling down on his face. There was no hate in those eyes, no anger, nothing but fear and helplessness.
AAZ889 pulled up the kid into his lap and the boy buried his face into his chest. The little boy hugged him fiercely, shaking and shivering. AAZ889 rested his chin on the top of the boy’s head and held him with one arm. He pulled out something with the other, and put it to the kid’s neck while softly saying, “it’s okay, it won’t hurt.”
The boy’s shaking subsided as he slowly fell asleep in his arms, a sleep that he would never wake up from. His breathing grew faint, and then it ceased. Still holding the boy, AAZ889 left just as quietly as he came, the parents ignorant of the horror the night had brought. Yet, they would smile as if nothing ever was wrong, as if they had never had a child to begin with.
The boy’s body was still warm in his arms when AAZ889 dropped it off. He arrived back home soon after. He did everything mechanically without thinking, and eventually found himself lying in bed.
It dawned on him that Ray still hadn’t said anything. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to hear Ray’s voice. He vaguely sensed this was all wrong, the city was wrong, the people were wrong, but he never delved deeper into what he was supposed to feel, he never thought much about it, he didn’t have the luxury of thinking freely.
All AAZ889 could feel was a never-changing cold numbness. He was nothing, but a gear in an unfeeling machine, and did as he was told. But some part of him, that he should’ve gotten rid of long ago, still wanted to know what someone else thought and felt. He could not talk about these things with anyone, no one could. But now, not only could he talk to someone else freely, he could talk to an outsider.
He didn’t know what to say, so he said as a matter of fact, “Now you know.”
Ray didn’t answer for a while, then, he said hoarsely and faintly, No, I don’t. Why?
AAZ889 pushed down all his unnecessary thoughts and answered, “He was defective, thus disposed of.”
Defective? How? It was just a kid… a fucking kid! What the hell you mean defective?
There were a lot of things in Ray’s voice that AAZ889 couldn’t understand, no, he should not understand. It made him even more tired and detached as he said, “Suspected homosexuality.”
...What? He was just a kid how do you even know that? No, that doesn’t even matter, why is it such a crime deserving of death? Why the fuck does it even matter? Who the fuck decided it? And why would you go along with this? How could you kill a child?!
It wasn’t that Ray hadn’t wanted to say anything before as he watched the life drain out of the little kid, but that he couldn’t. He couldn’t, because it happened too fast and unexpectedly, and he couldn’t, because the memories he had tried to ignore burst out of the depths of his mind, replaying over and over, suffocating him. He could smell the blood, hear the screams, feel the girl’s confusion and sense of betrayal. Hundreds of thousands, dead by his own hands. But what tortured him the most... was the taste of the girl’s blood, and the sound of her neck snapping. These repressed memories attacked him with vengeance, bound him tight, pulled him down, chocking, torturing, drowning him in guilt, remorse, shame and regret. His mind lost in suffering. When AZ called out to him, that now he knew, it gave him a slight reprieve, enough that he could focus on what AZ meant, and more importantly, what he had done.
AAZ889 could feel Ray’s questions stabbing and prying at things he should not, the cracks forming in his cold, unfeeling facade. Nevertheless, he explained dispassionately.
“Why are there no old people? Because they are disposed of. Why does everyone look perfect? Because of the defective ones are disposed of. Who decides it? The Grand AI that manages the city. By the way, those birds? Surveillance.”
“The Grand AI is prohibited from killing humans, that is why we are used instead. Not only defective elements are removed, but the Grand AI matches suitable breeding partners based on genetics. However, one of the Grand AI’s directive is to give the human population as much freedom as possible, without impeding on the smooth management of the city. If your partner is deemed unsuitable, you can go through in vitro fertilization with suitable eggs, sperm. There’s a paternity and maternity test done on each newborn, just to make sure. If there is any problem, they are disposed of.”
Ray was digesting all this information for a long while, then asked, How this all came to be...?
“We are taught that the surface was destroyed by humans, but before going extinct completely, they created the Grand AI. Now we live safely in this underground city, managed by the AI.”
Ray didn’t understand, and asked, If the AI cannot kill, why does everyone go along with it?
“Because even this illusory freedom would be taken away.”
AZ himself didn’t notice as his voice grew colder and colder, so cold it was burning. Everything that was buried in the depths, clawed their way up, bursting out, unrestrained at last. “You think I do this because I want to?” he coldly sneered, like icicles stabbing mercilessly.
“Cases like tonight are the worst, it is easier when they scream and struggle. I’d like to at least say I know the exact number of people I’ve killed, but I don’t. Hundreds? Thousands? Does it even matter at this point? We are selected and are being trained from when we are six. After all the matchmaking and screening, there are still defective newborns, you know? My first was a deaf newborn. The second a blind one. After a couple one of those, you either lose your mind and became the defective one to be disposed of, or go numb to it all. We are even prohibited from killing anyone in their sleep. To train our mindset, they have to be awake and know their death came. As I grew up, my targets grew as well. Young, old, doesn’t matter, it’s all the same and the Grand AI watches us all.”
As this desperate outburst slammed into Ray, he realized AZ was never as unfeeling as he seemed to be. He was the way he was in order to survive. Ray could only sight and dully ask, How can humans live like this?
“What humans? The last human has died long ago. We are nothing but sacks of flesh and bone.”
They didn’t speak after, each in their own mind. It was the first time that AZ could freely speak to someone. Underneath all his misery, there was a sense of comfort, gained from being able to share his pain with someone.
Time passed by, but they didn’t sleep.
I slaughtered a whole city, indiscriminately killing hundreds of thousands, young, old, men, women, children, all of them died. Ray suddenly broke the silence. He himself didn’t know why he felt compelled to say this. He would’ve buried it all again if he could, but tonight, he couldn’t.
Back then, I didn’t have my memories, I was a wolf. They killed my family, and I was given to a girl to be tamed and kept as a pet. I was abused and tortured into empty madness, into clinging to the girl. She loved me, as she broke me, in an endless cycle. At the end, I threw away my life for power, and massacred them all. After I died, I regained my memories, I was human before, and only then, did I understood the girl herself was abused by her own brother. I should’ve saved her, but I killed her like everyone else. I keep telling myself I was just wolf without my memories, but still, it’s eating away at me.
Ray didn’t need AZ to answer, he just wanted to share with someone who would understand.
“You can try to make all the excuses you want, to make yourself feel better, but at the end of the day, you killed them. Just as I killed them. We both are murderers, butchers. It’s either I die or they die. Maybe someday I’ll choose to die as well,” AZ paused, “why does it matter whether the girl was abused or not? Does being abused give the right to abuse others? It’s a cause, a reason, but it is no excuse.”
Aren’t you contradicting yourself? On one hand you say we are murderers, no excuses, but on the other, it’s either they die or I die, as if we had no choice.
“I don’t know.”
Neither do I.
They didn’t know, there was no solution, but they felt comforted in each other’s company as they drifted off to sleep.