John dropped the alien to the floor. Blood had spilled from its nose, and its body was twisted and broken.
John looked to the hallway. There was another alien marching down it. This one was similar to all of the other green-skinned aliens save for the fact that it had a few splotches of pink that seemed to be dyed onto it’s skin. It dragged a club behind it.
He jumped in front of the small alien. With a flick of its wrist, it brought its club into the air and faced its head to the sky.
“UGH DAK CHUN!!” It announces with as much pomp as possible.
John swore he saw the small alien swoon as it spoke.
John cracked his neck. He walked over the body of the alien he had constricted. Its bones crunched as he did so.
“I wonder if the tiny aliens taste any diffrent.” John said to himself.
“AHHHHHH!” The large alien ran forward, its club propped up at its side. It was ready to swing.
John kneeled down and picked up the large alien on the ground by the ankle.
He chucked the alien at the other alien.
The living alien swung its club and knocked the dead alien out of the air.
The dead alien slammed into the ground. John darted forward. Swinging at the alien had left an opening. John was sure he couldn’t bring his club into guard in time for his attack.
So John darted forward. His fists were clenched, and he was ready to deliver a decisive killing blow.
Unfortunately, John’s plan did not work out quite like he hoped it would.
John’s version of darting was a normal person’s version of a brisk walk. So, the alien found it easy to bring his club back into guard.
“I guess we’ll just have to brute force it then.”
John walked forward.
The alien swung his club towards John’s head. In a flash, John raised his hands, and the club landed straight into his open palms.
He bent his back and pulled with the club. The alien staggered forwards.
John flicked his leg in the direction of its face. The alien tilted its head to the side, narrowly avoiding John’s kick.
“CRAP!”
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John fell backwards. His leg was hooked onto the alien’s back, so it fell backwards with John.
John looked down at the alien. His foot had been positioned in such a way as to position the alien’s head directly in front of his crotch.
“SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!”
The alien opened its mouth. Its razor-sharp fangs glistened in the sunlight.
John did not have a hint of doubt about what it was going to do.
Its head darted forward.
Unfortunately, it did not get to savour John’s little dragon.
With as much force as possible, John slammed a hammer fist into the alien’s head.
Its skull shattered, and its bones were sent splintering in every direction.
Of course, one of the directions included was directly towards the jewels that adorned John’s sceptre.
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!”
John screamed in agony.
“FUCK!”
He spent what had to be at least a thousand years lying there. The pain was so great that he could not muster the will to move.
Then, finally, after those thousand years passed, John stood to his feet.
Across from him was the small alien. It looked at him with terror and tears in its eyes.
John pointed an accusatory finger in its direction.
“YOOOOOOOU! If you weren’t for you my balls wouldn’t have hurt! I WILL KILLLLLLLL YOOOOOOOU!”
John marched towards the small alien. The small alien’s flat, see-through, glowing blue plates surrounding it increased in size.
“Tiger attack.” It said in well-spoken and clearly enunciated English.
A tiger constructed of its hexagonal plates appeared. It was at least three times John’s size.
It made a mockery of gravity by standing in mid-air like one would stand on solid ground.
The tiger pounced towards John. Its claws were ready to shatter him.
John tucked his shoulders in. He managed to squeeze in between each of the tiger’s claws. But now its face was coming towards him.
Like any intellectual being, John had to ask himself. How would he respond in such a way that he prevents himself from, FUCKING DYING!
Of course, given John’s unique capabilities, he came up with the most intellectual and refined response to this problem. Which was, of course, a front kick.
John’s kick slammed into the tiger’s face. Its plates shattered into pieces, with all the other plates faltering and flickering from existence from John shattering the ones near the tiger’s face.
John then started to stomp towards the small alien.
It was in the fetal position. The alien was unwilling to look at John after its greatest attack had been destroyed.
John smiled. He licked his lips.
The orb of see-through plates still surrounded the small alien.
John stabbed a front kick into the orb.
“EEEEE!”
The small alien bounced back. It ricocheted off the back wall of the apartment and back towards John.
John caught the ball, although the impact did cause him to slide back some.
“Hmmmmm. So I can’t break through you. What do I do now?”
John examined the ball. He noticed that there was a rounded bottom. He had not seen that before. The circle had just curved into the floor.
“Oh. So your orb thingy doesn’t work on inaimate objects or something?”
The alien did not respond. It only floated in the air, still In the fetal position.
To test his theory, John lowered the orb towards the ground just as he thought it passed through.
Next, he blew some air in the direction of the alien.
Its hair swayed slightly.
“Okay. So it lets air through, too. But then, why were those shields blocking the bullets outside? Why did the tiger shatter so easily when those shields blocked bullets?”
John shrugged.
“Eh. Let’s not question alien voodoo.”
John walked towards his oven. The oven was still left open from when he cooked the other creature.
So he found it quite easy to stick the alien in.
He closed the oven door and turned the heat up to max.
He was quickly serenaded with the sound of screams, sizzling flesh and puny hands slamming against a glass door.
“I can’t wait to figure out what a small alien tastes like!” John said to himself. His face was full of giddy excitement.