Hi there! I had some free time so I decided to answer the comments but it took too much time to answer them one by one. So I decided to make an explanation of the story and I hope that it will help you understand the story better.
There is 2 part to the story:
- before the prologue (1st part)
- after the prologue (2nd part)
I won't give any information on what will happen in the second part.
In the prologue, the MC is 18. He will start college the following day. His mental health is somewhat stable. His avatar's name is MorningStar, he has red hair, red eyes, and red wings. He is not an angel.
Since chapter 1, he's 15. He's at the end of middle school (last trimester of his last year). His mental health is dubious. His avatar changed a lot but he has black hair and red eyes and NO wings. At first, he was a wood elf, then he become a nature spirit and then a mara.
It's obvious but the 1st part starts 3 RL YEARS before the prologue. From chapter 1 to 36, 3 to 4 RL WEEKS passed. A lot happened but he's still 15 and he's still a middle schooler.
Don't expect him to behave like an adult, it won't happen until much later.
Some of you think that he's too whiny. Well, he is. He's 15 and the story is written in the first person from his point of view. What did you expect? An adult in the body of a kid? Sorry, it's not gonna happen. It's a personal preference but I just can't, I find it creepy beyond belief. Some people don't like clowns or homosexuals, I don't like kids who behaves too much like adults. I seriously avoid that as such as I can.
The story has several on-going plots. One of them is the MC's road in becoming an adult. His road isn't straight. There's many troubles on it but slowly he's changing and evolving.
One of the most important trouble he has to face is his state of mind.
At the age of 11, he was accused of rape (yes, there's a story behind it, she didn't do it just for shit and jiggles). He lost his friends, his parents (there's also a story behind that one). He was abused quite often. He even had at least one stay in the hospital because of it.
Since he entered middle school, he lived alone with no contact with his parents who he thought was his only family. The abuse stopped at the beginning of his first year when the former headmaster decided that he needed to be home-schooled so that he'll stop distract the other students (yes, there's a story behind it). He goes to school only a few times a year to pass his exams. When he goes, the abuse resumed like it never stopped. The rest of the times, he's alone. He has no friends, no money. What he has in the penthouse is from what was put in storage, what the dorm head gives him and what he could grow (Remember in chapter 4 or 5, the description of the penthouse).
What you have to remember is that the MC lived alone, he didn't have much interactions with people and with the few he had, most of it was abuse. That lasted for 2 and a half RL YEARS. It was like he lived in a bubble all alone. The one thing that happened when you're alone for a long time is that you gradually lose your capacity to interact normally with people.
Now, think about what happened when all of a sudden, he got 5 roommates among whose his ex best friend who betrayed him is. Then, with the games he met more and more people. Each one of them had their own personality, their quirks, their faults. The choices he makes aren't that great either. He's in over his head. He doesn't know how to react to most things as he didn't have any prior experience. It's like he's drowning without realizing it. To make things worse, he discovered that he actually has a family (There's a story behind it. There's already many hints on it.)
All of that plus the stalkers and the police drama happened in just 3 to 4 RL WEEKS.
So excuse the guy for having a breakdown, it was long overdue.
With everything that happened to him, it would be weird if he don't become paranoid. And that's where chapter 33, 34, 35 and 36 went haywire. I recognize that I have gone overboard. I went in a totally different direction from where I planned and I'm desperately trying to salvage the plan.
The first plan was to have a traditional psychotherapy with a shrink with a notepad and the MC lying on a couch talking about his life and slowly spotting where he could have make a difference and changing.
In the version I wrote, after the trouble with the cops and his first shrink, the MC recognizes that he has a problem. That's the first step in him growing up and stabilizing his state of mind. The second is for him to recognize the extent of his problem and asking for help (not just agreeing to the help like he had done). And then, the real therapy that will bring changes will start.
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I went overboard in the things that happened to the MC. You know, him getting arrested and the psycho shrink Dr Gruber. They were in the original plan, just not there. Having them happened a few days apart from each other wasn't great.
In the original plan, the traditional psychotherapy would have been with Dr Gruber, he would have gain Akira and his family's trust to finally revealing himself being psychotic and the ex-boyfriend of Mrs Johansen. He would have caused trouble for the MC without no one realizing it. It would have been fun to write now that I think about it. As you could guess, there was no Jennifer nor TownCity.
Right now, I'm floundering with how to reintegrate the story.
The plan as I said it isn't something written down with every single detail lined out. It's more of a general layout of the story that allows me to go in the right direction. The story is complicated. I can't write a straightforward story to save my life. So I make a list of the major events that will happen. I put them in a certain order and then I write the story around them every week. The order is made so that you don't get all the answers at the same time. Simply put, when I finish the story you will know everything about the MC, his life and the people he knows.
The plan is heavily influenced by the MC's state of mind. You might have noticed but there's barely any information on the real world or the game worlds. There's no explanation or incomplete ones about what's going on in the world and games. As said above, it was like the MC lived in a bubble. He has just gotten out of it and he's not taking it nicely.
In his bubble, the world was tiny. That's why at the beginning of the story you have basically no information saves from some basics. Since he started playing, his world is expanding and you start getting more and more information. But it still didn't get you anywhere clear as He didn't know how to deal with the expansion of his world and the breakdown happened. Now, he's working on it. The more he learns to deal the more information on the world and games there will be.
And with more information came more actions. He will start on his quests, discover all the back-story he missed about his own life, he will understand everything that happened to him. Basically you will have the answers to all your questions about the rape allegations, his family, the police reactions etc.
When I write, I have some rules I try to keep but sometimes it's too difficult and I slip.
1/ At least 1500 words per chapter. I think it's a good number but lately I tried to write bigger chapters with at least 3000 words. I don't know if I'll keep it up. It's hard.
2/ Description. I'm really really bad at it. I force myself to put them in the story. So if you see one, know that even though it's tiny it probably took me one hour to write.
3/ The overuse of adverbs. I try to curb it but old habits die hard.
4/ Show don't tell.
5/ Don't explain everything at once. The story follows the MC. He's the narrator. He doesn't know much and all along the story he is discovering things. You learn at the same time as the MC. It would be counterproductive and confusing if you had the answers before he does.
6/ Don't have simple answers. Simple answers are boring and generally not true. The world isn't black and white. 1 action doesn't automatically trigger a reaction. However, a group of actions will cause a reaction and this reaction will depend on what the group of actions is composed of. so don't expect a straight answer to your questions.
Thanks for reading, hope it was helpful. When the story will advance some, i will write another one like that. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. I will answer but know that I won't give major spoilers.
Also please don't be afraid to criticize, it will help me get better. I don't always spot grammar mistakes, I write some things that don't please everyone on purpose and I go overboard with it. That's 2 of the main things I'm the most afraid of. So please criticize.
Have a nice week-end! See you next week.