The way Robert looked at her was with concern, love and fear. She knew his history and it was one of the reasons she never told him about her issue. The chasm that had grown between them over the last few years was about to get wider. What would happen then? One by one she began to drag the long buried words from her throat, from her soul. “I did’t go into the water yesterday it took me.”

Robert blinked, but his gaze did not waver. Several moments passed before he asked, “What do you mean?”

“The water wrapped around my ankles and pulled me into it and then under it. I don’t have any control over it.” She could tell he didn’t believe her, she could tell he was diagnosing her on the spot. Still, she continued, “When I go under, far enough under, I can breathe.”

His eye brows shot up in surprise. Poor man hadn’t expected this. He took her hands in his and said, “That must have been frightening.”

There was no warmth in his hands or in his voice. This wasn’t going well, like it was ever going to go well. Sophia gulped and nodded. At some point in time she had begun to cry without realizing it.

His eyebrows went back down. His voice became calm and authoritative. “I think you should see a doctor.”

She didn’t ask what kind of doctor she knew. She didn’t want to see that kind of doctor. Why? If she went to see that kind of doctor, she would have to admit something was not right with her. Something was wrong. And though she had always known deep down, that she was different, she didn’t want to be that kind of different…only she already was. Even if she didn’t have a mental illness, she wasn’t normal. All she had ever wanted was to be normal. She wanted to be a normal little girl, a normal teen age girl, a normal young woman, a normal mother, but she had failed to achieve any of these. But what if this wasn’t a mental illness? What if it was real? She could just stay away from the waves. It never happened unless she got close to the waves. From a great distance, she heard her own voice say, “All right. I will contact Dr. Bettin for a referral.”

Robert squeezed her hand and said, “Why don’t you make an appointment with him first.”

This was an extended kindness. Robert was telling her that she and Cleo could go back to Houston, not only for her appointment but to visit her father. She missed him terribly. “All right.”

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He pulled her into a hug. She could feel the frightened thump of his heart. For a few moments they clung together, and then he pulled away. He stood up and said, “Make that call. I’ve got to go to the lab.”

Silently, she nodded. She watched him grab his back pack and test kit. He would be gone for hours. How was she supposed to get through this day? He was not an affection man, but he gave her an encouraging look before he left. It wasn’t a lot but it was enough.

Sophia went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. The warm water washed the sweat off of her. She had run hard that morning trying to outdistance her demon. Over all telling Robert hadn’t been as horrible as she thought it would be. It had been damn hard and she knew he didn’t believe a word of it. Why would he? Her mind raced to what would come next. No, she would not go there. She must not think this would all end with her in a padded room. She shook her head hard and told herself firmly, “Stop it.”

As soon as she was out of the shower and dressed, she called Dr. Bettin’s office. She had been going to see him since she was a child. He had set her broken arm, listened to her heart, and prescribed medicine for her various illness. Through out her life he had been a kind and caring presence. How would he react when she told him. She didn’t want to think about that, not now. His receptionist, Betty answered. She was an older woman with a soothing southern accent. “How can I help you honey?”

“Um, I need to make an appointment.”

“Okay, how soon?”

“What’s the soonest you’ve got?”

“Thursday at 2:00 p.m.”

That was in two days. She could leave that morning with Cleo and spend the night at her dad and Kate’s, possibly the weekend, before heading back to Corpus Christi. “All right, I’ll take it.”

The Betty asked, “So, what is the nature of your visit?”

Sophia for some stupid reason hadn’t expected this question. “Umm, I just haven’t been feeling well and I need to talk to him.”

“Oh, okay Honey, I got you all set up. See you Thursday.”

“Thank you.” Sophia ended the call and sunk to the floor. She was shaking. She pulled her knees up close and hugged them.

The curtain slid open in the hall and Cleo appeared. Her hair was a mess.

In her head, Sophia told herself, Pull it together girl. To Cleo she said, “Guess what, we are going to see Grandpa and Grandma Kate.”

Cleo bounced up and down. Her eyes were bright. She clapped her hands together and sang out, “Hallelujah!” She rushed over to Sophia and threw her arms around her. Her joy was infectious. Some of it seeped into Sophia. Snuggled against her, Cleo said, “I bet Arther has missed me so much. I miss him too. Can he sleep with me when we’re there?”

Arther was Kate’s ancient beagle, who didn’t smell good. Sophia said, “Um, only if he wants to.”

With confidence Cleo said, “He will want to.”

Later, Sophia called to Kate to tell her they were coming.

Kate said, “Oh, Sweetie, this is good news.”

Was it, would it be? Sophia didn’t say a word about her doctor’s appointment. That would be a bridge she crossed once she got there. She had crossed enough bridges for one day