The water grew warmer, it was not a sultry warmth, but a comforting one. The nearer she came to the Sea Castle, the more clearly she could see it. It was absolutely beautiful, a fortress of iridescent shells put together like bricks and mortar. The tall spires had luminescent fish swimming around and around at their tops. They weren’t just light, they were living light. A garden of multi colored coral surrounded the castle. It was like a fairy tale, like a dream. It was beautiful, like a promise kept. Standing in front of the ship timber doors were two women. One was dressed in red. Sophia, immediately recognized her. It was Margaret, Robert’s mother. The other woman was older. She wore a living cloak of sea weed that swirled gently around her. Her mother was still clad in her gold athletic wear. Sophia drifted to a halt before the women.

The first thing she asked is, “Why am I here?”

It was the Sea Woman who answered, “We don’t know the answer to that question.”

Sophia’s second question was, “I am I trapped here?”

Robert’s mother, Margaret, shook her head. She came toward’s Sophia. Her eyes were so like Roberts. She said, “Thank you for loving my son. I left him in a terrible way. I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t know how to stay.”

In her months of therapy, Sophia had learned a few things about suicide and the first was it could not be simplified or tucked neatly away. It was a messy hard process with so much brokenness in it.

Tears stood in Margaret’s eyes, which was a bit weird considering they were under water.Those eyes held such pain.

This was NOT happening. This was a dream and she must get out of it. Sophia didn’t want to feel compassion for Robert’s mother. Anger and blame were much easier to direct and control. She blurted out, “He found you dead.”

Softly Margaret said, “I know, I was there. I watched, and I was devastated by the last memory I gave my son. It was an action I couldn’t take back, and at that point in time, I had lost my ability to endure. If I could have changed it, changed me, I would have.”

This was unbelievable. She had been drug against her will to hear the confession of Robert’s dead mother.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

She turned to her own mother and asked, “Are you dead too?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Do you live here?”

Sophia’s mother gave her an apologetic smile. “I would if I could, but I’ve still got living to do.”

Anger surged through Sophia. “Living that does not include me.?”

“Perhaps one day, it will include you, but I’m not ready yet.”

“What? Why did you have me if you were just going to abandon me?”

For a second, her mother dropped her eyes and then she looked up at her. “I had you because I wanted you. I had you because I thought I could give you a good life. Be honest, your life was much less chaotic once I left.”

This sentence was like a driving a stake into the heart of a vampire, it was deadly. Furious, Sophia said, “You don’t get to tell me how you think I felt, when you weren’t even there. First you left Daddy and then you left me.”

“Yes I did. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I have an illness several. This is not who I planned to be.”

This was not what Sophia wanted to hear. She said, “I want to go home now.”

It was then that the Sea Woman stepped forward. Fear filled Sophia as she approached her. Was this strange woman about tell her how she too would fail and leave her child? She didn’t ever want to do that.

In a voice that sounded like wind on the waves, the Sea Woman said, “Your mother and your mother-in-law didn’t want to do that either. Sometimes, despite a person’s best efforts they fail those they most love. We don’t want that to be your story. As you know, people on the surface deal much better with those who have illnesses of the body than they do with those who have illness of the mind. Too many believe a body can be sick, but not a mind. Right now, you are in a delusion, it is up to you to do the work to escape this place. It will be a life long fight, and you might fail. Failure happens.” She paused a moment and said, “Success happens too, one moment at a time.” She pointed at the swirling darkness beyond the castle. “That darkness will follow you, and it will submerge you at times, it may even take you away. You must respect it and its power. You must also respect yourself and your own strength.”

The next thing Sophia knew she was engulfed in a water spout that was spinning her quickly to the surface. She closed her eyes. This thing could kill her…only it didn’t. She hit her bathroom floor hard. She was in her apartment dry and uninjured.

She still had more questions and a new batch of fears. Had this thing really happened or was it just in her mind? Had it always just been in her mind?

Frightened she got up and dug her phone out of her purse. She went through her contacts and called her psychiatrist. When the receptionist asked, “How can I help you?”

Sophia said, “I need to speak to Dr. Brown. Does she have any openings?”

Several silent moments passed before the receptionist said, “I have a cancellation on Friday at 3:00, can you come in then?”

Robert didn’t have class on Fridays so he would be able to take and pick up, Cleo from school.

“Uh, yes.”

“All right. We will see you then.”

“Okay.” Sophia hung up the phone, Friday seemed like an eternity away. She should have asked to talk to Dr. Brown directly, but she wasn’t very good at expressing herself. She did have therapy tomorrow. She could call her therapist, but she wasn’t ready. All she wanted to do was crawl into her bed and weep. Why was this happening to her?