Worried about Sophia, Robert had been relieved when Cleo’s friend Maria had asked her to come play after school. Sophia had a psychiatric visit and he needed to talk to her alone. Something was up. The last few days she had been unusually quiet. She felt very far away. The past few nights she had slept better, the reason he knew that was because he hadn’t been able to sleep at all. There was something gnawing in his gut. He knew he was being over sensitive, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Last night she been particularly quiet and distant, more distant than she had ever been before. He feared he was loosing her. That fear was strong inside of him. If it was humanly possible, he would not lose her. Panic was ripping through him. He looked around the empty apartment. Seldom was he in this space alone. Cleo or Sophia or both were always there. Actually, he didn’t like being alone. He never had.

The silence of the apartment seemed to echo. This would not do. So he did what he always did when he was nervous or upset. He started to tidy up. He picked up toys that had been left in various corners of the apartment, loaded the dishwasher and even started some laundry. He was not a domestic man by nature, only by worry. Chores made time pass. He kept glancing at the clock. His hope was Dr. Brown was behind in her schedule. His unusual fear was that Sophia had left him forever.

Outside the door, he heard the rattle of Sophia’s keys. He braced himself. Sometimes she came home from visiting Dr. Brown totally wrecked. When she entered, she ran straight into his arms. He held her fiercely. She had captured his heart the first time he saw when she was in her teens. They hadn’t started dating until a few years later. Both had been too shy and too awkward to begin anything that even vaguely resembled a romance until they were in their early twenties.

She pulled away from him and said, “We need to talk.”

These were four of the most terrifying words ever spoken. She took his hand and lead him to the couch. She didn’t let go of his hand. Facing each other, eyes locked, she told him, “This is going to be hard to say, and its not going to make much sense, but I want you to listen to me all the way through. Okay?”

He nodded. It was suddenly difficult to breathe.

She began, “A couple days, I ran into my mother. Apparently she is living here. Sorry, I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know what to say or how to act even. Seeing her sent me to a bad place. I had an episode.” Her hand tightened in his. He felt her eyes searching his soul. He recognized her fear of rejection. He must not let her down in this moment. Reassured, she continued, “I didn’t think to get contact information, or anything, so I don’t know if or when I might see her again.”

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Inside his chest Robert’s heart had begun to race. She was beating around the bush a bit and he needed to know NOW where this conversation was headed.

For several silent moments, her eyes went to the window. When she turned back to him, she hesitated. “In my episode, the water in the bathroom sink sent me up into a waterspout that hurled me into the sea.” She paused and studied his face. Now he was absolutely terrified. Had she gone mad? It took everything he had not to protest. This time he was unable to reassure her. She continued anyway. “I went to the Sea Castle. My mother was there, so was your mother and the Sea Lady.”

Thoughts raced through Robert’s mind, questions swirled. Would she have to be locked up? For a few moments he lost the thread of her story. When she said, “You’re mother told me,” his focus returned.

She held his hand with both of hers. It was obvious, she was pleading for his understanding. Could he give it to her or would he betray her and himself?

“Your mother told me, she was there when you found her.”

Robert’s mind began to reel. He felt like he was about to pass out. He had never told her about finding his mother after she committed suicide. He had never told anyone. Only his dad knew. Had he told her? Most likely.

Sophia’s grip on his hand tightened. “What I am about to say may sound crazy.”

To Robert it all sounded crazy.

“In my dream, vision, illusion, what ever the hell it was, your mom wanted me to tell you that she is so sorry. She hates that you found her. If she could take it back she would.”

Would she? Tears formed in Robert’s eyes. The world seemed to be shifting in a terrible way.

Her voice broke when she asked, “Crazy right?”

He couldn’t help himself he nodded.

“I am sorry for that. But, as a mom, who is struggling, I know how badly I would feel if I ever hurt Cleo like that.”

Anger snapped out of Robert, “But you are not my mother. What ever dream thing you had doesn’t even begin to express everything I went through. An apology, even a real one will never erase that day from my mind or my memory.”

“I know. I just felt like it was important that I tell you what she said. In my heart I believe its true.”

This was nuts. If this was any other moment in time, he would have argued the point but he didn’t. Sophia was trying to get better in a way his mother never had. She didn’t just expect medicine to make her all better. She understood she had to fight and fight hard to get better. Though he was not a praying man, he did pray that this was a battle she would win.

“My therapist walked me through the rest of the vision, illusion, hallucination…whatever it was. She said the most important thing about the incident was that the water released me, it sent me back home. The Sea Lady didn’t try to keep me. Dr. Brown told me I’ve had a break through. I have to take some more tests that insurance may not cover. Still, I wanted you to know, I feel like for the first time since I was five, that somehow I’m gonna be okay. Somehow I will work through this.”

Sophia’s eyes held light, genuine light. He pulled her into his arms. He was not an articulate man. Against her hair, he whispered, “I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”