Sunlight scattered across the water. The roar of the waves was music. Sophia stood on the shore of Crystal Beach watching Robert and Cleo swim in the Gulf. Since Robert had learned to swim, Sophia worried less when they spent a day at the beach. She never realized how much his inability to swim had frightened her until he could swim. As for Cleo, she had taken lessons with her dad and it had been a great bonding experience. Sophia sighed. Cleo was eight now. Having a child was having a living time marker. As every mother ever said, Cleo was growing up way too fast. Too soon she would be one of those hormone riddled teen aged creatures. Still, Cleo wasn’t yet. Sternly, Sophia told herself, “Focus on the moment. This is a good moment.” It was indeed a good moment. One never knew when a good moment was coming or going. Life was like the ocean, one had to ride out waves and bad weather, but one also got to enjoy sunlight on the water and the singing of the waves.
Behind her on a beach towel, he mother sat under an umbrella slathered in so much sunscreen, she reeked. Mama had a fear of skin cancer. Her presence in Sophia’s life was complicated. When Mama took her medicine properly, she was more even, but she was still unpredictable. She always would be. One of the things Sophia had learned in therapy was that she had to let people be who the were. Another thing she learned, that was quite hard was that, she must allow the people in her life to love her the way they could, and not demand they love her the way she wanted to be loved. With Mama that could be damn hard. Still, she wouldn’t go backwards. When her mother had contacted her through a letter right before Robert completed his master’s degree, it had made Sophia happy and relieved. While her journey to the Sea Castle had not been real, she had indeed run into her mother that day. The two never spoke of the Sea Castle or the lady who lived there. Still, the Sea Castle had formed a bridge between them. Never would she and her mother be close, but they could now be together for hours at a time without Sophia feeling like she was going to strangle her.
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She turned away from the water and began to walk down the beach. Many young families were there. A few teenage girls lay sprawled out in tiny colored bikinis. Before she knew it, Cleo would be one of them. A sigh escaped Sophia. Such lovely young bodies. She once had one. Her daughter was going to get one. She shook her head. There was much one had to accept with the passage of time.
Gently, the waves lapped around her toes. The water was warm as it move back and forth over them. She no longer feared being snatched away by the sea. Over the last two years, she and the sea had been getting reacquainted. It was a long process. Did she have the freedom to rush out into the water and join Robert and Cleo? She could if she wanted to, but she didn’t want to, she wasn’t ready to and she might never be ready. It was okay. Every fear couldn’t be conquered just by being faced. This day, she was just thankful she and the waves could be side by side. The waves could rush around her feet, but she was not tempted to enter them. The Sea Castle was something that still haunted her if she thought about it too long. It probably always would.
In the distance, Sophia heard the sound of her child’s laughter. She turned. Robert was pulling Cleo through the waves by her heels. Robert was laughing too. He saw Sophia and lifted his chin to her. His eyes were full of joy. He let go of Cleo’s heel and waved. Cleo flopped over and stood up. She waved both hands at Sophia. Neither asked her to join them. How lovely they looked amidst the sunlight dappled water. Warmth stole through Sophia. Those two people in that sea of light were hers. Hers. She closed her eyes and tilted her head toward the sun. A prayer of gratitude echoed inside of her.