Chapter 37 – A Battlefield of the Mind

Adam gaped as his senses were bombarded from all directions in the Node-like cave. The scent alternated between the stench of alcohol and vomit, to trusted family meals, and dusty hallways. An overwhelming cacophony echoed across the cave of a merciless battle and hundreds upon hundreds of corrupted voices that sounded like Louis and Vera. Although the whole chamber wasn’t visible yet due to stalagmites and rocks in front of them, a dirty reddish light shone on the walls and ceiling. It revealed masses of toy soldiers, stuffed animals and other relics from Caine’s youth. Stalagmites were covered with paintings of the Roosenburg family, colourful cardboard creations Caine had made as a child, and chalk drawings on tiles.

A group of enormous limestone statues that made Adam’s stomach lurch stood on one end of the cave, dominating the room. It pictured the Roosenburg family but seemed oddly misshapen and corrupted. The statues of Louis and Vera clearly used to stand together in an embrace but had been moved apart. Their faces and bodies had undergone so many adjustments and corrections they were barely recognisable. Both disappointed, furious expressions and warm, welcoming smiles had been carved into the stone, seemingly struggling to replace the other.

Between the parents stood a small, sad statue of a young, kneeling Caine who was running his hands through his hair and almost seemed to collapse in desperation. Several feet behind the three statues, like a lonely afterthought, was the small statue of Emily—a misshapen depiction of a sickly girl who lay in bed.

Adam stared at the bizarre, unreal cave with wild eyes, his mouth hung open in unnerved confusion. Emily’s face was even paler than usual. Staring at the ground, her trembling figure seemed smaller, more fragile somehow. Yet, she kept walking nonetheless. Oliver’s eyes darted over their surroundings as if he was trying to soak up as much information as possible.

“If we really are in Caine’s memory,” Adam said slowly. “This place, this ‘Thuraum,’ must depict the issues Caine had with his parents. It’s like an incarnation of the trauma of his youth he had to suffer…”

Emily nodded stiffly and opened her red-rimmed eyes. “Undoubtedly.”

Oliver’s gaze studied the disturbing group of statues. “Astounding… I had no idea. What happened back then must have quite an impact on him, if it’s this prevalent after all those years.”

Slowly, with visible reluctance, Emily neared a rock behind which she could see more of the cave. “Let’s look for the quickest way past this.” Adam and Oliver followed.

The battle on the cave’s floor was like a mad fever dream.

Tightly organized units of Thaler soldiers, armed with staves, slings, and chariots, marched against bizarre abominations that wore white masks. The monsters seemed to depict different aspects of Caine’s trauma, like the shadowy, corrupted versions of Louis that beat into the Thalers with belts and slide rules. Other creatures seemed like they had been humanoid, once, with their masks and black robes, but their bodies had gotten mutated into forms similar to Osaehin and Schultora.

One black-robed monster reared up its long body, radiating guilt, and revealed Schultora-like pincers. It lunged into a unit of Thalers armed with spears. “I wouldn’t need to do this if you would just listen!” it screeched with a haunting version of Vera’s voice. “It’s your own damned fault!”

Many corrupted scenes played out around the battlefield, luring Thalers away from it. Small, Caine-like figures desperately tried to reach the toys on the ceiling, yearning for a happy childhood. But the study books that covered the floor dragged them down like vile quicksand.

In contrast, scenes on the other side of the room showed good times. At a chic dinner table, Vera patiently taught a young Caine the etiquette of dining with high officials of the Starwing Order. All to help his future career. From how to greet monks—never show the palm of your hand when you bow—to the positioning of napkins on the table. When the young Caine made a vivid impression of grumpy old Rüdeger, Vera tried to reprimand him but couldn't stop herself from grinning. When she made a snorting noise in laughter, she briefly looked shocked and attempted to rein herself in, before she doubled over in red-faced laughter at herself. For a brief moment, her elegant social mask was forgotten. Caine almost dropped from his chair as he laughed with his mom.

In another scene, Caine and Louis lay on their backs on top of the roof of their mansion, looking at the stars. The five-year-old Caine rested his head on Louis’ belly as his father explained the proud history of their family. How Caine was special, a prodigy even among the Roosenburg family, and destined to do great things in life. Young Caine closed his eyes with a smile, seeming primarily happy to spend time with his dad.

Looking at it filled Adam with Caine’s yearning to forgive his parents, to forget the pain and bask in the warmth they’d given him as well. Yet the pain, the pressure, the guilt, and the loneliness pressed onto him like an anvil.

Thalers at the sides of the battlefield were lured away. One of the giants among the Thalers laid down his weapons and embraced a friendly-seeming mirage of Louis of an even greater size. Only to be stabbed in the back by a smiling version of Vera, who whispered something in the giant’s ear.

Adam squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head and took a few stumbling steps back. Don’t… get yourself dragged into this mess. Analyse, and filter out the useful details. He exhaled slowly. Focusing on the rational aspects, trying to repress any of the strange emotions, he observed the battlefield again.

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Every time one of the Thalers or monsters died, a familiar green sprite flew up from the crumbling remains. Adam frowned when he saw that whenever that happened, the other combatants would catch the sprite, although he couldn’t see why.

At the far end of the room, at the side claimed by the Thuraum’s monsters, was the opening to a strange, deep-red tunnel. Its pulsing interior reminded Adam of an old wound. Unlike normal openings to tunnels in the Nodes, it was actively moving. At its edges, pulsing branches dug into the normal surface of the cave, as if to expand the infected tunnel.

Inlaid into the scorched, darkened ground inside the tunnel were several trails of the red, glowing pattern. They led outwards into many of the other tunnels, including the one from the tunnel Adam, Oliver, and Emily came out of. Adam noticed the desperate Thaler forces were strategically positioned to defend the few goldish-green patterns on the cave’s floor. In a place where the Thuraum’s monsters broke through the Thaler formations, trails of the red pattern spread over the ground and intertwined with the green trails, forming a new connection. The part of the green trail that led to a tunnel to their left was cut off, and its green light dimmed to nothing.

Oliver stared silently at the scenes below, observing in deep focus.

Emily had distanced herself a bit from the disturbing view. She leaned against a wall, with her knees pressed to her chest. She angrily squeezed her eyes shut as she embraced her legs.

Adam moved towards her, checking if Oliver wasn’t paying attention to them. “I can only imagine what this must be like for you,” he whispered to Emily. He looked at the disturbing group of statues and a cold shiver ran down his spine as he imagined what she must’ve gone through as a child. What can you say in a situation like this? “I’m here if you want to talk. Or if I can, err… help, somehow.” Oh wow, yes Adam, very smooth.

Emily gave a vague, quivering smile and took a deep breath. “I know you mean well, thanks, but please let me be. I really don’t want to talk about it.” When a particularly agonised scream from Caine echoed in the background, Emily squeezed her eyes shut again. “Ugh, damn it! Don’t look at me!” She turned away from Adam, and he quickly walked up to Oliver, giving her some space. Together with Oliver, he observed the battlefield down below for a while. Luckily, none of the combatants gave any notion they knew the group was watching.

“It’s, err… quite something in here, isn’t it?” Oliver glanced at the toy building blocks that dangled on strings from the ceiling. “Quite an unsettling style of decoration.”

“Quite,” Adam said dryly. “I think some of the parts on the monster’s bodies reflect Caine’s emotions about all that happened back then. Like Schultora’s guilt for ‘not studying enough.’

Shakily, Emily got up and walked towards them. “I was thinking the same. It’s… bizarre. Caine was always the golden child; my parents adored him. Yet, I see so much fear, so much pressure, anger and guilt. I think those skeletal, gaseous parts with howling faces depict sadness, or loneliness perhaps.” Emily frowned, her eyes showed a hint of pity besides the confusion and pain.

Adam looked at the sad, overwhelmed statue of his former friend. Despite all that had happened between them, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for the child he used to be. A victim of his parents’ actions, which had probably scarred him for life. Has the trauma about his parents driven Caine to become what he is now? Is this why he wanted to create this ‘better world without suffering’ he told Agatha about?

Oliver looked at the battlefield with a distasteful curl on his lips. “There are a lot of dark, savage parts on those monsters with a scorching red vapour around them. Doesn’t it remind you of the Invocation the past Adam had used during the siege of Eulenschloss?”

Images flashed through Adam’s mind. How his younger self had blown up a siege tower of the Pure with a ball of fire in the shape of a lion’s head. How Desdemona had stopped their combined assault with a roar of endless defiance. How her piercing eyes looked at Oliver with blind hatred before she formed her Invocation in the shape of a bull. “It’s rage, defiance, and hatred,” Adam said with a hollow voice. “I remember them now.” On his left heart, he felt a slight itch in the place of a nearly forgotten scorched mark. Words he barely remembered bubbled up to his consciousness. ‘Gur Asaar.’

Oliver’s eyes flashed to his. “Does this give you any other new memories?”

Adam shook his head. “Just some insight into which emotion grants access to certain Invocations I’ve seen in here.”

Emily glanced over the battlefield. “But are all these monsters the Thuraum?”

“No,” Oliver stated without a doubt. “The Thalers clearly spoke about each of the Thuraum as a single, wildly dangerous entity. Each one spread across the tunnels and needed a lot of troops to ‘push back.’

Adam rubbed the scars on his wrists. “What if the Thuraum is a Node, instead of one of these monsters?” He pointed at the blood-red tunnel, through which several fresh monsters ran towards the battle. “Many concepts, about which Caine has memories, have their own Node, right? Caine’s trauma about your parents might have its own Node as well. I’d guess that tunnel would lead straight to it.”

Oliver gave Adam a questioning look. “But why would the tunnel look so… odd then, if it’s just the path to another Node? And what would those monsters be?”

“The Thalers worship Caine,” Emily said. “They serve him with good intentions and I’d guess they work to maintain his memory the best they possibly can. But a trauma can…” She was silent for a moment, looking for the right words. “Mess up a mind quite a bit.”

Adam smiled at Emily, his academic curiosity coming up. “Exactly! The Thalers try to keep Caine’s memories functioning and stable! But the misery and wild emotions of trauma wreak havoc in his memories. That might be why that tunnel and those red trails in it are breaking up other patterned trails in the ground and connecting with them themselves. The trauma tries to ‘spread’ by making more and more connections to other Nodes!”

Emily nodded. “It seems fitting for a trauma that it wants to expand. That a trauma likes to increase the number of connections, of associations in your memory, that lead to it.”

“So that it lingers in your mind, no matter how hard you try to suppress it.” Adam frowned, thinking of his own pain from the war, the disaster of Ziecherhein, and everything that had happened within his own family. A cold shiver ran down his spine. If Caine has a Realm of Remembrance, it would make sense if everyone has one. How many of those Thuraum would be in my Realm of Remembrance? “Hmm, I do wonder, if this is a trauma, then what would the Roots be?”

Oliver scratched his chin. “Hmm, could be a different kind of trauma? Or maybe it’s another kind of psychological issue? Hard to say. Anyway, the patterned trail we were following leads straight towards the Thuraum Node, or whatever that tunnel leads to. We have no idea to which of these other tunnels our trail was supposed to lead. So, maybe we should delay our audience with the Queen of Glass and go to the Ziecherhein Node.”

Emily shook her head. Although she clearly had to push herself to do it, she looked down again. “No, now that we’ve come this far, I’m not leaving without talking to a Thaler first.”