Chapter 21 - A Glimmer of Trust

As Adam gathered twigs and dead pieces of the Overgrowth to make a small bonfire, he explained to Oliver what had happened to them so far. Although Emily was primarily busy with healing herself, she apparently couldn’t resist making some additions.

They filled Oliver in about their quite different experiences with the blue people. Emily got all excited when she talked about their fight in the pyramid. With a passionate glint in her eyes, she waved her arms to depict how she swung around the temple-like room to evade the snake. In her enthusiasm, she did end up straining her back, so she continued the story with smaller movements of her hands.

Adam explained their theory on how the network of Nodes was structured, and how they should find Caine at the centre. With his old academic enthusiasm, Adam described the mysterious application of sorcery used by Caine, the Shepherds, and the giant. Oliver was all ears; especially concerning the sorcery and strange battle standards.

Oliver was adamant that the Invocations must be some unknown application of the Forbidden Arts. The link with animals was obvious to him due to the peacock and the snake. Plus, both the giant and the Shepherds seemed ‘rotten enough’ to him to use the Forbidden Arts. Emily and Adam weren’t sure as they didn’t see a sign of emotion when the Invocations were cast.

That left Novaseering. However, both Oliver and Emily said they didn’t notice any manipulation of Oquira when the strange Invocations were applied. Furthermore, none of them saw any gestures being used. Adam theorized the giant and the Shepherds had found a way within one of the two types of sorcery to hide its tell-tale characteristics, or to use the peculiar symbols in their place somehow.

With the pleasant chatter of his old friends around him, Adam gradually started to relax. Although it never disappeared completely, the knotted tension in his neck and the sides of his head lessened as he laughed along with the banter. Sitting near the bonfire, he confided in them how he felt about being brutally torn away from his family. How unreal it was not to have Catherine beside him, or not be woken up by Eric in the earliest hours. With a glassy expression, Emily told about her friends in Gotterburg, who were probably worried sick about her. Oliver doubted whether his colleagues could handle ‘the serious responsibilities of his station.’

Adam smiled as they set up their makeshift camp. While Oliver and Emily lamented about Zachalynn’s hold over the Starwing Order, and how they couldn’t wait until she was dethroned, Adam was simply happy to still be drawing breath. They were safe for now, and what was even better: they’d found Oliver and were together. It almost felt like the old times again.

Although one person is missing. Adam sighed and his head drooped. As numerous days had gone by since the events in Gotterburg, the shock had turned into a grim realization of his current situation. And as it did, the cold wound of loss and sadness that lay beneath his rage at Caine became clearer. Even though he hated to admit it, he missed Caine. Or at least the man he used to be. Adam imagined the funny stories the old Caine would have told if he was trapped in here with them, as the smiling companion who mocked everyone and everything.

After a while, Adam lay on his back on a makeshift ‘mattress’ of large leaves. With his hands underneath his head, he stared at lianas that hung from the tunnel’s ceiling, covered in the dim orange light of the bonfire. Ever since the War of the Prophet, sleeping peacefully wasn’t exactly one of his strong suits. Especially when compared to Oliver, who lay straight as an arrow and snored like an ox.

However, there was a different reason he was awake tonight: Emily.

Having taken the first watch, she sat near the fire, a black shape between him and the flickering light. Quietly, she was reaching her hands behind her back for a while, to heal the damage done by the giant.

Adam wasn’t sure what confused him more: her reaction when he asked about the mysterious voices or that he’d actually grabbed her hand. Even though Cath had fought him, he was a faithful husband and had no intention to cheat on her. So, why had he done it?

Furthermore, there was a subject long due to discuss: the small detail of him using the Forbidden Arts. Even though there was no telling how horrified or enraged she would react as a Talon of Aves, he simply had to tell her. With the fights around here, odds were he had to use Invocations again to survive. She would find out anyhow if she hadn’t already, and it would undoubtedly be better if Adam talked with her about it. He would tell Oliver as well, later, but as Emily was usually less strict about the dogmas of the Starwing Order, he hoped she would understand. At least partially. Or, that she wouldn’t immediately cut ties with him. Adam rubbed the scars on his wrist and puffed out his cheeks, preparing himself for what he was about to do. He stood up and walked up to her.

“Well, well,” Emily whispered, laying her hands on her lap. “The prince has awoken from his slumber.”

Adam chuckled. “Mind if I sit with you for a bit?” he asked softly, even though he had never met anyone harder to wake than Oliver.

Emily looked at him, her big orange eyes seemed to glow a bit in the fire’s light. “Sure.”

Adam sat down beside her, taking care not to sit too close. He suppressed his stupid tendency to rub the scars on his wrists again. Damn, why are discussions like these harder than fighting a giant?! “I’ve… err, been thinking about something. Remember when I asked you about the voices in the tunnel, and that you wouldn’t tell me because I would make fun of you ‘like always?’ ”

Emily looked at him with a blank, yet wary expression. She nodded slowly.

Adam swallowed. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I’m not sure what happened in the past, or what I did, to make you feel that way. However, I’m sure I never intended to disrespect you or your feelings. And I want to assure you that I’ll not make fun of you again. Well, when talking about serious matters, of course, I’m afraid the casual jokes are here to stay.”

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Emily snickered, and her expression lit up a bit.

“Could you please tell me about the voices?” Adam asked. “They could provide useful information on where we are or what this place is.”

Emily cocked her head and looked at Adam for a moment. “You’ve really changed, haven’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

Emily frowned and warmed her hands at the fire. “Well, the last time we spoke was during the War of the Prophet. And, err… back then you would have never said anything this considerate. Before the war, sure, I had always known you as a friendly guy. But the War changed you somehow.”

Vague memories came up before Adam’s mind’s eye. How the Pure had gone from town to town in all lands they conquered, killing everyone who refused to join them. How the ruins of once-bustling cities had smelled like ash and death. How Adam had grinned and howled in the fury of battle when he led his cavalry in a risky charge against the Prophet’s towering constructs of war. How Adam had challenged and defeated Jeremiah in a duel, fully aware of the risks involved. At the time, Jeremiah had openly called Adam a fell-handed heretic and wondered when he’d betray them for the Prophet, although he was a lot humbler after Adam was done with him.

Scrunching up his face, Adam tried to repress the inky-black memories again. He held his palms up to warm them at the fire and sighed. “It was a… difficult time. One I don’t like to remember. But how did I ‘change?’ ”

“I had the feeling the fame and ‘glory’ had risen to your head,” Emily said. “Especially after you defeated Ajax and everyone talked about you as the ‘Fist of Gotterburg’ or even as the hope for humanity. You boasted all the time about your achievements, even Caine thought it was a bit too much. You talked down to others and the way you enjoyed fighting became disconcerting. I feared the brutal reality of war, the pain, and the fear made you… err, sorry, that was harsh. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Adam stared into the fire with a grim expression. Although he knew he had changed, he’d never thought about himself like how Emily just described him. The vision from his dreams, in which a blood-covered version of himself swallowed him, appeared before his mind’s eye. He sighed. “It’s okay. At least I’m not like that anymore.”

Emily smiled warmly. “Not at all.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “Some of the voices belonged to my parents.”

Adam’s eyebrows rose towards his hairline. He remembered the condescending male voice and the female voice slurred by alcohol and tried to match them with the trusted people he knew. When Adam and his friends had been kids, Louis had taken them all on small hikes through the forested mountains around Gotterburg. He had taught them to recognize the sounds of the different owls and liked to joke around. Vera, Emily and Caine’s mother, used to say Adam was ‘way too skinny’ and always gave him double portions. Growing up poor, Adam had never failed in gratefully cleaning his plate.

‘Fine! Leave me here to die! It’s not like you care…’ Vera’s drunk voice echoed through his mind.

Adam shivered. Although he’d never imagined them saying anything like that, the voices matched. And it was not like Emily to lie about something like this.

“Wow, that’s…” Adam stammered. “But… your parents never said anything like those voices, right?”

Emily’s face was like a blank emotionless mask. “They did. They just liked to play the ‘happy family’ to all visitors, while our family was rotten to the core.”

“Oof, that sounds… sorry, I’m searching for the right words.”

Emily gave a vague, thin smile. “That’s okay, there are no right words for it.”

“Were they often like this?”

Emily nodded slowly. “Mom was a chronic alcoholic who guilt-tripped us into taking care of her all the time. I was cleaning her vomit since I was seven, I think? No, six. The servants couldn’t know, of course, no bad stories could be told about ‘the perfect Roosenburg family.’ Dad

A cold shiver ran down Adam’s spine and he hunched his shoulders a bit. He wasn’t sure if what had happened shook him more than the way Emily spoke about it. She’s completely used to it. This is the life she has always known.

“Please don’t look at me like that,” Emily said. “I’m not some broken bird, you know? All of this happened years ago and I turned out fine.”

“Certainly! And that’s no small feat.” Adam stared into the fire and gritted his teeth. “You didn’t deserve to be treated like that, you were children! I wish I could’ve helped… somehow.” Adam vaguely remembered how, back when they were kids, Caine sometimes had bruises underneath his clothes. Black and blue marks on his legs and back, that he quickly covered when they were seen. When asked about it, Caine had always laughed and told silly nonsense stories of how he got them, like fighting a moose. Adam clenched his hands into fists when he realized the grim reality. “Did they—”

Emily’s posture stiffened and she shook her head. “I’ve said too much already. What happened, happened, it’s all in the past and I haven’t spoken with my dad in years. So, let’s stop, okay?”

Suppressing the urge to try and help further, Adam smiled reassuringly at her. “Sure. Thanks for sharing this with me.”

Emily nodded, closed her eyes with a soft smile and placed her chin on her knee.

A subtle, tingly warmth spread from Adam’s left heart throughout his body. It urged him to sit closer to her, to lay an arm around her shoulders and feel her warmth. To smell the vanilla scent of her hair. The memory of how her hand had rested in his own beckoned him. Adam clenched his jaws, focused on the ground and ignored the temptations the best he could.

“Please don’t tell Oliver about the voices though, let me do that,” Emily said, not seeming to have noticed anything about Adam. “He’s sweet, but he always worries too much about me and will probably make a big deal about it. He already tries to arrange all kinds of favours and promotions within the Starwing Order for me. Not that I want him to, I want to earn my place myself. When Oliver knows, I need him to somehow keep a straight face towards my dad within the Starwing Order.” Emily sighed. “Anyway, what’s your professional opinion on why the voices of my parents, from the past, would resonate around here?”

Adam puffed out his cheeks. “I can only imagine one person who knows about what happened and has the power around here to implement it. But why would he want his servants to know, or even be constantly reminded about it himself?” Adam ran his hand through his beard. “Hmm, I have one idea. Within the Starwing Order, all who learn Novaseering have to study all aspects of Aves’ life story, right? Because to learn about and understand Him grants the basis to practice Novaseering?”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Ugh, another youth trauma, don’t get me started. I can still recall ‘The Wind around my Wings’ word by word and that shit is boooring. Oh, wait, you’re saying that’s what Caine is doing? Making his servants study his life so they can learn sorcery?”

“His life and Catherine’s, why else would they build such a detailed library? In history, it’s quite common for immensely powerful creatures to let their followers study their lives so they can emulate their sorcery. Many creatures have been worshipped like Aves to learn Novaseering. The problem is—”

“Caine and Catherine are not that powerful, not at the level of a deity. At least, I hope they’re not.”