Nil was barely keeping it together. I’m shocked he’s keeping it together as well as he is. He hated it when I was gone; the instant I returned Nil would try to touch me. Nothing inappropriate, he was struggling without being able to see. Doesn’t help his is trying to repair his body so he can’t feel around him well. Nil held me tight whenever I was around.

It’s okay Nil. I assured him again. His hand was holding mine so tight his knuckles were white.

What’s around us? Nil checked. I wish I could figure out a way to calm him down, but being stranded thousands of miles with him blind was fairly bleak.

I don’t sense anything. I informed him. Nil partially relaxed.

It was difficult to hunt with Nil in his current state. He’s trying to stay strong, but he’s hanging by a thread. Me being gone for fifteen minutes to fetch us water made him panic. We also had the to eat. Not that my tongue hated every second of that; it tasted awful. The meat had this pungent flavor that just lingered in your mouth. Needless to say, we only ate when we absolutely had to. The oddest thing to me was Nil. I just remember him as the unshakable monolith, an unwavering force of nature. Seeing him so visibly terrified was surreal. I saw that incredible stubbornness when he fought the . But now? If I didn’t know any better, he was a normal demon kid terrified about being stranded.

Since we have time Nil, could you tell me about Earth? I requested. Maybe if I distracted him a bit, he’ll calm down.

What do you want to know? Nil inquired as I shifted my hand to be a bit more comfortable.

What were you in your past life? I asked. He said didn’t really exist, but I didn’t think that’d affect the races that much, would it?

I was a human. Nil answered. Huh. Nil was a human. And he still leveled Modinar to the ground; if I recalled correctly, he didn't even spare the rats he hated them so much.

That’s. Wow. I replied, still processing Nil was once a human. Did he love Speranza and his family that much? Wait. Nil really cares about his family in this life. He went ballistic over harm coming to them. Wouldn’t he miss his old family?

What does that mean? Nil probed, clearly not understanding my reaction.

It means you had an insatiable wrath towards humans in the future I remember. I’m surprised you once were one with just how much you hated them. I clarified. How to bring this up? I was curious.

What about Earth? Do you miss it? I asked. Nil’s hand tensed for a brief second as he contained himself.

Not at all. I never want to go back. Nil answered immediately. His voice has this eerie mix of conviction and anger. I’m starting to think he didn’t like humans before he came to Tenebrae.

Do you miss your old family? I checked. Nil chortled in response.

What’s there to miss? I was an only child. My parents were awful people. Nil informed me. He didn’t even look sad.

That was uncharacteristic. Or at least not what I’d expect if I asked him about Azzeck and Senna. He’s clearly missing them. I thought about Dad. It is nice getting to hear and talk to Dad again. I shook my head. Focus. I’ll see him again. I’m confident with how things changed, he’s not dying this time. How bad was his family that he didn’t feel anything towards them?

Do you want to talk about it? I inquired. Nil looked at me, his expression hard to read.

What’s there to talk about? I was their trophy for bragging to their friends, but nothing I ever did was good enough for them once no one else was around. I should have had even more achievements for them to act like the perfect parents with. I don’t think my parents could say a single thing about what I actually liked or thought at my funeral. If I had time to be upset at them, I had time to study. Or do chores. My only break was when company was over, where I’d be forced to recite how my parents got me where I was, and I’d be hopeless without them. The only time the screaming and yelling stopped was when people were in earshot. Sometimes they’d do it in public if I did something they thought made them look bad, which was basically opening my mouth. Nil ranted. His face just gradually became more detached as he thought about it.

Did you ever do something fun with them? I asked. Nil chuckled a little.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

Never. Why should I have fun with their money? If I wanted to have fun, I should work. Didn’t matter I was nine. Nil retorted, silently laughing a little.

What about friends? I continued. An unsettling picture was steadily becoming clear.

I wasn’t allowed to have those. Or date. Or talk to people of a lower social class in any way but down to them. Big surprise I was the most socially competent individual. God kids hated me. I don’t even blame some of them for bullying me like they did. Nil confessed. What’s that word? God? Several things about Nil were really starting to click into place.

What’s God? And how did you deal with all of that? That had to be stressful. I inquired. Nil just kind of thought about it for a moment.

God would be Lords; a higher power people believed in. Not sure if God was real, but I do know Lords are. It was easier to deal with than you’d think; after a while I just stopped caring. I just became so numb to it all. Nil explained. And when he lost things he cared about, no wonder he went ballistic. He projected and unleashed all that pain onto his enemies.

I always wondered why you treasured your family so much. I get it now. I told Nil. His fingers interlaced with mine a bit more.

Is it weird to like your loved ones? Nil asked, sounding baffled by my point.

No, it’s a very normal thing. It’s just your reaction to what happened always seemed too disproportionate and extreme to me. I see why now. You probably never looked back even once. I clarified. Despite the subject, it felt oddly nice talking to Nil like this. Seeing this side of him.

Never even thought about looking back. Ending up in Tenebrae was the best thing that ever happened to me; it freed me from that abyss. I used to feel so trapped, like nothing I did or felt mattered. Even here I never really got to say some of what I was thinking because it would not come out of the mouth of a child, but I at least could express what I felt. And learn . is awesome. Nil added on, smiling. nerd. I get why though. It was something he could explore all he wanted and enjoy how he wanted. Didn’t make him any less of a nerd. I poked his cheek.

What was that for? Nil inquired, looking a bit confused.

Lying. I stated with a smirk.

Lying about what? Nil exclaimed, sounding befuddled.

We both know you’re a massive nerd. You probably spent every waking moment trying to practice and learn more . I teased him. Nil looked a bit crimson. I forling knew it.

Not every waking moment. Nil deflected weakly. He probably practiced as much as his baby body could handle and then some.

You did have to eat at some point. I conceded. Nil turned a bit redder.

I wasn’t that bad. Nil lied. We both knew I was not going to believe that.

I’m willing to be anything the amount of you endured as a child was not healthy. I imagined you were utterly obsessed. I taunted. Nil’s face gave me the answer.

So? Nil pouted. I chuckled softly, keeping my voice down.

It’s fine Nil. It’s fine. I told him. Nil looked like some weight was taken off his shoulders.

I’m pretty sure my family thinks I’m weird. Nil informed me. He seemed a bit happier now, and a lot more relaxed.

Think? Beyond a shadow of doubt. You are the oddest child. I teased. Nil nodded in agreement.

What was your last life like? Nil asked. I thought of how to phrase my answer.

It was relatively happy and normal until I was about fifteen; I was a terrible student until then. I never understood why my dad would get so frustrated until I met you. I was definitely a brat, which I regret, but I can make it up now to my dad. Things have been going better than last time up until recently. I explained, trying to keep it a bit vague.

What happened when you were fifteen? Nil inquired. How do I answer this? I guess just tell him. I kind of didn’t want to. But it tends to end badly when you lie in spots like these.

You became Emperor after your parents died. I informed him. Nil looked a bit uncomfortable.

I’m guessing I wasn’t that nice. Nil sighed. That’s one way to phrase it.

You were upset and you made sure the world paid the price for it. I originally turned a blind eye to your increasing hatred. In the end, however, I tried making a stand against you. I was not alone as several fought valiantly to try and get some ground. It ended the same for everyone. I eventually lead the resistance against your tyranny. Those last eight years of my life were nothing but struggle, strife, and suffering. I told Nil. Nil’s face was ashamed.

I’m sorry. Nil apologized. It was weird hearing him apologize for events that would likely not be repeated.

Don’t apologize for what a different version of you did. I don’t think you are the monster you were. I snapped at him. And I was going to make sure it remained that way.

I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry I’m not a good listener. Nil continued. I poked him again.

I’m aware your people skills suck. I at least know why now. It is nice to be able to talk about it. I’d like to tell you more, it’s just a lot of it went pretty okay until Dad died. Then things got really hard. I missed him so much. I love being able to see him again. I explained. He at least tried.

What are we going to do? Nil asked me, clearly struggling with what to do.

First, you’re going to heal. Your vision should return in a couple of days. I hope. I’m not entirely sure how fast heal. It shouldn’t be too long. Then we’re going to find our way to a town of some sort to get a sense of where we are. I told Nil. Nil nodded in agreement, looking a bit guilty.

Okay. Nil agreed. Once he healed, he should be back to his more confident self.

Now could you tell me more about Earth? I requested as I let go of his hand.

Nil panicked for a second, quickly reaching around looking for me. I sat down on his lap, summoned our smelly pelt, and snuggled in for warmth. Nil took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. We just exchanged stories from our past lives to pass the time as we slowly drifted off to sleep.