Nil

My progress with the infernal ball was definitely not good; this ball was beginning to taunt me. There was laughter emanating from it. Okay, maybe Lux, but still. It had been a week since Lux started using me as a morning punching bag, and it felt like I had barely made any progress. I could somewhat lift the ball now. It was by no means steady, but I could lift it and keep it in the air for a solid two seconds. Improvement. was proving to be quite tricky as I had tried using it in the imperfect form I currently could use on Lux. Turns out, moving a living, speeding, and for absolutely no apparent reason angry creature was way harder than moving the ball. I was currently to increase how hard my body was. It’s minor but it’s something. As long as I kept it up, at least Lux hurt her paws on my face. Take that Lux. My mom entered the room and took me to the dining room for breakfast.

“You always look so dirty in the mornings. You and Lux must roll around a lot.” Mom chided. Yes, that’s why. No other explanation.

Thankfully, Uncle Nox kept potions handy each morning. The taste of potions was not something I think I would ever get used to. I think the taste was starting to give me nightmares; I shuddered just thinking about it. Why did they taste so bad? You think you’d get used to it, but they tasted just as bad each time. At the breakfast table, my dad was eating a piece of toast, looking like a zombie. I guess I never have said, ‘papa is the best!’ out loud at the table yet. He looked like he could use it today. My mom set me down in my chair and began feeding me. My Uncle took his seat next to my dad with a large smile on his face. What had him so cheery?

“You look chipper this morning.” Dad groaned at Nox.

“I met someone the other day, and I think we are off to a fantastic start.” Nox replied excitedly.

“How did you manage that?” Dad probed, which got some side-eye from Nox.

“Who are they?” Mom asked while giving me a spoonful of what I think was broccoli.

“For the last time, I am not telling you two anything.” Nox retorted. My parents just shrugged.

“Way to go brother!” Dad chimed. He sounded dead inside as the words left his mouth.

“Papa is best!” I exclaimed. My mom whipped around, shooting my dad a death glare. On the other hand, my dad’s face absolutely lit up.

“That’s my boy!” my dad exclaimed with all the life back in him.

“You taught him that phrase! You coached him, didn’t you?!” Mom snapped at him.

“When would I have had time to? He must have gleaned from context.” Dad retorted. My mom’s eyes got really narrow; she seemed to be trying to melt his brain through his eyes.

“Come on Nil, can you say, ‘mama is best’. I know you can.” Mom requested.

“Mama is best!” I repeated. She seemed really happy with that.

“Can you say Nox is best?” my uncle checked.

“Nox is worst!” I replied. His eyes seemed to bore holes into my soul. I really should be nicer to my uncle; it’s just so fun to mess with him.

“And before I try to assault a baby, I am off.” my uncle announced, simply vanishing from existence.

Breakfast ended seven minutes later, and I was under the care of Helga. I was trying to use on this blasted ball. You will move the way I want you yet! Again, I got the anchor to form on the ball; this step was becoming easy to me in general. I imagined this anchor sensation was in a lot of . Was it the reference point? Maybe what I am using my on? I don’t know, I wish I had more formal training with . What was I doing wrong? The breathing for keeping my stable was becoming second hand to me, and I was focused on it, trying to enter some focused state. Nothing as I expected.

I felt the issue was in how I was using my . I mean, duh, the is not working as intended. When I used , it felt like waves I was emitting, kind of like sonar that I was using to feel and sense around. What did I need to do? Visualize the shape? I tried feeling my , to no avail. Maybe my could shed some light. I still haven’t seen a bird, so that sensation was not right yet. I flowed my into using my which I could feel the strain that accompanied it activating. My vision sharpened a bit, and the odd sense of exertion that followed. I tried forming my again, and a black blob slowly emitted from my hand. It was malformed, oddly shaped, and frankly like I made a club of . My eyes were starting to feel quite strained. Helga lunged over towards me.

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“NIL! STOP NOW!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.

I stopped immediately, just looking at her confused. Helga quickly produced a ring, put it on, and snapped her fingers. Magus Erli materialized in an instant. She took a quick look at me, and immediately began inspecting my eyes. They felt fine, so why were they so concerned? Being a baby is so inconvenient at times.

“ from using his . Good thing you stopped him. I would try to heal it, but eyes are quite tricky and beyond what I can fix without risk. Thankfully, you stopped it before he did any real damage.” Magus Erli replied. My mom burst into the room. Mama bear sense was definitely tingling, or she heard Helga scream. Actually, knowing her, she probably has some keeping an eye on me.

“WHY ARE HIS EYES SO CRIMSON?” Mom pressed as she rushed over, again inspecting my eyes. Lux let out a groan in the corner, showing her displeasure at the loud noises.

“Empress Senna, he strained his eyes from using his . There is no serious damage other than his eyes will be a bit bloodshot as they heal.” Magus Erli informed her.

My mom looked at them and seemed to let it go with a sigh. She picked me up and hugged me close. Maybe it is not my that is the problem, it was probably I had no idea how to use it. And apparently the is a bit more than I realized. My mom rocked me softly as I thought it over. It did give me some insight onto my problem though: my control absolutely sucked. That was a malformed mass at best. I tried to form my again, trying to form it in something more streamlined. I had no idea how I was doing. How was I supposed to learn when they wouldn’t really teach me? Guess and check was my current method; wish I had a better one. I could kind of sense around my at the moment. Wait, I can sense around it. I tried narrowing what I was sensing. It slowly narrowed which was awkward and mentally taxing to say the least. After struggling for over an hour, I was beginning to get the hang of it, but it felt like my head was about to split in half. Why does using in new ways cause such mind melting headaches?

After the world started to appear to be twisting around the edges of my vision, I stopped using . What was something I could do in the meantime? My supply was quite full still despite the fact I had been practicing. always seemed to be a good idea. I began circulating my through my body as usual. It was normal, until it reached my eyes. Lemon juice mixed with hot sauce would have been less painful, but my did not stop. It felt like my was trying to make my eyes explode. I quickly circulated it away, which made the pain subside. Unfortunately, it went to my heart, where it felt like my body was revolting. In all honesty, it felt like my heart seized. I quickly compressed my , trying to quell it. Something cracked, and instead of the usual wave of heat, this was pure magma. What is happening? I quickly circulated my through my body; I needed to power through the pain. Once it reached my eyes again, I about passed out.

Why was this so painful? What did I do wrong? At this point, I noticed Helga and Magus Erli probably having panic attacks behind me. I could hear Lux growling at them as they got close. The cycle alternated between flaming agony in my eyes and what felt like my body melting. I pushed my through my body desperately to combat this. It hit my eyes again, so I tried compressing my in my eyes, similar to how I did it in my heart. Please subside the pain. It had an effect. Definitely not one I desired. I thought the pain before was bad, this was so much worse. It felt like I strapped a car battery to my optic nerve. But I couldn’t stop it. If anything, it was getting worse, until a large crack reverberated through my body. Words could not describe the pain that followed as my body seemed to revolt against itself.

I felt a massive fluctuation of . My eyes were best described as having a hot poker coated in lemon juice and hot sauce, while a car battery flowed current through it, slowly twisted into my eyes. The magma from my heart just flooded into my eyes. My was being forcefully circulated between the two, cooling, compressing, and exploding from each. My was absolutely out of control. I think I heard Grand Archmagus Solomon. Desperate, I tried to force my out of my body. Oh boy was that a next level bad idea. Once it reached my skin, the surged along my skin, giving the sensation I was on fire. The pain was overwhelming; this was not going well to say the least. I forcefully drew the back in, and the heat only increased. Why is this so painful? What is causing this? I wanted to rip out my own eyes. After a minute of the heart to eye hell cycle, my eyes made a pop sound as all the pain subsided. I opened my eyes, making sure I could still see. Then my eyes felt like they got hit with a sledgehammer; my senses felt they were being overwhelmed. I closed them and the sensation died down. I felt my mom pick me up and cry out my name. I couldn’t muster any strength to respond; my body felt like an empty husk. I heard my dad calling out my name as well before I finally succumbed to the pain my body was in and passed out.