Still nonplussed over the interaction with the attendant at the border crossing, I absently led Aurum by the reins through the open portcullis and into the small town that had grown beyond it. Too easy... that was just too easy.
Nora couldn't hold back her laughter any longer and let out a boisterous “Bwahahaha!” from behind me. I turned around to see her struggling to control her horse, Obsidian, while tears streamed openly down her face. “Your reaction was priceless! You looked as though you were smacked in the face with a fish! Ahahahaha!”
“Can you really blame me?” I asked with mock petulance. “That guy could have played the straight man in the middle of an apocalypse...”
Nora continued to chuckle. “Did you hear what he called us? He obviously never heard me sing!”
“Honestly though, I'm just relieved we didn't have too much trouble...” I trailed off as I caught a glimpse of Relias's face, his expression as dark and threatening as a brewing thundercloud.
“He referred to us as itinerant minstrels relegated to the basest forms of bawdy entertainment!” he almost shouted indignantly.
“Pfft! Don't mind the NPC,” Nora said with an absent wave of her hand. “So what if he thought you were a spoony bard? We all know you for who you are.”
“NPC...? ...Spoony? I am at a loss to comprehend the essence of your words,” he replied in confusion and irritation.
“Ah... Sorry...” I replied guiltily on her behalf, knowing she was using slang he had never heard. “She's just trying to say his opinion doesn't matter in the slightest.”
“He cut me off mid-sentence,” he uttered with a weary exhale. “To exhibit such flagrant disregard towards a man of the cloth... Does this reflect a broader sentiment of disdain towards our world's holy institution among the populace?”
“I wouldn't take it so seriously,” I reassured him, trying to be delicate. “He may have simply not been intelligent enough to grasp your message.”
“Are you suggesting that my articulation lacked clarity?” he asked, his brow furrowing.
Crap. “Um... Sometimes... you say things so profound that us ordinary folks can't comprehend it...”
He turned his full azure gaze to me. “Us? Then... you, too, have trouble with my words? Did you not mean it when you said they were eloquent?” Well, yes, but also...
I desperately looked around at the others and tried fixing them with a mental command. Someone else needs to take over this conversation right now!
“You know she can't answer that either way,” Vernie remarked, much to my relief. “Poor thing's going to call herself stupid or lie to your face.”
Relias continued his defensive argument, targeting Vernie instead. “I'm speaking in High Common to convey words of respect for proper reflection!”
“And when exactly did High Common become popular?” Vernie asked, her eyebrows arched and arms crossed.
Relias stopped walking entirely, taking a moment to think carefully before answering, “It was approximately the 15th century, with the advent of block printing... However, I fail to discern the pertinence of this detail to the matter at hand in our discussion.”
“Over two thousand years ago,” Vernie confirmed. “Yet you're acting like it should still be in style now. Get with the times!”
Relias opened his mouth for what I could only guess was another retort, but he closed it slowly, his face shifting into embarrassment. “Perhaps I am out of touch... I will work on my vernacular so that even... NCPs can relate to my words.”
“NPC,” Nora corrected without bothering to tell him that wasn't a saying in Speranza.
Relias nodded. “Thank you, Lady Nora. I shall further endeavor to foster meaningful conversations with those in my presence. I do not wish to be regarded as a spoony bard ever again.”
I coughed, giving Nora a sidelong glance. “Your Holiness, I am absolutely sure no one else would ever think that of you.”
He sighed softly. “In moments where it is solely our company, might I request you address me simply as Relias? The title 'Your Holiness' seems so peculiar when spoken by you...”
Oh... “Certainly, Relias.” I smiled, receiving one from him in return. “And maybe... you can call Nora just... Nora?”
“Yet, it was she who advocated for such a mode of address...?”
“Oh, she did, did she?” I asked archly, once again narrowing my eyes in her direction.
“Hey, look! Candy!” Nora pointed swiftly to a roadside stall.
“I'm not going to fall for...” I glanced over anyway. “Woah. It really is candy!”
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
Without further ado, as they say, Aurum and I made a beeline for the mobile sweet shop. Digging around in my pockets, I found the dark-colored coins I had earned back in the wastelands. “How many can I get for this?” Mmm... Honey candies... So good to see you again!
“We don't accept foreign currency here,” the stall operator announced, sneering at the coins in my open palm. “Come back with real money.” Not with that attitude, I won't!
I made a rather indelicate sound and turned away, only to bump into Tetora, looming directly behind me.
“You should take another look, merchant,” he advised cooly. “Umbra marks are supposed to be welcomed everywhere.”
“A real t-tiger!” he shouted in alarm, turning pale. “Oh, are they, uh, Wasteland Umbras? I've never seen them in person... so of course you can see my confusion, yes?!”
Tetora raised his brow, seemingly missing the half dozen guards starting to close in our location. “So, how many honey candies can she buy with one?”
He hesitated, obviously waiting for his backup. “I... don't know the conversion rate off hand...”
“Just forget it,” I said sourly, glaring at the merchant. “I have a feeling they aren't as good as they look.”
“But--” Tetora stopped, his ears flicking backward as he caught sight or smell of the encroaching neighborhood watch. “You're right. It's not worth it,” he said with a defeated sigh as I led him back to the rest of the party by the hand. I thought it was odd that they let hybrids in without much of a fuss... but that's about as far as the courtesy extends, huh?
Through an unspoken agreement, we decided not to stay overnight within the town's limits but continued far enough into the countryside so as not to incite any drama over our sleeping arrangements. We found a well-worn clearing to set up camp for the night.
“How long until we get to Amantia?” I asked as Relias prepared the evening tea.
“By divine grace, our journey should culminate... I mean, we should arrive within two weeks,” he replied carefully as he placed two honey candies in my hand.
I held up one of them. “Um... do you care to explain?”
“One for before and another for after your tea?” he smiled innocently.
“You didn't pay for these, did you?” Despite myself, I unwrapped one anyway.
He put a hand to his chest piously and bowed his head. “A kind soul bestowed these upon me, entrusting that I would employ them in the service of good and righteous deeds. Unfortunately, I was so overwhelmed by their act of generosity that I did not inquire about the method of their procurement.” Et tu, Relias?
“Try for less than 25 words next time,” Nora laughed. “But I think in this context, wordy works.”
“Which one of you... never mind,” I muttered, sticking the candy in my mouth. “You're all basically accomplices at this point, but you also have each other's backs, so I'm sure I'll never know the true perpetrator.”
“And you just joined us, eating the evidence,” Vernie laughed.
----------------------------------------
We made a sharp turn to the south a few days in before curving westward around the jagged spine of mountains that seemed to both connect and divide the majority of Central Speranza. While Turri was mostly a mix of forest and farmland, Ecclesia favored vast grass plains dotted with thin, lazy rivers that attracted flora and fauna, expanding our diet greatly. Aleph took time here and there to gather a number of herbs for his satchel while the horses waited patiently, grazing on grass and clover alike. Into the second week within Ecclesia's borders, we began to intersect with several other roads, each with signposts pointing off in different directions.
“Amantia. Five leagues,” I declared, glancing at the helpful wooden arrow pointing to the southwest. “That's not all that far, is it?”
Aleph nodded. “Yes, we're still on time. Hmm?” He walked around the signpost to read from the parchment that had been nailed to it. “How interesting...”
“What does it say?” Nora asked before I could.
“Perhaps you two should see for yourselves,” he murmured, pulling the flyer off the signpost before offering it to us.
> Announcing the Feature Presentation at Amantia's Annual Festival!
>
> Come one, come all! Gather around the grand stage and witness “The Legendary Tale of Raelynn Lightbringer” as she embarks on her daring journey to defeat the evil Demon King. This dramatic reenactment, performed by the Ecclesian Eclectics, is filled with bravery, enchantment, and the never-ending struggle of good versus evil.
>
> Date: Day of Rest, Week Three, Month of Second Blooming
>
> Location: Grand Stage, Eastern Tiltyard, Amantia
My mind was suddenly filled with an uneasy feeling as I blurted out, “A play?”
About me? Without my permission?! Where are my royalties?
“A play!” Nora echoed in excitement.
I tried not to sound too hopeful. “Maybe we missed it already... It's almost summer now, so..."
“Nope!” Nora cheerfully rejected my wish. “It's tomorrow!”
Of course, she'd know the Speranzan calendar...
By this time, the others had also perused the flyer.
Hmmm... Oh! “Well, it's a shame,” I lied with a shrug. “However, we have more important things to do than watch a few bards put on a show, right Relias?”
“The King himself is the singular benefactor and patron of this particular theatrical company,” he explained ruefully, shaking his head. “It is reasonable to surmise that His Majesty shall grace the performance with his esteemed presence. We must attend as well.”
No! You were supposed to agree with me! “We really... have to watch the whole thing?”
Relias sniffed in disdain. “We also must strive not to heckle their performance, no matter how awful it is.”
At this point, I really should have just kept my mouth shut, but I still had some wildly misplaced hope. “It's probably just a small community festival and play, right? Nothing we can't handle...” Sure, Amantia is the capital city, but Chairo was the place everyone talked about.
No one felt the need to answer me in the moment. However, several hours later, as we approached the fortified castle town of Amantia, our eyes were met with a surreal sight - its borders adorned with a sea of colorful tents billowing softly in the evening air, illuminated by a vast array of campfires. The scent of burning wood lingered in the air, mingling with the unmistakable odor of unwashed bodies. As my eyes scanned the enormous crowd surging outside the town gates, a creeping unease began to take hold, sending shivers of anxiety down my spine. Their colorful costumes, off by just a few shades, mimicked our battle gear. Some humans and hybrids had their faces painted with stripes resembling those of white tigers; others donned horsehair wigs in shades of red and rose gold. Ox horns, both fake and genuine, protruded from some heads towards the sky. The holy sages were dressed in all off-white garments, possibly to avoid offending the local priests. However, there was not a single person with the tell-tale markings of a dark sorcerer, let alone a demon lord.
“It's a hero con!” Nora gasped in delight. While I wanted to disagree vehemently, I couldn't, given the sight before me and the fact that I just couldn't find the words, too busy retreating into the sanctuary of my mind. This is just another weird nightmare... right?
A girl strikingly similar to a young Vernie waved at me and exclaimed, “Your costume is amazing! Did you make it yourself?”