Chapter 9

You Are Safe

TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter is largely a big panic attack Jabez has, where he has a flashback and fully believes he is back with the snake. He fights back against what he believes is the snake. There is no self-harm, but I believe in the very brief mention that it’s clear what was going to happen. There was no intent of self-harm, but it would’ve happened if another character hadn’t stepped in. In his flashback/panic attack, Jabez does unintentionally harm others trying to help when he believes he is going to be trapped by the snake again and is fighting against that belief. There are also a few brief mentions of scars from past injuries Jabez has inflicted upon himself

Consciousness returns in pieces.

I drift in and out of reality, hearing snippets of conversation before falling back into the darkness of my mind and slipping away again.

“-will wake up!”

The voice sounds familiar, high-pitched, almost shrill in how they whine the question.

“Maybe,” another voice says, low and rough, almost a growl. It’s less familiar, but I still recognize the tone.

“He will.”

“I hope so.”

“You better mean that.”

There’s a pause. “I do. I know you care.”

“You care too, don’t you?”

There’s another pause. “I do. Not in the way that you care, but I care.”

I drift off as I float on the waves of my consciousness.

xxxx

I don’t know how long has passed by the time I manage to wake up and stay in reality.

I take a deep breath, sighing out an exhale, and stretch my legs and flex my toes. My joints shift and a few crack. Every movement is sluggish, and my body feels numb and like it belongs to someone else, like I’m a stranger in my own skin.

“Jabez!” someone shouts.

I pin my ears against the sharp sound.

“I know you’re excited, Astra, but Jabez is likely very tired. We need to be gentle as he heals.”

I paddle my way through my mind, seeking and searching until I’m able to connect enough with my body that I can move with more intention.

When I open my eyes, it takes me several long minutes before I can make sense of my surroundings. I’m in one of the tents in the Sea. A person I don’t recognizes sits in front of me, fingers laced together with a silver ring on their left hand. They have long hair and soft features but a stiff expression. A scar cuts through their right eyebrow and ends partway down their cheek, leaving one of their brown eyes partially squinting. They perk up when they see me watching.

“I’m Wyatt,” they say.

“Jabez,” I whisper in reply.

Astra’s wings flutter and rustle as she watches me, eyes wide as she bounces on her paws. Grey and Brook both nod.

“Nice to meet you. Your friends here say that you use he, him, and his pronouns. May I confirm with you?”

“That’s right,” I murmur.

“Thank you. I use they, them, and theirs pronouns.”

I nod as my head swims. I try to cling to Wyatt’s words and turn them over in my head like stones on a riverbank, but they slither away like snakes in the-

Snakes. Snake. The snake.

Fuck.

My body freezes, turning to ice in an instant. I go still, and memories come crashing over me in a massive wave I cannot escape. I’m helpless, a whine slips from my throat, there’s something wrapped tight around my neck, and I can’t breathe. Backing up, I’m met with resistance that only adds to the panic seizing my insides. Ice swirls around my paws, draining energy I don’t have and leaving exhaustion to amplify the haze around the edges of my mind. Flashes of the Throne Room flicker through my vision, and I feel the thrum of energy from the Amethyst Throne all around me.

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“You are in the Sea, Jabez,” someone says. “You’re with Astra. She’s safe.”

“Snap the fuck out of it,” someone snarls.

“Shut the fuck up, Phoenix. Do you want me saying that the next time a nightmare hits?” someone else spits.

“He’s not there!”

“You’re not either! Do you really think you can control something like that? I know you don’t like Jabez, but at least be civil.”

“I’m taking a walk.”

“Yes, do that. We’ll still be here when you’re done.”

Memories of the silver glint of the snake’s chains and the weight of its body as it slithers over me slink through my mind, weaving through every place I thought was safe in my mind and cutting through the peace of the last remnants of unconsciousness. I can feel the snake coil around my body, squeezing and chittering as its amethyst eyes glitter and sparkle. Its fangs curve into sharp points that I can see so terrifyingly clearly, and I shudder. The snake draws closer, nearing my neck.

I lash out, claws tearing through something soft beneath my paws. My tail arcs behind me, spines ripping into something stiff beside me that quickly gives.

The snake remains, though, and it climbs further up my body. I feel the fur around my shoulders prickle as the snake zeroes in on my spine. My breath catches in my throat, I cry out, and I reach up with a paw, claws unsheathed and ready to pull the snake off of me.

Someone curses and I hear a flurry of footsteps that don’t make sense. Guard and Soldiers would kneel for the King; they wouldn’t run. And the King never leaves the Amethyst Throne.

Hands grab my paw before I can fight back against the snake, while another lands on my side.

“Jabez, please,” someone says as I thrash in their grip. “Breathe. Please, breathe.”

“Clear out,” someone else says, voice calm in a way that cuts through the panic. “Jabez needs space.”

I squeeze my eyes shut when the snake’s purple eyes become all I can see, except that it follows me into the depths of my mind, chains clinking as it follows me into the icy waters of my head. Even in my mind, the snake chases after me.

I’m on my back, forepaws held in a firm hold despite my writhing attempts to escape. The snake’s chains pinch my fur, holding me fast, and I kick out with my hind legs. Someone grunts and lurches back.

“Jabez, you are safe. You are in the Sea. I am Wyatt talking to you right now, and Grey is the one holding your forepaws. He is doing that for your safety. Take a deep breath, Jabez. You are safe here. You are in the Sea, in my tent, where I can give you medical attention. Can you please nod if you can hear me? Take your time.”

I pull back against the snake’s hold-. Grey’s hold?

I drag in a breath, and then another one. Instead of the sharp jerk of chain links catching on fur, I feel the curve of fingers around the back of my paws. There’s no pain like there was with the snake. I take another breath, feeling my heart rate begin to slow. The voice —Wyatt— is one I’ve never heard before. I knew virtually everyone close to the King. But Wyatt, I don’t recognize them.

It’s enough to get me to continue taking in deep breaths. Wyatt counts out inhales and exhales, and I follow along, focusing on their calm voice until the panic slithers away like the snake, although it doesn’t disappear.

When I’m able to fully reconnect with reality, only Grey and Wyatt are in the tent with me.

“Hello, Jabez,” Wyatt says, kneeling by the head of the bed I’m lying on.

Large gashes carve through the bed, and scattered feathers cover the blankets repaired so many times they’re more stitches than fabric at this point. Behind me, in the thick burlap making up the walls of the tent, more gashes give little peeks through to the rest of the Sea. A breeze stirs up dust, a handful of people walk by, and a few Guard ride by on horses.

“Hi,” I croak out, unable to meet their gaze.

“Can I get you something to eat, or perhaps some water?”

I shake my head.

“The snake came back,” I whisper, as if saying it any louder would make it true. My skin prickles with the sensation of the snake’s chin gliding over the back of my neck.

I lift a forepaw to scratch at my throat, but Wyatt holds up a hand.

“Please don’t, Jabez,” they say. “I wrapped a bandage around your neck. It took a long while to stop the bleeding, and I don’t want any more harm to come to you.”

“Is… is the snake gone?” I need the confirmation, to hear the words said out loud.

Wyatt sighs. “Almost. The snake’s fangs snapped into two when you broke it away from yourself. Both fangs are, unfortunately, touching either side of your spine. I don’t have the tools here to be able to even try to remove them, and the risk without the power of someone like Arcane is far too high.”

Wyatt gestures to a long table taking up the entirety of the other side of their tent. Piles of bandages sit in neat piles beside what looks like the same thread I’ve seen Guard and Soldiers stitching up their shirts and pants for beneath their armor. On the other end, I see jars filled with different color things, some liquid, some solid.

“There was only so much I could do for your neck and jaw. I will do as much as I can with what I can do myself, but I will not be able to reverse all of the damage. The King and the snake did a lot to you, both physically and mentally. You could, once you’ve healed up, try to seek out Arcane.”

I run my tongue along my lower jaw. It’s shifted to the right, and my lower canine tooth digs into the outside of my upper lip. The muscles ache. Comparatively to my neck, though, it’s not that bad.

“I cannot see Arcane. He killed my lover. He will not touch me with his magic.”

Wyatt doesn’t flinch at my harsh tone, but I still sigh and look off to the side, settling down with my head on my forelegs. The twinge of pain from my chin rubbing against the scars distracts me from the snapped snake fangs still in my neck and keeps me tethered to reality.

“I’m sorry,” I say, flicking my tongue out to lick my nose. Dried blood flakes off my skin. I shift and squirm at the memory of the raw fear and desperation I felt with blood pouring from my body and the snake still holding tight.

My chest burns and I flick my tail. I can feel the panic rising again.

“I nee-need t-to go.” I stumble on the words and get to my paws, only to sway and tumble off the bed, just barely catching myself.

I nearly run face-first into Alex, who whirls around with a surprised expression.

“Oh, hey, Jabez. I, uh, didn’t see ya there.”

“Jabez!” Astra squeals, running circles around Brook’s foreleg until I take a step toward her.

I plaster on a smile and shove back my exhaustion. She needs me, and I’m here. There’s no King, no Amethyst Throne, no snake chaining me in place. I’m free, or at least as free as I can be. The King will do something in retaliation, but for now, I’m here and she’s here and that’s enough.

“Hello, Astra,” I reply. “How are you?”