Snow covered the Canadian forest in a dazzling sheet of sparkling snow. I stood, my feet planted in the powder, with my arms held forward.

Because I had just shot my gun.

A man was dead, near the edge of a small cliff, where the forest’s white continued on endlessly, the pines still and motionless.

I’d had tainted the beautiful snow with his blood. My bullet had pierced his head, had killed him in an instant. I had stood there for who knew how long, gazing at the dead body.

“D-daddy?” the young voice of Saphi said, in denial for just a second. “Daddy!” she stumbled through the deep snow and into my vision, revealing her shining blue hair. “Daddy...no...” she leaned over his body, finding the bullet wound. She tried to save him, pumping his heart as she’d seen in a TV show or something.

“It won’t work,” I said, unhappy to see someone in denial. “I killed him.”

She was crying over him now, ignoring my words. “Daddy...daddy, no...I-I don’t...I don’t want you to die!” Her tears fell atop his face, only to move on their own and begin to clean the bloody hole in his neck.

I gazed at the child, trying to remember what it felt like to be sad.

Then, she looked at me with her eyes, her shimmering tears falling with no end. “Save him!”

I shook my head.

“SAVE HIM!”

I shook my head.

She suddenly shed her aggression, growing worried for me. “W-why are you crying?”

I felt sad.

I could feel them now, my tears. My eyes struggled to remain open as I cringed, trying to stop the overpour of emotions, feeling the tear in my soul, the Thing I needed to keep sealed. I felt a sickening sigh building in my chest as I cried, a sigh that could only be released as a sob.

She looked back to her father, seeing I wouldn’t answer, then absently cried, staring at his face, aloof with passion.

Console her.

I took deep breaths, feeling the knot in my chest as it rose and fell. My body was fighting against my will. It took every ounce of mental fortitude I had just to stop from crying.

Calm her.

I moved my gun, holding it atop my two palms, and gazed at it.

Nine. Nine lives I’d taken. Seven funerals. Three families.

Zeraia, Katchi, Taibai, Lectur, Visern, Wrath, Abbie, and now Marzel. I killed each of those people; I was forced to choose life over Law each of those times.

The gun wasn’t anything fancy, only the bare minimum. A reliable tool, as black as the hearts slain with it. I slowly flicked the safety on, then placed it in my coat pocket.

I heard slow, crunching footsteps from behind me, and a black-haired girl the same age as Saphi stopped just in my peripheral, standing beside me on the snow.

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“So, it’s finally over,” the girl said.

I nodded my head.

“I’m glad. I’m glad to see him dead...That’s what I want to say.”

“But at the end, people never do say it.”

“No, it’s too difficult to say that when I see my child so passionately crying for him.”

“Why do I want to cry?” I suddenly asked.

She glanced at me. “You are crying,” she said matter of factly.

“But why do I want to? Why do I want to throw my head to the ground, to sob, to let it pour out, to ask Chaos why I can’t just be happy with myself?”

You want to reject reality.

The girl shrugged, still looking at the body. “I don’t know. Maybe we just want reality to be happy, to be perfect, so its flaws make us sad.”

Reality is perfection.

“Maybe,” I said, unsure.

Fight to become reality, and accept that the falsehood you live in will never be perfect.

“I loved him, once,” the woman said as if it explained everything. “Who do you love?”

“...My family.”

“That’s a good answer.”

Without meaning to, I imagined my dad, dead instead of Marzel, fallen to a bullet and killed for a good reason and by a person I trusted.

That could happen.

The knot traveled up my throat, and I let out a scream, a wail of over a decade of pent-up emotions. Releasing everything at once, I threw myself on the ground and pounded the snow with my fist, rueing my incompetence. I breathed on the snow hoarsely, my breath coming out translucent in the chilly air. I licked my tears, stopping their descent. I felt my snot beginning to fall. I sobbed, unable to speak or think through the catharsis.

Then, a small hand touched my shoulder.

Saphi stared at me. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know! The last time I cried, the last...it was when she looked at me like that! I-I can’t take it! All the sadness, the joy, the fear, I should’ve let It erase me long ago! I don’t want to live like this, a slave to my duty! I...I just want it to-”

Reject reality.

“No!”

Why?

“I-I don’t know!” I screamed, I screamed to the earth below, wondering why I needed to live with that curse, that duty.

But I couldn’t give up. For the people that wanted to live, to see color, to have the sun reflect on them, it was my duty to continue to fight with each breath, if only for everyone who wasn’t myself.

But I couldn’t live.

Reject.

I couldn’t choose to. It was never an option.

Reject.

I stood, my body shaking, trembling with emotions I couldn’t hold in any longer.

Release.

No. Even if I couldn’t hold Them in forever, I had to try.

“I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you,” I said, stumbling away from the cliffside.

“What trouble? You’re a little strange, but you’ve done nothing but help me since you arrived here.” The woman in the body of a small girl asked.

I paused. “Have I really helped? Was it worth it?”

“I...I can’t say I’m glad he’s dead, but...I am glad I met you.”

I smiled, not looking back at her as I sighed for a full three seconds straight. “That’s...a relief.”

“And...me and Saphi don’t belong here either. I want to go with you to give back what I owe.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“I do.”

“I’ve only fought to survive.”

“No, you fought for everyone to survive. Even if he didn’t, you tried with every ounce of your soul. I can tell the world owes you more than just my life. You deserve eons of happiness for what you’ve done, everywhere.”

I felt my lips quiver, tears forming faster and faster. “N-no, I...” I breathed heavily, shaking my head as I tried to calm myself. “I don’t deserve a cent more than anyone else. I’m just doing what needs to be done.”

“Then I owe it to myself to help you, Drade. That’s what I want to do.”

I remained silent, then walked away, listening to the dead silence as six feet trudged through the snow, following me to the airport.