Day one 

I don't know I even considered doing this but the "shrink" said that it would be helpful to try and release my inner thoughts in this way. I don't know if I really believe that but whatever I guess I'll try. She wants me to let out anything that I don't want to share with her or the others during group here guess thats going to be alot but I probably won't keep up with this long. First thought for my "journal" is well this is just stupid. What moron would think this could be any help for someone like me. I just agreed to try it so she would let me leave her office before all the nagging she was doing made me go insane. Well I guess I can't "go insane" seeing as how that is technically how I came to be here. Everyone already sees me as crazy but I'm not I'm just different from most people. People think I'm crazy because I refuse to accept that I have to be this great guy. I want to be who I am and its scary for most because I don't hold to the normal standards society says is acceptable. That's a story for another day though maybe one day I'll get there but for now I just wanted to say that I can't believe I agreed to this bullshit experiment. My 'shrink' just wants to earn a gold star on her white board of life achievements. I'm hear first patients since she completed her education, at least that's what she calls it. Shrinks are just a scam to rack in money from the sheep in the machine that feel that they are supposed to behave a certain way and feel that they fall short. They just need someone to tell them all the pretty little things that mommy and daddy didn't. You know the whole you're specials, people love you, you can do anything, those kinds of things. Even though it's all bullshit some people can't face their ever so pitiful lives without it. The biggest problem with it for me is the whole "We just want to help people have a better quality of life" line they feed us. I say it's all a show because if you really wanted to help why wouldn't you just help people? Why is it if I need help I have to pay someone whose just trying to help me some outrageous fee normally somewhere around two hundred dollars an hour? I mean who can afford that if they are truly in a place that life is so impossible that they feel like it would help. No it's like they only want to help the people who already have this great life with all the things that normal people can't afford. You know the ones that go see the shrinks on Thursday but on Friday they are drinking some thousand dollar bottle of wine on their private yacht you know the type. But I digress, I just can't stand the notion that shrinks are helping us to cope when all they are concerned with is wether or not we can pay the fee before they talk to someone. Then the whole time all they seem to do is jot notes in those damn pads, stare at you like you are a nobody, oh and worst of all they just keep checking the time God forbid they give me an extra minute of their time to finish my session before they kick me out to repeat the process with the next asshole waiting. In case you can't tell already I really hate shrinks. Well there I wrote maybe she will get a kick out of this entry tomorrow. I can't wait to hear why I'm wrong about this just like apparently I'm wrong about everything else. And don't worry I'm not paying for this so called service that I have been forced to comply with. No that would be my daughters decision because she doesn't want daddy to be crazy so she feels that I need this to try to make me normal. I'll never be normal I refuse to become just another sheep that blindly follows commands. I will be myself and I will not compromise in my views. I AM MY OWN MAN! Well that's enough ranting for one day maybe I'll come back tomorrow to write but I can't promise that.

Day 2

I'm hear again just because I need to pretend that I care to see if this will help. I did enjoy the shrinks reaction to my last entry though. She didn't have much to say about it but she did have a few not so nice stares in my direction and when she finished it she just told me that she hoped she could change my mind. I knew she was angry though she wasn't very good at hiding it once I managed to strike a nerve. Haha I won this round. Maybe that's why I'm here now just to see if I can do it again. I still don't see it helping but at least I can have fun with it I mean it isn't like I can go anywhere if I don't want to be here. So it's the small things that make life a little more exciting. All I can do is write here or maybe watch some crap show they have playing in the rec room or the occasional card game but I'm not big on that stuff I just don't care much for the other patients. I have always been a loner and prefer it that way. I have a small circle of people I will choose to spend time with but for the most part I like my solitude. I guess for me it's like Superman's fortress of solitude or Batman's bat cave. I only allow the ones that I want to come in. If I have that control noone can take it from me but that doesn't mean they won't try. Anyway how about I just play the game I think it'll be fun. I won't change but I will be a good little boy and maybe they will let me go home someday. I don't know when or how but one day I will get out of here and I won't be anything other than me. I have been the same for as long as I can remember and I refuse to be anything else I don't want to change so I won't. Hell I wouldn't change for my wife why would I change for a stranger. I can see that this will be a problem but eventually I can win the game they play. It's simple just follow their rules or be good enough at pretending that I am. It's my choice and I have made MY DECISION I AM ME AND I'M NOT CHANGING!

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

Day 3

Wow! Today was great the shrink was so annoyed when I left that she kicked me out of her office after she pushed for more information about my past and I wouldn't open up. I agreed to answer her questions as best I could but I wanted a question answered about her for each one I answered. She didn't like that it wasn't her rules so she refused my request and I completely shut down then she read last nights entry and at that point she had given up. The anger in her eyes that showed through the mask she wore was obvious to me and I decided that I was going to play my game not hers. She commented something about the things I wrote and how I had trust issues or some shit along those lines. I really wasn't listening to hard but on my way out of the office I heard her mumble about not letting me have control and keeping the sessions in her control. Of course this made me laugh out loud and it scared the guy that was escourting me back to the approved area. I naturally went straight to my room I was ready to be alone. My day was already going well enough to me and I didn't need anyone else ruining my mood. I hate when people try to force me to interact with them and I would not be doing it today. I simply laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling enjoying the somewhat quiet that I had while it lasted. After about an hour a new face appeared in my doorway and simply offered me a book they said that I may enjoy it and I took it with no intentions to actually read it. I glanced at the cover and the title was "Just Another Asshole." Good title I thought and laid back down but I just couldn't resist the urge to read some of this book. It was pretty engaging and was actually FUN for lack of a better word. It was more of a work book than a story. It had about thirty pages that outlined the goal of the book and some of the stuff had me hooked. A lot of it was simply answering what if type questions that were fairly easy to know how to handle but the last twenty questions really required me to look deep inside myself to answer truly. I wouldn't write the answers but I knew my answers to each question and was set that they were perfect for me. Some of my answers surprised even me though because I never thought that I was capable of making some of the choices that I was force to think about but even those were clear enough once I gave them a little thought. I was just glad that I finally had something that I could enjoy by myself. All in all my day was good and I did get under my shrinks skin for a while so I was content for today at least. I ended up sleeping for a few hours before an orderly came in to offer me a chance for a shower. I stood just soaking in the shower the water here was hot at least and I can always relax in a hot shower listening to the water bounce around me and letting myself get lost in my mind. So when the water started to cool rapidly I realized that I may have overstayed my welcome and took the showers cue and got out and got dressed slowly and made my way back to my room. I decided to write here before bed got to make sure that im following the rules and all. Well I'm off to bed can't wait to push some buttons tomorrow I wonder how long it will take for me to get answers from my shrink just so she can get a few from me.