Chapter 28: Two in the Bush

“I categorically refuse!”

I raised an eyebrow at Electra. “Honestly, I’m surprised.”

Electra snorted. “What, that I won’t charge into the poison hummingbird clearing for you?”

“No, that you know what ‘categorically’ means.” I shook my head.

“Bitch.” Electra punched me in the shoulder. “I’m still not running into the murder swarm for you.”

We’d pulled a bit back from the clearing, especially once the lovely little venomous hummingbirds started to feed. Actually, that was the other thing.

“Also, they’re venomous, not poisonous.” I gave a little giggle. “I guess your word a day calendar only went so far.”

She rolled her eyes. “Tomayto tomahto.”

I patted her on the cheek. “You’re right, let’s call the whole thing off.”

I turned back to the clearing as Electra huffed. The birds were eating now, but they weren’t going after the corpse. Instead, they were behaving much more like, well, actual hummingbirds.

The tiny things streaked around from flower to flower, pausing only long enough to drink. I noticed that the swarm—and really, that’s what it was—were going around the whole glade, but they were much more interested in the blooming ones than the rest of their little glade.

“Huh, so it’s a symbiotic relationship.”

Electra glanced at me? “What?”

I waved a hand. “The flowers probably have poisonous nectar or something like that. The hummingbirds drink the nectar, get the venom, and use it to kill anything that comes into the glade. The blood waters the flowers, the hummingbirds get more poisonous nectar. Everyone wins.”

“Okay, little miss venomous and poisonous are different.”

“That’s your take? Madre de Dios.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “Poisons means if you bite it, you die. Venomous means if it bites you, you die. Get the picture, or do I need to make it into a nursery rhyme?”

Electra pulled a face. “Why did I decide to work with you again?”

“Good question.” I turned back to the clearing. “Anywho, it’s actually kind of interesting to see a swarm of hummingbirds. I thought they were more territorial.”

“Because you’re a zoologist now?” Electra asked.

“Saw a ViewTube video once.” I waved my hand. “I guess that there are enough flowers for—no, wait.” I narrowed my eyes as a pair of the birds started jostling around a particular patch of flowers.

Specifically, ones that had just bloomed.

Then one bird skewered the other, sending a cute little feathery ball of fluff to the ground with a piteous chirp.

“Aww, that one got stabbed.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Electra pouting at the birds. “Think we can grab that one after they all go to sleep?”

“And here I thought you liked cute things.” I rolled my eyes. “Are you going to be the one picking them up?”

Electra paused. “Well, don't you have demons for that?”

I snorted. “My demons are actually useful, unlike some people in this relationship.”

Electra shot me a sharp glare before huffing. She crossed her arms, looking back towards the clearing. At this point, several of the birds had spread out along the rest of the glen, taking nectar from the other flowers that hadn't been so… liberally watered.

“You're the one who needs the flowers,” she said.

I huffed. “And you're the one who needs my generator.” I looked over at her. “Or are you just going to leave a poor, defenseless damsel to fend for herself?”

Electra let out a sharp laugh. “Okay, but for real though, what's the plan?” She pointed towards the swarm. “Because, like, again, I am not going into that.”

I hummed, tapping a finger against my chin. On one hand, there was a whole clearing full of venomous hummingbirds that fed the blood of other animals to poisonous flowers, and we were supposed to gather the feathers of said venomous birds in the aforementioned poisonous clearing for my project. Common sense said that it would fall to me to take the risk.

But common sense also said that ‘villains are all dicks’.

“What was that new skill of yours again?” I asked. “Something to do with reflexive lightning or somesuch?”

Electra grinned. “It's called lightning reflexes.”

I nodded. Right, she’d mentioned that before. My own skills were slow to come, though I had picked up a few levels just in the act of running my burgeoning empire. On the other hand, lightning reflexes. If it was anything as close to as punny as the rest of the skills in this world, it would likely prove to be quite helpful in the current situation.

“Hold your breath.”

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Electra turned to look at me, eyebrow raised. I took a step forward, Blue coming up on her other side, and I gave her a shove. She tripped over my cute little demon lizard, falling into the clearing ass over teakettle.

At once, the swarm of deadly killer—but also very cute—hummingbirds rose back into the air, their wings beating a sharp staccato.

As one, the flock of birds dived towards Electra, beaks first, like little streaks of light.

A predictable burst of lightning was the result.

The birds were thrown backwards, scorched, several dozen landing on the ground right away from the first wave, while the rest spiraled around disoriented. Of course, I wasn't about to leave Electra to fend for herself, even if I was using her as bait.

I whistled.

General Tock, who’d been shadowing us from the tree line, rushed forward into the clearing. His metal body was proof against the venom, the poison, and any combination thereof, which made him the perfect follow up for my Electra bomb. Oh, sorry, I meant electric bomb.

My little robot lived up to his name by leading a charge into the clearing as I watched, one hand idly scratching Blue’s mane. General Tock’s fabricator and disassembler in his mouth fired up, launching a small ray of heat that sent several birds spiraling backwards, beating frantically at their wings.

They were too small to get picked out of the air, and Tock only managed one or two, but the new threat threw the whole flock into disarray long enough for Electra’s skill to come back up.

She threw out a Buzzer Bolt or two straight through the swarm, clipping a few birds. Then when the swarm of hummingbirds dived again, she erupted into electricity the second time, sending several more plummeting to the ground.

She even threw in a few bursts of actual lightning, which grounded through the hummingbirds beautifully.

At that point, the rest of the hummingbirds cut their losses, moving backwards in a much-diminished swarm.

The part of me that was a scientist first, and a super villain second, was interested in the potential quorum-sensing of these birds. What level of appreciation did they have for their situation? By what method did they communicate, and to what extent?

But of course, I hadn't been more scientist than super villain for several years now, so instead, I gave another sharp whistle.

“Get the birds, Tock,” I said. “Also, you might want to get out of there, Electra.”

The heroine, outfit stained with bits of dust, glared at me. At least she’d managed to keep her mouth shut this time.

She tromped to the edge of the clearing, hands clenched at her sides. “You just pushed me into a clearing full of poisonous hummingbirds!”

I sighed. “I thought I told you: venomous.” I gave her a droll look. “You'd think being chucked into the middle of them would help you remember…”

“You… you bi—” She cut herself off, settling for a sharp glare. “That's the last time I help you with anything.”

“Well, if that's the way you really feel.” I shrugged.

Electra continued to glower. “God, you just don't care do you?”

I raised an eyebrow. “I feel as though we've had this discussion several times now.” I pointed back towards the clearing, where General Tock was loading the thirty or forty birds into the popped-open storage compartment on his beetle-like back. “Besides, we got what we came for, didn't we?”

“Yeah, but you almost killed me!”

I rolled my eyes. “Please, I wasn't about to let you die.”

“Really?” Electra continued to glare as though her face were locked in that expression. “Because from my point of view, you did jack all!”

I gave a little laugh. “Oh, Electra,” I said, “I've put people I cared about more than you into situations that were much, much more deadly.”

She gaped at me for a second.

I smiled. “Be happy I still need you alive, or maybe I wouldn’t have warned you to keep your mouth shut.”

With that, I spun back to the clearing, taking out the bag I had bought back in the city. General Tock had the goods, so all that remained was making good on our payment. No reason to stay out here any longer than we had to, and I’d need to make sure Electra did get checked over for poison inhalation when we made it back.

The idiot would probably forget.

My motto was never taking unnecessary risks. It wasn't my fault if I had a different definition of necessary than the average person.

“Where do you get off?” Electra asked. She had a confused expression on her face, though, that was nothing new. “Just throwing people under the bus whenever you feel like it, where does it stop? How do you ever get people to trust you?”

I looked over at her. “People trust me,” I said, “because I show everyone exactly what I'm about. And I never, ever lie.”

Well, not to the people I was working with, in any case. Most villains believed that they were the only one that mattered, and that the opinions and beliefs of the people working for them were less than dust. Most villains ended up dead or worse, at the hands of heroes much less capable than Electra.

I was not most villains.

Back on Earth, people seem to think that the heroes stood for something, while villains stood for nothing at all. Or at least, they stood for nothing more than their own selfish gain.

In my experience, it was quite the other way around.

But then, this wasn't the time to be sharing that kind of opinion with Electra.

“Look.” I huffed, running a hand through my hair. “You told me the definition of your skill. I took that into consideration and came up with a plan that was guaranteed to work, except for the reticence of some of the people involved.” I gave her a look. “One of the other ways I get people to trust me is by being right every time. Like I was here.”

Electra let out a groan, running a hand through her spiked hair. “You don't get to just decide for other people, Empress.”

I laughed. “Isn't that what everyone does?”

“What are you talking about?” She looked honestly bewildered.

“I mean, how many people really get to choose for themselves?” I leaned forward. “And how many people never bother to stop and think before choosing for someone else? At the very least, I know that my decisions are made with our best interests in mind.”

Electra glared; it seemed like she was back to that old standby. “And how the heck was shoving me into a clearing full of poisonous—fine, ugh, venomous—birds ‘in my best interest’?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why, Electra, because now we get to get out of the jungle before you're eaten alive.” So saying, I reached out, flicking a mosquito off her neck. “Unless you want to stay out in this morass a second longer than you have to?”

Electra raised a finger, still half mad, then she grumbled. “You… might have a point.”

“I always have a point.” I smiled up at her. “Besides, it's not like either of us are new to life-threatening situations.”

Electra shrugged, looking off into the jungle. “I just have one question,” she said. “If you were the one with electric powers instead of me, would you have jumped into that clearing yourself?”

I smiled. “If I had electric powers, I would have finished my industrial revolution already.” I shrugged at her much-aggrieved expression. “But to answer your question, yes. You of all people should know by now that I never ask someone else to do what I wouldn't be willing to do myself.”

Electra let out a low sigh. “Yeah, but the problem with that is…”

I raised an eyebrow, tilting my head. “What?”

Electra looked off to the side.

“No, really, I'm honestly curious.”

Electra ran a hand through her hair. “The problem is that the end always justifies the means with you. There is nothing you're not willing to do.”

“And did you ever think that maybe there was a reason for that?” I met her gaze head-on. “Did you ever stop to consider that I was willing to go so far because I knew the cost of falling short?”

Electra just looked at me, eyes meeting mine but not really seeing. “What the heck even happened to you?”

“Why are you asking?” I gave a mirthless laugh. “You were there for most of it, weren't you?”

To that, Electra had nothing to say.