Chapter 24: Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dum

Boss Lady made sure to hand out the pay herself.

Dee and Dum didn’t mind it; she was better at numbers and didn’t get mad at anyone when she got her math wrong. Not that the Boss ever got her math wrong.

“Here you go, boys.” She smiled that smile of hers, handing the two of them slightly larger than average pouches. “You’ve done a good job keeping the salvage operation running, so here’s a bonus.”

Dee grinned, elbowing his brother. “Ain’t nobody gave us bonuses before.”

Boss shrugged. “Well, maybe they just didn’t appreciate you enough.”

“Well crud.” Dum rubbed the back of his head. “Thanks boss, we try.”

She laughed. “I noticed.” She patted him on the shoulder. “I’m going to need you to keep an eye on things for a bit longer. I have work to do in the city.

“Would be easier if you left Rel in charge,” Dum muttered. “That new lady…”

Boss laughed. “She’s good at her job, isn’t she?”

“Uh, no, boss, she isn’t. Nobody really likes her.” Dee scratched his scalp. “Too pushy.”

“Rude.”

“Thinks she knows better than everyone.”

“Boys, boys.” Boss waved a hand. “You misunderstand me. Being bad at her job is her job.” She grinned. “And she’s so good at it, I didn’t even have to tell her!”

“Oh…” Dee and Dum shared a glance. “Well, she is pretty bad at her job, boss. Uh, good at being bad at her job.” Dee said. “But why do’ya pick someone who’s bad at things?”

Boss smiled, leaning back in her chair. They were the only ones in the warehouse right now, so Dee figured there was a pretty good chance Boss Lady would explain the plan.

That was the other thing they liked about her. She actually explained things to them.

Or at least, explained enough for them to know what they should be doing, which is more than most of the people they worked for.

“Because, I can’t exactly bait the Guild into replacing me if I look too popular.” Boss waved a hand. She did it a lot. Dum thought she was maybe brushing away the extra thoughts always flying ‘round her head. Boss had way more than most people, felt like. “Naturally, I won’t be doing anything that makes my lovely little employees upset with me, not after all the trouble I went through setting up this operation, but if there’s someone to act as a lightning rod for everyone’s anger…” She did the scary chuckle.

“Must be a good plan, then.” She only ever did the scary chuckle when it was a good plan.

“Indeed.” With a sigh, she stretched, pushing her hands up over her head.

Dum held back a chuckle, and Dee elbowed him in the side.

“Hmm, something wrong boys?”

Even stretching like that, Boss’s arms barely came up to their chins.

“Nothing, Boss,” they said in unison.

She gave them a sharp look, before waving her hand again. “Well, whatever. If it’s not important you can keep it to yourselves. Now, if you could send in everyone else to get their pay.” She turned. “Blue, my ledger!”

Dee and Dum held back a shiver as Boss Lady’s little robot came over riding on Blue’s back. It had a pile of parchment grasped in its forelimbs, the very same limbs that had almost put Dum’s eyes out.

Boss was scary, but that was a good thing. Bosses who knew they were scary usually didn’t need to go out of their way to prove it, and suchlike. That was common knowledge. Last thing you wanted was a boss that had to go out of their way to intimidate people, they usually wound up dead.

Or turned into giant demon lizards, and suchlike.

“What should we do after?” Dee asked as Boss sorted through her papers.

“Whatever you like.” She tapped her chin. “It’ll probably take an hour to pay everyone, we’ve gotten so many new recruits. There are a few I’ll have to talk to… personally.”

Dee shivered.

“Just be back in an hour or so, I need to go back into the merchants’ quarter.”

“We’ll be back, boss.”

She nodded distractedly, and the two hulking men made their way to the front doors of the warehouse.

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It had changed a lot in the last few weeks. Now, with more and more people from the old docks streaming into the ‘Imperium’, they had more than enough hands to do work, and more than enough building materials in the old warehouses.

The dirt floor had been replaced with wood, and outside, there were two completed bunkhouses with people working on a third. Boss’s demons took care of the more specialized labor, like diving for metal, or cutting stone into the right shapes, but there was a retired mason whose family business went down with the rest of the docks, and a shipwright who still had his tools.

Was enough to get things moving, with enough elbow grease, as the Boss said it.

“Think she’ll tell us what elbow grease is, if we ask?” Dee asked.

Dum shrugged. “Dunno. She’ll probably find more if we run out though.”

Dee flexed his elbow, popping it. “Feels like I could use some more already.”

“Knockin’ heads is a full time job.” Dum nodded sagely.

“The gods’ own truth.”

Dee pushed the main doors of the warehouse open, an action that was a lot easier after the rollers had been changed for fresh ones. Meanwhile, Dum put his hands to his mouth. “PAYDAY! GET IN LINE!”

“Jesus fuck!” There was a clatter behind them. “I almost fell out of my chair, Dum!”

“Oh, sorry boss!”

“Note to self, make a fucking dinner bell for you assholes,” she muttered.

Dee and Dum shared a glance, before shrugging. They stepped to the side, letting everyone trickle into the warehouse to get paid. Boss did it in the evenings, after the day’s haul had come in from the ocean, and those creepy forge imps of hers were starting on the next batch of weapons. They had another shipment due for the guild tomorrow; Boss said she’d deliver it the day after.

Probably made sense to Boss.

Boss usually meant what she said.

Dee and Dum made sure to nod to Rel as the girl came in. They were the only ones that knew the secret. Well, them and that blonde girl, but Boss had her off running errands somewhere else.

“Hang in there.”

Rel nodded back, clasping Dum’s hand. “Thanks.”

Dee and Dum smiled. Girl was a good person to work for, almost as good as Boss. But they had some time to kill, and some coin. Really, in this part of town, there was only one thing to do.

“Mama’s?” Dee asked.

“Mama’s,” Dum said.

The two of them started down the street, back towards the center of town. There were plenty of people on the streets, like usual. They also got out of the way, like usual. Dee and Dum barely noticed it.

“What do you think we should do?” Dum asked after a few minutes of walking.

“Ain’t selling out the Boss.” Dee shoved his hands into the pockets of his nice black pants. He loved the pants. “Nobody else bothered making clothes for us, with big enough pockets.”

Dum grunted for a second scratching the back of his neck. “The guild’ll pay a lot of money.”

Dee nodded. “Lot more than we ever got paid right?”

“Yeah.”

The two of them walked in silence for a little longer.

“Boss pays a lot too,” Dee said.

Dum nodded. “Boss is good people.” But they grew up on the docks, and money was money.

“You know, Boss’s been talking about, uh, returns on investment.” Dee kicked at the dirt. “Got me thinking.”

“Thinking?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh.”

Dee shrugged. “It’s like, guild’ll pay a lot of money, but they’ll pay money one time. Then whatta we do when the money runs out?”

Dum opened his mouth, then closed it. “Dunno.”

“Exactly!” Dee slammed his fist into his palm. Several nearby people quickly ducked off the street. “But Boss pays us every week. All we gotta do when we run outta money is wait for next week!”

“I dun’ think that’s how investments work.”

Dee jabbed his brother’s shoulder. “You got a better idea?”

“Dunno.”

“Look, all I know is that this is the best gig we’ve got since, well…”

“Yeah.”

“Why ruin it? ‘Sides, you know Boss is gonna win, right? Not like them guild chumps are gonna put down enough to take her out.”

Dum spat. “Never did respect us. She might win even if we told ‘em what she was planning.”

“Yeah, and where’ll we be then?” Dee asked.

Dum considered that, bouncing his coin purse in his hands. “Yeah.”

Dee nodded. Then they shoved open the door to Mama’s, stepping inside.

“Boys!” Mama bustled around the counter, grabbing them in a big hug. “How are my two favorite customers?”

“We’re good, Mama.”

The woman stepped back, looking at them. She was an older woman, with grey in her blond hair. She was almost as big as the boys too, side to side that is, not that it slowed her down any. “Heard you two got yourself a new boss.”

“Yeah.”

“Well take a seat, you’ll tell me all about it!” She turned. “Sherry, get me two specials—actually, make it three!”

“You got it, Mama!” A little girl behind the counter scampered into the back room, and in a moment the three of them were sitting at a table off to the side of the room. Dee and Dum shared nods with the rest of the patrons. Mama knew how to cook, and she taught it well too.

She ran a tavern, a bit deeper into the old docks than most would have liked, but there was one big difference between this tavern and any other in Silverwall.

It was staffed entirely by orphans.

Mama was pretty old now, but Dee and Dum had never known a time she didn’t work at her rickety old tavern with mismatched chairs and the big brick hearth. She took in the kids she could find, teaching them how to cook, how to clean, using all of the money she made to keep everyone fed. She even did her best to find places for them to go, when they got old enough.

After all, everyone in the docks knew Mama.

“I never wanted that life for you two.” The woman gave a small frown, patting her old green dress. “I told you that you coulda signed up with the guard. Eloncio’s a good friend of mine!”

Dum shrugged. “We’re good at what we’re good at.”

Mama sighed, patting him on the hand. “You’re good at a lot of things, boys. Same as all the kids who worked here.”

“Sure thing, Mama.”

She clicked her tongue. “Well, is she treating you better than the last one? That blue-haired boy never did strike me the right way!”

Dum gave a toothy grin. “Well Boss struck him the right way.”

Dee nodded. “She’s a good boss. We’re gonna stick with her for a while.” He pulled out his coin purse. “She paid us a bonus, we wanted to help out some.”

Mama bit her lip, amber eyes dipping to the full purse. “Boys, you know I’d never ask you to do that.”

“We wanna help.” Dum took out his own coin purse, putting a handful of silver coins on the table. “‘Sides. She pays us every week.”

The woman sighed, before taking the money and secreting it away into one of her frilly sleeves. “Thank you, boys. Things haven’t been easier since the Tarnished started pushing in ‘round here, to say nothing of the Guild.”

“You helped us,” Dee said. “Only makes sense we help you back.”

She laughed. “Well aren’t you boys just the sweetest. Stick with the people who stick with you, just like I always say.”

Dee elbowed his brother. Dum grunted, looking away. “Yeah, yeah, you were right.”

Mama raised an eyebrow.

“Dum was being dumb, s’all.”

She gave a little laugh, slapping them both on the shoulder. “Now boys, be nice to each other.”

Both the big men smiled. “Yes, Mama!”