I never expected to end up cursed or dead. Mind you I also expected when I was dead that it was over.

That was before the wight curse and before the Lich moved into the city. Never expected my farm to change from growing pumpkins to growing brains. Didn't expect to have my docile farm animals become undead creatures with infernal flames blazing within their eyes.

The roosters were the worst, they didn't do the crowing that they had done in life, no in death their crow was the sound of whistling bullets and howling wolves. They woke me as the sun set.

I groaned "For the love of all that is unholy, why can't you morons do this at sunrise...like you used to do?"

I knew I wouldn't get an answer, the undead roosters only talked to Ursula. I attempted to ignore the grim intruder glaring at me through the window. Instead I pushed back the long purple hair from my grey skinned face. I needed to cut it again. The blasted stuff grew faster than bamboo. Seven or eight inches a night. Ursula loved it, she could try a new hairstyle every day. Ursula loved everything though, she'd always been optimistic, even in this undeath she was peppy and happy. I turned my mind away from little miss sunshine and instead got up to brush my teeth. Luckily without any lips it was easy to reach all of them. I could see the armor clad jerk in the reflection of the mirror. He was glowering, he had that annoying expression that must morons get when they are not being noticed. I finished washing my face off with a black washcloth "Can I help you with something?"

The man jumped on hearing my voice. Understandable since it is deeper than it was in life, and it didn't have the sound of breaking glass around each syllable. He took a quick step back, moving into a defensive stance, going for his sword. His voice was deep as he roared "Die foul beast!"

I sighed "Can this wait til after breakfast?"

The jerk roared again and attempted to charge through the window, I met him at the window and punched him full force in the face. In life my knuckles would have snap-crackled-popped like rice krispies. In death my bones were strong as steel, held together by strands of necrotic power. His nose made an odd crunch as I halted his forward momentum and sent him flying back onto his butt. He made a loud oomph as he landed, barely heard amid the clattering of his armor.

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I leisurely walked out the front door and planted my foot on the man's chest. "I should cut you up and feed you to my chickens." I snarled the words hissing between my teeth. His eyes widened in terror, realizing he was doomed. My words were laced with menace "Good thing they don't eat morons."

He was confused, clearly trying to puzzle out what I had just said. With his brow furrowed he asked "What?"

"I'm not going to kill you, it's too much hassle and I don't want to lug your soul all the way into the city to pay as tribute. Every single mortal me or my kind kills has to be taken into the city. I don't have time for it, my latest batch of brains is starting to sprout and I gotta weed em before the blood creeper chokes them all out."

"But...you're supposed to be blood thirsty...you're a corrupt thing of the grave!" he murmured, horrified that I was being a reasonable person. What atrocity had he met?

"Yes I am a a grave man, and I am letting you go. Now toodle off before I change my mind." I scratched my ear and pulled out the offending maggot. I tossed it to one of the unholy roosters that had poked his head around the corner of the house to see what all the commotion was about.

"But, but I was sent to destroy you."

This made me pause. "Wait, me in particular?"

"Yes, the monster farmer on the edge of the undead lands. The one with the five large trees with veins of necrotic flame within their branches." he pointed up at the flora, as if it explained everything.

I closed my eyes, for an undead our flames simply flickered off within our skulls. It let me block out the world for a moment "Boo."

"Huh?" He asked, trying to acertain what I was doing.

I opened my eyes again to look at this man "I was booing, because I have actual things to do today. I don't want to waste time trying to figure out who wants me turned to a pile of inanimate bones."

"Oh, you seem to be taking this all very well." He looked down pointedly at my boot "Can you take your foot off me, and I will leave."

I took my foot off, pulled him up by the armor plating around his neck and pulled him in close, the light from my eye flames lit him up in a ghastly light "Change of plans, bozo. You are going to take me to whatever jerk asked to have me snuffed out."