"STOP!" a voice with such authority froze everyone in their action.

I had been mid-swing with my chair towards the hapless waitress's face. My momentum did carry it forward but it only gently bumped her pus covered jaw. She shot me a glare. Though she didn't have much to complain about, her own inertia had smacked the confection trolly into my shins. The same sort of activity happened all around. A eldritch flame flew pass my head and smacked into my opponent the waitress.

"Who's that?" the young fella asked his chubby companion.

The round undead said from the side of his mouth "That is our king the Lich. Where have you been?"

"Can someone explain why my high tea is being interrupted?" The undead lord of the land asked as he rose.

"Not you." I moaned theatrically; though internally I was cheering. This battle was not going to go well. "Go away, Andrest."

"Don't be rude." Lord Andrest said pleasantly. He was thin, elegantly dressed would be an understatement. His beautiful white shirt shimmered from the millions of spider webs used to weave it; no other armor was as strong as it, and it breathed like it didn't exist. His breeches were made of moleskin, geometric patterns had been handstitched by the Sisters of the Sarcophagus; those little designs let mister high and mighty walk through walls (and high tea tables as well, apparently.). His boots were blue. Made from burrow wyrm hide; those things are tough to kill, and the only useable piece is about 2 square inches on the entire behemoth (the critter's left upper eyelid to be exact). As he walked across the floor it was clear the boots were perfectly tailored so you couldn't tell where one patch stopped and the other began. His nails were manicured and short, they were as immaculate as the chair I held in my hands (excluding the place where it was dripping with pus.)

"Not sure how else to be, m'loooooooord." I drew out the m'lord as long as I could. I wanted to see him get annoyed. Call it childish but this jerk had screwed up my life (before I was playing hostess for a teaming swarm of flies in my lungs.) and any time I could drop a dig it was worth it. The elongated 'o' was further emphasized as the newly hatched flies buzzed out of my mouth and flew around the area. I had to force down the reflex to cough as more of the black buzzing bugs crawled up the inside of my throat and sucked at the moisture residing there. It was lucky I had stopped talking because it was at this point that flies completely blocked my throat as they all attempted to explore this new world at once.

Bozo looked aghast at the freshly escaped insects, waving a handkerchief to keep them away from his tea and little crumpet. He looked mortified and asked "Why are you being rude?"

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

Gladys mirrored the expression and the waving of her little dainty piece of fabric for blowing her nose. I was a little distracted as my throat started to stretch outwards in an attempt accommodate the squirming, wriggling horde of things pressed against eachother.

Andrest ignored the interplay and stood just outside of the range of my pitchfork (he had made the mistake before of being closer, I had educated him on the foolishness of the act.) , I had not summoned the item mentioned but he was no fool, he was fully aware of how quick I could have my hay lifter in hand and making Swiss cheese of his nether regions. "Do be civil, Elric Bastion."

"Dropping the last names I see." I drawled out the words, making a point to emphasize the slowness and merging of sounds so it was hardly discernible as a language. "Well, I hardly can abide by such things, they just don't make sense." When uttered it was more like 'wheallll...aw hoarleeee kennn obaayt bahaay sizz deangz.' I will not continue with this sentence of enunciation explanation. Needless to say it was a lot to handle on the auditory level, add to that I had my newly winged insect colony now pouring out of my nose and ears (they had gotten impatient waiting for their siblings to finish disgorging from my throat and had done what all inquisitive newborns like to do, they had done a very thorough investigation of my other orifices that were connected with my lungs and were now exiting from them.) it made for both an auditory and visual experience that one would write home about (probably not as a warm and fuzzy letter, maybe more of a threat to one's ultimate nemesis.).

I am gonna add that only Bozo, Gladys and a few of the others were at all phased by my little winged fellas. This was as normal as blinking an eye. It would have been weird if I hadn't been doing it.

Andrest the Lich looked more amused than annoyed at my mass genocide of the spoken tongue. He gracefully swept back his hair so blonde it was almost white as he asked. "Elric Bastion, if you are here. Who is keeping the slumbering thing beneath your farm from awakening?" His clear blue eyes met mine. I could taste his anticipation.

"You could have made a mad dash for my place as soon as you saw me here." I growled, I was eyeing Buggy, I could be swinging on her back with a few steps. "Why didn't you?"

"What would be the point of me racing to your farm without giving you a sporting chance." he flashed his smile, it was annoyingly flawless. "You know, you are the only creature (living or undead) that has ever bested me."

I dropped the chair and summoned my pitchfork. "Boy, what a compliment include it on my birthday card, please. "

His smile faltered as he took a quick step back, turning sideways slightly to avoid me using my pitchfork to make a weinie-on-a-stick. "Let us not make any rash decisions."

"Rash decisions are all the rage today." My teeth clicked together as I grinned. Some of the flies crushed by the action as they attempted to take their maiden flight. I moved into my favored fighting stance. "And I am feeling the need to follow the trend."

I lunged towards the Lich with a snarl.