Warren made a warbling chuckle. "Having a tough time thinking straight?"

"What did you do?" I asked.

The bird leader's secondary eyelid slid across his black eyes with amusement "Just a little trick I learned from a few Wights."

"Oh?" My tone was calm, my hand caught a Warren puppet by the throat and snapped it. "I'm surprised they would tell you that. Since they have the same weaknesses as me."

The puppets froze in place. Every single one of them. As if they were characters in a painting. It was the most surreal feeling I'd had in a long time. Warren One had been looking behind me when he became unmoving. I followed his gaze; Ursula, Bozo, Buggy and even the chickens were frozen in place. I turned back to Warren One. Sitting atop his head was a diminutive figure. Her face was hidden in a cowl. I didn't need to see her face though. The frozen beings all around me told me everything I needed to know.

"Abeth!" I hissed through my teeth. The epic quest had grown legs, burrowed into the ground and started a hive. I could feel the disaster of epic quests expanding as I looked at her. I spat on the ground. "You can't be here. You're gonna ruin everything."

"Farmer." Her words with not booming or seductive, they were just words from a voice that one would hear anywhere. As she said my title she adjusted her dress; the one thing that was amazing. The dress with a spiraling cut that was held together by little bones. The open area/cut of the dress moved from the shoulder, went down her back, across her rib cage, down past her navel and over her hip before it spiraled behind her again. Showing just the right amount of calf and ankle. "I was not expecting to see you outside your farm. You did so lord over all the wizened how you would never join in any adventures."

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"-now hold on!" I started to say. But she ignored my words and continued speaking. "You declared you would stay politically neutral. You even filled in a few of my worship pits that were 'too close' is what I recall one of my followers saying to the speaking skulls."

She let the awkward silence linger for a long, long time.

I kept my gaze angled at her; I had stared down corpse worms trying to eat my Ossis berries, this was nothing like that. Abeth the goddess was much, much less intimidating. Neither of us backing down for a good measure. She finally sighed and adjusted her dress, breaking the staring contest.

"Why are you here?" she finally asked.

I was ever the one with a good quip "Mind your own business."

She clicked her tongue against her teeth. "I could wipe you from existence. Turn you to grave dust."

"No, no you can't." I responded with a sneer and hocked a loogie, it sailed through the air and landed with a very satisfying splat on Warren One's face. It would be a great surprise for him when he unfroze.

"I can't" she asked, a dangerous edge to her voice.

I flipped her the bird. "Nope, because my existence is what keeps all of the undead lands in check. Its keep all you sudoku playing gods in check. I go poof and suddenly that leaves an opening for Tiszoze to move his armies across the corpse worm tunnels into your land. And suddenly that means the Neverwar between you and Ytin suddenly...well ends. And so on and so forth. I am the box in your little nine by nine block of checks and balances. I go away and suddenly...well." I grinned, my petrified flesh pulling back further to show my gums. "Like I said. You can't touch me.

She harrumphed then glared at a Warren puppet and white tentacles rose from the ground and yanked him into a tiny crack in the blocks. He naturally turned into a paste as his body was forced into a hole much, much, much too small. She looked behind me at Bozo and Ursula. "I can't touch you, but what about them?"