I was confused and scared, unsure of where I was and barely capable of getting a single thought through the fog of my own mind. “Where are we?”

St. Joseph’s Hospital

Oh yes my host was bleeding, I could barely help. Sacrificing parts of his own body to draw out the little time he had left was the best I could do. It was hard and I was tired, but there was something else there as well. Like a sick feeling in my stomach, pain wracking all my limbs. Perhaps his body is rejecting me. Will I have to leave this host, find a new one so soon? What if their body rejects me as well?

I wished to double over and cry, just curl up and be done with this whole mess. Already tired of being so cautious, unable to say what I am thinking, exhausted from barely having enough to eat. Being on this strange planet, with a host that will probably reject my existence. I just wanted to give up.

My host was talking with what I was pretty sure was a medical expert, she was capable of helping my host recover. Then she said it, the two words that I feared the most.

…’antifungal treatment’ now, no need for more shots…

Is that why I felt so bad, she was attempting to treat me as a disease. Injecting my host with “medicine” to rid me of his system, that would most likely explain at least some of my symptoms. My host was still confused, massive blood loss can do that to you.

Alright, thank you.

He proceeded to pick up the poisonous tablets, to be honest, I was scared. So terrified I couldn’t stop myself from bleeding into my host’s movements, causing his hands to shake. I didn’t want to reveal my existence to my host so soon, I wanted it to be slow and deliberate. Give him a better understanding of who and what I was before letting the truth slip. “Don’t take those.”

He stopped, for a moment. Then proceeded to attempt to down the pills before I could interject. I panicked to say the least, I wasn’t sure how bad the pills would make me. They could kill me outright in the worst case, best case I would be weak and less capable of changing hosts if I couldn’t get him to change his mind.

So, I panicked, “STOP”. With a jerk I strained with what little control I had, slamming my foot down hard, I closed my host's throat. The pills were stopped in their tracks, pushed back out of his esophagus on reflex. “I told you not to take those.”

Unfortunately, I strained more than I needed to. He doubled over to vomit and clenched his eyes in a pained expression. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, I panicked, the fear of death is a powerful source of adrenaline. I crawled to the back of my little room and curled into a ball of self-pity. I was messing this up already, how the hell could I get a host to agree with me, to accept me, if I was stamping his throat closed at the slightest sign of unknown betrayal. I had to tell him, the longer I put it off, the more likely he was to be wary of me.

He got up, and the nurses proceeded to shove him out the door. This caught my attention, why are they being so cruel to their own kind when he is obviously in need. “ We should go back to the house and rest for a while.”

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Yah think.

We proceeded back to his residence, it was a small home, efficient in a manner. Empty walls and limited furniture meant that it was easy to maneuver, he didn’t see it that way though. Apparently we felt the same about some things, certain things scared us so much we didn’t want to think about them, we just pushed them down.

Uhh, fuck my life.

Okay, he is going to try the antifungal meds again, maybe I can do this without truly revealing myself. He has a habit of talking to himself, especially out loud, I could use that to my advantage. Shit, what do I even say to him?

“If you are so nervous, don’t take the pills. It is only a fungal infection, what is the worst that could happen?” That was a terrible argument, you could have put some actual logic or feeling into it, stupid, stupid, stupid.

The best outcome is me being dragged back to the hospital by a random group of strangers again.

Dammit, of course he isn’t going to buy that. Shit he’s trying to take the pills again. Okay. Here we go. Just be nice but be clear. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that, John.”

What. Who’s there?

“It is just you and me John, there is no one else in the apartment.” Okay he is starting to panic, what the hell do I do? Of course he thinks he is crazy, a random talking voice in his head tells him he and they are the only one’s here. Okay he is going to have a full blown panic attack, I am not going to be able to convince him of anything if he is freaking out. “Stop, you are going to have a panic attack.”

I AM ALREADY HAVING A PANIC ATTACK! Best case is that I am dying, lying at the bottom of a pit, covered in my own blood.

“You are not going crazy.” There is just a little piece of fungus in your brain that can listen to your thoughts, and even has control over your bodily functions.

Hearing that from you, is not convincing in the least.

Duh, what am I, an idiot. Telling him he is not crazy, I should just tell him. No, if he is freaking out he may endanger both of us. The best course of action is to wait for him to calm down and think this through. “Breathe, and try to relax. Panicking will do nothing, once you are calm we can fully discuss the ramifications of my presence.”

What the hell is wrong with me?

God Dammit, fucking shit. What the hell is my problem? I know how he feels, what he's thinking, and even then I couldn’t stop the guy from having a panic attack. What the hell am I going to do, I need to do something. Tears welled up in my eyes, I could barely think let alone breathe. I didn’t want to bond to some random host in the first place, it was this or dying, cold and alone on some random tree. I didn’t want any of this, hurting him, I may ruin this guy’s life and then just leave to find a new host. All because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I curled up on the floor, and just laid there. Unwilling to do anything out of fear of the consequences of my own actions. All I did was ruin whatever I touched. Trapped on this fucking planet without a single one of my kind in the whole world to talk to. To communicate with, to share our experiences, our pain, and our troubles. I didn’t want to do this all alone.

...

But maybe I didn’t have to. There were other meteorites that hit during the week, perhaps my species sent out those pods, those cages. To send us to other planets, to allow us to spread.

Although why would they do that? Plus shouldn’t I feel a connection to the others, a bond or something. Maybe I’m just hoping for the sake of hope. But if I was in this alone, I suppose I better suffer it totally alone, no need for John to suffer as well.

With a resigned sigh, I flexed my muscles and slowly pushed John’s consciousness into REM. Turning off the little signal in his brain that causes sleep paralysis, picked him up and after a few measured movements left the little home.

I proceeded to the park, staring at the tree that I planned to rebond with. I could still see where I had dug into it, desperate to live. Clawing in till my nails bled, just to survive.

My eyes started to water again. I was scared of doing this, of living alone. Not connected to another thinking being, unable to communicate, share goals and dreams. Tears streamed down my cheeks, before I let go and cried for my old home, wherever that was. I didn’t want to do this alone, I reached a hand up to wipe the wet marks on John’s cheek.

Maybe, John would accept me. He suffered loss too, felt alone in the world. Like there was no one to truly connect with. Perhaps we could be there for each other, we could have that connection that we both longed for. So I sat down against the tree, that may very well be my new home. Leaning against it, it was sturdy and strong. Although I was scared, I let a small glimmer of hope fill me with the excitement for a future of possibilities.