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Prologue: The Hero Problem

Once upon a time, on a generic swords and magic fantasy world named Klishay, there was a kingdom that faced a great danger.  That danger?  Their king was an idiot.

The Idiot King (whose birth name has been lost to history) impulsively invaded the neighboring demon kingdom... and promptly lost half his army.  Fortunately, the Demon King was unwilling to turn his kingdom into a police state by conquering hostile lands, and so he returned his attention to his extensive infrastructure projects and his reform of his kingdom’s justice system.

However, the Idiot King was greatly traumatized.  Convinced that no mortal could prevail against the enemy that had defeated his “invincible” legions and seen through his “brilliant” battle plans, the King commanded that every church should hold daily services to beg the Benevolent Goddess to save them from the demon “menace”.

After six years of listening to this nonsense, the Goddess was finally unable to stand it anymore.  Sadly, being a benevolent goddess (it said so right in her name after all) her powers could only grant non-violent miracles that those affected wished for.  Thus, she was unable to send lightning to strike the king, or a plague of rats to eat him alive in his own bed, or a horrific disease to cause a certain member to fall off, or... it was a long list.  She had been working on it for six years after all.

After wracking her divine brain for any wish that might shut the Idiot King up while in no way rewarding him, she had an idea that would make one doubt the “benevolent” part of her name.  Visiting a world where humans were so weak the couldn’t use (or even perceive) mana, she sought out a peaceful and isolated nation, where she found a young man with no athletic ability or employable skills whatsoever, who wished to “be sent to another world.”  She granted that wish, judging him to be the perfect “savior” to face the “threat” of the Demon King.

Tragically, the Benevolent(?) Goddess had made two grave mistakes.

The first: though she had never intentionally given him any special powers, it seemed all those from his world had a cheat like ability that was discovered only after crossing over.  For some reason, the body that had rejected Earth’s mana took in Klishay’s like a sponge.  Expecially the bursts of mana released whenever a creature dies.

After the great rejoicing (followed shortly by great bemoaning) that had greeted the new Hero’s arrival had died down, he had been given (for lack of anything else to do with him) the “quest” to slay the rats infesting the castle’s basement.  At first it was an open question whether the Hero or the rats would prevail.  Yet, with each kill the Hero became a tiny bit stronger, and after a few days of killing rats, he had the strength of a man who had trained diligently for years.

Every fighting man in the kingdom was torn between jealousy, rage, and disgust upon learning of this absurd cheat-like ability.  However, the Idiot King was delighted.  Bankrupting his kingdom (for the 4th time) he purchased “proper equipment” for the Hero.  The Holy Sword that Strikes Down Evil.  The Holy Armor that Repels Evil.  The Holy Belt that defends thy Pants from the Evil of Falling Down (at this point the arms merchant was just messing with the king, he still bought it anyway).  None of these items were actually holy by the way, and the only enchantment they carried was one that made the sword and armor glow.  Still, they were at least good quality steel (underneath all the gold inlay and silver plating) so “properly equipped,” the Hero began his journey.

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Of course, the Hero didn’t go after the Demon King immediately.  Wandering the forests within the kingdom he exterminated goblins at first, then wolves, and finally trolls.  By the time he reached the borders of the demon kingdom, the Hero had become a one-man ecological disaster, slaughtering all creatures that crossed his path.  Spotting a group of demon soldiers that had paused in their invasion (standing peacefully at a border post) discussing their latest incursion upon civilized lands (their visit home to see their families) the Hero’s wrath fell upon the demons, slaying them all before they could even draw their weapons while ignoring their demonic entreatments, such as “Wait! Stop!” and “Why!?!”

At this point the Hero had reached a level no warrior on Klishay could match, and trying to overwhelm him with numbers only fueled his absurd growth.  The Demon King could only evacuate his people from the Hero’s path (as if fleeing a natural disaster) as he rampaged about seeking the Demon King’s castle.  He couldn’t find it, as the Demon King actually ruled from a building resembling a stone office building, that being the most practical design for holding all the bureaucrats required for proper governance of his kingdom.  The Hero had actually passed it several times, and ignored it as he didn’t think it was important.

Finally, to prevent the outright genocide of his people, the Demon King had his earth mages construct an ominous looking castle from black basalt, while his air and water mages conjured dark storm clouds over it to draw the Hero’s attention.  The Demon King waited alone on a throne made from the same stone as the castle, until the Hero finally noticed the black castle and eagerly charged inside.  Despite having not fought anything in years, the Demon King’s great rage at the Hero’s murderous rampage allowed him to cast a few impressive looking AOE spells while shouting some, perhaps over the top, lines.  The Hero, finally satisfied, claimed the Demon King’s head and returned to the human kingdom.

It was then the humans’ turn to face despair.  At the feast celebrating the kingdom’s “salvation” (such an extravagant affair it bankrupted the kingdom for the 5th time) the Idiot King betrothed his only daughter to the Hero (ignoring the princess’s loud objections) crushing his citizens long cherished dreams of rebellion, as they didn’t dare attack the King’s castle with such a monster in residence.  Thus the kingdom had to endure another twenty-odd years of the Idiot King’s rule, followed by forty-odd years of the “Hero King’s” rule.  After the Hero King finally died of old age, the kingdom dissolved into hundreds of independent villages, the cities and towns having long since become un-liveable from decades of catastrophic mismanagement.

If you were wondering why the kingdom’s name has never been mentioned, it is because the kingdom’s original name was forgotten, as everyone started calling it the “Hero-Cursed Kingdom.”  However, this name too fell out of use as soon all kingdoms could be described as “Hero-Cursed.”  Why?  Well, if you remember, the Benevolent Goddess made two grave mistakes.  The second: she couldn’t close the bloody portal!

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