“Young Master, another slave Hero has arrived from Yunmaplase.” (Ifective)

“Oh?  That’s the 4th one and that trap has only been running for 2 weeks now.”

I’m currently torn between pleasure at how well my latest scheme is working, and anger at myself for not thinking of it earlier.  How could I forget one of the most universal behaviors all Heroes?  Namely: they lied.  They lied constantly.  They lied when there was no real need to lie, and even when there was need they made up elaborate lies when a few half-truths would work just as well and be 10 times as believable.  

The Heroes claimed these lies were to avoid trouble, yet instead they seemed to get them into even more trouble.  They pretended to be weak to avoid attention... while traveling with pretty girls that couldn’t avoid drawing attention.  Could there be a better combo to draw bandits and slavers?  Actually... I should try using that with my patrols sometime.  But the Heroes weren’t doing it on purpose, they were just that stupid.  Even stupider were the ones that tried to bluff all the time.  Almost any Hero was strong enough to make it not worth messing with them, but when they pretended to have powers or baking they didn’t have, people who saw through it assumed they were weak and attacked.

So how does all that add up to enslaved Heroes?  Well, I just had to make a new practice and a new law in Yunmaplase.  The new practice, whenever a Hero sought to enter the town, the guards would refuse, claiming it was too dangerous to let someone like him inside.  When he became angry, a family of 5 that “just happened” to be there would act terrified.  The final blow would be when the youngest daughter asked, “mommy, is the scary man going to kill us?”  

After the Hero broke down (some would even be left crying) the guards would relent, and agree to let him in if he signed a magical contract not to break any of the towns laws.  If any heroes noticed the enslavement clause, they would be reassured that would only trigger with 3 or more violations.  They would then be read a list of the towns laws, among them an innocuous new law forbidding “giving false information while seeking to purchase weapons or fighting related consumables.”  The shopkeepers would then just have to ask “what do you need this for?” and the lies would come gushing forth.  Of course, there was one flaw...

“How many have resisted so far?”

“Three, Young Master.”

“I suppose it’s to be expected that among such prolific liars would be those who feel no guilt at all when lying.”

“Ah, actually only 2 of the 3 were that type.  The 3rd actually was guilty of breaking and entering, property damage, and theft.”

“...explain”

“Well, apparently he entered a private home with an unlocked front door, then proceeded to break several large vases and open several chests looking for valuables.  When challenged by the town guard he claimed it was something Heroes were supposed to do, then he ran away.”

Empyreus was left speechless.  How could even a Hero think it was ok to just... to just... never mind.  Lets just send the slave Heroes to kill this one.  Killing just one should be fine right?  It’s not even that Empyreus was that angry, it just wasn’t worth it to deal with such a moronic Hero.  Actually... why wasn’t he angrier?  It was just early afternoon but he felt strangely drowsy.

“Ifective, is there anything else I need to deal with today?”

“Well, Young Master, it is Zellus’ birthday today.”

“Ah... well...”

“Fu fu, I’m sure Young Master will provide Zellus with an appropriate gift, after telling her how precious her gift was to Young Master.”

Empyreus flinched.  Clearly, this was the result of his own little lie, but he didn’t know what to do about it.  He never bought gifts for anyone.  If it was something he couldn’t get out of, he just told Ifective to buy something appropriate for him.  And he was so sleepy now... wait.  His eye’s jerked to the tea cup he’d been drinking from.  Zellus’ birthday.  Ifective in charge of presents.  “Provide” not purchase.  Surely she wouldn’t...

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Actually this sort of thing ought to be expected if you hire one of Klishay’s most notorious poisoners to be your personal maid, but as Empyreus was an Arrogant Young Master, he had never considered Ifective might use her talents on him.

“Um, Ifective, could you ask Zellus to come here?”

“Yes, that’s a good idea Young Master.  Please enjoy your tea.”

Empyreus waited for her footsteps to fade, then lurched to his feet.  He had to get somewhere safe... or did he?  Zellus was quite attractive after all... no!  He was the Young Master!  His pride would not alow him to be toyed with this way.  Lurching down the hall, he arrived at the meditation room.  As people were essentially defenseless while meditating to increase their mana pool, the room had powerful defensive enchantments.  No one was getting through them without either a master mage or a battering ram.  Empyreus just barely managed to activate the wards before collapsing.  And so, the Young Master spent the night sprawled on a cold stone floor, instead of in bed with a beautiful girl.  Sometimes pride was hard to tell from stupidity.

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Meanwhile, Gobu’Smkt was also faced with an awkward situation, but unlike the Young Master he knew exactly what to do about it.  Before him a group of male goblins were carrying off a female adventurer.  Clearly he couldn’t fight them all himself, no there was only one thing he could do.  He fingered the vile of poison tucked under his loin cloth.  Sneaking into that alchemist’s store had been quite dangerous, but he knew he would need this.  After all, this was a scene that appeared in every goblin reincarnation story! 

Er... why did it appear in all of them?  Even though no one enjoyed reading it?  Even though the authors could have found a way to avoid it, or just never given goblins such a horrible way of reproducing in the first place?  Um... well... SHUT UP!!!  Thats why.

Gobu’Smkt worked his way in among the other goblins, copying their excited gabbling as best he could.  Reaching the adventurer’s hands he saw they were wrapped with vine, not even tied, the plants sticky sap all that was holding it together.  Slipping a claw under one end of the vine he began to gradually pry it loose, making sure to keep up his incomprehensible (yet somehow lewd and infuriating) gabbling.  When he had pried loose half the length of vine, the adventurer herself managed to break free.  However, Gobu’Smkt had no chance to slip her the poison vial.  Having no reason to think a goblin would help her, she believed the vine had been broken by her own struggles, and so the moment her hands came free she wrapped them around the neck of the most infuriating of the little monsters surrounding her... Gobu’Smkt.

Now it should be mentioned that Gobu’Smkt’s previous efforts at power leveling had not gone entirely to waste.  There was one trait he had which had decent growth potential.  A goblin’s healing ability was really 1st rate, and reinforced by all that mana Gobu’Smkt’s had turned into a Troll like regeneration ability.  Thus he did not die... no matter how the adventurer choked him, kicked him, or bashed him into various rocks and trees.  

However, the beating did so frighten the other goblins that they ran off.  Later, they found a fallen log with a knothole in it, and took turns humping it.  For you see, goblins on Klishay could not actually reproduce with other species, they were just so stupid they would bang anything with a hole in it.