There once was an elf named Ynnessa the blonde that got stuck in a monster filled with much grum.

I guess it could be better for a ballad. Maybe I should leave the writing of songs to bards. Heh, at least it staves off boredom for me even if it sucks. Wait, is grum even a word? Maybe grub? But what would grum be? Like grub but worse? Or maybe better? But which rhyme works better is the question.

In the monster filled with grub? Eh, doesn’t sound that good.

How would the opening line be to my story though?

There once was a nerd that ganked in the heart and the next thing he knew he was a big titty elf!

I actually kind of like that, but I don’t think many people would believe that I came from a technologically advanced world with no magic whatsoever. And that I didn't look like this heh.

Actually, cunt would work in that flow, but I’m not calling myself a cunt, not unironically at least.

While I’m down here I may as well start writing my memoir, right? Alright, let’s not make those jokes yet. It would be a very short book anyways.

Is it just me or are these flesh halls getting smaller? Am I nearing a dead end? I know that my general direction should be straight down, but I’ve still been going left for who knows how long. These things to have thin skin in certain places, so yes, we’re trying to escape through the anus mainly. No elbows here.

Fucking riveting adventure, I know.

I don’t even know how long I’ve been down here, I've kind of lost track of time suddenly, but the shield is not giving me any signs of disappearing so we good for now at least.

I come to a stop in the small hallway, I’ve got an idea about how to get down, not sure if it’s going to work though. I throw off my pack and reach inside of it to take out a torch and the matchbox. Taking out a single match I put the matchbox back in the pack and put it back on.

I laid the torch on the fleshy ground and lit it and stepped back.

The flesh pulsated violently from the fire against it. Suddenly the ground opened up and I started falling, a familiar feeling. I grabbed the torch and held it under me in case that it would repel further flesh ground as I fell through this newly made flesh hole. I’ve never said flesh as many times as now.

I feel dirty..

My fall came to a stop soon enough and I hit the ground hard again, it didn’t feel like the ground before, it felt solid like stone. I dropped the torch from my hand and gasped for air. Then the smell hit me, it was worse than before, it stung my nose constantly, whether I smelled it or not.

Fuck, that’s bad. I cough into my hand and look around. Oh, well that’s just great and makes sense for the dammed smell.

I’m in its second stomach, well, at least I think I am. I’m surrounded by bubbling acid and rubble, and corpses, partially skeletal ones to be specific. That’s fun.

Hey, where’s my torch? Oh, its…in the acid. That’s great…

Didn’t I just say that I didn’t want to waste them? Look at me and my self made promises. Fuck me that’s annoying.

What am I even on? A pillar, eh? I slowly stand up and plot my next action, this thing isn't wobbly luckily. Rubble hopping looks like the first step, I do see a hole that looks like it’s going down, so that’s my goal. Now I’m not exactly heavy, maybe a bit top heavy, but this is still acid I’m trying to jump over and I’m not the jumping type.

Oh, I also have this fucking pack on which make me weigh a bit more, Azura, I hope I don’t lose it. There’s only so much I can transfer to my inventory, and I actually like this thing. Look at me forming material attachments all by my lonesome. How much more coping can I do until I have to talk to a living person? Heh.

Right, right, let’s focus and move slowly, the acid pool doesn’t look too deep, not that I want to take a dip in it even with the shield activated, we’ll have a beach episode soon enough, but not right now.

I move to the edge of the pillar and hop over to the next pile of rubble which I think is part of a wall that was broken and fed to it, this thing probably ate a lot before it got so big. I’m talking eating meat and stone. Weird mix of stuff. Basically a pica monster.

And there’s the partially skeletal corpse I saw a moment ago arms reach from me. I gulp as I get near to it. I crouch down next to it. It’s Amazonian, the boob and grey and bloated skin tell me that. Did not have a happy ending did you girl? Let’s hope you’re in Elysium now.

Probably got eaten or was fed to this, don’t know which is worse. Odd thing is that the exposed bones seem fused together, otherwise that jaw would be gone. Doesn’t look moveable though. So, is that what the acid does? Melt and technically consumes the flesh, but fuses the bones together?

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Or maybe that’s just a little side effect of the acid? The bone is unaffected. Maybe that’s a common thing. I’m not too smart for chemistry, if that even is chemistry.

I stand up from the corpse and jump to the next pile of rubble, taking a moment to catch my balance. I’m not saying anything about the difficulty of this, because I don’t want to fuck myself with karma.

Deep breaths, deep breaths. You can do this Ynnessa.

I leap forward, making the next jump as well. I exhale and smirk, then I hear something move in the acid behind me. I quickly leap forward jumping from one pile to the next until I reach the hole. I glance back to see something moving underneath the acid.

And the corpse that I looked at before is now gone, I think I can guess where it went and what’s happening to it. I shudder for a second before turning to the hole. I lean over and look down. Well, it certainly is the way I should be going, but I cannot see down there. Can’t really smell anything from it either.

I guess this is a now or never kind of situation right? Can’t wait here forever to be rescued, no one is coming for me anyways.

I take a moment to prepare for my possible suicide jump. I lift my leg forward and move the other one as well and begin to fall.

My back touches against the wall and I’m basically sliding down at this point. The hole keeps going down before there’s a slight shift in it. I feel like its circling ever so slowly. I then hear some roar coming behind me and look up.

From my point of view all I’m seeing is a mouth as wide as this hole and more teeth than the Charybdis and it’s moving fast. I think it might catch up with me if I don’t do something. Okay, what to do, what to do? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Think goddammit!

Oh! I think I’ve got something I can use. It’s probably going to bite me in the ass later I and might get scolded for it later on. I pull my pack around and take out the matchbox and the bundle of the remaining torches. I fumble around with them, opening the matchbox and letting about half the matches go by accident.

With the few remaining ones I have I light the torches and throw them up to the monster above. The heat from the looks of it is making the walls pulsate violently, making the stomach monster slow down slightly. The bundle of lit torches goes straight into its mouth and that thing makes a sound I never want to hear ever again.

Adjusting my pack once more I look down into the dark and can see a little light that appears and vanishes every second. Wait. Is that it? Is that my exit right now? Better than nothing to be honest.

I brace myself as I get closer to the flickering light. I close my eyes right before I pass through it. I feel the smell of acid and insides vanish along with the suffocating feeling of being inside a fucking sea monster. All that was replaced by the feeling of wetness and the feeling that I have a limited oxygen supply.

I open my eyes to see that I’m underwater, but to my luck it isn’t pitch black, I can see light not too far. I start swimming slowly, I’m having a little trouble swimming in robes like this, makes a little sense, but I’m not a clothing guru.

By the time I reach the light I feel my lungs nearing their current end. I even glance up at my stamina bar to see that its completely depleted. I rise from the waters and gasp for air while coughing heavily. I blink a dozen times as I look for something solid to grab onto. Next thing I know I’m feeling stone.

Once I was able to breath and not wheeze like a dying fat guy I rubbed my eyes to see that I was in the corner of a larger room with a great many urns and coins, well lit this place is. I dragged myself forward until I was out of water and leaned up against the wall. I flap my arms and sigh. Everything is wet…

I extend my hand next to me and attempt to summon Talos, which I do successfully. Okay, we’ve got magic back, that’s good. Bad news, my entire pack might be ruined, maybe not, my clothes are definitely wet. At least I don’t smell from that thing. How far down did I even slide?

I slowly get up from my position and look around.

“Talos, scout the room out for enemies.” I cough “I don’t want to get caught off guard.” I add

I spot two ways out, both being doors, question is which one do I choose? Maybe before that I should look at this place. There’s an ungodly amount of drachma here, but I don’t see a tomb. I’ve got a feeling something is a bit off.

I watch Talos walk around, looking everywhere he goes. I move to the center of the room and give it a proper scan myself. There are six pillars holding this entire room up, there’s a gap in the center coming from one of the doors. It’s like it leads to something. Everything is still a little blurry, fuck.

I point to the door and follow the center and turn around, that looks like a shrine if I’m not mistaken. I slowly approach it and get a better look at it. It’s a bit hard to say because of the heavy dust and webs, but I think this is a shrine to Aphrodite. That explains the gold, that’s how some people gave offerings.

Probably didn’t help them though, in this world she hates riches with a passion, in her own words there is no beauty in wealth. So touching the drachma is a big no no. I wonder if I should make an offering.

“Hey, Talos.” I call to him

He stops in his tracks and makes his way over to me, ready for my next command. I just reach for his bony wrist and lift it up slightly. I flip my still wet hair around and cut off a little of it.

“Thanks, that should be all. Can you check the other door to see if there’s anything odd? And don’t touch the drachma.” I told him

He just nodded and went to fulfill his task. I turned back to the shrine and just placed the locks of hair in front of it. I did kneel just for added measure and closed my eyes. May as well say a little prayer.

Oh! Beautiful Aphrodite, I know I am not human and not from this land, but I offer this from myself in order to receive guidance in the present.

I open my eyes and stand back up. Was worth a try. I turn from the shrine and pass one of the pillars to look at Talos and how he’s doing.

Haha, how pleasant

Huh? What was that? Am I hearing things? I swear I just heard a woman’s laugh and that same voice said something about pleasantry. I just slap my face a few times before blinking. Huh. That’s odd. There’s a little notification. Wait a second.

I open up my menu and go to the magic section. I move to the misc. section where there’s a new active effect. Holy shit.

Eyes of Love

All attacks, bartering attempts, seduction attempts on the opposite sex are 50% more effective.

Damn, that’s kinda nice for the future for when I get off the island. Wait, so that means..

I turn back to the statue. She actually heard me and answered my prayer. I feel good about myself right now. I actually feel invigorated as well. Is this what they mean by feeling brand new when receiving a blessing? I’m on an adrenaline high right now, I think.

May as well ride it! Talos, where are you! Onward we go!