SPRING

The rest of February tripped into March, cherry blossom trees exploding in bloom with the warm snap. Felix’s birthday was coming up, and he decided he wanted an old-fashioned, outdoor BBQ to celebrate with a small group of friends and family.

Thom had left Tawny’s on February 1st, but was still wrapping up moving his mom to the assisted living home, and was headed to Paris at the end of March. Meredith had called to say she was getting a second singing gig at a quality jazz bar, and I congratulated her. Singing in a college coffee shop was never going to be tough on her, and if she really wanted to make that her career, she needed to be seen by people who cared about talent.

Since I’d stopped working, it took me a while to get used to having my time for myself. I spent more time in Modesto, packing up boxes and figuring out what to keep and what to throw out. Felix and I had plans in April to go up over the Bay and scatter Dad’s ashes, but there was no rush. I wanted the weather to be clear, for Dad’s sake.

Felix and I were spending most of our time together, and despite the crazy sex fest that seemed to be ongoing, we were falling into an easy routine. We’d spend two or three days together, then spend two or three days apart. We each spent one day exclusively on ourselves, no phone calls or communication with the other. I spent many of those days at Coit Tower, mostly because of the view. For some reason, I felt like Dad would’ve loved the city from up here. It’s not the highest point of the city, but it’s the prettiest, and it almost seemed like you were flying.

We had been talking more about next steps, and I felt that addressing my restlessness was going to be a part of it. I had gotten a real taste for travel from my brief road trip, so I was considering something that would involve that. I had decided I wanted to go back to school, but where was a question. Fortunately, on that point too, there was no rush. Felix was ready to leave Tawny’s, and broke the news to Selene. She wasn’t surprised to lose him right after me, but she certainly did her best to convince him otherwise.

Felix wanted to pursue his love of all things storm and cloud-related. He said it helped satisfy the adrenaline rush that gambling gave him. He was researching jobs or internships closer to the weather and research stations peppered around the country.

As March came and went, the weather dawned beautifully for the day of the BBQ. Felix and I had hunted down the finest of Niman Ranch burger meat, along with veggie patties, cheesy puffs, local beers, and some veggie munchables. He had asked his landlords if we could borrow their back patio and grill, and they were happy to accommodate, since they were spending spring break with their kids in Hawaii.

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Felix was wearing a ridiculously high chef hat, and I was overjoyed that Samantha and Nicole, two of his sisters, had decided to come out and celebrate. Both of them had greeted me warmly, and assured me that they had heard the highest of praise from Felix about me. I asked after Audrey, and Samantha (‘call me Sammy’) answered me with a shake of the head. I took that to mean it was a work in progress.

At one point while Felix was distracted, I stole Nicole back into the house to show her the gift I’d gotten Felix, and to see if she thought it was something he would like. I had splurged after talking with David Cliffstone, and had bought both of us tickets to Boulder, CO, to visit the Center for Severe Weather Research. I thought this might help our decision on where to go, and give us a chance to check out Colorado. Nicole’s eyes lit up, and she nodded emphatically and just said, “Cool!” when I showed her the card, the note, and the tickets. Felix was right; Nicole really didn’t talk much.

We re-joined the party, and I slipped my card on the present table. Felix had been opening them slowly while the party went on, clustering near the gift giver, so he could talk to them personally right after he saw what their gift was. Despite his audacious manner, he didn’t like being the center of the room, chef hat to the contrary.

I glanced around the backyard, and saw smiling faces among our friends. Felix and his sisters were all obviously cut from the same cloth, laughing together easily with their same chin, hair, noses, and smiles. I wished my dad were here, and even briefly felt a pang for Shake. I had gotten a few letters from her, and while my letters were shorter, they were getting longer, as we learned more about each other.

Felix scrambled back over to the grill, and announced it was time to eat. We all made our way to the buffet station, and heaped plates high with good, simple food. Thom had brought some of his heavenly madeleines for dessert, and I was guarding them for the end of the meal. I had already had to slap Felix’s hand away from the box a few times, as he kept leaning down and smelling the intoxicating vanilla inside.

As we all settled into our seats, Felix held up my card like he would a wine glass, and the table quieted down.

“This is from my lovely Miss Daisy, which I started calling her when I started driving her around town. Thank you.” He nodded his head toward me, in all seriousness, and I got choked up suddenly. I nodded back to him, smiling.

He opened the card, read the note I’d written to him, and smiled privately at the dare I’d flung at him for our sexy fun time. He raised his head and nodded at me to let me know the game was on, and the rest of the table caught the raised eyebrow, and howled as I blushed and looked down.

But as he opened the plane tickets, and saw the invitation to Boulder, he jumped up, and started shouting with happiness. I was so overcome, everyone was clamoring around us, “What was it? What did you get him?” I just couldn’t stop staring and laughing with him. I’d never seen him so spontaneously joyful. It was an amazing sight.

He finally calmed down, raised his beer, and gestured for quiet. Despite not liking the spotlight, he certainly has a flair for the dramatic. It was one of the many things I loved about him.

“My darling, my Pale, will you chase this storm with me?” he asked softly, his words carrying weight across the distance.

In those words I felt the caress, the hope. The devotion and the love. The adventure.

“Only if we do it dancing,” I replied.